Emergency

[ninalee]

What is the name of your state? wi

 

[Just Blue]

What kind of emergency are you having??

 

[ninalee]

My boyfriend and I of two years have had a rocky relationship, and up until now we agreed that should we break up our 18 month old son would come with me and he'd have visitation. That decision was made in the best interest of my son because I've spent the most time with him and been the most aware of his needs (diapers, bathing, bedtime, medical). Now I've broken up with him after our final big fight and he says I cannot leave with him and he's going to sue me for full custody. He plans to prove me an unfit parent by how I raise my 10 year old daughter who has developmental issues. He has pushed for stricter rules and equal parenting rights towards her, though he tends to be very insensitive to her and pick on her with sarcasm, and since she is very sensitive I infringe on his authority with her when I feel necessary. Because I refused to share equal rights with my daughter, whom he has no legal right to, he feels he can prove me unfit in court now. He has more money, a nice house, but a hot head. I will have to hire a lawyer and this is going to be a lot of pain. He says I can stay and be a roommate but I'm not allowed to leave with my son, who is still nursing. We have established paternity, there is no current support order. Can he stop me from moving out and taking my son? I know he can fight for custody, and I'm scared because he has more money than I do. We saw a therapist together and she agreed that he's too hard on the kids and slightly unstable. Can I subpeona her information into the courts?

Thank you.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You may have established paternity, but are there any court orders stipulating child custody or child support?

Establishing paternity, in of itself, does NOT automatically grant the father custodial rights.

Yes, the father does have the right to pursue parenting time. Plan on the father having parenting time. Plan on having to pump while the child is at daddy's (or wean).

Is the 10yo also your boyfriends? Or just your daughter, with another father?

 

[ninalee]

I just was going to call the local cops to see what I can do here legally, and he called 911. So since I couldn't find the number for the local police soon enough I dialed 911 too. We have officers coming over, and he's telling me lets just call off the police now. He says we can still save our relationship or that so long as I stay as a roommate things will be fine. I feel like a prisoner, and I can't leave without our son, he is attached to me, though boyfriend says he doesn't need me. Can I really not leave? This is crazy.

 

[ninalee]

I had no plans on not allowing him time with our son, up to this point he trusted that. I know it's his right to pursue custody, but until that, can I move out and take my son? My daughter is from a previous relationship. I plan on weaning, but my boyfriend says that he can just stop now that he is 18 mos. He is still very attached to nursing and we enjoy it, but if I'm going to stop so that my boobs don't hurt I have to wean as a process. I know that's not the father's problem, but I know that I can't just wean overnight. Nor do I believe that would be right to do to my son.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Again:

are there any court orders stipulating child custody or child support?

I am NOT talking a birth certificate here.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Paternity Acknowledgment

Wisconsin hospitals have a form that the unmarried parents can sign to establish paternity without having to go to court. Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment is the easiest way for an unmarried father to put his name on his baby’s birth certificate. The other ways involve the courts.

By signing the Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment form, both parents agree that the man signing the form is the father.

Signing this form legally establishes paternity. This means the court may make orders for child support, legal custody, physical placement or tax exemption regarding the child. This form does not give the father legal custody or physical placement. It does not require either parent to provide financial support for the child. If the father and mother cannot agree on these issues, they will need to get a court order.

http://www.co.rock.wi.us/Dept/CircuitCourt/paternity.htm

So, unless you and daddy have been to court to establish custody, YOU have custody at this time.

 

[profmum]

My boyfriend and I of two years have had a rocky relationship, and up until now we agreed that should we break up our 18 month old son would come with me and he'd have visitation. That decision was made in the best interest of my son because I've spent the most time with him and been the most aware of his needs (diapers, bathing, bedtime, medical). Now I've broken up with him after our final big fight and he says I cannot leave with him and he's going to sue me for full custody.


He can say what he wants, does not mean the Courts will agree to it,... you can leave with your son, you are not married.

He plans to prove me an unfit parent by how I raise my 10 year old daughter who has developmental issues. He has pushed for stricter rules and equal parenting rights towards her, though he tends to be very insensitive to her and pick on her with sarcasm, and since she is very sensitive I infringe on his authority with her when I feel necessary. Because I refused to share equal rights with my daughter, whom he has no legal right to, he feels he can prove me unfit in court now.

He has no rights to your daugther and he has to prove you are unfit, not just yell and scream about it.

He has more money, a nice house, but a hot head. I will have to hire a lawyer and this is going to be a lot of pain. He says I can stay and be a roommate but I'm not allowed to leave with my son, who is still nursing.

He has no such right to say that...

We have established paternity, there is no current support order. Can he stop me from moving out and taking my son? I know he can fight for custody, and I'm scared because he has more money than I do.
Income does not equate to sole custody

We saw a therapist together and she agreed that he's too hard on the kids and slightly unstable. Can I subpeona her information into the courts?
probably not

 

[Just Blue]

He plans to prove me an unfit parent by how I raise my 10 year old daughter who has developmental issues. He has pushed for stricter rules and equal parenting rights towards her, though he tends to be very insensitive to her and pick on her with sarcasm, and since she is very sensitive I infringe on his authority with her when I feel necessary

This part of your post caught my eye. What kind of developmental issues are you talking about? What kind of help have you gotten for her? WHY have you stayed with a man and subjected you daughter to a man who is "insensitive and sarcastic" to her? And what does "infringe on his authority with her when I feel necessary" mean? He isn't her father why has he been allow to HAVE authority over your daughter?

 

[ninalee]

This part of your post caught my eye. What kind of developmental issues are you talking about? What kind of help have you gotten for her? WHY have you stayed with a man and subjected you daughter to a man who is "insensitive and sarcastic" to her? And what does "infringe on his authority with her when I feel necessary" mean? He isn't her father why has he been allow to HAVE authority over your daughter?

My daughter has aspergers syndrome, also known as high functioning autism. She is different and sometimes odd, and he tends to pick and make sarcastic remarks. We did do a couple counseling sessions but he doesn't want to do them anymore. I have wanted to leave before but have always stayed, believing things might change because he always seems to get it once the fit hits the shan. Anyway, because I've tried to break up before and stayed he's saying I don't mean it this time either. I wish last time I just left but I didn't, and now he's telling me he'll prove me unfit and spend whatever he can to do so. My daughter's bio father doesn't play a role in her life, unfortunately. He has visitation rights but doesn't use them. He's not speaking to us right now because we are currently going through the courts for contempt of child support and he is extremely mad at me for this. I'm not proud of any of this, but I've never tried to hold the father's from their kids. However, because my family lives an hour away and I have nobody here but my boyfriend, and he works full time days and obviously cannot care for my daughter, I need to move back by my mother (not with her, just by her) so she can help with child care.

 

[Just Blue]

My daughter has aspergers syndrome, also known as high functioning autism. She is different and sometimes odd, and he tends to pick and make sarcastic remarks. We did do a couple counseling sessions but he doesn't want to do them anymore. I have wanted to leave before but have always stayed, believing things might change because he always seems to get it once the fit hits the shan. Anyway, because I've tried to break up before and stayed he's saying I don't mean it this time either. I wish last time I just left but I didn't, and now he's telling me he'll prove me unfit and spend whatever he can to do so. My daughter's bio father doesn't play a role in her life, unfortunately. He has visitation rights but doesn't use them. He's not speaking to us right now because we are currently going through the courts for contempt of child support and he is extremely mad at me for this. I'm not proud of any of this, but I've never tried to hold the father's from their kids. However, because my family lives an hour away and I have nobody here but my boyfriend, and he works full time days and obviously cannot care for my daughter, I need to move back by my mother (not with her, just by her) so she can help with child care.

Edit to add link: https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=373858

BTW: You knew this guy was a jerk for quite some time...
I have a daughter who has PDD...Her Dx will most likely change to Aspergers in a year or two. I am telling you this so that you are aware of my experience with the subject.
Subjecting your daughter to this kind of emotional abuse is deplorable and will inhibit her future development. You need to either *hit or get off the pot. If being with this man is more important that your child's emotional wellbeing and development than give her to someone who can give her the priority she deserves. You have placed her behind your need to "have your man"...IMHO that is being an unfit mother.
If you have now decided that your child's needs come before your own Then take them and go. There are no custody orders that would prevent this move...File for support/visitation/custody on Monday.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Ninalee, as long as all that exists is a name on a birth certificate, YOU are the custodial parent and free to leave. If mom's is also in Wisconsin, then it should be good (problem lies in trying to cross state lines with a potential court date looming.)

The police will NOT get involved in a civil matter. As long as there are no court papers, the father cannot get them involved to retrieve the child. My suggestion is to NOT let dad unsupervised time until you have court papers in your hand. Yes, dad should get to see your child.

Leave and FILE MONDAY.

 

[TCool]

Wisconsin hospitals have a form that the unmarried parents can sign to establish paternity without having to go to court. Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment is the easiest way for an unmarried father to put his name on his baby’s birth certificate. The other ways involve the courts.

By signing the Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment form, both parents agree that the man signing the form is the father.

Signing this form legally establishes paternity. This means the court may make orders for child support, legal custody, physical placement or tax exemption regarding the child. This form does not give the father legal custody or physical placement. It does not require either parent to provide financial support for the child. If the father and mother cannot agree on these issues, they will need to get a court order.

I'm also from WI

I find that to be funny. It says that form establishes paternity, but I've been advised here and by my lawyer that it does not actually establish paternity. Paternity is not actually established until a judge says so apparently. I lucked out because a court order for medical payments early in my daughters life established paternity. I would definitely do what Ginny says, get out of there. Sounds like a bad place for your daughter. Also, I would go see a local lawyer about this. Wisconsin has something called Judicare which is financial assistance for people for legal issues. It won't pay for your lawyer throughout a custody battle. Apparently they will only cover legal costs in that situation if there is physical abuse (according to my attorney), but Judicare will cover a consultation with a lawyer for one hour.

The website for judicare is: http://www.judicare.org/

However, apparently judicare only covers northern Wisconsin residents. So, in order to recieve this you would need to live in a northern county. Do you mind telling me what county you are in? If you are in a southern county I'll do a quick search for you and see if I can find any financial assistance for this in southern WI.

 

[ninalee]

i live in Rock County, and in the summer will seek to move to Milwaukee County, all in southern wisconsin.

I did leave, and a close friend of mine offered her spare two bedroom attic space to my kids and I for now. My daughter will get to finish out the school year here and for now we will live close to Dad, for now. I have no intentions of crossing state lines, just county lines. Dad will watch our Son while I work for now, but he will not watch my daughter anymore. I will be seeking joint custody with primary placement. This morning he said he seeks to prove me unfit and will seek full custody, and will spend as much money as possible to do so...but I don't see how he can prove me unfit without any actual evidence of this. I've been an active stay at home parent who has handled 90% of the child rearing in the home, and I have a strong bonded relationship with both children. He has a bond with our Son too, I'm not saying he doesn't, but he cannot prove me unfit if I'm not, right? I feel much better after having a day to calm down and think about this...and I think he is just trying to scare me to stay. Part of me doubts he'll really spend as much money and time in pursuit of this as he threats, he's not rich. He just has more money than me.