Age of Decision

[castepmom]

What is the name of your state? PA

This question has gone around in the past. Does it really matter if your kids decide where they want to live? I have been told only if they are over the age of 12...and I have been told it makes no difference to a judge.

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? PA

This question has gone around in the past. Does it really matter if your kids decide where they want to live? I have been told only if they are over the age of 12...and I have been told it makes no difference to a judge.

This question goes around EVERY DAY at least 5X.

There are a couple of states that allow a child that sort of power rather unilaterally... and neither is PA.

There are a couple more that mandate by statute when a child is old enough to speak of their wishes to a judge. Again, I don't believe either is PA.

The other states have some sense and know that the only real age at which you should be allowed to make adult decisions is when you're an adult.

 

[majomom1]

Legally they cannot choose until they are an adult, however, what I am finding in my own case, in MO, is:

The judge MAY listen to the child and hear what they have to say. I have a 16 year old that is currently in limbo and my attorney is saying that the judge very well may talk with him. If the judge believes there is any chance that a child will run away, then they may take the child's wishes into consideration... they do not want kids running away.

My ex is claiming that our son has threatened to run away, I am contending that this is being used as a tactic only, and my ex is the one encouraging our son to run away. On his own, he will not, if we both joint parent.

I am objecting to the judge talking with our son and asking that he hear our cases first, hear all the other factors and then determine if it is necessary to include his 'wish'.

My hearing is next week... I will be posting as to how it all turns out.

 

[Silverplum]

The OP is in PA...not MO.
(But we will be glad to hear how your case turned out in MO.)

 

[majomom1]

Silverplum
The OP is in PA...not MO.
(But we will be glad to hear how your case turned out in MO.)

Thanks Silver... I did see that this is PA and that is why I pointed out that I am in MO.

This is a very gray area "legally", and that seems to be true in a lot of cases, in a lot of states. There is no one legal answer here, it seems that judges will look at several factors. I have gotten different answers, at different levels, so I think it is only fair to warn posters that "legal" on this subject CAN change depending on the ages of the children and the circumstances.

 

[ezmarelda]

Thanks Silver... I did see that this is PA and that is why I pointed out that I am in MO.

This is a very gray area "legally", and that seems to be true in a lot of cases, in a lot of states. There is no one legal answer here, it seems that judges will look at several factors. I have gotten different answers, at different levels, so I think it is only fair to warn posters that "legal" on this subject CAN change depending on the ages of the children and the circumstances.

uuhhh NO

"legaly" it's all VERY black & white

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP - from what I could find out in google-land, it appears that the judge will weigh more heavily the preferences of the child at 12, but that ultimately, it is the ADULTS who decide where a child will live.

Are there any other mitigating circumstances that could warrant a change in custody at this time?

 

[CJane]

uuhhh NO

"legaly" it's all VERY black & white

Not necessarily eme... When it comes to whether or not a judge will listen to a child, unless mandated in the statutes (as it is in a few states), it is 100% up to the judge to decide whether to interview the kids in chambers, allow them to testify in open court, or appoint a GAL to determine their wishes... and then it's STILL up to that judge whether to place any weight on what the children want.

There's a LOT in family law that falls under judicial discretions - which IS a gray area.

 

[nextwife]

But it would need still be JUDICIAL discretion, not Kidicial discretion! THAT is black and white - a judge, not a kid DECIDES what will be.

 

[LdiJ]

But it would need still be JUDICIAL discretion, not Kidicial discretion! THAT is black and white - a judge, not a kid DECIDES what will be.

That's absolutely true, but its also a judge that decides whether or not to give any weight to the child's wishes.

There was a case in my state a couple of years ago that really hits that home with me....because a judge truly listened to the child. The child was 12.

Legally, neither mom or dad were unfit...there were some relatively minor issues in both homes, but neither one were unfit from a legal standpoint. Dad had received custody because mom moved (two hours away to where her parents lived) and then a couple of years after that dad allowed the child to move to mom's temporarily because of tension between his wife and the child....but didn't change custody legally.

The child wanted to stay with mom, and dad wanted the child to return to him, and it went to court. No GAL was involved or any other court professional. The judge decided to hear what the child had to say in chambers.

The child was a basket case about the whole thing but was suddenly extremely calm and relaxed after speaking to the judge in chambers (the judge kicked the attorneys out). All she would tell either of her parents was that the judge "ordered" her not to tell either of her parents about their conversation.

The judge's order was that the child remain with mom, because the child articulated very mature and logical reasons for wanting to stay with mom. Afterwards the child did confess that the judge told her that he was going to let her stay with mom, but that she wasn't allowed to "tell".

That's not the only time that I know of situations where a judge chose to listen to a child in chambers, with or without attorneys present, and went with the child's wishes. However my state is one of those ones where the child has no "legal" option to express a preference. Its totally up to the descretion of a judge to decide whether or not to take the child's wishes into consideration.

The point I am making is that judges do decide sometimes to listen to children, and that doesn't necessarily mean that the children have to "testify". That does not mean that the children get to choose, it only means that sometimes a judge will seriously consider a child's wishes, based on how the child expresses themselves.