Trying to be fair...

[GAMOMtired]

I still don't understand how someone can have 2 children with you and not have to pay child support. Have you been raising them on your own since their birth? If so, now why all of a sudden do you have to do all the work so he can see his kids whom he has clearly ignored up until this point? According to these posts you're just supposed to jump up and down, OH Boy, he wants to see his kids! Well I don't think so.

On one of the posts someone said visitation is a privilege not an obligation. Why is that? A parent is a parent, and getting a divorce does not mean that the CP nor NCP has been relieved of that obligation. That child is your flesh and blood. God gave you that child to raise and take care of for life, not when you choose it's convenient. There is no such thing as part time parenting, both parents should be actively involved in their childs lives, both emotionally and financially.

When you divorce someone or don't marry someone but you have a child with that person your marital status does not change your status with your child. That is your child regardless, and you should be responsible to them as a parent (married or unmarried.)

 

[J2007]

Yes and No, I want to keep it that way.. and I am not "bitching" that he doesn't see them - that was simply a statement.. I don't want the judge to order him to spend time with them, when he doesn't want to, and I DO want to be with them!

Again, child support, TOTALLY my fault.. working on that, HOWEVER, he quit his job, dropped their insurance, etc. so I have ALL of the expenses AND all of the travel expenses - it's becoming a bit much. It's a shame that you have to force someone to provide for their children

 

[jbowman]

I still don't understand how someone can have 2 children with you and not have to pay child support. Have you been raising them on your own since their birth? If so, now why all of a sudden do you have to do all the work so he can see his kids whom he has clearly ignored up until this point? According to these posts you're just supposed to jump up and down, OH Boy, he wants to see his kids! Well I don't think so.

On one of the posts someone said visitation is a privilege not an obligation. Why is that? A parent is a parent, and getting a divorce does not mean that the CP nor NCP has been relieved of that obligation. That child is your flesh and blood. God gave you that child to raise and take care of for life, not when you choose it's convenient. There is no such thing as part time parenting, both parents should be actively involved in their childs lives, both emotionally and financially.

When you divorce someone or don't marry someone but you have a child with that person your marital status does not change your status with your child. That is your child regardless, and you should be responsible to them as a parent (married or unmarried.)

Ok, youre whole rant/post was very emotional--about how things should be in a perfect world. Im sure lots of us agree BUT

Mom didnt get child support because SHE didnt file for it (unless I missed something - but she did not state that there is an order) Period. No man should pay until there is an order to pay. You can not fault dad for that, you need to fault mom.

Also, if I am understanding this correctly, mom is now going to court regarding CS and coming up with a "better" parenting plan that was previously agreed upon but not court ordered.

And your job as a parent is NOT to punish the other parent because they dont perform the way YOU expect them to. Your comment: "According to these posts you're just supposed to jump up and down, OH Boy, he wants to see his kids! Well I don't think so." sounds to me as very vindictive. Yeah, if dad wants to see his kids, a mother should be VERY HAPPY and yeah, jump up and down--because now the kids will have MORE people that love them and care for them. Just because this mother didnt get a court order for CS gives her NO CAUSE to hate on this father for wanting to see his babies. That is just immature. The whole "low ball" and "negotiating" stuff is pretty dang immature too IMO. What is BEST for these kids? That should be your main concern--NOT "Im not giving anything because he never gave anything"

 

[J2007]

jbowman: I certainly appreciate your opinion on this - but he does not WANT the kids more than he gets them -- he misses visits (doesn't show, doesn't call - after I drove 2 hours to meet him 1/2 way) - YES I am changing the agreement, the one we had that outlined visitation and support, because our agreement was that when he moved back to our town - he'd have more time with them - he moved FURTHER away, and quit paying to help out with them! They are 4 and 6 - growing like weeds! He left them without insurance and quit paying - so that is why I am taking him to court now.

 

[Silverplum]

LEGAL board, GAMOMtired. LEGAL.

The things you are ranting about here merely show what you do not know about family law. For your convenience, I have bolded your statements that are incorrect, legally.

Feel free to sit back, read, and learn.

I still don't understand how someone can have 2 children with you and not have to pay child support. Have you been raising them on your own since their birth? If so, now why all of a sudden do you have to do all the work so he can see his kids whom he has clearly ignored up until this point? According to these posts you're just supposed to jump up and down, OH Boy, he wants to see his kids! Well I don't think so.

On one of the posts someone said visitation is a privilege not an obligation. Why is that? A parent is a parent, and getting a divorce does not mean that the CP nor NCP has been relieved of that obligation. That child is your flesh and blood. God gave you that child to raise and take care of for life, not when you choose it's convenient. There is no such thing as part time parenting, both parents should be actively involved in their childs lives, both emotionally and financially.

When you divorce someone or don't marry someone but you have a child with that person your marital status does not change your status with your child. That is your child regardless, and you should be responsible to them as a parent (married or unmarried.)

 

[GAMOMtired]

LEGAL board, GAMOMtired. LEGAL.

The things you are ranting about here merely show what you do not know about family law. For your convenience, I have bolded your statements that are incorrect, legally.

Feel free to sit back, read, and learn.

It may be legal but it SUCKS!!! and tell his kids about the legal system when they grow up and want to know shy their Daddy didn't help take care of them. But I do get the picture, this is not an opinion forum it's a legal forum and I guess no one cares about my opinion on things just the legal aspects. Point taken. Sorry.

 

[MrsK]

It's a shame that you have to force someone to provide for their children

Uh, no its not. He would be an idiot to support them WITHOUT an order. The state punishes NCP's who try to pay support before they are ordered to do so by sometimes making them pay retro support for months they have already paid voluntarily. They have people who paid for YEARS voluntarily & then were sued by the CP's and ended up repaying YEARS of support they paid for.

Really, when you look at it, if the laws werent like they are, and CP's would sue for support they KNOW they have gotten already, more men would probably pay voluntarily. So I guess its a shame that because of the laws and the CP's that NCP's now have to be afraid to support their children without an order.

 

[J2007]

Mrs K. : Ok, I'll give you that.. that SOME women will be 'snakey' and pull that. However, he doesn't need a court order to call his daughter and ask her how her dance competition was or how her baseball game was, does he? Or to ask his son how his day was? THAT is being a parent..

 

[haiku]

Mrs K. : Ok, I'll give you that.. that SOME women will be 'snakey' and pull that. However, he doesn't need a court order to call his daughter and ask her how her dance competition was or how her baseball game was, does he? Or to ask his son how his day was? THAT is being a parent..

nope....that is YOUR interpretation of what makes a good parent for YOU.

He will always have the right to decide what makes a good parent for HIM.

Thats LIFE****************************.

 

[J2007]

Haiku: Yep, I guess you're right!

 

[MrsK]

Mrs K. : Ok, I'll give you that.. that SOME women will be 'snakey' and pull that. However, he doesn't need a court order to call his daughter and ask her how her dance competition was or how her baseball game was, does he? Or to ask his son how his day was? THAT is being a parent..

And those things dont have ANYTHING to do with support. And SUPPORT is what you were talking about, right? You said it was a shame you have to force someone to support a child...

 

[J2007]

Support in more than a monetary sense. he is basically non-existent in their lives, but a judge could potentially award him more time than he really wants - I guess I am just disappointed that he doesn't want to be more involved in their lives.

I realize that support and visitation are two totally different issues. I have NEVER withheld the kids from him on his weekend, based on our agreed schedule.. but for the last several months, he has only had them one weekend per month, and it has worked out great, the kids don't miss much of their extra activities on weekends, I don't pay so much for gas, tolls, etc. and he doesn't have to be a father more than once a month

 

[MrsK]

Support in more than a monetary sense. he is basically non-existent in their lives, but a judge could potentially award him more time than he really wants - I guess I am just disappointed that he doesn't want to be more involved in their lives.

I realize that support and visitation are two totally different issues. I have NEVER withheld the kids from him on his weekend, based on our agreed schedule.. but for the last several months, he has only had them one weekend per month, and it has worked out great, the kids don't miss much of their extra activities on weekends, I don't pay so much for gas, tolls, etc. and he doesn't have to be a father more than once a month

That isnt what you said, nor what you meant...

>>Again, child support, TOTALLY my fault.. working on that, HOWEVER, he quit his job, dropped their insurance, etc. so I have ALL of the expenses AND all of the travel expenses - it's becoming a bit much. It's a shame that you have to force someone to provide for their children


& quite frankly I am perplexed...you say you are disappointed that he doesnt see the kids, but then you are lowballing the time you want him to have & damn near jumping for joy that he only wants to be a father once a month...be honest- I think you want the support & want him to have as little time with the kids as possible. It shouldnt be pleasurable to you that your kids barely have a father around...it may be nice for you and all, but its sad for your kids. Its NOT a good thing, and I dont understand why you'd want to remove more visitation. He isnt taking it, so that works out GREAT for you but at the same time- what if he comes around & wants more time...something tells me you wont be so eager to give him any extra...

Why not just give him something FAIR, and if he doesnt take it....oh well. And if he DOES take it...good for your children.

 

[LdiJ]

That isnt what you said, nor what you meant...

>>Again, child support, TOTALLY my fault.. working on that, HOWEVER, he quit his job, dropped their insurance, etc. so I have ALL of the expenses AND all of the travel expenses - it's becoming a bit much. It's a shame that you have to force someone to provide for their children


& quite frankly I am perplexed...you say you are disappointed that he doesnt see the kids, but then you are lowballing the time you want him to have & damn near jumping for joy that he only wants to be a father once a month...be honest- I think you want the support & want him to have as little time with the kids as possible. It shouldnt be pleasurable to you that your kids barely have a father around...it may be nice for you and all, but its sad for your kids. Its NOT a good thing, and I dont understand why you'd want to remove more visitation. He isnt taking it, so that works out GREAT for you but at the same time- what if he comes around & wants more time...something tells me you wont be so eager to give him any extra...

Why not just give him something FAIR, and if he doesnt take it....oh well. And if he DOES take it...good for your children.

It's awful expenses to have to drive two hours to an exchange site if dad is going to be a no-show.

 

[KidzMom]

If he is not paying support in my opinion he should be doing all the picking up and returning but in reality I am sure that is not gonna happen sooooo if he is not showing up and you dont have a CO why not tell him he can pick the kids up from you and then you can go get the kids from him. That way IF he dont show within 30-45 minutes of his pick up time you know hes not coming and your not 2 hrs away with upset kids....

No matter if you do half the driving the kids will still be in the cars the same amount of time.. Just half in one and half in the other...