Not sure if this is the right place to ask...

[JustaFriendinTN]

What is the name of your state? TN

Sorry if it is a little graphic, I tried to stay as PG13 as I possibly could.


A friend came to me today and told me that this happened to her and I know that "no means no" and that she should have gone to the police, but she didn't.

A couple of nights ago, she was at her house with a friend that she occasionally had sex with. They were drinking and had intentions of having sex that night, however something happened she got mad and got in the bed to go to sleep. He followed her into the room, begged and pleaded with her but she still said no. She just wanted to go to sleep as it was around 1 in the morning. She trusted this man in her house so she said he could stay there but nothing would happen.

As she is trying to go to sleep he gets on top of her and begins to have sex with her all while she is saying stop, she didn't want to. She begins to cry and eventually after about a minute he stops and apologizes She tells him to get out and he leaves.

I know that if she were to take it to the police now, there wouldn't be any evidence but I want to be able to assure her that what he did, if it did occur the way she says it was against the law.

Would you all agree?

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

At the very least, your friend needs to disclose the incident to a therapist (for example, at a woman's shelter). Sex without consent is rape. If she was asleep or otherwise unable to give consent, the incidient you describe was at least sexual assault and at most rape.

 

[seniorjudge]

At the very least, your friend needs to disclose the incident to a therapist (for example, at a woman's shelter). Sex without consent is rape. If she was asleep or otherwise unable to give consent, the incidient you describe was at least sexual assault and at most rape.

And there is more to this story than we know.

For example, what, if any drugs (alcohol, pot, etc.) were involved in this incident?

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

And there is more to this story than we know.

For example, what, if any drugs (alcohol, pot, etc.) were involved in this incident?

It doesn't really matter if she was under the influence. If she did not give consent, it is a crime.

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

She admits that she had been drinking, but not to the point where she was incoherent. According to her, and I believe her as I have never known her to be the type to do drugs but who really knows, she had not taken any drugs. To her knowlege, neither had he.

She told me that he said that afterwards as she was yelling at him to get out, he started to say that it was her fault and that she shouldn't have let him come over if she didn't want to have sex with him. He said that she shouldn't have acted like she did want to before she got mad at him and went to lay down.

She admits that there was no real force on his part other that getting on top of her as she was sleeping but I don't really know what to think as she was a victim of date rape her freshman year in college. She reported that incident to the police, but the case was eventually dropped due to lack of evidence. She said that she had a flashback to what happened then and just started crying and begging him to stop and he did about a minute later without ejaculating. (Sorry so graphic, I just wonder if the fact that he did stop without doing so would have any weight on the situation?)

I agree that she needs to seek counseling, I have begged her to since the incident in college.

 

[SHORTY LONG]

You said this happened a couple of nights ago, and now you are saying "since the incident in college." What gives?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Apparently she was raped in school as well. One would think if you are raped, you would be a little bit more carefull. IMO

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

You said this happened a couple of nights ago, and now you are saying "since the incident in college." What gives?

Let me clarify, there was another incident 10 years ago in college where she was the victim of date rape. This was a separate incident that occurred a few days ago.

 

[SHORTY LONG]

Let me clarify, there was another incident 10 years ago in college where she was the victim of date rape. This was a separate incident that occurred a few days ago.

Thank you for clarifying. As shared earlier, please get her into counseling as soon as possible.


Hi Shay-Pari'e.

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

Apparently she was raped in school as well. One would think if you are raped, you would be a little bit more carefull. IMO

I agree, she should have been more careful. However this was a guy that she had known for over a year and at one point was in a relationship with him until his jealousy of her friends and anger issues broke them up. They still kept in touch and occasionally were intimate according to her.

I think this was just someone that she thought she could trust since he knew about her past also.

But to ask again, would the fact that she said no before anything began to happen and then he did it anyway but stopped before ejaculation change things? He has been trying to apologize and say that it wasn't really sexual assault since he stopped before doing so. I know that filing charges wouldn't get her anywhere but I just want to get her to see that this may have been a crime.

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

Thank you for clarifying. As shared earlier, please get her into counseling as soon as possible.


Hi Shay-Pari'e.

I will, thanks.

 

[BoredAtty]

One of the other posters wrote "Sex without consent is rape." That's not entirely true. Sex without consent is rape if the accused knows (or has reason to know) that the sex was not consensual.

If charged with the crime, the defendant will surely argue that his honest belief was that it was consensual and the fact that he stopped supports that conclusion. He will also argue that their past sexual history and the fact that they planned on having sex that night also supports that conclusion.

The fact that he didn't ejaculate has no relevance.

In short, what occurred may or may not have been rape, depending on the accused's state of mind.