stepparent overstepping boundaries!!!!!!!!

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? vt. I received the information from my son's school. finally!! Now here is my new problem. Everything on my son's records lists his stepmom as guardian/other parent. His school registration which was done in 2002 when she was "the" girlfriend she circled herself as guardian. There was a choice: parent/guardian/mother. She circled guardian, but she was only a girlfriend back then. Now they are married. Now on my son's emergency contact information she again has signed as the parent/guardian. My ex's signature is not on this. Plus I am not listed as a contact person, only her family. My son's IEP of two years has her and my ex as "the" parents. I was never informed from my ex of my son having special needs, nor of any IEP in place. He has been having problems following directions. All I asked from my ex when he got custody was copies of my son's progress reports and to keep me informed. I have liberal visitation and spend alot of time with my son, but I had no clue of him needing an IEP for educational purposes. I called the school but never received any information. The school is claiming no record of me calling. This is so outrageous! So, again this year I mentioned to my ex, I want to know why I have not received anything. He said he had no clue. I contacted the school again, this time screaming for my rights? At first they denied me, then finally sent me all my son's file for the last 3 years. My frustration though is that I feel I was intentionally misled, mis-informed, and excluded from my son's educational needs. I can no longer trust my ex, and really dislike his new wife now. This is stepping way over the line. The school claims now they did not know I was still in the picture due to my name not included, and how the parents were listed. Is there anything legally I can do so that this never happens again? I don't have custody, and have only rights to information. Can this be a change of circumstance to at least petition the courts so that I can have some say in my son's life due to being left out like this? Leaving mom out on purpose I would think is not in the best interest of my son's well being. Some of the evaluations show that the divorce between his dad and me has impacted him emotionally. I don't want to uproot him, I just want some say as his mom, he is MY son too! And, can stepmom legally sign herself as guardian because dad has full legal custody?? Shouldn't dad have first say, then mom second in case of emergency? Thanks Faith

 

[fae77]

I don't understand how circling guardian, especially when she was living with and caring for the child at the time (since I am understanding that the father has the majority of custody and not you) is overstepping her boundaries, other than from your emotional frustration. My oldest boy just spent last year with his dad, and his step mom put herself down as guardian because she was taking care of him more hours of the day than I or his father were, and that makes her guardian as far as I understand it.

Also, as far as getting information from the school system regarding your sons progress, you can se if your ex will put both of you down as contact information, my ex did this with my oldest since he lives in another town so we both get information about school in emails and snail mail. However, my bf of 5 yrs, his ex wife won't even tell him where his kids are going to school, and has put her boyfriend of 2 years down as their father (from what the kids have told us). Now that is overstepping the boundaries, IMO.

 

[stealth2]

How about including this in your previous thread instead of starting a new one?

 

[CJane]

I don't understand how circling guardian, especially when she was living with and caring for the child at the time (since I am understanding that the father has the majority of custody and not you) is overstepping her boundaries, other than from your emotional frustration. My oldest boy just spent last year with his dad, and his step mom put herself down as guardian because she was taking care of him more hours of the day than I or his father were, and that makes her guardian as far as I understand it.

Guardian is a LEGAL designation, as is PARENT. It's not something that's determined by 'time spent with child'.

For instance, a grandparent/aunt/family friend who has LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP of a child would designate themselves as 'Guardian'. It is NOT proper for a step-mother/father (or anyone else who is not LEGALLY designated as such) to do-so.

 

[faithnlve]

How about including this in your previous thread instead of starting a new one?

i did. got no response. i am hoping i have some grounds now to petition for some say in my sons education and wanting to be 100 percent involved, since i cannot trust being included as a parent with rights to information from the other parent since I was left out of important paperwork in regards to his education and well being. thanks faith

 

[CJane]

i did. got no response. i am hoping i have some grounds now to petition for some say in my sons education and wanting to be 100 percent involved, since i cannot trust being included as a parent with rights to information from the other parent since I was left out of important paperwork in regards to his education and well being. thanks faith

I think that this, coupled with the previous denials of visitation and a lack of desire to work with you to ensure 'frequent and meaningful contact' with all of the children is probably enough to file for joint legal custody and a more clear visitation schedule with the ability to adjust for work schedules built in. But it's going to be an uphill battle.

 

[faithnlve]

I think that this, coupled with the previous denials of visitation and a lack of desire to work with you to ensure 'frequent and meaningful contact' with all of the children is probably enough to file for joint legal custody and a more clear visitation schedule with the ability to adjust for work schedules built in. But it's going to be an uphill battle.

In Vermont there is no joint unless both parents agree to it. If one parent does not agree to it, then only one parent gets full legal custody, which includes parental rights. This state is so backwards when it comes to best interests of the children. The judges become parents to the parents, and parents without custody generally have no rights in this state to anything other than information. You lose your rights to helping to raise your child even if a fit parent. Most children are affected emotionally due to the battles of the parents tugging for rights as a parent. I have been told if I love my child then I should leave things as they are, and not interfere. I should not make issues of losing time on my weekends because I am hurting my child's feelings not letting him compete, or making promises and not keeping them when I promise to take him places and don't because another child is sick. Tho other parent can afford more of a lifestyle since they have their income and half of mine, along with a spouse. I guess as a mom, I just keep fighting for my rights to keep my title as mom. Its not ego, its the mother lion in me, and feelings of tremendous loss. Thanks CJane, faith

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

My concern is how is step able to make educational decisions for your child if she is not a guardian/parent/mother. She assumed the role of guardian in order to make those decisions for your child in lieu of your imput or the child's father. Obviously this is not acceptable. I would move for full/legal custody in part based on the fact a 'legal stranger' was making educational decisions for your child. It's no accident she circled guardian.

 

[Zephyr]

My concern is how is step able to make educational decisions for your child if she is not a guardian/parent/mother.

she shouldn't be making those decisions in the first place


She assumed the role of guardian in order to make those decisions for your child in lieu of your imput or the child's father.

if dad can't find the time to be a parent, it sure sounds like mom would like to


Obviously this is not acceptable. I would move for full/legal custody in part based on the fact a 'legal stranger' was making educational decisions for your child. It's no accident she circled guardian.

I agree, I would, with this coupled with the other issues at least try for a more clearcut court order that specifically lays out rights and responsibilitiies

 

[faithnlve]

I spoke with my ex tonight about this whole situation. He actually called me. He claims it was not intentional and that he is willing to work this out. I don't trust this since these promises have been made before. I have decided to let a judge here both sides, and am going to petition the court asking for not only input but decision making in regards to my son's education, medical and so on. I am not going to uproot my son from his home, but feel as his mom I want more involvement due to so much exclusion from his life. My ex screamed at me that there is no way he will allow this to happen. So, to me this is not good parenting, this is just alienating me. Thanks for all the advice and I will let you all know how it turns out. Again, thank you thank you. Oh, and my ex also let me know that his new wife cannot have a baby, that is why she probably did what she did. Hmmmmm. Thanks again, Faith

 

[Just Blue]

I spoke with my ex tonight about this whole situation. He actually called me. He claims it was not intentional and that he is willing to work this out. I don't trust this since these promises have been made before. I have decided to let a judge here both sides, and am going to petition the court asking for not only input but decision making in regards to my son's education, medical and so on. I am not going to uproot my son from his home, but feel as his mom I want more involvement due to so much exclusion from his life. My ex screamed at me that there is no way he will allow this to happen. So, to me this is not good parenting, this is just alienating me. Thanks for all the advice and I will let you all know how it turns out. Again, thank you thank you. Oh, and my ex also let me know that his new wife cannot have a baby, that is why she probably did what she did. Hmmmmm. Thanks again, Faith

This is the most stupid thing I have read on this forum in a while!! She can't have a baby so she is going to usurp your rights as a parent? Has she ever heard of adoption?

 

[faithnlve]

This is the most stupid thing I have read on this forum in a while!! She can't have a baby so she is going to usurp your rights as a parent? Has she ever heard of adoption?

I did not mean to have it sound the way it did. I am the one whom is saying maybe this is why she did what she did. I do not mean for it to sound like dad is saying this. Since I have had issues of her wanting my son to call her mom. Ex: I caught a daycare teacher telling my son "your mom dropped off your book bag". I was like exccuse me? I am his mom, she is stepmom. Anyways, my big question is.....IS THIS a true change of circumstances in order to request joint custody? I don't want to uproot my son from his friends and school as much as I would love to have him with me. His dad does love him. I just want to be able to have some parental rights now. Im not sure if Vermont allows this if both parents don't agree. This is my big question. I do not want my son hurt again. thanks faith

 

[CJane]

IS THIS a true change of circumstances in order to request joint custody?

All I can tell you is that IN MY CASE which was NOT in VT, the judge ruled - and the Appeals Court affirmed - that an 'abuse of sole custodian status' WAS enough of a change in circumstances to warrant a modification.

You cannot say that it's because he's not letting you make decisions, because he's not required to... but the paperwork listing SMom as guardian, the lack of info from the school, the school indicating they didn't think you were still in the picture... sounds eerily familiar to me, and I know in MY CASE it was enough.

Also, regardless of whether DAD 'meant' for the paperwork to be filled in as it was, he's responsible for stuff like that. AND he's responsible for his wife's behavior regarding your children. So it IS his fault.

 

[scarte03]

Step Moms are not the enemy

I'm sick and tired of peolple assuming that woman who can't have children and marry men who do, have alterior motives. I'm a step-mom, and I can't have children, and I have never tired to make the child "mine". I fully undertand that I am tertiary in this whole deal and never overstep my boundaries, even when I dissagree. Step-Mother has always been a dirty word and I'm sick of it. I have helped raise my step-son for over 9 years, spent money, time, sleepless nights and put up with ex-wife crap this whole time and always stay in the background. My only concern is what's best for the child, even if that means stepping back and swallowing my pride, my opinions and my contribution, so that I don't create more chaos for the child. When I married my husband, his ex-wife wouldn't even let me pick him up from school. It IS ego, and it's selfish. I tried over and over to sit and have conversations with her about her child but she refused every invitation. If it were me, I'd darn sure want to know the woman that was partially raising my son. I'd want good communication and a clear understanding but she is too petty for that. Your lucky you have a child, be greatful for someone who is helping raise him. You have rights, of course, but please... take back your comment about the step-mom. You probably don't even know her.

 

[Zephyr]

I'm sick and tired of peolple assuming that woman who can't have children and marry men who do, have alterior motives. I'm a step-mom, and I can't have children, and I have never tired to make the child "mine". I fully undertand that I am tertiary in this whole deal and never overstep my boundaries, even when I dissagree. Step-Mother has always been a dirty word and I'm sick of it. I have helped raise my step-son for over 9 years, spent money, time, sleepless nights and put up with ex-wife crap this whole time and always stay in the background. My only concern is what's best for the child, even if that means stepping back and swallowing my pride, my opinions and my contribution, so that I don't create more chaos for the child. When I married my husband, his ex-wife wouldn't even let me pick him up from school. It IS ego, and it's selfish. I tried over and over to sit and have conversations with her about her child but she refused every invitation. If it were me, I'd darn sure want to know the woman that was partially raising my son. I'd want good communication and a clear understanding but she is too petty for that. Your lucky you have a child, be greatful for someone who is helping raise him. You have rights, of course, but please... take back your comment about the step-mom. You probably don't even know her.

who was talking to you??????

and why would she want to have conversation with you about HER child- that is not your place and she is by no means required to?!?!!?!?!?

this thread was about 1 particular stepmom- if it offends you, you may want to ask yourself if it's hitting a little close to home