Children's safety at risk, what can I do?

[leathco]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

My wife and her ex-husband have two children together. Last year, one of the children claimed that they were sexually abused by me. After investigation, I was proved innocent of any wrongdoing, however, during investigation I stayed at a friends house to keep matters fair. However, the question remained where did they get the idea from.

This brings me to a week ago. After taking a shower one of my step-daughters claimed that her biological fathers new step-child "sucked her." After further investigation, me and my wife decided to have her interviewed by Child Welfare CPS to find out what happened. During questioning, my step-daughter was loathe to answer any question with any male in the room. When the male left the room, with the tapes recording, she proceeded to tell a story that more or less said she was sexually assaulted by the ex-husbands stepchild.

And so far that's been it. CPS has supposedly been investigating the matter but did not contact us. The father showed up and immediately began screaming at the children over the issue, I had to take them out of the living room so the matter could be discussed between my wife and him. I use the term discuss lightly, as the entire exchange was her trying to get him to at least assist in the investigation and find where the problem lies where he just ranted and screamed at her, until he left threatening that "no one would keep him from his kids."

Upon this, we decided the best course of action would be for him to have supervised visitation until this issue was resolved. Child Welfare claims they cannot even temporarily change terms of visitation, even in a matter of sexual assault on a child. They are also not even willing to visit the household during this weekends visitation to make sure they are OK. Both me and my wife have been told we are not allowed on their property. He has no phone number we can contact him at. When I attempted to discuss the matter with the case worker, he audibly sighed loudly in annoyance at any question I asked and more or less said he couldn't do anything without us getting a lawyer and going to court. Unfortunately, our financial status does not allow us to afford a lawyer at this juncture.

We attempted to go to courthouse to change visitation temporarily, or even at a minimum require that the fathers new step-child is not around my wifes daughters during visitation. Both require a lawyer. I have attempted to contact three lawyers, two of which refused to speak with me about it due to them only taking on joint-custody cases, and one who claims the kids should go ahead to visitation until "someone steps up in the current situation and finds out what happened to the girls."

I'm sorry, but both me and my wife find this situation totally unacceptable. I feel that my kids are being placed in jeapordy and that Welfare CPS is dodging the issue, and I don't know the proper legalese to do anything about it.

I'm scared for the safety of the kids. My wife is discussing leaving for the weekend so he can't see them, but that would place her in contempt of court. Any advice in this situation would be greatly appreciated, as I am at a standpoint where I don't know what to do.

 

[LdiJ]

Is CPS investigating or not? How old are all of the children involved in this situation?

 

[leathco]

Is CPS investigating or not? How old are all of the children involved in this situation?

Six, Five, and Four.

CPS says they are investigating but cannot do anything about visitation during the investigation, and even after investigation the most they can do is ask for a court order.

 

[LdiJ]

Six, Five, and Four.

CPS says they are investigating but cannot do anything about visitation during the investigation, and even after investigation the most they can do is ask for a court order.

So you are claiming that a child that young has sexually assaulted another child that young? While I don't discount your concerns, I really think that things are not quite as dangerous as you are thinking. The stepchild who alledgedly assaulted your stepdaughter needs some counseling and re-direction, but he is really too young to be considered a preditor at this point.

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

My wife and her ex-husband have two children together. Last year, one of the children claimed that they were sexually abused by me. After investigation, I was proved innocent of any wrongdoing, however, during investigation I stayed at a friends house to keep matters fair. However, the question remained where did they get the idea from.

You were 'proved innocent', or the case was unfounded?

Also... I'd just like to point out that you VOLUNTARILY left the house. The children were not removed from their parent while the investigation was ongoing and you don't seem to think they should have been.

This brings me to a week ago. After taking a shower one of my step-daughters claimed that her biological fathers new step-child "sucked her." After further investigation, me and my wife decided to have her interviewed by Child Welfare CPS to find out what happened. During questioning, my step-daughter was loathe to answer any question with any male in the room. When the male left the room, with the tapes recording, she proceeded to tell a story that more or less said she was sexually assaulted by the ex-husbands stepchild.

More or less?

And so far that's been it. CPS has supposedly been investigating the matter but did not contact us. The father showed up and immediately began screaming at the children over the issue, I had to take them out of the living room so the matter could be discussed between my wife and him. I use the term discuss lightly, as the entire exchange was her trying to get him to at least assist in the investigation and find where the problem lies where he just ranted and screamed at her, until he left threatening that "no one would keep him from his kids."

And quite frankly, I think Dad was reacting as any parent in that situation would act. CPS was called on him, accusations were made (not about HIM, but about a CHILD in his household), and now Mom and Step-dad are making a concerted effort to keep the children away from him, to the point of removing them from the room that he's in?

How did MOM react when the same accusations that are being made against this stepchild NOW were made against YOU?

Upon this, we decided the best course of action would be for him to have supervised visitation until this issue was resolved.

Mom has no right to make that decision and YOU certainly do not.

Child Welfare claims they cannot even temporarily change terms of visitation, even in a matter of sexual assault on a child.

ALLEGED sexual assault on a child by ANOTHER CHILD. And you said "More or less" which begs the question - what exactly happened?

They are also not even willing to visit the household during this weekends visitation to make sure they are OK.

Are you hoping they'll break down the door and catch someone in the act?

Both me and my wife have been told we are not allowed on their property. He has no phone number we can contact him at. When I attempted to discuss the matter with the case worker, he audibly sighed loudly in annoyance at any question I asked and more or less said he couldn't do anything without us getting a lawyer and going to court. Unfortunately, our financial status does not allow us to afford a lawyer at this juncture.

YOU cannot discuss this issue w/the caseworker. These are not YOUR children. And no, you dont NEED an attorney to go to court. But you need PROOF of wrongdoing on Dad's part - you don't seem to have that.

We attempted to go to courthouse to change visitation temporarily, or even at a minimum require that the fathers new step-child is not around my wifes daughters during visitation.

How old is this 'new' step-child and how long has he/she been 'new'?

Both require a lawyer. I have attempted to contact three lawyers, two of which refused to speak with me about it due to them only taking on joint-custody cases, and one who claims the kids should go ahead to visitation until "someone steps up in the current situation and finds out what happened to the girls."

They can't, quite honestly, discuss the case w/YOU at all as YOU are not a party to ANY court action between Mom and Dad.

I'm sorry, but both me and my wife find this situation totally unacceptable. I feel that my kids are being placed in jeapordy and that Welfare CPS is dodging the issue, and I don't know the proper legalese to do anything about it.

YOU cannot DO anything about it. They are not YOUR kids.

I'm scared for the safety of the kids. My wife is discussing leaving for the weekend so he can't see them, but that would place her in contempt of court. Any advice in this situation would be greatly appreciated, as I am at a standpoint where I don't know what to do.

And again... I've just gotta know... when you were accused of this same thing a year ago, what measures did mom take THEN to keep you away from the kids? To limit your time with them? To 'fear for their safety'?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

We attempted to go to courthouse to change visitation temporarily, or even at a minimum require that the fathers new step-child is not around my wifes daughters during visitation. Both require a lawyer.

Bull. Neither require an attorney. Both require the filing of the proper paperwork. So it is time for your wife to do the research and determine how to write a motion and what else needs to be filed.

I have attempted to contact three lawyers, two of which refused to speak with me about it due to them only taking on joint-custody cases, and one who claims the kids should go ahead to visitation until "someone steps up in the current situation and finds out what happened to the girls."

The children HAVE to go to visitation.There is a court order stating that. Why are you attempting to contact three lawyers or any lawyers?

I'm sorry, but both me and my wife find this situation totally unacceptable.

I'm sorry, but your wife then needs to do something about it.

I feel that my kids are being placed in jeapordy and that Welfare CPS is dodging the issue, and I don't know the proper legalese to do anything about it.

Take a step back cowboy. These are NOT your children. These children are your wife's and her ex's children. NOT YOURS. End of story. The proper legalese for your situation is LEGAL STRANGER.

I'm scared for the safety of the kids. My wife is discussing leaving for the weekend so he can't see them, but that would place her in contempt of court.

Yes it would. In a big way.

Any advice in this situation would be greatly appreciated, as I am at a standpoint where I don't know what to do.

You back off. If the alleged perpetrator is that young then maybe mom should try to discuss things rationally and not with the idea of KEEP THAT CHILD AWAY FROM MY GIRLS. Mom approached this all wrong. Rather than getting the child into counseling, she instead just called in child welfare. Without KNOWING ANYTHING about what was up. The only reason for that seems to be to use against dad. But since CPS is not acting the way you want to they aren't doing their job. Just out of curiosity is the child in counseling? When did it start? When did the CPS investigation start?

 

[leathco]

"You were 'proved innocent', or the case was unfounded]?"

Case was unfounded. As I said in my original post, my legalese sucks.

"Also... I'd just like to point out that you VOLUNTARILY left the house. The children were not removed from their parent while the investigation was ongoing and you don't seem to think they should have been."

Yes, I removed myself voluntarily, but have no doubt my wife was going to have me removed when she first heard what happened.

"And quite frankly, I think Dad was reacting as any parent in that situation would act. CPS was called on him, accusations were made (not about HIM, but about a CHILD in his household), and now Mom and Step-dad are making a concerted effort to keep the children away from him, to the point of removing them from the room that he's in?"

Well, considering I acted calmly about it because I knew I didn't do anything, I would at least expect him to talk about rationally instead of immediately yelling at the kids. I didn't yell at Sara when she accused me. Also, when I was accused, she nodded yes at a suggestive question.

As for the second part, it's not a "concentrated effort to keep the children away from HIM. Wrong. We are asking for temporarily supervised visitation, as a pre-emptive safety measure, since he refuses to seperate the possible

"How did MOM react when the same accusations that are being made against this stepchild NOW were made against YOU?"

Once again, we sat down and calmly discussed it.

"Mom has no right to make that decision and YOU certainly do not."

She has every right to attempt to get a court ruling to change visitation to that. She discussed the matter with me, to get my advice. that is how WE decided.

"ALLEGED sexual assault on a child by ANOTHER CHILD. And you said "More or less" which begs the question - what exactly happened?"

As stated by Sara "he sucked her, than she sucked him." When asked were, she pointed to her genitals and said "down there."

"Are you hoping they'll break down the door and catch someone in the act?"

No. A simple driveby would suffice, considering this happened outside and allegedly they are outside without supervision often. I say allegedly because all these statements are made by both kids.

"YOU cannot discuss this issue w/the caseworker. These are not YOUR children. And no, you dont NEED an attorney to go to court. But you need PROOF of wrongdoing on Dad's part - you don't seem to have that."

Legally I may have no right. All I am is a concerned parent in a scary situation trying to assist in protecting my stepkids. My wife is doing all the legal work, I'm just assisting where ever I can and trying to keep her from just running to a friends house with both kids to find herself in contempt.

And as far as proof goes, how do you go about getting more proof than a testimony without taking them to a doctor to find said proof? Shouldn't their testimony on their own be enough to take SOME precaution?

"How old is this 'new' step-child and how long has he/she been 'new'?"

He is six. Has been new for roughly a year and a half.

"They can't, quite honestly, discuss the case w/YOU at all as YOU are not a party to ANY court action between Mom and Dad."

Once again, I realize this. I am just a concerned parent trying to help his wife.

"YOU cannot DO anything about it. They are not YOUR kids."

They are, however, my stepkids. I have every right to assist my wife in helping her make her decisions. I am not making them on my own, just acquiring information and giving my opinion.

"And again... I've just gotta know... when you were accused of this same thing a year ago, what measures did mom take THEN to keep you away from the kids? To limit your time with them? To 'fear for their safety'?"

Simple. I left at once after a brief discussion, than after sitting down at a park to discuss we decided it would be best for me to leave until the matter was taken care of. So for awhile I not only didn't see my stepkids, but also my son which I actually have rights to.

 

[leathco]

Bull. Neither require an attorney. Both require the filing of the proper paperwork. So it is time for your wife to do the research and determine how to write a motion and what else needs to be filed.

We are attempting to find how to do this the proper way, just also trying to find the proper help to do it.

The children HAVE to go to visitation.There is a court order stating that. Why are you attempting to contact three lawyers or any lawyers?

To find out HOW visitation could be changed in a situation such as this.

I'm sorry, but your wife then needs to do something about it.

We are attempting to. My wife is doing all the legal side, all I am doing is attempting to help her make her decisions. Once again, I am looking here for advice only, since I am more cpmputer literate than her.

Take a step back cowboy. These are NOT your children. These children are your wife's and her ex's children. NOT YOURS. End of story. The proper legalese for your situation is LEGAL STRANGER.

All I am in this is a concerned parent. My wife is doing all the work and filing all the paperwork. I am just trying to help where I can, since she is having extreme trouble in both the paperwork and what to do area, as well as the emotional area.

Yes it would. In a big way.

Which is why I am trying to assist her in doing things the right way.

You back off. If the alleged perpetrator is that young then maybe mom should try to discuss things rationally and not with the idea of KEEP THAT CHILD AWAY FROM MY GIRLS. Mom approached this all wrong. Rather than getting the child into counseling, she instead just called in child welfare. Without KNOWING ANYTHING about what was up. The only reason for that seems to be to use against dad. But since CPS is not acting the way you want to they aren't doing their job. Just out of curiosity is the child in counseling? When did it start? When did the CPS investigation start?

Investigation started roughly a week ago. Any attempt to discuss things rationally has been made impossible as the ex-husband refuses to discuss it at all, simply claims it never happened and won't say anything else. He has no phone to attempt to contact him at and stated that he would have my wife arrested if she steps foot on his property. That's why we were forced to take the actions we took, IE taking Sara to CPS. She attempted to talk to him about all this BEFORE CPS got involved. He refused to cooperate, simply saying it never happened and than walking away with no other comment.

 

[Ohiogal]

We are attempting to find how to do this the proper way, just also trying to find the proper help to do it.

She would need to file an emergency motion for supervised visitation.

To find out HOW visitation could be changed in a situation such as this.

Just told you.

We are attempting to. My wife is doing all the legal side, all I am doing is attempting to help her make her decisions. Once again, I am looking here for advice only, since I am more cpmputer literate than her.

then teach your wife to become computer literate.

All I am in this is a concerned parent.

WRONG. these children have two parents -- your wife and her ex. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOu are NOT a parent.

My wife is doing all the work and filing all the paperwork. I am just trying to help where I can, since she is having extreme trouble in both the paperwork and what to do area, as well as the emotional area.

Google can be your friend as can the county court website.

Which is why I am trying to assist her in doing things the right way.

But you folks have NOT done things the right way.

Investigation started roughly a week ago. Any attempt to discuss things rationally has been made impossible as the ex-husband refuses to discuss it at all, simply claims it never happened and won't say anything else.

And how was he approached about it?

He has no phone to attempt to contact him at and stated that he would have my wife arrested if she steps foot on his property.

Really? Why did he state that? Who provides transportation for visitation?

That's why we were forced to take the actions we took, IE taking Sara to CPS. She attempted to talk to him about all this BEFORE CPS got involved. He refused to cooperate, simply saying it never happened and than walking away with no other comment.

And there were so many other AVENUES your wife could have taken that were more responsible. Answer my other questions however. You know, the questions you avoided answering:
Just out of curiosity is the child in counseling? When did it start?

 

[Ohiogal]

Case was unfounded. As I said in my original post, my legalese sucks.

And this case could very well be unfounded as well.

Yes, I removed myself voluntarily, but have no doubt my wife was going to have me removed when she first heard what happened

.

Don't blame her. But that is a difference between a child and an adult being accused of these things.

Well, considering I acted calmly about it because I knew I didn't do anything, I would at least expect him to talk about rationally instead of immediately yelling at the kids.

You expected it? Good grief. Explain why Sara is accusing everyone of sexual abuse. Okay? Explain that. Explain why you were accused by her and why the stepbrother is accused of it. And answer my damn questions in the other thread that you avoided.

I didn't yell at Sara when she accused me. Also, when I was accused, she nodded yes at a suggestive question.

What was the question?

As for the second part, it's not a "concentrated effort to keep the children away from HIM. Wrong. We are asking for temporarily supervised visitation, as a pre-emptive safety measure, since he refuses to seperate the possible

Dad did not do anything nor is dad accused of doing anything.

Once again, we sat down and calmly discussed it.

And you had tea and biscuits at the time right?

She has every right to attempt to get a court ruling to change visitation to that. She discussed the matter with me, to get my advice. that is how WE decided.

She does have every right to attempt it.

As stated by Sara "he sucked her, than she sucked him." When asked were, she pointed to her genitals and said "down there."

And Sara also said that you did something to her. Sara's credibility is pretty much shot.

No. A simple driveby would suffice, considering this happened outside and allegedly they are outside without supervision often. I say allegedly because all these statements are made by both kids.

Oh so since it happened outside that is all that matters -- so therefore an order requiring dad to keep the children indoors would work as well. So there you go -- make sure the children are always kept indoors at dad's. That will solve the problem.

Legally I may have no right. All I am is a concerned parent in a scary situation trying to assist in protecting my stepkids. My wife is doing all the legal work, I'm just assisting where ever I can and trying to keep her from just running to a friends house with both kids to find herself in contempt.

You are NOT a parent. And she will find herself in contempt.

And as far as proof goes, how do you go about getting more proof than a testimony without taking them to a doctor to find said proof? Shouldn't their testimony on their own be enough to take SOME precaution?

At six? With a child who has lied about this once? yeah. I would trust her word. Again answer my question regarding counseling.

He is six. Has been new for roughly a year and a half.

Oh good grief. How long have you been married to mom? You are the "new stepdad".

Once again, I realize this. I am just a concerned parent trying to help his wife.

You are NOT a parent to your wife's children.

They are, however, my stepkids. I have every right to assist my wife in helping her make her decisions. I am not making them on my own, just acquiring information and giving my opinion.

You can give your opinion to your wife but this is her battle.

Simple. I left at once after a brief discussion, than after sitting down at a park to discuss we decided it would be best for me to leave until the matter was taken care of. So for awhile I not only didn't see my stepkids, but also my son which I actually have rights to.

Where was your son? Where was your ex during that time? Did your ex know what was going on? Did she run to the court to get your visitation supervised only?

 

[leathco]

OK, tired of quoting every little thing.

Sara has been in counseling for over a year, since the original incident. Neither me nor my wife have any information as to whether her ex's stepson is in any counseling or not, we asked but got no answer.

And as far as me "ignoring your question" I am doing a lot more right now than just posting on this forum.

The suggestive question was "Did Chris touch you down there?"

Tea and biscuits? We acted as adults, not yelling and screaming. I came here for some simple advice on what steps to take to help my kids, not put up with smartass remarks.

And I understand legally I have no sayso. However, if I'm not a parent to these kids even though they call me dad, saying they don't wanna go to Shawns this weekend, and lets not even get into the financial or even other sides that come with being part of a family, than you better please tell me what the hell am I to them. When I say concerned parent, it's not meant as the legal definition of a parent, it's by a basic family structure.

 

[CJane]

OK, tired of quoting every little thing.

Sara has been in counseling for over a year, since the original incident. Neither me nor my wife have any information as to whether her ex's stepson is in any counseling or not, we asked but got no answer.

Because it's not your business whether or not your wife's ex-husband's new wife's kid is in counseling.

And what does Sara's COUNSELOR have to say about all of this? Does SHE/HE think that she's been abused? Was CPS put in touch with him/her?

The suggestive question was "Did Chris touch you down there?"

That's a valid question.

And I understand legally I have no sayso. However, if I'm not a parent to these kids even though they call me dad, saying they don't wanna go to Shawns this weekend,

These kids are calling YOU dad and their DAD by his first name? Seriously?

You do know that if THAT came out in court it would be very close to enough for mom to lose custody? Especially if coupled with contempt for denying visitation and false allegations of sexual abuse?

 

[leathco]

Yes, the counselor thinks she has been abused.

It seems you are reading in between the lines. I am called Daddy Chris by the kids, and shawn is called Daddy Shawn.


It seems this forum shall be no help, as since you all only know my side it seems everyone feels the need to flame me simply because no one knows shawns side. NO ONE knows shawns side because he refuses to talk about it.

Obviously a childs safety is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Silverplum]

These kids are calling YOU dad and their DAD by his first name? Seriously?

You do know that if THAT came out in court it would be very close to enough for mom to lose custody? Especially if coupled with contempt for denying visitation and false allegations of sexual abuse?

CJane ain't kidding. That's NOT good in family court!

As you have been told, repeatedly, you are stepdad. Dad is Dad. You are "Bob." Mom is Mom.

How would YOU like it if some new stepdad became "Dad" to your own (biological) son?? How would YOU like it if your son started calling you "Bob" and his new stepdad "Dad"???

Post-divorce parenting is ALL ABOUT learning how to get along after you have legally severed your relationship with your children's other parent BECAUSE you can't get along.

The REASON judges/courts don't approve of what we like to call "playing musical daddies" is that it pisses parents off to a high degree. And rightly so, Bob. Pissed off co-parents don't, ya know, work well together.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes, the counselor thinks she has been abused.

It seems you are reading in between the lines. I am called Daddy Chris by the kids, and shawn is called Daddy Shawn.


It seems this forum shall be no help, as since you all only know my side it seems everyone feels the need to flame me simply because no one knows shawns side. NO ONE knows shawns side because he refuses to talk about it.

Obviously a childs safety is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Nonsense, Bob. The child's safety is in the hands of her parents, and the law.