Temp Hearing

[SnS76]

What is the name of your state? NH

Well .. today was the temp hearing, to determine a temp child support order
While I did have an attorney, Dad went pro se and things just went from bad to worse ..
We showed up a little early to hopefully settle this before we went in front of the Master .. and of course that was impossible. He started flinging accusations as soon as we sat down. From claiming he hadn't seen the kids in almost two years because I wouldn't allow him, to fudged finacial papers that he not only didnt sign, but they weren't even notirized.
We finally get in front of the Master and my attorney stands and basically gives him the breakdown of what is going on. She states the facts as they are .. hands him the parenting agreement that we were proposing and also tells him the length of time that there has been no contact and no support at all.

The master then turns to Dad who immediately does the same thing he did when we tried to work this out before the hearing ..
He goes on though to say things like, the last time he saw the children I called the cops and had him escorted out of NH .. that I brainwash the children, that I make the children disrespect and hate him. Just on and on and on .. and even added in some dramatic effect by squeezing out a few tears .
The whole time I sat there stunned at what he was saying, and basically waiting for ''our turn". My attorney stands up after he's done and basically says .. "well, obviously my client doesn't agree with any of that' .. and that was that ..
I wasn't allowed to say a word, wasnt allowed to state my side of anything or even clarify a single thing ..
AT the end of this whole mess, Dad does say to the judge " Oh, btw .. how is it that I go about getting that test done, the dna thing. I dont believe these children are mine. I dont know how to say this, but the whole ten years we were together, she was with other men' ..
The Master just looked at him for a minute, almost like he was trying to figure out where this person was coming from, it seemed, before responding. His response was, " I can not advise you of that at this point and legally I can't give you information like that .. and .. this is not the place to discuss it"
He said that he would be assigning a GAL to the children and we would receive his temp order in the mail .. and that was that. He did stress the fact that this was only a temporary order and would be revisted in Jan.

I'm not sure what happens now .. Was i not allowed to say anything because i was represented ? .. I'm basically shocked at the fact that Dad was able to go in there and lie about every single thing and I wasnt given a chance to even defend myself ..

I'm startin to think that having an attorney hurt me more than it helped ..

Any advise on what my next step should be ? .. I have been told by a friend who recently went thru a similar situation, that if I don't like what the order says i can contest it within 14 days ? ..

Thanks for any advise ..

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP - the magistrates/referees/judges are quite used to hearing all sorts of vile accusations from Xs. They've heard it all. Since I used an attorney for my court appearances, the last time I actually said anything in court was probably 4 years ago. The attorneys are your spokespersons in the court room.

There generally is no greater revenge than proving an X to be stupid when they can't back up their accusations.

Your attorney did his/her job. What you can do is provide documentation to your attorney that discredits various statements.

 

[SnS76]

OP - the magistrates/referees/judges are quite used to hearing all sorts of vile accusations from Xs. They've heard it all. Since I used an attorney for my court appearances, the last time I actually said anything in court was probably 4 years ago. The attorneys are your spokespersons in the court room.

There generally is no greater revenge than proving an X to be stupid when they can't back up their accusations.

Your attorney did his/her job. What you can do is provide documentation to your attorney that discredits various statements.

What exactly would i need to get to prove his accusations untrue ?
Since we have been split up I have, on my own, been doing certain things to try and keep him involved in the childrens' lives .. I have their report cards and progress reports automatically sent to him from the school, I have notified of events the children have been involved in with no response ..
I have tried over and over again to get some involvement from him to no avail .. I understand I can't 'force' him to be a father but I have tried to keep him informed.

Would records from the school saying those things have been done be enough for that point ? What other documentation would help ?

And i guess, when would I be able to supply this information ? When we go back in Jan to revisit this ? Or should I be prepared to contest this order based on the the lies he already told ?

This definitely wasn't the way I expected things to go at this temp hearing and am confused what to do now ..

From your experience, do you think it helped or hurt me to not stand up and try and 'argue' against all his drama and lies ?

I'm worried the judge is going to take what he said at face value .. and not realize these children do need a re-establishment of their relationship with him and automatically order EOW visitation. I feel at this time, it would hurt them more than help them.
I am trying not to freak too much before seeing what the actual order is going to say. For all I know, the judge could have seen right through him and will understand the problems that have been going on .. but I still can't help but worry that he didn't.

Bleh, I'm just not sure what to do at this point

Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

What exactly would i need to get to prove his accusations untrue ?
Since we have been split up I have, on my own, been doing certain things to try and keep him involved in the childrens' lives .. I have their report cards and progress reports automatically sent to him from the school, I have notified of events the children have been involved in with no response ..
I have tried over and over again to get some involvement from him to no avail .. I understand I can't 'force' him to be a father but I have tried to keep him informed.

Would records from the school saying those things have been done be enough for that point ? What other documentation would help ?

Its not up to you to prove that his accusations are untrue, its up to him to prove that they are true. It doesn't sound to me like he proved anything.

And i guess, when would I be able to supply this information ? When we go back in Jan to revisit this ? Or should I be prepared to contest this order based on the the lies he already told ?

Wait and see what the judge orders, and then discuss it with your attorney.

This definitely wasn't the way I expected things to go at this temp hearing and am confused what to do now ..

Again, there is nothing to do until you get the judges order. You have no idea how the judge is going to order.

From your experience, do you think it helped or hurt me to not stand up and try and 'argue' against all his drama and lies ?

Your attorney knows the judge and how the judge reacts to things. Your attorney is the best judge.

I'm worried the judge is going to take what he said at face value .. and not realize these children do need a re-establishment of their relationship with him and automatically order EOW visitation. I feel at this time, it would hurt them more than help them.
I am trying not to freak too much before seeing what the actual order is going to say. For all I know, the judge could have seen right through him and will understand the problems that have been going on .. but I still can't help but worry that he didn't.

Bleh, I'm just not sure what to do at this point

Thanks

Personally, I think that your ex blew his entire case when he asked the judge about DNA testing. In fact, I think he totalled his credibility with the judge. Think about it? He goes on and on about you denying him visitation etc., even squeezes out a tear or two, and then tells the judge he doesn't think the kids are his and wants a DNA test? Oh yeah, that really demonstrates to the judge that he wants to be a father to his children.

 

[SnS76]

I was hoping it would seem that way to others as well .. When he brought up the dna testing, I felt the judge re-evaluated him on the spot. That even if for some reason he might have believed him in some way, that question maybe changed his mind.

Dad also did a couple of other things during the hearing that I believe the judge may have questioned his character on. He brought in and tried to submit a support order that had been taken out on him for his newest child by the state. I guess the mother had been on assistance for a couple of months, totaling up around $300 and the state wanted their money back .. The judge questioned him on the fact if this was a current order seeing as he put it down in his financial papers. He was ordered to re-pay an amount of 300 a month. Dad explained that him and the mother had broken up and she temporarly went on assistance but they have since gotten back together and he fullfilled the pay back to the state .. The judge said so this order is not something you are currently paying on ... Dad went on to say well,no, but we live together and i support her. The judge then again stressed that this wasn't a current order then and dad finally admitted to the fact.

I'm not sure if that was also something that discredited him in his eyes.

Plus the fact that his finacial papers and his pay-stubs showed he not only did not put down his gross amount of pay, he then lied in front of the judge and swore under oath they were correct. AFTER stating they were not ..

I guess I just felt if given the chance, I could have proven some things like the fact that none of this was brought up til i had to take him to court. That Dad, who claims all he wants to do is see his children didn't attempt, in almost two years, to do anything on his own about it. Esp seeing how I was 'keeping them from him'. But maybe to the judge that goes without saying ?

I hope im worrying for nothing and the judge saw this for exactly what it was ..

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What exactly would i need to get to prove his accusations untrue ?
Since we have been split up I have, on my own, been doing certain things to try and keep him involved in the childrens' lives .. I have their report cards and progress reports automatically sent to him from the school, I have notified of events the children have been involved in with no response ..

shows that you are NOT excluding him from information since YOU set it up for him to get the information.

I have tried over and over again to get some involvement from him to no avail .. I understand I can't 'force' him to be a father but I have tried to keep him informed.

True ... he can choose to either be involved or not - can't force him to be a dad.

Would records from the school saying those things have been done be enough for that point ? What other documentation would help ?

You could ask the school to print their information out showing WHO gets the information. Remember that the attorney MAY use it as a rebuttal. But remember that dad has to PROVE that you've cut him out.

And i guess, when would I be able to supply this information ? When we go back in Jan to revisit this ? Or should I be prepared to contest this order based on the the lies he already told ?

this is what you pay an attorney to do

From your experience, do you think it helped or hurt me to not stand up and try and 'argue' against all his drama and lies ?

my personal experience won't mean anything to your court case.

I'm worried the judge is going to take what he said at face value .. and not realize these children do need a re-establishment of their relationship with him and automatically order EOW visitation. I feel at this time, it would hurt them more than help them.

again, he has to PROVE his case. The judge was astute enough to say that BOTH parents attend class rather than just pick on one. We all can use refresher courses on 'how to co-parent after divorce'. Even if we try to do things right, we can always find ways to do them better.

I am trying not to freak too much before seeing what the actual order is going to say. For all I know, the judge could have seen right through him and will understand the problems that have been going on .. but I still can't help but worry that he didn't.

Bleh, I'm just not sure what to do at this point

take a deep breath ... and listen to your attorney. Ask him/her questions on what he may need from you and get them.

 

[SnS76]

Another question

Thanks Ginny and LD for the advice .. it's really made me look at the situation a little easier ..and not freak out just yet ..lol


i just had a couplemore questions ..

I'm curious if anyone knows how far back they also go when ordering child support ?

Will they go back to the date I filed ? Or just from the day the judge signs the order ? And how does it usually work when they do go back ? Do they add an amount on to the weekly support they order until it it paid ? I'm a little unsure of how that works ..

And about how long does it usually take to receive the judge's temp orders ? I'm guessing it probably depends on how backed up they are ?

 

[haiku]

I have to agree with LDiJ on this one...Your Attorney should now what they are doing, and frankly the judge has heard it ALL, and that kind of stuff, is stuff, the judge does not want to hear, and very likely if your ex had an attorney, his attorney would not have recommended going that route...

you really can't freak out until the temporary order is in hand. the last time we went to court, the judge had an order written within 4 days. The time before that two weeks....

Its a positive that they have assigned a GAL to the case, that means the judge has looked seriously on the matter of finding what is best for the kids.

Our child support order was in effect the day the judge made it into an order, he did not back date to the date of filing for modification...

don't know if that helps much either, but it is the same state I am dealing with...

 

[SnS76]

ooo, i'm not a junior anymore ..hehe .. i'm a bona-fide member now ..lol

Hey haiku

I have to say I did find it a little curious that while Dad was goin on, the judge didn't ask him a single question, didn't ask him to elaborate on anything or even make a single comment. I think he was just letting him ramble on.

I did give a call to the courthouse, the hearing was in Hillsborough County Superior court North, and asked them a few qustions about length of time and so on. The person I spoke to told me that regardless of when the judge makes the orders it could still take up to a month to get them back. That what mattered was the time they, the clerks ?, had to get them typed up. And since they were so backed up, it could take that long to get them out to all parties. Makes you realize just how many people have to go thru this stuff ..
I did also ask about when child support goes back to and she said that it really depends on what the judge orders .. that there isn't a 'usual' time frame they use statewise.

As far as the GAL goes, I'm also thinking it will be a good thing. Dad tries to claim that i brainwash the children to hate him and I know for a fact that when the GAL speaks with my almost 12 yr old son, he/she will see that there is no way this child will believe anything other than what he himself believes .. which at times can drive someone nuts ..lol .. But he definitely has his own mind when it comes to anything and everything. Dad seems convinced that he is still operating with a naive childlike mind when it's exactly the opposite and this boy is sometimes too smart for his own good ..

I have read up a lil about what a GAL is and what they are assigned to do, but are there any specifics ? What exactly should I expect when one does get appointed to the children ?

I have already spoken with a few various people who have been thru this every step of the way, with the children and myself.. ie: school councelors, Special ed teachers and a couple of close family friends. I am thinking that the GAL would want to speak with them as well as myself and the children, to get a bigger idea of the total picture ? ..

I'm back to trying to totally prepare myself for whatever comes next ..

Thanks for all the helpful advice ..