NJ Dad-visitation-interference-PAS=sue ex wife?

[mdonovin]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey
i have lived in NJ for 50 yrs
son/ex wife are in NJ as well



for 3 years I have been "enabling" this situation-
so I do take reponsibilty for my lack of action

some facts
no violence, no abuse, no restraining orders,
1 son XXXX, age 13

visitation issue
1- ex wife continually interferes with my time with xxxx, 13 yr old son
a. she says "i told him he had to go...but I wont force him"
b. has repeatedly "lost" my emails and has said- "i never got the message(from the answering machine)"(dozens and dozens of times)
c. ex wife believes my time as a my son's soccer coach does not qualify as 'time with his dad" and has told my son the same thing which he has used against me to NOT go with me at designated times--for example-- vacation-normal visitation

1 . wife has planted negative rumors about me having a criminal record and therefore I should should not be his coach ( i have been fingerprinted and background checks completed by the local police for our soccer club/team-this is is false allegation)

ex wife has told my son that I (Dad) has no legal right to visit my son if he doesn't want to go that day/weekend/vacation

my son is now telling me-"thats kidnapping dad when you take me where i dont want to go" "your car might break down" "i am not going"


logic and common sense as well as "the right thing to do" is falling on deaf ears
ex wife refuse to support my right of time with my son

BTW- additional facts-
i have tape recordings/emails certified letters where she has stated the above things and I have emails and certified letters asking for her support as well

i have had 2 police incidents filed since aug 22, 2007...
FYI.
NJ police do not force child to go...so all i did was file the report

i am filing a motion but whats really going to happen?
I have heard that filing (monetary) civil suit can be done- is this recommended?
what are 13 yr old hild's 'rights' as far as choosing to go with Dad at that time?
what are my rights?

can i sue the ex wife over the rumor she planted?





___________________________
RingtoneIQ.com

 

[joshuasepitome]

hey, i'm no lawyer but this kinda scenario is EXACTLY why I'm working on a parenting plan right now. Neither parent (from what i've read via my extensive research online) is allowed to attempt to convince the child not to spend time with the other parent. If the child refuses, it is that parent's responsibility to "force" the child to go. However, my research has only been done for Colorado, Kansas and Tennessee, so this may not apply to your state. Both parents are supposed to get telephone time and any missed calls should be returned within twenty-four hours. Neither parents are supposed to interfere with any type of communication from the other parent.

I'm not sure about your exact rights though in NJ.

As for filing something against the ex in regards to her comments, I just asked these guys on here a similar question (my child's father is reaking havoc in my life too). Other than criticizing me (on this board), a libel suit was suggested. I'm definately looking into that right now but I'm still pushing to file a motion of protection from stalking.

I'm not sure what 'stalking' is defined as in NJ but in CO, this protection will keep my child's father from enacting the general harrassment towards myself.

Here is stalking defined in Kansas (Colorado has the same definition):
a) "Stalking" means an intentional harassment of another person that places the other person in reasonable fear for that person's safety.

(b) "Harassment" means a knowing and intentional course of conduct directed at a specific person that seriously alarms, annoys, torments or terrorizes the person, and that serves no legitimate purpose.

(c) "Course of conduct" means conduct consisting of two or more separate acts over a period of time, however short, evidencing a continuity of purpose which would cause a reasonable person to suffer substantial emotional distress. Constitutionally protected activity is not included within the meaning of "course of conduct."

If you don't have any type of parenting plan or court orders to see your son, then from what I understand, the mother can do as she pleases.

what kind of motion are you filing and what kind of visition orders are in place?

As for the child's age, from my research, around age 12 or so in general, the child can have a voice in a custodial battle as to which parent gets more rights than the other but again, the child is supposed to spend time with both parents until he/she reaches the age of majority.

Hopefully I helped a little, but wait for more replies for the guys on here (and gals) that know the laws in your area more accurately.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey
i have lived in NJ for 50 yrs
son/ex wife are in NJ as well



for 3 years I have been "enabling" this situation-
so I do take reponsibilty for my lack of action

some facts
no violence, no abuse, no restraining orders,
1 son xxx, age 13

visitation issue
1- ex wife continually interferes with my time with xxx, 13 yr old son
a. she says "i told him he had to go...but I wont force him"
b. has repeatedly "lost" my emails and has said- "i never got the message(from the answering machine)"(dozens and dozens of times)
c. ex wife believes my time as a my son's soccer coach does not qualify as 'time with his dad" and has told my son the same thing which he has used against me to NOT go with me at designated times--for example-- vacation-normal visitation

1 . wife has planted negative rumors about me having a criminal record and therefore I should should not be his coach ( i have been fingerprinted and background checks completed by the local police for our soccer club/team-this is is false allegation)

ex wife has told my son that I (Dad) has no legal right to visit my son if he doesn't want to go that day/weekend/vacation

my son is now telling me-"thats kidnapping dad when you take me where i dont want to go" "your car might break down" "i am not going"


logic and common sense as well as "the right thing to do" is falling on deaf ears
ex wife refuse to support my right of time with my son

BTW- additional facts-
i have tape recordings/emails certified letters where she has stated the above things and I have emails and certified letters asking for her support as well

i have had 2 police incidents filed since aug 22, 2007...
FYI.
NJ police do not force child to go...so all i did was file the report

i am filing a motion but whats really going to happen?
I have heard that filing (monetary) civil suit can be done- is this recommended?
what are 13 yr old hild's 'rights' as far as choosing to go with Dad at that time?
what are my rights?

can i sue the ex wife over the rumor she planted?





___________________________
RingtoneIQ.com

I would recommend that you not use the term "PAS"...use alienation instead. PAS has been quite discredited.

No, your son does not get to choose about visitation. If mom doesn't get a stiff punishment this time then you need to keep taking her back to court until the judge gets fed up with what she is doing.

The issue of the rumor she planted is would be a separate issue. Unless the rumor actually caused you harm, then you would have no grounds for a civil suit.

 

[mdonovin]

answer to ldij and Joshua

i am filing a motion to enforce litigants rights


visitation in the current court order indicates every other weekend he is with me
in the motion i am filing i am asking for enforcement of the visitation
get a midweek visitation ( i have none now)
ask court to have the ex wife contribute to the driving
get some makeup time for the vacations she screwed us out of this past summer

can I ask the court to have the ex wife publicy and genuinely apologize to my son and I?

i need to get xxx on track and fast....she has history of going thru the motions and saying the right things but not committing to it. a poor judge may not see it at first because like msot people in her situation(it seems) they can be very charming

she has also told me she "yesses me to death"--( i asked if she was yessing me to death and she said she was... i have it on tape)

she has done about 5-10 percent of the driving to drop off and pick up my son...because i know she would not drive him- the phone messages/emails would deliberately not be responded to with the classic "i never got your email/voice mail etc"...
she has even told me repeatedly she didnt bother to check voice mail until the following day and this is on the day I am supposed to pick him up.

I loooked at this as a positive initially
the extra time with my son is how i rationalized it
..but i now realize it was a mistake...i let her off the hook as far as her responsibilites and she totally abused it

i apprecaite the advice on PAS---my research also indicates it is a questionable syndrome in the courts but very real none the less...thanks for the advice


as far as the criminal rumors and a law suit-

is having to resign my position mid season as coach enough damage?
(because there was no way to verify or prove anything until the following season)
it impacted hugely my time with my son
she has always resented my soccer time with Jeff to the point she told my SON that Dad's coaching time is not GOOD Quality time..i have it documented in emails to me---from my son and the ex.

i had read somewhere that if the interference and alienation is continued that
a civil monetary law suit might work against the uncooperative spouse...

trying to prove damage as to the criminal rumor and my time as a coach might be a difficult task
although members of the board of directors-of the soccer club have told me that she "is out to get me"...they were the ones that responded to me about the rumors


btw- last fall i asked her about the life insurance that was required to carry as indicated in the orignal court order(May 2004)...i knew she didnt have it but i told her she needed to get it

...she told me (again on tape) from that moment on she was going to get me---she was planning on me not advising her of vacation time by May 1st and thus not having to let my son go on vacation with me...10 months of premediated planning to screw me and Jeff....btw i told her in April via email that the 3rd week in august was vacation time...again she claims she never received it...

we even spoke from July '07 on about the dates and the plannning for vacation- she even forced me to cut short the proposed trip which i agreed to
then she tempted my son with a rock concert in the middle of our planned vacation time after first telling him
a-dad's car might break down
b--he didnt notify me so you dont have to go
XXX actually tried to convince me that i didnt give enough time as the agreement states.
she is obviously feeding him the propoganda

help me before i lose my mind and give up this process...give me the courage to do this

thnx



i was thinking LAW SUIT for the continued abuse/interference/alienation

again thanks for the feedback...feed me more-!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Two books that I recommend that you read:

Parenting After Divorce, A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs by Philip Stahl, Ph.D.

Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard A Warshak

 

[joshuasepitome]

again, this scenario is EXACTLY why I'm working on such a detailed parenting plan (thanks for the life insurance idea though, hadn't thought about that one). My proposed plan covers all the details you're refering to that the other parent is doing. From the straight-up contempt to the encouraging the child to not visit you.

Honestly, your story is absolutely pathetic to read (no offense to you, read on). It just really goes to show how kaniving (sorry, wrong spelling i think) a parent can be and how ruthless and thoughtless.

You do what you gotta do legally and civally but there's no way i'd entertain the thought of even bringing up my thought of having her to publicly apologize. I also strongly encourage you to search online for sample parenting plans for your state (and glance at other states' plans for ideas). Go ahead and get a new/proposed one typed out and work from there until you go to court.

This entire situation really needs some therapy for the entire family. Sounds to me though like you have some "good" leverage against her for contempt. I truely pity you and your situation and hope that I can get my head on track before I end up on the other end of your story!

At least your story was an eye-opener for me! It's been pointed out that where I thought I was trying to help my child's father be a parent, I was really only trying to dictate how he parented and that's not how it goes. Both parents have rights to be with the child and the child has rights to be with both parents.

I'm not sure what you said (if you did) the actual 'custody' arrangement (joint, sole, shared) is, but if she keeps being in contempt, you need to do something; in the best interest of the child.

 

[mdonovin]

yes its joint custody
i will look for the parenting plans and i appreciate the book recommendations Ginny!

i will file this week, the first motion and as i proceed with this one on my own i am sure the next time will be a lot easier to complete...i have avoided this but its time!

BTW- i don't take any thing personally when it comes to being my son's Dad....its [my son] that I am concerned about....we had a conversation at lunch today and we made some pacts/agreements/promises to each other...unfortunately he is 13 and will of course say things like all 13 yr olds do...i have yet meet a 13 yr old that wants to go to church on Sunday...i guess there are few who like going to school-(i was one-i did not miss a day of school for 9 years) but [my son] is like most kids and doesnt want to go but goes and performs well...he is a wonderful child and i hope we can get this nipped before he becomes ugly
and its not even his fault!

btw-i am a writer and if you need assistance on the PPLan let me know I would love to participate....do you have a draft? rough copy?

 

[mdonovin]

BTW
my son and I have had a great relationship for the last 13 yrs...the ex however has been this nasty from the start....angry angry angry---but unwilling to go to counseling and when she goes she admits she got nothing out of it...doesn't work it at all..

i am worried that this action on my part will make her ANGRIER and more conniving
(i think thats the right spelling-lol)
the judge will give her the benefit of the doubt I am sure
so its incumbent on me to follow up with an additional motion (if form holds true)

is there anything i can say in the FIRST court appearance about the anger
or my vision of what I expect her to do?
can i ask the court what relief i have the next time it occurs?
which obviously will occur before I can get back to court with another motion?

any comments on how [my son] and I should deal with this?...i can't imagine he feels very good about me right now...

e.g. [My son] said to me last nite that it was kidnapping by taking him against his will...!!
and of course its not...it was not only my assigned weekend i ahve joint custody!

he has to get that attitude/info from someone...hmmmm who could that be?



thnx

 

[joshuasepitome]

best of luck to you

ya, just a draft right now. need to revise it some more in light of realizing i was trying to dictate father's parenting time....

it's about 14 pages so far though

 

[mdonovin]

Ok

feel free to give any insights you might think of for [my son] and I


where did you start with your plan?
?is there a website about Parent Plan Wrting?
what was the impetus for you to tackle this project?

 

[joshuasepitome]

I would absolutely love to give you more details about my venture into writing a parenting plan. However, I would rather do it via a private message so send me a message that way next time you're on here (it's showing you as being offline).

 

[mdonovin]

parenting plan found!

ok not sure how to send a PM
my email is [email protected]

also found this opparentin plan
http://deltabravo.net/custody/pplan8.php

 

[joshuasepitome]

sendin u an email now, lookin at parenting plan link too

 

[mdonovin]

ok thank you

i am tired right now but will get to it first thing in the morning
my name is XXXX
thanks for your input and concern
i hope i can help you too!

 

[joshuasepitome]

my name is in the emails

look forward to your input and hopefully giving you some helpful insight