Requirements for joint-physical custody

[Deemes]

Okay, well I didn't see that extra 25 minutes in the morning as a big deal... I mean, yeah I want to spend time with my son, but 25 minutes is 25 minutes... Here's the difference.

1) I will have to wake our son up an additional 45 minutes earlier then he would normally get up.

2) I would have to wake up 2 hours and 45 minutes earlier then I typically wake up.

3) He would have to spend an extra 15 minutes in the car, when he could have been sleeping.

4) By getting up earlier, he will probably be tired earlier, and want to go to bed earlier, thus reducing time at the end of the day. Thus, maybe not even getting that extra 25 minutes that we thought I had.

5) Being that this is only one day, that will cause him to be somewhat off schedule which is important for his age (I believe).


So as you can see there are some things to consider, it's not as simple as "you lazy *******", and the hassle is not just for me...

In regards to daycare, my mother is our daycare. Does that have any impact?

 

[CJane]

Okay, well I didn't see that extra 25 minutes in the morning as a big deal... I mean, yeah I want to spend time with my son, but 25 minutes is 25 minutes... Here's the difference.

1) I will have to wake our son up an additional 45 minutes earlier then he would normally get up.

2) I would have to wake up 2 hours and 45 minutes earlier then I typically wake up.

3) He would have to spend an extra 15 minutes in the car, when he could have been sleeping.

4) By getting up earlier, he will probably be tired earlier, and want to go to bed earlier, thus reducing time at the end of the day. Thus, maybe not even getting that extra 25 minutes that we thought I had.


5) Being that this is only one day, that will cause him to be somewhat off schedule which is important for his age (I believe).

You're not getting it.

You want the extra time because you think it gives you more control, not because you want to spend more time with your kid. At least, that's how it's coming across to US and how it will come across to a judge.

In regards to daycare, my mother is our daycare. Does that have any impact?

I thought you said the child's mother took him to work with her.

So which is it? If your mom is daycare, why do you have to drop the kid off before HIS mom leaves for 'work'?

 

[CourtClerk]

Okay, well I didn't see that extra 25 minutes in the morning as a big deal... I mean, yeah I want to spend time with my son, but 25 minutes is 25 minutes... Here's the difference.

1) I will have to wake our son up an additional 45 minutes earlier then he would normally get up.
He's 3, he'll adjust.
2) I would have to wake up 2 hours and 45 minutes earlier then I typically wake up.
Put on your big boy pants and get it done
3) He would have to spend an extra 15 minutes in the car, when he could have been sleeping.
Kids have the insane ability to either sleep in the car or start singing to whatever he hears on the radio. You're not the first person with a 3 year old.
4) By getting up earlier, he will probably be tired earlier, and want to go to bed earlier, thus reducing time at the end of the day. Thus, maybe not even getting that extra 25 minutes that we thought I had.
You think????? You must have the only child on earth that can't adjust to an additional 25 minutes. My son almost never went to sleep at bedtime just because it was bedtime. If I let him, he'd easily stay up an extra hour.
5) Being that this is only one day, that will cause him to be somewhat off schedule which is important for his age (I believe).
Your belief... doesn't make it true

So as you can see there are some things to consider, it's not as simple as "you lazy *******", and the hassle is not just for me...
The hassle really is just for you... it's really as simple as the latter to me. I've raised 2 already past the age of 3.
In regards to daycare, my mother is our daycare. Does that have any impact?

Impact in a positive or negative manner... although I can't imagine how either way.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Okay, well I didn't see that extra 25 minutes in the morning as a big deal... I mean, yeah I want to spend time with my son, but 25 minutes is 25 minutes... Here's the difference.

1) I will have to wake our son up an additional 45 minutes earlier then he would normally get up.

2) I would have to wake up 2 hours and 45 minutes earlier then I typically wake up.

3) He would have to spend an extra 15 minutes in the car, when he could have been sleeping.

4) By getting up earlier, he will probably be tired earlier, and want to go to bed earlier, thus reducing time at the end of the day. Thus, maybe not even getting that extra 25 minutes that we thought I had.

5) Being that this is only one day, that will cause him to be somewhat off schedule which is important for his age (I believe).


So as you can see there are some things to consider, it's not as simple as "you lazy *******", and the hassle is not just for me...

And again, your child is not going to be 3 forever. If you don't get some form of shared physical custody now, it will be much harder as your child ages.

And again, what CJane said about Grandma...

 

[Deemes]

You're not getting it.

You want the extra time because you think it gives you more control, not because you want to spend more time with your kid. At least, that's how it's coming across to US and how it will come across to a judge.




I thought you said the child's mother took him to work with her.

So which is it? If your mom is daycare, why do you have to drop the kid off before HIS mom leaves for 'work'?

The point is that it probably will not end up being extra time... If I thought I could get full custody, believe me I would, don't take me being practical as an excuse to only wanting control... I think I see my son more then most dads in similar situations...


When I said my mom is the daycare, I just meant she is available, so if I were to drop him off somewhere, it would be grandmothers house.

 

[Deemes]

And again, your child is not going to be 3 forever. If you don't get some form of shared physical custody now, it will be much harder as your child ages.

And again, what CJane said about Grandma...

Exactly! Haha, I'm not saying I wouldn't do it... I will try too, I want shared custody... we just HAVEN'T been doing it thus far... when we made our initial agreement, I thought seeing him everyday and having him on weekends was pretty fair, but apparently that's not enough.

 

[CJane]

The point is that it probably will not end up being extra time... If I thought I could get full custody, believe me I would, don't take me being practical as an excuse to only wanting control... I think I see my son more then most dads in similar situations...

No, you don't. Just so you know.

When I said my mom is the daycare, I just meant she is available, so if I were to drop him off somewhere, it would be grandmothers house.

So see if you can get it in your order that you have the child W/Th/F every week and W/Th/F-Su every other week. This gives you 6/14 overnights. Have GMa designated as daycare provider on 'your' days and VIOLA shared custody, a normal schedule for the child, and weekends are shared as they should be.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

The point is that it probably will not end up being extra time... If I thought I could get full custody, believe me I would, don't take me being practical as an excuse to only wanting control... I think I see my son more then most dads in similar situations...

If that's really how you feel, you should propose to your ex to keep the schedule just like it is.

When you come back in 6 months looking to reduce your child support(because you have your child all this time, and pay for everything during that time, and that only seems fair, right?) by changing to a shared physical custody agreement, try to remember the advice you got here.

 

[Deemes]

No, you don't. Just so you know.



So see if you can get it in your order that you have the child W/Th/F every week and W/Th/F-Su every other week. This gives you 6/14 overnights. Have GMa designated as daycare provider on 'your' days and VIOLA shared custody, a normal schedule for the child, and weekends are shared as they should be.

That's five nights a week every other week... That's going to be a tough sell, she will NEVER agree to that.

 

[Deemes]

If that's really how you feel, you should propose to your ex to keep the schedule just like it is.

When you come back in 6 months looking to reduce your child support(because you have your child all this time, and pay for everything during that time, and that only seems fair, right?) by changing to a shared physical custody agreement, try to remember the advice you got here.

I just don't think they would give me more than that... I mean, I don't know... I don't believe for a second that the courts don't really favor the mother. I just don't know how the whole thing will evolve and what I can expect to realistically get, in terms of custody.

Like I said, if I thought I could get full custody - I would. It's just it's her vs. me, she wants full custody, I would like partial, or full, but partial I am fine with. She won't agree to that... what more else can I do?

 

[CJane]

That's five nights a week every other week... That's going to be a tough sell, she will NEVER agree to that.

And that's where 'how much are you willing to invest fighting for this' comes into play.

Look, if your supreme goal is to simply keep her from moving to NY, you don't need to spend any more than 'standard' with your kid. That's e/o weekend and a dinner date once a week.

If you REALLY want shared custody because you WANT shared custody, then you're probably going to have to fight long and hard to get it.

It's 4 nights e/o week. The Sunday is not an overnight and neither is the Friday of the short week. It's the same schedule my ex and I have had since the divorce (when MY were 3 and 6).

 

[Deemes]

And that's where 'how much are you willing to invest fighting for this' comes into play.

Look, if your supreme goal is to simply keep her from moving to NY, you don't need to spend any more than 'standard' with your kid. That's e/o weekend and a dinner date once a week.

If you REALLY want shared custody because you WANT shared custody, then you're probably going to have to fight long and hard to get it.

It's 4 nights e/o week. The Sunday is not an overnight and neither is the Friday of the short week. It's the same schedule my ex and I have had since the divorce (when MY were 3 and 6).

Well only having e/o weekend is out of the question... at minimum I would want every weekend and being able to see him every day.

So, your proposed schedule is...

Every Week
Wednesday (Overnight)
Thursday (Overnight)
Friday

Every Other Week
Wednesday (Overnight)
Thursday (Overnight)
Friday (Overnight)
Saturday (Overnight)
Sunday

 

[stealth2]

Do you work on a clock? Or are you salaried? If the latter, talk to your supervisor and see if, two days a week, you can go in 2 hours early and leave 2 hours early. That'll give you extra time with the kid in the evening.

 

[Deemes]

Do you work on a clock? Or are you salaried? If the latter, talk to your supervisor and see if, two days a week, you can go in 2 hours early and leave 2 hours early. That'll give you extra time with the kid in the evening.

Yeah, schedule is flexible, that's what I would probably end up doing if we have this schedule or I would just work from home.

 

[CJane]

Well only having e/o weekend is out of the question... at minimum I would want every weekend and being able to see him every day.

Then stay married.

So, your proposed schedule is...

Every Week
Wednesday (Overnight)
Thursday (Overnight)
Friday

Every Other Week
Wednesday (Overnight)
Thursday (Overnight)
Friday (Overnight)
Saturday (Overnight)
Sunday

Yup.