Requirements for joint-physical custody

[Deemes]

Then stay married.

Funny. ;-)

Yup.

How would time with grandparents play into it? What if they wanted to have him overnight on occasion?

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, schedule is flexible, that's what I would probably end up doing if we have this schedule or I would just work from home.

So why are you whining? Hells Bells - you could take the kid in to where Mom's nannying later OR take him to your Mom's. Seriously - what the heck is wrong with you, whining about this? You don't even really HAVE to get the kid up early.

 

[CJane]

Funny. ;-)

I wasn't being funny. Being able to see your child every day AND spend every weekend with him is unreasonable for a divorced parent - of either gender. I would love to spend every single day w/my kids like I did when I was married and a SAHM. But I had to put on my big girl pants and get a job and split custody w/their dad and get over it. The only other option was staying married.

How would time with grandparents play into it? What if they wanted to have him overnight on occasion?

It comes out of parenting time. Usually, time w/the paternal gparents would be your time and time w/the maternal gparents would be during Mom's time unless other arrangements are made.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

The odds of a master or judge in MD giving you every weekend is slim to none. If they did, it would no doubt be an issue you would have to deal with once the child is school age.

 

[Deemes]

This is all interesting, Thanks for all your help.. I think I've been under the false belief that It's nearly impossible to fight the mothers demands, so I've had my main concern being that she doesn't leave the state, but it sounds like giving up custody wouldn't give me much time with our son....

As I said earlier, she will be filing for a limited divorce sometime in the near future, this week she says. What should I expect from this? Will we go directly to court? Will I (or my lawyer should I choose to get one) negotiate with her lawyer? What if we go to court, she says what she wants, I say what I want, and the judge awards in her favor? Is that it? Is that setting it up to make it much harder for me to get custody? I'd rather do what I can without a lawyer, but I don't want to risk losing custody due to one court hearing, without a lawyer,when I could have had one, but obviously saving money is never a bad a thing, if I can get away with it.

 

[stealth2]

Dude - you need a lawyer.

 

[CJane]

Dude - you need a lawyer.

I just wanted to reitterate this advice. Given what you've posted here, and your obvious lack of understanding of both the statutes and public policy of your state, you should NOT go this alone.

 

[Deemes]

I just wanted to reitterate this advice. Given what you've posted here, and your obvious lack of understanding of both the statutes and public policy of your state, you should NOT go this alone.

I could see getting a lawyer to handle all litigation, but if it a lot of time will be spent negotiating with her lawyer or filing paper work, I would rather just do that myself (and yes, I have a LOT to learn, books are being shipped from amazon today)... It's just I already spent $2k to simply have a consent agreement drafted and negotiated, something I realize after the fact I could have done myself.

 

[stealth2]

I could see getting a lawyer to handle all litigation, but if it a lot of time will be spent negotiating with her lawyer or filing paper work, I would rather just do that myself (and yes, I have a LOT to learn, books are being shipped from amazon today)... It's just I already spent $2k to simply have a consent agreement drafted and negotiated, something I realize after the fact I could have done myself.

*You* need a lawyer.

 

[LdiJ]

I could see getting a lawyer to handle all litigation, but if it a lot of time will be spent negotiating with her lawyer or filing paper work, I would rather just do that myself (and yes, I have a LOT to learn, books are being shipped from amazon today)... It's just I already spent $2k to simply have a consent agreement drafted and negotiated, something I realize after the fact I could have done myself.

I am going to chime in here with different advice.

Its a real bonus to your child that you are seeing him on a daily basis. Its very similar to what my ex and I did, (without court orders).

He came over after work for an hour or two every day, and played outside with her and her friends, helped her with homework, and sometimes did outings.

Then he generally had her on Saturday, and I generally had her on Sundays. We were also totally flexible with each other when we needed whole weekends for trips or family functions.

Our child grew up very happy because she got to see both mommy and daddy almost every day. It also helped us have a much better relationship as co-parents, and we eventually ended up being good friends (its like having another brother).

So, if you are both happy with that arrangement, and it works for you, then its perfectly fine to stick with it. Insist on joint legal custody (joint decision making) and insist on a provision in the decree that prohibits relocations without the agreement of the other parent or the court.

However, please do realize that you probably aren't going to get every weekend. That's not fair to mom or your child. The child needs weekend time with both parents, and mom will have to go to work full time to support herself.

 

[Deemes]

I am going to chime in here with different advice.

Its a real bonus to your child that you are seeing him on a daily basis. Its very similar to what my ex and I did, (without court orders).

He came over after work for an hour or two every day, and played outside with her and her friends, helped her with homework, and sometimes did outings.

Then he generally had her on Saturday, and I generally had her on Sundays. We were also totally flexible with each other when we needed whole weekends for trips or family functions.

Our child grew up very happy because she got to see both mommy and daddy almost every day. It also helped us have a much better relationship as co-parents, and we eventually ended up being good friends (its like having another brother).

So, if you are both happy with that arrangement, and it works for you, then its perfectly fine to stick with it. Insist on joint legal custody (joint decision making) and insist on a provision in the decree that prohibits relocations without the agreement of the other parent or the court.

However, please do realize that you probably aren't going to get every weekend. That's not fair to mom or your child. The child needs weekend time with both parents, and mom will have to go to work full time to support herself.

Thanks for the advice, although I think my wife has a different agenda. What you described is pretty much how we have it now, however she has expressed that it is not "working out" because she is required to be there for me to see our son, that she can't "go out" and do other stuff... meaning, drop our son off with a baby sitter and go out to drink.

If she has full custody, she can drop him off with a baby sitter and head to the bars as frequently as she would like, and I would have no idea.

 

[CJane]

Thanks for the advice, although I think my wife has a different agenda. What you described is pretty much how we have it now, however she has expressed that it is not "working out" because she is required to be there for me to see our son, that she can't "go out" and do other stuff... meaning, drop our son off with a baby sitter and go out to drink.

Why is she required to be there?

If she has full custody, she can drop him off with a baby sitter and head to the bars as frequently as she would like, and I would have no idea.

That has NOTHING to do with whether or not she has 'full custody'. No matter what the custody arrangement is, she can leave the kid w/a sitter and go out drinking EVERY NIGHT if she wants to. She can stay home and drink. She can take him with her to a restaurant and get toasty every night too.

The whole getting divorced thing removes her need to have your permission, or keep you updated, on her life.

 

[Deemes]

Why is she required to be there?



That has NOTHING to do with whether or not she has 'full custody'. No matter what the custody arrangement is, she can leave the kid w/a sitter and go out drinking EVERY NIGHT if she wants to. She can stay home and drink. She can take him with her to a restaurant and get toasty every night too.

The whole getting divorced thing removes her need to have your permission, or keep you updated, on her life.

I mean, she has to be there for me to get him... I go see him at 7:00... once I am there, she can go anywhere she wants... but she can't go out at 6:00...

 

[CJane]

I mean, she has to be there for me to get him... I go see him at 7:00... once I am there, she can go anywhere she wants... but she can't go out at 6:00...

Oh. So what?

You still won't be able to determine whether or not the kid is at a sitter while mom goes out. Besides, I'm 99.99999% sure it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

 

[Deemes]

Oh. So what?

You still won't be able to determine whether or not the kid is at a sitter while mom goes out. Besides, I'm 99.99999% sure it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

Yeah no exactly.. I'm just saying why she has motive to not agree to maintain our current agreement (she'd like to be able to go out at 6:00), not that I want to prevent her from going out - She can do whatever she wants on her own time.