Requirements for joint-physical custody

[Deemes]

Given my current schedule and my wife's motive to have full physical custody, how hard do you think it will be to negotiate 3 nights a week, thus allowing for partial custody...

 

[CourtClerk]

This one hour per night has no impact on physical custody. Only overnights count.

As for weeknight overnights not being practical, 6 times a month I get up 2 hours early so that I can return my daughter(ready for school) and make it to work on time(a 63 mile trip in DC area rush hour traffic). There's also the 8 days a month I've had to change my work schedule to make pick-ups workable. Practical is what you make of it.

I just have to say (no legal opinion this time) that I absolutely commend you on that PSD. I'm just wondering why the OP doesn't take a shower and do all that stuff before he leaves home and then not have to go back... guess he doesn't want to inconvenience himself too much.

 

[CJane]

Given my current schedule and my wife's motive to have full physical custody, how hard do you think it will be to negotiate 3 nights a week, thus allowing for partial custody...

Honestly? Depends on how hard your wife fights it and whether or not you have the time/patience/money/fortitude to carry through.

 

[Deemes]

I just have to say (no legal opinion this time) that I absolutely commend you on that PSD. I'm just wondering why the OP doesn't take a shower and do all that stuff before he leaves home and then not have to go back... guess he doesn't want to inconvenience himself too much.

Because, what is the point? It's just one additional day a week, and I will still only see him for an hour... He goes to sleep an hour after I get home from work... So it is no different in terms of our time together than it would be if he spent the night, except for the additional hassle in the morning. She also leaves about 2 hours before I do, hence why I would return home after dropping him off. Now, if I had to have him overnight for legality reasons, then of course I would and will propose this as an option, but has it has been, it just hasn't been a priority - but that might change.

 

[Deemes]

Honestly? Depends on how hard your wife fights it and whether or not you have the time/patience/money/fortitude to carry through.

Okay, well thanks a lot for all your help...

One question though, what do you mean by "how hard she fights it"... What else can she do other then continue to say the same thing over an over again? Isn't it all just a matter of on court session, where the judge makes a decision?

 

[CJane]

Okay, well thanks a lot for all your help...

One question though, what do you mean by "how hard she fights it"... What else can she do other then continue to say the same thing over an over again? Isn't it all just a matter of on court session, where the judge makes a decision?

Dude... my custody fight - which was really 'only' about verbiage - lasted over 2 years and cost 10s of thousands of dollars.

And no, it's not about handing everything to the judge and allowing him/her to make a decision.

Also, I'm a bit concerned that you would 'deal with the hassle' if you 'need to for legality'. You should WANT to deal with the hassle to spend TIME WITH YOUR KID. A judge will see RIGHT through any of that crap.

 

[CourtClerk]

Because, what is the point?

I'm a tad bit speechless

 

[CourtClerk]

Also, I'm a bit concerned that you would 'deal with the hassle' if you 'need to for legality'. You should WANT to deal with the hassle to spend TIME WITH YOUR KID. A judge will see RIGHT through any of that crap.

Well geez CJane, what's the point? It's only your child...

I'm done. I'm going to go pick up CC, jr. from his wild weekend at grandmama's house. I'm using my day off to drive 60 miles round trip... ahhhh... what's the point.

 

[Deemes]

Dude... my custody fight - which was really 'only' about verbiage - lasted over 2 years and cost 10s of thousands of dollars.

And no, it's not about handing everything to the judge and allowing him/her to make a decision.

Also, I'm a bit concerned that you would 'deal with the hassle' if you 'need to for legality'. You should WANT to deal with the hassle to spend TIME WITH YOUR KID. A judge will see RIGHT through any of that crap.

I think your missing it... It's a total wash. If he spends the night with me or not, I don't spend any more time with him. It's an hour, however you slice it.

 

[CJane]

Well geez CJane, what's the point? It's only your child...

I'm done. I'm going to go pick up CC, jr. from his wild weekend at grandmama's house. I'm using my day off to drive 60 miles round trip... ahhhh... what's the point.

Shut up. I COMMUTE more than that EVERY SINGLE DAY. Meanie.

Gawd, I drive 20 mintues to D'man's house just to say hi sometimes.

 

[CJane]

I think your missing it... It's a total wash. If he spends the night with me or not, I don't spend any more time with him. It's an hour, however you slice it.

Dude... that time in the morning that you're getting him up, getting him ready, transporting him to Mom's house... that's TIME WITH YOUR CHILD. That time in the car with my kids was HUGE in my custody battle. Uninterrupted time w/no distractions... you can't replace it.

So no, I'm not missing anything. You want overnights for 'legal reasons'. You don't want to deal w/the 'hassle' of getting your kid ready in the morning.

Could you arrange for child care near your home for the days that he's with you? He doens't HAVE TO go w/mom. And he's going to end up in daycare eventually anyway since Mom is going to have to get a real job.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Dude, the “additional hassle” of mornings is just a part of being a parent, particularly for someone with shared physical custody. And your child won’t always be 3, with an early bedtime.

One question though, what do you mean by "how hard she fights it"... What else can she do other then continue to say the same thing over an over again? Isn't it all just a matter of on court session, where the judge makes a decision?

See CJane’s answer, except that in my case it cost my EX nearly $10k(because I was …ta da, Pro Se), and only took 9 months. IN MARYLAND...

 

[CourtClerk]

Shut up. I COMMUTE more than that EVERY SINGLE DAY. Meanie.

Gawd, I drive 20 mintues to D'man's house just to say hi sometimes.

You know what? I transferred courthouses because my communte was taking me more than an hour each way (about 1hr. 15min - 1hr 30min LA traffic). It took them 2 years to approve my transfer to the courthouse that I wanted, and while everyone thought I was stupid for turning down some of the other offers that I received that would have put me a little closer, my reward for sticking it out??? I can drop off CC,jr and get to work in 20 - 25 minutes now.

Oh... subliminal message. It's maybe an hour to an hour and a half difference, but I enjoy that extra time with my kid. There is no "what's the point" in that one. The point is, I have at least 60 more minutes to have my son (greatfully) get on my nerves, hear about what happened during the day, show me a snail, go dig through the sand, tell me about the ugly/cute girl, whatever...

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Dude... that time in the morning that you're getting him up, getting him ready, transporting him to Mom's house... that's TIME WITH YOUR CHILD. That time in the car with my kids was HUGE in my custody battle. Uninterrupted time w/no distractions... you can't replace it.

In my case, because we leave so early, I let her sleep on the morning drive, and just let her stay up later the night before.

 

[CourtClerk]

See CJane’s answer, except that in my case it cost my EX nearly $10k(because I was …ta da, Pro Se), and only took 9 months. IN MARYLAND...

Ditto for my ex... he hired an attorney, I was also Pro Se - and I continually wiped the floor with both him and his attorney. Now the judge would like to know how he's paying this attorney all this money... but not paying his CS.

See how this gets interesting?