Enough for Custody?

[olikolik]

What is the name of your state? Ohio


My daughter is 12 years old. Her Mom has custody. I keep her 7 out of every 14 days and pay 100+ dollars a week in support.

Here is my issue. My daughter is having problems with her Mom. She recently has started rubbing/scratching her arms when she is upset. I am not qualified by any means to figure this behavior out, but I do know that she does not do it at my house. It seems to be an act of desperation to get attention from her Mother who works 40-50 hours a week, and leaves them at various babysitters. I tried to explain this to her Mom, but she seems determined to get my child on medication instead of fixing the problems they have between them. They do not communicate and her Mother is very childlike in her behavior ie; when she is mad at my daughter she tells her to go to her Dads and live. My daughter is sure that her Mom doesnt want her. I have tried to explain it to her and help her through it but I cannot change the way her Mother is with her. This is just one example of how they interact, and now with this rubbing issue I am getting pretty concerned.

I realize that she needs counseling, but I do not believe in shoving pills down kids' throats when the problem is really caused by lack of attention and childish misunderstanding.

Add all this to the fact that she is 1 of 5 kids living in a 3 bedroom house, her Mother works all the time for a while then quits her job and the starts again when her money gets low, and her step Dad is never around either I am fed up.
My daughter would choose if asked to lived with me, but I know she does not exactly get to choose, but the court would consider her choice.

My question is do I have what I would need to gain custody for the best welfare of my daughter? My wife works partime as a case worker and is home for the kids everyday. We have a 4 bedroom house for 3 kids. I have a steady job that pays well and I have been there a good amount of time.

What do I need to prove to get the order switched? Is the stuff I listed enough for a court to understand?

Any help is appreciated. If you need anymore info please tell me, thanks in advance.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

I don't think you have enough. Please keep in mind that 12 year old girls and their moms can really rub each other the wrong way at times, it is the age.

If she plans on putting her on medication, that means she will have to be diagnosed, so clearly Mom is on the right track there.

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

She recently has started rubbing/scratching her arms when she is upset. I am not qualified by any means to figure this behavior out, but I do know that she does not do it at my house.

Please explain this in more detail. It almost sounds like you're alluding to cutting behavior, but not quite. And... if it doesn't happen at your house, how do you know it happens at all?

It seems to be an act of desperation to get attention from her Mother who works 40-50 hours a week, and leaves them at various babysitters.

Most people work 40-50 hours/week. In fact lots of people work more than that. Don't YOU work full-time?

I tried to explain this to her Mom, but she seems determined to get my child on medication instead of fixing the problems they have between them. They do not communicate and her Mother is very childlike in her behavior ie; when she is mad at my daughter she tells her to go to her Dads and live.

Most parents don't take it too well when the other parent tells them what they should be doing differently - even in intact families. When I'm mad at my kids, I tell them I'm going to sell them to the gypsies. Doesn't mean I don't love them.

I realize that she needs counseling, but I do not believe in shoving pills down kids' throats when the problem is really caused by lack of attention and childish misunderstanding.

You do not KNOW that's what is causing this issue. YOU have the child 50% of the time - you'll have to PROVE that MOM is causing the issue.

Add all this to the fact that she is 1 of 5 kids living in a 3 bedroom house,

I was one of 7 in a 3 bedroom house. I survived.

My daughter would choose if asked to lived with me, but I know she does not exactly get to choose, but the court would consider her choice.

Not in Ohio the courts won't. And if they get an inkling that you told her such, you'll get raked.

My question is do I have what I would need to gain custody for the best welfare of my daughter? My wife works partime as a case worker and is home for the kids everyday. We have a 4 bedroom house for 3 kids. I have a steady job that pays well and I have been there a good amount of time.

What do I need to prove to get the order switched? Is the stuff I listed enough for a court to understand?

Any help is appreciated. If you need anymore info please tell me, thanks in advance.

You need a significant change in circumstances. You haven't mentioned one.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Ohio


My daughter is 12 years old. Her Mom has custody. I keep her 7 out of every 14 days and pay 100+ dollars a week in support.

You have 50/50 custody and pay child support which tells me you have a high salary compared to mom AND you most likely work a lot of hours.

Here is my issue. My daughter is having problems with her Mom. She recently has started rubbing/scratching her arms when she is upset. I am not qualified by any means to figure this behavior out, but I do know that she does not do it at my house.

Where does she do it? How do you know she does it? How do you know she does it when upset?

It seems to be an act of desperation to get attention from her Mother who works 40-50 hours a week, and leaves them at various babysitters.

It seems.. well do you have PROOF of that? Do you have proof that this is the reason she is rubbing her arms?

I tried to explain this to her Mom, but she seems determined to get my child on medication instead of fixing the problems they have between them.

Who has legal custody?

They do not communicate and her Mother is very childlike in her behavior ie; when she is mad at my daughter she tells her to go to her Dads and live.

her dad's? Meaning you?

My daughter is sure that her Mom doesnt want her. I have tried to explain it to her and help her through it but I cannot change the way her Mother is with her. This is just one example of how they interact, and now with this rubbing issue I am getting pretty concerned.

And what have you done about it?

I realize that she needs counseling, but I do not believe in shoving pills down kids' throats when the problem is really caused by lack of attention and childish misunderstanding.

So for when is her appointment scheduled?

Add all this to the fact that she is 1 of 5 kids living in a 3 bedroom house, her Mother works all the time for a while then quits her job and the starts again when her money gets low, and her step Dad is never around either I am fed up.

OKay mom is working and you are complaining. Stepdad is working and you are complaining. They are supporting their family. And you are complaining. Mom quits when she has money so she can stay home and you are complaining. Can mom do anything right?

My daughter would choose if asked to lived with me, but I know she does not exactly get to choose, but the court would consider her choice.

Oh and make sure you ask and submit to the court a statement to that effect. And watch you be nailed for breaking the law in Ohio. The court would NOT consider her choice. The court would appoint a GAL who would investigate both homes and the child's wishes and determine what is in the child's best interest.

My question is do I have what I would need to gain custody for the best welfare of my daughter? My wife works partime as a case worker and is home for the kids everyday. We have a 4 bedroom house for 3 kids. I have a steady job that pays well and I have been there a good amount of time.

Your wife is a legal stranger and what she does matters not. You have custody 50% of the time.

What do I need to prove to get the order switched? Is the stuff I listed enough for a court to understand?

No. If you have the child 7 out of 14 days what do you want it switched to? You have DONE nothing to improve your daughter's situation due to your own ignorance. The court would see you as part of the problem and NOT as part of the solution.

 

[janM]

Taking her to counselling doesn't necessarily mean she'll be put on medication. If there is some kind of self-injury going on, the doc will discover it and probably the cause. If it becomes a serious issue later, you'll have that info from a professional third party. This person can also determine IF any medication is needed, and help her through any issues she may have.