Threats/slander by Girlfriend's Mom

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Again, this is not about their rules, unless I am mistaken when a child becomes an adult there are certain rules that as a parent do not really apply.

You are truly an adult when you do not depend on anyone else to pay your bills.

While MY daughter is in college and expects me to help fund such endevours, I have a RIGHT to set boundaries. When she is entirely on her own, then those pesky rules really don't apply anymore.

 

[Silverplum]

You are truly an adult when you do not depend on anyone else to pay your bills.

While MY daughter is in college and expects me to help fund such endevours, I have a RIGHT to set boundaries. When she is entirely on her own, then those pesky rules really don't apply anymore.

Seconded!

Boyfriend, consider this: She's still young. BUT IF she continues to be a child to her parents, you might want to think about what role she's gonna play with you. Do you want a woman? Or do you want a child?

 

[ihmeg]

Look, had I done something like beat her, or stole from them, or anything that would actually give just cause to be treated like this then I would COMPLETELY agree that they could ban me from her life.

Silverplum Threats are pretty meaningless. The law is into PROOF and ACTIONS.

Any of the stuff about "what would you do if..." is not for this site. That's for truluv.com.

First of all I am not asking for relationship advice, nor do I want to even discuss parenting techniques. If I did, believe me I would not have come here to do so. I am not asking if their rules they try to enforce are right or wrong, that is not important, their rules are not going around to the school where my father is employed embarrassing myself, and my family. Especially when in all reality, I have done nothing to deserve such accusations and I don't understand why this is becoming about whether or not their rules are justified. I just find it hard to believe that of everything I have said many of you are stuck on if they can tell her she can see me or not when really that is the smallest part of my problem. Perhaps if this was the right place to discuss that subject then maybe we would find much more common ground.

Threats are meaningless? then why are there laws against against it? So are you saying that if I threaten to beat up my neighbor that its no big deal because threats are meaningless? I'm sorry but I am afraid I do not agree with that.

I apologize, truly if I gave any of you the impression I was confused about the details of my relationship, because I am quite sure of what to do regarding that.

I guess I didn't make it clear, but as far as her mother is concerned we have stopped dating. So, regardless of if we separated or not she still continues to make threats and harm my name. And thats what I was seeking advice for. Not opinions about setting rules for your adult children, please, raise your children how you would like, I assure you that the only wrong way to raise your child, is to take part in raising them at all, and that is something I think we all can agree on, no?

 

[Silverplum]

So sue her. Take your proof of damages and go to court. See how it goes.

What else could you possibly want here? For us to agree with you? Let's put it this way: You have been interacting here with a bunch of grownups with a lot of legal experience. We all happen to think you have no case.

But you go ahead and sue her. We don't actually care which way you go with this.

 

[quincy]

ihmeg -

You can bring a defamation action against your girlfriend's mother if she carries out any of her threats regarding your father's employment, or if her comments about your drug use start to affect your reputation adversely - either at school or in your town. Right now it is hard for you to demonstrate a reputational loss of any sort, although spreading lies about someone's drug use assumes a certain amount of reputational injury.

You can also seek to obtain a restraining order, to prohibit her from contacting you and your family. This may be counter-productive if you and your girlfriend are to remain close, and if you ever hope to gain favor with the girl's family.

And you can send this mother a "cease and desist" letter, outlining the above actions you will take if she continues to slander you or make threats. Again, this can be counter-productive, but you must balance the risk of further alienation with your right not to be slandered.

The problems with all of the above suggestions, however, as I already mentioned, is that you have an upset (crazy? ) mom, and she will certainly be more upset if you carry out any of the actions you are able legally to take. And, despite the fact that the mother is being obnoxious and a wee bit controlling, your girlfriend probably still loves her a lot. And she is also tied to her parents financially right now, while she works on a degree. So you may hurt your girlfriend and your relationship to her in the process of remedying the situation with her mom.

Is the mother being unreasonable? I certainly think so. I have never known a parent, who objects to their "adult" child's friends, coming out first. There gets to be a point in a child's life where a parent just has to accept that they have raised the kid, and step back to let the kid start making decisions for himself/herself. And, if the decisions the kid makes do turn out to be wrong, the kid will learn that and grow a little, and the parents can then be available for support. But I, personally, think it is wrong, wrong, wrong for parents to forbid their child or children, from seeing people. When the children are basically adults, to dictate friendships is stupid. If a parent does not respect their child, and respect that they raised the child to be a responsible human being, then that is the parent's fault, not the child's.

At any rate, you don't need relationship advice, or anyone telling you that this mother has the right to control her daughter's home environment while the daughter is living at home. But you are in a difficult spot, and there is no easy answer for you - legal or otherwise.

 

[RuGa]

sigh...

Everyone has great opinions but seem to all go off on the tangent of him and her and the parents.....
The answer to your question is:
Go to a lawyer that does Pro Bono work or something like "Legal Aid" and talk to a lawyer about your options.
If she is continually threatening and harassing your and/or your family, get a restraining order placed against her. This way it will cut her off at the knees. (It sure won't improve your relationship with her, though).
Hope this helps!!

 

[quincy]

Ummm, RuGa, did you actually read the posts? Your suggestion was made already (more than once).