help needed!!! please!

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I'm in Louisiana

Heres the story. My ex-wife left myself, our at that time 9 month old son and 3 year old daughter in 1996. I was in a custody fight twice, and won domile parent-status both times, so bascially they have never left my home. She sees them every tuesday and every other weekend.
This past Monday I went to pick them up at school (the prior weekend was her's), and they weren't there. Naturally, I freaked. Long story short, it turns out Friday when she picked up my son he had a bruise on his ear. She asked him where he got it, and he did not know, but said that I had bopped him and said "straighten up" because he had come home Thursday with a pretty bad report card (he's usually a good student, but has been playing around in class lately, and I didn't hit him in the ear!). It should be noted that that evening he was fine, and that night he was fine, and the next morning he was fine. Nothing was observed to be wrong with his ear. She went and got a temporary restraining order, and now they are with her unitl we go to court for the hearing next Monday.
I have never ever had any type of accusation like this before, and she has always been a very vindictive person because, although she left, she has always said it was my fault that we are divorced. The kids REALLY don't like going there, and have asked me on numerous occasions if they can stay home. I have asked her to maybe work something out so the kids don't feel as though they HAVE to go over there, but she has always blown a gasket with me AND hollered at them when they have asked.
My question is this**************....my daughter (13, 14 next month) has a myspace page (which I have access to, of course) which she signs on at least twice a day. She has not been signed onto it since this incident (the 14th), because I found out from her best friend that my ex took my daughters cellphone, and won't let either of the kids sign onto the computer. Anyway, two messages on her myspace page from two of her friends in school say "good luck in your new school" and "I'll miss you". They had a 8th grade ring ceremony this past Friday, so I am thinking they might be referring to when they all graduate this year, but is she able to just change their schooling without notifying me?
It should be noted, as I've seen here many times, that she has never been interested having them live with her because she WANTS them, but she would love to do what she could so that they DON'T live with me.
Thanks for the advice in advance. I am going to naturally call my attorney monday morning, but she is out of town this weekend.

I'm a bit curious about something. Okay, Dad discovered on Monday that Mom had filed for a TRO. According to him, he has not yet spoken to his attorney because she's out of town for the weekend. Wasn't she around all week? Wouldn't most people get on the horn to her ASAP on Monday, Tuesday at the latest, rather than sit around for a week, then post on an Internet board while the lawyer's away?

 

[longsally111]

well......

ok, jumping in to this post after reading everyone.

children are in dads custody for 10 years ( fact )
no previous charges of abuse ( ? )
MOM PAYS CHILD SUPPORT ( ? )
mom manages to get a tro due to one bruise on the ear ( fact )
children are unhappy visiting mom ( fact )
dad admits to "bopping child on head ( fact )


I think you will be ok. As long as your attorney points out the facts of the case, I cannot see how 10 years of custody will be interrupted by one incident. You may be instructed in proper procedures for parenting and might have to take a class or something. I would not worry. Please let us know what happens.

 

[CJane]

CJane, you would really do the same exact thing as Mom in this case? I don't know that that's really in the best interests of the kids.

Yeah, I would. If I picked my kids up and one of them had a noticeable bruise on her head, and when I asked what happened said "Dad hit me"... I'd have a TRO for BOTH kids and a case open with DSS.

He's had custody of the kids for over 10 years, no mention of anything prior, kid has a mark on his ear, and she removes them 100% from dad's care cutting off all contact? Is that really the best way to handle something like this?

IMO? Absolutely. Because I would have to assume that this isn't the first time it happened. That it might be the first time it left a mark, but not the first time the kid got 'bopped'. I could hit/poke/pinch you (or anyone) in a hundred ways and places that it would hurt like a sonofabitch... drop you to your knees kind of pain... and never leave a mark. Doesn't make it ok to actually do it.

I don't know ... I think she's causing more damage w/her actions than the mark did *even if Dad DID put the mark there*.

I think that anytime we use our bigger and stronger bodies to cause pain - even minor pain - to our children, we should face the possibility of losing them forever. Maybe then more people would think before hitting.

 

[wileybunch]

Yeah, I would. If I picked my kids up and one of them had a noticeable bruise on her head, and when I asked what happened said "Dad hit me"... I'd have a TRO for BOTH kids and a case open with DSS.

Mom did not do the latter, though. That's why it seems suspicious that she went through all the trouble to deny dad access to the kids at all. Has the bruise been verified? The emergency order didn't verify anything, they are going on her word it sounds like, after which time there wouldn't be any evidence unless she took pictures. Even if Dad had put a mark on the kid, that does not mean he should have his children taken away. Mom wanted to play judge/jury here unless there are other facts that at some other time in the 10+ years he's had primary responsibility for them something else has been suspected.

I agree Dad shouldn't be pompous when he goes to court b/c if there was a mark and he hit the child in that general area, it doesn't seem like such a coincidence. However, it doesn't sound like Mom involved the ppl that COULD investigate to know the facts and put them into perspective.

fairisfair, I wasn't drunk when I posted. I don't drink. But my question to you is -- Did you take your anger meds before you posted? I don't call it "boxing ears", it's a term that's been around for a long time (and I don't do it, whatever it is).

 

[wileybunch]

I think that anytime we use our bigger and stronger bodies to cause pain - even minor pain - to our children, we should face the possibility of losing them forever. Maybe then more people would think before hitting.

But, Mom didn't involve anyone to investigate. There is no such law as what you think *should* happen (ie. no hitting, even minor or parental rights are terminated) so that won't be how his case is viewed.

 

[CJane]

But, Mom didn't involve anyone to investigate.

We don't actually know that. There could be a case open with CPS right now, and they haven't paid dad a visit yet.

There is no such law as what you think *should* happen (ie. no hitting, even minor or parental rights are terminated) so that won't be how his case is viewed.

That's also not what I said. Not even close.

You asked me if I would have reacted as strongly as Mom, and if I really thought it was in the kids' best interests. In short, you asked for my PERSONAL opinion, not my legal one.

 

[wileybunch]

We don't actually know that. There could be a case open with CPS right now, and they haven't paid dad a visit yet.

Well, we do as much as we know anything else about this case:

FYI, a detective from my department (I'm in law enforcement) came and spoke with me (anytime an officer in my department gets a restraining order there is always an in-house investigation, because they don't tolerate that sort of thing, of course), and they deemed it to be unfounded. I also checked with Child Protective Services on my own, and I am not in their computers anywhere, and neither is my son.

 

[wileybunch]

You asked me if I would have reacted as strongly as Mom, and if I really thought it was in the kids' best interests. In short, you asked for my PERSONAL opinion, not my legal one.

Yes, but within the laws as they are.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, but within the laws as they are.

And here is the thing, mom did what she could to safeguard her children AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. That is what she should have done. That is what I would do. Then i would worry about CPS and everyone else. I would be at the court first thing if I thought my child were being abused (and if they did not require MEDICAL treatment) getting a restraining order and filing a report. Then once I had a restraining order I would be calling CPS. And FYI , CPS can close investigations for various reasons -- and it does not mean that abuse did NOT occur. CPS can close an investigation and label it as unfounded or unsubstantiated for a VARIETY of reasons. Again it doesn't mean that abuse did not occur.

 

[wileybunch]

And FYI , CPS can close investigations for various reasons -- and it does not mean that abuse did NOT occur. CPS can close an investigation and label it as unfounded or unsubstantiated for a VARIETY of reasons. Again it doesn't mean that abuse did not occur.

That is true that it doesn't mean abuse didn't occur. It also doesn't mean it did if they say it did. But, they will keep the records either way, they don't expunge them and Dad's saying CPS has no record at this point. I just hope for the children's sake Mom DID have an independent party (ie. pediatrician or CPS) document what she is alleging is on the child.

I can't help but think how sad it is when kids go between 2 parents that don't get along b/c how they deal with differences, issues, questions, etc. will always be with the most suspicion and the child is always caught. You have a mom here that's walked out on her kids, if I recall correctly, and yet she's going to go ballistic if she sees something on child w/o even speaking to the parent that's always cared for them. Does she ever wonder what her walking out did to them?