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KennyATL

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Georgia

My ex-fiance and I were together for 5 years. Last year we had a beautiful baby boy and 6 months later she left, refusing to reconcile. I have been paying child support that we agreed upon since that time. There were a couple of months that I was unable to pay and she let me catch up on the payments. Other than that, my financial support has been flawless. Recently, she filed with the state to recover child support. Rather than discuss it with me and maintain our agreement, she chose to remove the guess work from support.

The problem is that I am in a deplorable financial situation and any legal move will force the loss of my house, most likely my vehicle, and who knows what else. She has been less than fair in matters of visitation. I get him on Saturdays from 8 am to 6:30 pm (if I'm lucky) and she will not let him stay with me for a mere weekend. I am a good father, responsible with my son who adores me and cries when we part.

On the one hand, this is a blessing because I will most likely gain my paternal rights to visitation. However, this couldn't be happening at a worse time. I am slowly digging myself out of the financial hole and planned on pursuing those rights when I was able to afford court ordered support. Now, if I get slapped with these bills (which will most likely be more than I pay now) and incur the fees for an attorney which will undoubtedly be in the thousands, I fear that any hiccup in my child support may land me in a heap of trouble and send me in a spiral from which I can't recover! I love my son and don't want him to need anything but if I can't support myself, how will I be able to take care of him? I researched a bit and found that the court will order at least 17% of my annual income. That will be tough but manageable. The rest, in terms of legal fees and costs, is what's going to destroy me.

On a side note, we sat down after I found that she was pursuing "recovery" and came up with an alternate solution. She would "delay" the proceedings as long as I paid $375 monthly (which was slighly more than what I was previously paying her) and I signed a notorized "contract" with these terms. The kicker was that she wanted me to sign the document which stated that I would not be able to see my son should I fail to pay one month. I told her there was no possible way I was going to sign ANYTHING that relinquished any paternal rights. She wanted to know what the consequences for me were to be should I not pay. I told her to take me to court. That did not sit well with her apparently because I was served by the sheriff today.

Please help...I need to know what rights I have or what a court may grant me in the ways of visitation as if she moves forward with this, I intend to pursue my rights. I am just terrified that even though I can prove I have been paying using cancelled checks and receipts signed by her, I have no rights in the eyes of the court!

Thanks in advance,

Kenny
 


moburkes

Senior Member
You haven't mentioned if you are the legal father. Have you acknowledged paternity or had a DNA test done? If no, then stop paying. YOU FILE in court for paternity, child support, and custody. You don't need an attorney. Start saving your money, though, for when it is time to pay. How old is your child? Have you reviewed the GA child support calculator?
 

KennyATL

Junior Member
She does not contest paternity. Things have been so bad for me that I have not legitimated him. I signed the AOP when he was born. I asked her if she would contest the legitimation process and she responded that she would not. It's $80 for the process which I will be doing tomorrow. I am the father, there's no denying that...therefore, I cannot in good conscience stop paying. As I understand it, should she contest my paternity, I would have to respond with a paternity test. However, that will cost hundreds. Once that is established, however, I will be granted legal status. That being said, if she contests it, it's purely out of spite. We're both very well aware that I am his father. He is 15 months old, btw. And no, the support calculator is rather intensive. However, I know the minimum I will have to pay is 17%. Which ends up being $440. I'm pretty sure, though, that I will be forced to add him onto my insurance policy, which is fine...but, will that be included in child support calculation or is that just an "extra" bonus? It's $300 for a family plan at work...that makes my payout $740!!
 
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moburkes

Senior Member
She does not contest paternity. Things have been so bad for me that I have not legitimated him. I signed the AOP when he was born. I asked her if she would contest the legitimation process and she responded that she would not. It's $80 for the process which I will be doing tomorrow. I am the father, there's no denying that...therefore, I cannot in good conscience stop paying. As I understand it, should she contest my paternity, I would have to respond with a paternity test. However, that will cost hundreds. Once that is established, however, I will be granted legal status. That being said, if she contests it, it's purely out of spite. We're both very well aware that I am his father. He is 15 months old, btw.
It doesn't BENEFIT HER to "contest" it. It would only "benefit" YOU if you are NOT the child's father.

I thought you were her for legal advice. Continue to pay child support. Prepare for the judge to order BACK support from birth. Prepare to pay AGAIN for the months you have already paid, since you want to be stubborn about it.

If you wanted emotional support, you are in the wrong place.

If you want legal advice, but only if it matches your conscience, you are in the wrong place.

If you want legal advice, and to help both you and your child, then you need to change your attitude.
 

KennyATL

Junior Member
It doesn't BENEFIT HER to "contest" it. It would only "benefit" YOU if you are NOT the child's father.

I thought you were her for legal advice. Continue to pay child support. Prepare for the judge to order BACK support from birth. Prepare to pay AGAIN for the months you have already paid, since you want to be stubborn about it.

If you wanted emotional support, you are in the wrong place.

If you want legal advice, but only if it matches your conscience, you are in the wrong place.

If you want legal advice, and to help both you and your child, then you need to change your attitude.
I think you're reading the wrong attitude! I will concede that the typed word is emotionless but man (or lady), I am not here to be bashed! I am desperate and will take whatever help or advice you can dish out! If you're concerned that I spoke of my conscience, hey...I'm just trying to be a good dad...as well as responsible! I love my son and don't want him to suffer due to my inability to support him! So, please...help a guy out in need of legal advice and don't read anything into my posts that aren't there. I am coming to you in an extremely humble manner!
 

janM

Member
What is the name of your state? Georgia

The kicker was that she wanted me to sign the document which stated that I would not be able to see my son should I fail to pay one month.
She can't hold your son hostage (once you are the legal father). Money does not equal parenting time. They are separate. But anything you have been giving her could be considered a "gift" and not be counted. If you have saved the checks or whatever, it could help, but not a guarantee.

You need to file for support and parenting time once you're "legalized". Then if she refuses time you can file for contempt.
 

moburkes

Senior Member
So, when I tell you to STOP PAYING, unless you want to pay DOUBLE LATER, then you need to listen. You have NO LEGAL OBLIGATRION TO PAY HER. NONE. This is what happens when 2 unmarried people decide to "play house". She has no reason to EXPECT you to pay child support without going through the legal system. You have no obligation to do so. There are no expectations on either end. AND, since she wants to PLAY GAMES with visitation, let her know that you can play them as well. While it sounds mean, it sets the stage that she CANNOT use your CHILD to get back at YOU. That is WRONG.

Now, she has filed for child support. STOP PAYING. Open a savings account and deposit that money there. You need to file for visitation. Otherwise, you will be paying a child support obligation and you will have no RIGHTS to visit your child.
 

KennyATL

Junior Member
Thanks, JanM...I'm aware that they may come at me to pay what will be considered a "gift." I imagine I'll deal with that as best I can, though. My biggest fear is that they look unfavorably towards me because I am a father and not the mother. This may affect my visitation and now, I'm concerned that it will. Thanks for your response.
 

KennyATL

Junior Member
So, when I tell you to STOP PAYING, unless you want to pay DOUBLE LATER, then you need to listen. You have NO LEGAL OBLIGATRION TO PAY HER. NONE. This is what happens when 2 unmarried people decide to "play house". She has no reason to EXPECT you to pay child support without going through the legal system. You have no obligation to do so. There are no expectations on either end. AND, since she wants to PLAY GAMES with visitation, let her know that you can play them as well. While it sounds mean, it sets the stage that she CANNOT use your CHILD to get back at YOU. That is WRONG.

Now, she has filed for child support. STOP PAYING. Open a savings account and deposit that money there. You need to file for visitation. Otherwise, you will be paying a child support obligation and you will have no RIGHTS to visit your child.
I finally unserstand you! You're saying since I'm paying (and from what JanM says about the "gift") they may get me for everything anyway! If I stop paying, won't that piss an unsympathetic judge off or will they take into consideration that I've filed for legitimation and visitation? I just got off the phone with her. I told her that I was going to the court house to legitimate my son. She explained that with her having filed through child support services, legitimization is included in the process and it would be a waste of money. Is she lying to me or should I still take this step?
 

moburkes

Senior Member
Legitimization already occurred when you signed the acknowledgment form. So, you're actually going to file for visitation, like I told you earlier. I know that you said that you were listening, but you need to listed better. Not trying to be rude, but it is frustrating repeating the same thing over and over again.


If you'll do a search for the very same topic, we post this information several times a DAY. The information hasn't changed. The poster's just seem to think their situation is different.

No judge is going to EXPECT you to pay support without a court order. Putting the money in savings is SMART, not stupid.

Judges look unfavorably upon deadbeat dads, and you don't appear to be one of them.

1. File for visitation. Ask for joint legal custody. Over the next few days you will get responses from others who can help you find the forms and fill them out.
2. Open the bank account.
3. If necessary, ask for the child to have your last name, or hyphenated last name.
4. Go here for your state's calculator so that you can have an idea of about how much money to put away each month. http://ocse.dhr.georgia.gov/portal/site
 

KennyATL

Junior Member
Thanks Mo...I don't think you're being rude and I also don't think my situation is all that different. I've searched for some time but just couldn't find ANYTHING remotely close to mine. THAT was frustrating...especially knowing that I'm not really that different! Anyway, I'll check that link and I already have the account (for extra needs). Just general knowledge...he already has my last name, not hers. I'm going to sleep now but, just curious...does the last name have anything to do with this?

Thanks again!
 

moburkes

Senior Member
Usually that's just one of the future issues, and another poster brought up the last name this evening, so I gave you info on it as well. That's all.
 

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