Grandparents need help in MO

[hvacburke]

What is the name of your state? Missouri
From reading other threads, I have found that I do not have the right to stop my daughter from adopting out her child. Is there circumstances where this may be different. My daughter (21) and her husband (20) already have two children and have gotten pregnant again on purpose just to give the child to his brother and his wife. This other young couple do not have the means to take care of this baby. He only makes under $10.00 per hour and she is disabled. They don't own a home and cannot pay their bills. They just want a baby (wether they can afford it or not) and she is unable to get pregnant. Is there any legal option for me to stop this and adopt the baby myself? We have three other children, own our own home and have plenty of love and room for another baby. The other couple is not paying for the birth, medicaid is!!

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Missouri
From reading other threads, I have found that I do not have the right to stop my daughter from adopting out her child. Is there circumstances where this may be different. My daughter (21) and her husband (20) already have two children and have gotten pregnant again on purpose just to give the child to his brother and his wife. This other young couple do not have the means to take care of this baby. He only makes under $10.00 per hour and she is disabled. They don't own a home and cannot pay their bills. They just want a baby (wether they can afford it or not) and she is unable to get pregnant. Is there any legal option for me to stop this and adopt the baby myself? We have three other children, own our own home and have plenty of love and room for another baby. The other couple is not paying for the birth, medicaid is!!

No. If the baby isn't being cared for then you could report to CPS...But that doesn't mean you would get custody. The adoptive couple will have to go through a screening before they can have the baby...If the courts find them to be unfit then the adoption won"t go through...

 

[hvacburke]

No. If the baby isn't being cared for then you could report to CPS...But that doesn't mean you would get custody. The adoptive couple will have to go through a screening before they can have the baby...If the courts find them to be unfit then the adoption won"t go through...

They won't be screened because it is a private adoption. I wonder if it is illegal to get pregnant on purpose, to give it away, knowing the government is paying for it!!! I wonder if this would give me a case for her being unfit. What do you think? Wouldn't this be illegal (fraud)?

 

[Ohiogal]

They won't be screened because it is a private adoption. I wonder if it is illegal to get pregnant on purpose, to give it away, knowing the government is paying for it!!! I wonder if this would give me a case for her being unfit. What do you think? Wouldn't this be illegal (fraud)?

Yes they will be screened because the adoption must be confirmed by the court. And no it is not illegal. Good grief.

 

[CJane]

Yes they will be screened because the adoption must be confirmed by the court. And no it is not illegal. Good grief.

If they do a legal adoption. But they could just as easily just 'give' the baby to the new parents and never do anything legal-like. Kid will have the same last name as the 'adoptive' family anyway...

Or... I can see this... cuz it's MO.... Mom has the baby at home. And ADOPTIVE MOM files for the BC. Presto chango... baby has a new momma.

Gramma STILL can't steal the baby.

 

[hvacburke]

If they do a legal adoption. But they could just as easily just 'give' the baby to the new parents and never do anything legal-like. Kid will have the same last name as the 'adoptive' family anyway...

Or... I can see this... cuz it's MO.... Mom has the baby at home. And ADOPTIVE MOM files for the BC. Presto chango... baby has a new momma.

Gramma STILL can't steal the baby.

Yes but I'm not planning on stealing the baby, I'm thinking of turning her in. Then let the courts decide. It's not the only legal recourse I have because once she is in her own place again, she is living with the people that want the baby, she doesn't keep her home clean. I was having to get on her daily to clean her own house and then she would. If I don't get on her about it, then her house will be unlivable and if nothing else I have that to turn her in on. I don't like thinking like this, but someone has to think of that child. When it comes to stability, there is no doubt in my mind, that the courts would place the children with us. I just hate to take such drastic measures with my daughter, I love her, but if she goes through with this I will lose her anyway because I wouldn't be able to look her in the face without thinking of my grandchild that she gave away like used clothes.

 

[milspecgirl]

there is nothing to turn her in for. She's not doing anything illegal. It's not medicare fraud just because she gives the baby away. The couple will have to go through the home inspection, etc if they do the adoption legally. Once the baby is born, if it is in a dangerous situation, you can turn it in. However, people have babies for family members all the time. It is a very generous thing to do. Just because you don't feel they can support the child or deserve the child, doesn't mean they can't. I would try helping making this pregnancy easier for your daughter- stand behind her. It will be hard to carry a child and give it away. The way you talk about your daughter, it would be unwise for her to have another one and keep it either. I guess if she was having the baby to give to you, it would be okay

 

[hvacburke]

there is nothing to turn her in for. She's not doing anything illegal. It's not medicare fraud just because she gives the baby away. The couple will have to go through the home inspection, etc if they do the adoption legally. Once the baby is born, if it is in a dangerous situation, you can turn it in. However, people have babies for family members all the time. It is a very generous thing to do. Just because you don't feel they can support the child or deserve the child, doesn't mean they can't. I would try helping making this pregnancy easier for your daughter- stand behind her. It will be hard to carry a child and give it away. The way you talk about your daughter, it would be unwise for her to have another one and keep it either. I guess if she was having the baby to give to you, it would be okay

It would be different if she was being a surrogate (their eggs and sperm) but she is not, she is giving away her own flesh and blood. I do not consider it alright to give your children away, if you don't want a child then don't get pregnant, unless, of course, it is due to something beyond your control (rape, etc.), even if it was for me. If that is what I wanted, I could have legally taken her children long ago instead of helping her to keep her home clean and personnally giving them baths to keep them clean, and giving her and her husband their own home to live in. I figured with help and age, she would become a better parent and that was a much better thing for me to do for her at that time. I have other members of the family urging me to take her kids since the birth of the first one but I thought it would be better to stand behind her, but on this I can't, it is against everything I believe in. I believe she is neglecting her children now in a manner that is unimaginable, the new baby, by giving it away and the two she has by taking their sibling away from them. I think someone needs to give this baby a voice.

 

[CJane]

It would be different if she was being a surrogate (their eggs and sperm) but she is not, she is giving away her own flesh and blood. I do not consider it alright to give your children away, if you don't want a child then don't get pregnant, unless, of course, it is due to something beyond your control (rape, etc.), even if it was for me. If that is what I wanted, I could have legally taken her children long ago instead of helping her to keep her home clean and personnally giving them baths to keep them clean, and giving her and her husband their own home to live in. I figured with help and age, she would become a better parent and that was a much better thing for me to do for her at that time. I have other members of the family urging me to take her kids since the birth of the first one but I thought it would be better to stand behind her, but on this I can't, it is against everything I believe in. I believe she is neglecting her children now in a manner that is unimaginable, the new baby, by giving it away and the two she has by taking their sibling away from them. I think someone needs to give this baby a voice.

Then you know what? Report her to DSS. Call the hotline NOW. They have to respond w/in 72 hours w/the Sheriff or City Police in tow.

Here's the number...

1-800-392-3738

Let me know what they have to say.

 

[hvacburke]

Then you know what? Report her to DSS. Call the hotline NOW. They have to respond w/in 72 hours w/the Sheriff or City Police in tow.

Here's the number...

1-800-392-3738

Let me know what they have to say.

I have to wait until they are once again in their own home, they are living with this other couple and they keep a clean house, but they are in the process of looking for their own place now, and I know how they keep house.

 

[milspecgirl]

just because you don't believe in adoption does not make it illegal and certainly does not make it wrong. There are quite a few parents and children out there who can prove adoption is a wonderful thing. She is pregnant- there is no going back on that. So, she is not capable of caring for the child (in your opinion) and the ppl she is giving it to aren't capable (in your opinion)- would another couple be capable? Is it the people she is giving it to or the fact that she is giving it away at all that bothers you?
Everything you did for your daughter was nice. Wasn't something you HAD to do, so don't expect her to bend to your wishes for doing it. Do you really think the baby wants to stay with people who don't want it?
If her children are being neglected, turn her in. you may or may not get them if CPS decides to remove them, but if they are truely neglected that's what needs to happen.
you really think that it is neglect to the other 2 children to give the baby away???? you are grasping at straws here. There is not a court in the world that will back that up.
Legally- you have no say. It's not your child- you have no rights. Even if CPS comes in, there is absolutely NO guarantee that they would place the children with you. You can't just go in and take someone's children because you don't agree with them. So, if the children are being neglected, call CPS and hope that maybe CPS will let you see them and be prepared that if mom gets them back she will never let you around them again for turning her in. Be prepared for baby to be adopted and for you to never see it. You have no say at all. If you love the children and they are truely being neglected, turn her in. Otherwise, it is none of your business, so stay out of it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It would be different if she was being a surrogate (their eggs and sperm) but she is not, she is giving away her own flesh and blood. I do not consider it alright to give your children away

This is your OPINION. There is NOTHING illegal about giving up a child for adoption. It is illegal to SELL your child.

If I read correctly, it's okay if they give up the baby to YOU and YOU adopt the child. It's not okay for it to be someone else.

 

[CJane]

I have to wait until they are once again in their own home, they are living with this other couple and they keep a clean house, but they are in the process of looking for their own place now, and I know how they keep house.

You do know that having a dirty home is NOT going to be enough to remove the children, right? You'll get a DOG taken away for living in filth before they'll take your kids. True story.

I was investigated by DSS in MO. Ex told them my house was filthy (nevermind that he'd never been inside my house)... so they toured the house.

I told them not to expect cleanliness to be extreme since I'm a single mother of 3, work full-time and had been out of town all weekend...

He said "As long as there aren't animal feces and rotting food sitting around, you're good.

His biggest concern? My fridge was virtually empty. And he just wanted to know if I needed assistance in buying food.

A neighbor years ago was reported to DSS by a child's teacher because she was coming to school in filthy clothes. And lemme tell ya, their house was FILTHY. There WERE animal feces that had to be stepped over, there WAS rotting food sitting around. Their gas had been shut off, so all cooking was done on a hot plate and they heated w/space heaters and hung blankets over the windows to block the drafts from broken panes that were covered w/cardboard. You had to use the back door because the front door was blocked w/garbage. And to get to the back door, you had to take the path through the piles of garbage (have you ever seen the home of someone with a hoarding disorder?)...

Anyway, DSS investigated and hooked 'em up w a cleaning service and vouchers for the garbage haulers.

It's been 5 years and the house is still filthy... and they still have their children. And now, (it's a 2 bedroom house) there are 4 adults and 4 children and 6 cats and 4 dogs living in the house. Wanna talk about filthy?

You don't have a prayer of having any of the children removed.

 

[hvacburke]

just because you don't believe in adoption does not make it illegal and certainly does not make it wrong. There are quite a few parents and children out there who can prove adoption is a wonderful thing. She is pregnant- there is no going back on that. So, she is not capable of caring for the child (in your opinion) and the ppl she is giving it to aren't capable (in your opinion)- would another couple be capable? Is it the people she is giving it to or the fact that she is giving it away at all that bothers you?
Everything you did for your daughter was nice. Wasn't something you HAD to do, so don't expect her to bend to your wishes for doing it. Do you really think the baby wants to stay with people who don't want it?
If her children are being neglected, turn her in. you may or may not get them if CPS decides to remove them, but if they are truely neglected that's what needs to happen.
you really think that it is neglect to the other 2 children to give the baby away???? you are grasping at straws here. There is not a court in the world that will back that up.
Legally- you have no say. It's not your child- you have no rights. Even if CPS comes in, there is absolutely NO guarantee that they would place the children with you. You can't just go in and take someone's children because you don't agree with them. So, if the children are being neglected, call CPS and hope that maybe CPS will let you see them and be prepared that if mom gets them back she will never let you around them again for turning her in. Be prepared for baby to be adopted and for you to never see it. You have no say at all. If you love the children and they are truely being neglected, turn her in. Otherwise, it is none of your business, so stay out of it.

Yes, adoption can be a good thing when it is done right. I already know of a child in a similar situation and it has truly messed up her life. She has been forced, as this child will be, to be around her biological parents and siblings all her life not knowing, but when she was told as she got older, she found it unbearable to know, being raised as an only child, that she could have been with brothers and sisters instead of being an only child. She now hates her biological mother for giving her away. Knowing this, and seeing it first hand, I think this child needs a voice and I have no intention of disregarding this knowledge. Besides if the other girl who posted on this forum is correct, and they still have to meet MO adoption guidelines, I don't think this other couple will qualify and that will solve the problem. Also it isn't that my daughter doesn't want the child, she just thinks that she is doing a good thing, and like a child she also thinks she will always see this child. She is not considering what will happen if her and her husband divorce.

 

[hvacburke]

This is your OPINION. There is NOTHING illegal about giving up a child for adoption. It is illegal to SELL your child.

If I read correctly, it's okay if they give up the baby to YOU and YOU adopt the child. It's not okay for it to be someone else.

I do not want to adopt the child, but I did tell her that if she could not take care of the child or children, that my door is open to them, that I would take care of them and her, if that is what she wants, until she is able to do so.