When does it get too much or does it?

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? CO

X and i have been divorced since Feb 2007, since then ex has filed two motions, alleging denying him parenting time, alienating our 4 yr old but telling her to hate Dad, that i am thinking of fleeing the country to Asia (when the Courts granted me permission to take our daugther every year to Asia!), among other lies, that i take for a weeks on vacation leaving my daugther unattended, that i dont consult him on any decisions related to her, that i am interfering with his parenting time when i occasionally stop by her preschool during his days to have lunch with her... the list is silly and goes on and on..

of course, i respond with facts and emails to corroborate his lies,, everyone one of and it does not seem to get him anywhere with the Courts (second motion is still pending). We only communicate through emails and he has insisted we only communicate through attorneys.. as you can imagine, an $$ and impractical situation.

my question, at what point does his behavior (frankly which i think is motivated by trying to bury with motions to increase my attny $$), warrant a review of parenting responsibility by the court? we have a 50-50 physical custody and joint legal custody..coparenting has become very difficult with this constant harrasment, or can he continue to file a motion a day for the rest of his natural life?

honestly i want this to work, and merely respond to his motion.. i have my own laundry list of what i think is not the greatest parenting choices, but they do not endanger our daugther and it is his parenting style.. firm boundary line drawn there.

 

[LdiJ]

He can continue to file motions against you perpetually. Eventually, if he files enough frivolous motions the judge will start coming down on him. You need to make certain that your attorney specifically asks that he be ordered to pay your attorney fees. That sometimes stops the madness.

One thing that I have also found that works...(if you are able to do it and if the issues are frivolous enough) is to terminate your attorney and represent yourself. Once dad realizes that the motions effect only HIS wallet, and not yours, then that can cause him to back off.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Remember that he has to PROVE his allegations.

 

[my life is mine]

One thing that I have also found that works...(if you are able to do it and if the issues are frivolous enough) is to terminate your attorney and represent yourself. Once dad realizes that the motions effect only HIS wallet, and not yours, then that can cause him to back off.

I agree 100%,

 

[JacobJoel]

Me too

i agree w/LD as well.

as far as 'when does it get to be too much or does it'. i've only been involved w/our situation for 9.5 months and it is ALREADY TOO MUCH!!

and we haven't hit the courts yet.

if you track CJ's posts, she has totally nailed it in the response area.

She absolutely maintains her dignity and respect and consistently advocates the 'high road'. She is doing what she is doing for her children's sake.

everyone else who disagrees or wants to play attitude needs to (and will) take second (or thirtieth, she doesn't care) chair.

she tracks things down relentlessly, stays in good humor in spite of (or perhaps TOO spite) the father of her children.

i totally respect her input and her example. i don't mean to embarrass her or make light of her situation, but it is a great example of honor under stress.

and her humor is pretty good as well.

we all need examples. i'd take hers.

EDITED TO ADD: i really don't mean to embarrass cj or be out of line, but i am acutely aware of the fact that people don't always have the tools/understanding/knowledge they need to make good choices or actions. we all, at some point, need concrete examples of what i call 'life tools'. CJ's responses consistently give out 'life tools'. that is all.

 

[Ronin]

One thing that I have also found that works...(if you are able to do it and if the issues are frivolous enough) is to terminate your attorney and represent yourself. Once dad realizes that the motions effect only HIS wallet, and not yours, then that can cause him to back off.

While I am not against this completely, the reservations are are that you need to look at the bigger picture of your own situation to make sure you do not expect anything major that may require representation in the future. Once you have your attorney file a motion to be dismissed from your case, he/she will not be in a position to defend you on and off again at your convenience, or even give advice. You should also consider what kind of attorney opposing counsel is, since an aggressive attorney short on ethics can make things difficult for a pro se.

 

[LdiJ]

While I am not against this completely, the reservations are are that you need to look at the bigger picture of your own situation to make sure you do not expect anything major that may require representation in the future. Once you have your attorney file a motion to be dismissed from your case, he/she will not be in a position to defend you on and off again at your convenience, or even give advice. You should also consider what kind of attorney opposing counsel is, since an aggressive attorney short on ethics can make things difficult for a pro se.

She can always re-hire her attorney, or even hire a different attorney. There are even some attorneys who are relieved to not have to deal with the frivolous stuff....particularly if they are busy.

The bigger issue is if she is capable enough to handle herself in court without an attorney, and has the time and energy to learn what she needs to learn.

I personally know (in the world, not just on the net) at least a dozen people who have gone this route, and it eliminated the frivolous stuff very quickly. The problem parent started seeing the light very quickly when they were the only one racking up legal fees. However they all were people who had enough confidence to try, and who were willing to learn what they needed to learn.

 

[profmum]

Thanks all and I second the applause on CJane!! we have one motion responding and that my attny is responding to. The good news is that his attny is a criminal attny who is clueless about family law.. it is quite outrageous how clueless he is, which is why I have had to spend lots of $$ havning my attny try to explain the CO to him etc.t
So I am not nervous about representing myself against him.. i'll wait and see what he does next, and some formal notification that Iwill be n going back to court to "revist" the allocation of parenting responsibility (50-50) might be all i need to straighten him out.

He has a new job finally, so hoping his unemployed days are over and he is busier than heck to continue with the harrasssment

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks all and I second the applause on CJane!! we have one motion responding and that my attny is responding to. The good news is that his attny is a criminal attny who is clueless about family law.. it is quite outrageous how clueless he is, which is why I have had to spend lots of $$ havning my attny try to explain the CO to him etc.t
So I am not nervous about representing myself against him.. i'll wait and see what he does next, and some formal notification that Iwill be n going back to court to "revist" the allocation of parenting responsibility (50-50) might be all i need to straighten him out.

He has a new job finally, so hoping his unemployed days are over and he is busier than heck to continue with the harrasssment

You and your ex are going to be in court until the child is 18. WHy? Because neither one of you want to act like adults. Look at your posts on here. You and he are playing a game. When is enough enough? When you BOTH decide to put aside the petty BS and grow up and start realizing what is the extremely important part of this whole thing! Can you guess what I am referring to? Can you? Come on profmum -- I have read ALL of your posts. I have followed your story. You danced around the issue of 50/50 for a long time. You demanded to leave the country every year and then he returned the favor by scheduling his vacation according to the court order you AGREED to and then you decided you needed to go back to court on that point and file a motion. Now he is filing a motion. This is not one-sided. This is two immature little kids who want to play tit for tat and use the child as a weapon. I feel sorry for the child. BOTH OF YOU need locked in a room together until you can both grow up and learn to communicate. Which at the rate the TWO OF YOU are going that won't be until you are both broke, your child is 18 or one of you dies. Good job.

 

[CJane]

Thanks for all of the kudos ...

That said, I think it's HIGHLY unlikely that a 'review of parenting responsibility' would EVER be spurred by frivolous motions on anyone's part. Yes, he may eventually be ordered to shut the hell up as Casa's NuttyX was ordered to do... but I sincerely doubt it would ever affect custody or parenting time.

Your ex is an ass. But you're letting him get to you.... YOU can stop the madness on YOUR time. You really can.

I agree w/LdiJ. Fire your attorney. Respond to his motions as he files them. Keep records of stuff, pay attention. Parent your child. Refuse to engage w/him. Find a different headspace. With the one you're in, OG is right... you'll NEVER get out of court.

 

[luckymom]

What is the name of your state? CO

X

of course, i respond with facts and emails to corroborate his lies,, everyone one of and it does not seem to get him anywhere with the Courts (second motion is still pending). We only communicate through emails and he has insisted we only communicate through attorneys.. as you can imagine, an $$ and impractical situation.

My ex sounds a bit like yours. Things will be nice and quiet and then he will invent some crisis , usually involving charges of bad parenting on my part, and inundate me with e-mails. For a good many years, I felt compelled to respond and then my lawyer said, "look, you encourage him by responding. It's what he wants." It was a wake-up call and so I stopped anwering those kind of e- mails. I file them away in a folder and do my very best not to engage. It does take two to fight. Of course, he claims I am refusing to co-parent, but when this became an issue during a modification suit, I just printed out some of the e-mails to show my daugher's child rep (something like a GAL in IL). She got the picture.

 

[profmum]

You and your ex are going to be in court until the child is 18. WHy? Because neither one of you want to act like adults. Look at your posts on here. You and he are playing a game. When is enough enough? When you BOTH decide to put aside the petty BS and grow up and start realizing what is the extremely important part of this whole thing! Can you guess what I am referring to? Can you? Come on profmum -- I have read ALL of your posts. I have followed your story. You danced around the issue of 50/50 for a long time. You demanded to leave the country every year and then he returned the favor by scheduling his vacation according to the court order you AGREED to and then you decided you needed to go back to court on that point and file a motion. Now he is filing a motion. This is not one-sided. This is two immature little kids who want to play tit for tat and use the child as a weapon. I feel sorry for the child. BOTH OF YOU need locked in a room together until you can both grow up and learn to communicate. Which at the rate the TWO OF YOU are going that won't be until you are both broke, your child is 18 or one of you dies. Good job.

OG..I have to wonder about your legal skills.. i really do, one thing i have learned is attention to detail in responding to a motion with pure facts, methodically and carefully without jumping the gun and leaving the emotion out of it. Exs attny sounds like he has your mind set.. jump at the first bait and running a mad sprint regardless of whether there is a race to be run or not. But if that works in OH.. good for you!

 

[profmum]

Thanks for all of the kudos ...

That said, I think it's HIGHLY unlikely that a 'review of parenting responsibility' would EVER be spurred by frivolous motions on anyone's part. Yes, he may eventually be ordered to shut the hell up as Casa's NuttyX was ordered to do... but I sincerely doubt it would ever affect custody or parenting time.

Your ex is an ass. But you're letting him get to you.... YOU can stop the madness on YOUR time. You really can.

I agree w/LdiJ. Fire your attorney. Respond to his motions as he files them. Keep records of stuff, pay attention. Parent your child. Refuse to engage w/him. Find a different headspace. With the one you're in, OG is right... you'll NEVER get out of court.

I agree.. time to give him the only attention he deserves, which is NONE! and yes I really dont want to change things or go to court for a losing, frivolous battle on changing parenting time. and you are right, eventually he will have to stop, either court ordered or because well it takes 2 to tango and if i am not "tangoing", well, dont think he will want to dance by himself

 

[Ohiogal]

OG..I have to wonder about your legal skills.. i really do, one thing i have learned is attention to detail in responding to a motion with pure facts, methodically and carefully without jumping the gun and leaving the emotion out of it. Exs attny sounds like he has your mind set.. jump at the first bait and running a mad sprint regardless of whether there is a race to be run or not. But if that works in OH.. good for you!

I wonder about your parenting skills. You are bound and determined to destroy your child in order to get one up on your ex. But hey if that works for you, good for you! Of course I still pity the child but hell you will get what you want.

 

[profmum]

I wonder about your parenting skills. You are bound and determined to destroy your child in order to get one up on your ex. But hey if that works for you, good for you! Of course I still pity the child but hell you will get what you want.

Did not know you had "clairvoyant skills" as well and thanks for dooming my child to a life of misery based on your interpretation of a 2.5 second review of facts of the details of my case and this conviction that Dad is always right. Hope the malpractice premium is paid up