Step Parent Participation, how much can be restricted?

[CJane]

I sure hope I get to see proof of that someday.

Me too darlin. Me too.

 

[majomom1]

You win the award for the WORST LEGAL ADVICE EVER.

Congrats.

No kidding!!! I want her to be my mom and I want everything!!!!!!

 

[profmum]

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Have your children said anything about liking or disliking your husband? Talk to them about it and see what THEY want. It isn't about the parents when there are children involved.[/QUOTE]

oh heck no!!!.. you do NOT ask the kids whether they like or dislike SD coming to the conferences... no, no, no!!!

 

[Just Blue]

For me it all depends on what the CHILDREN want. My parents got divorced when I was 4 y.o. It's hard to be a step parent you never know where you should be...

I think he is a parent....he step into that role when he said "I DO". False statements by the dad aren't going to hold up in court.

Have your children said anything about liking or disliking your husband? Talk to them about it and see what THEY want. It isn't about the parents when there are children involved.

Spoken like the overstepping stepmother you are.

 

[g1nababy]

Spoken like the overstepping stepmother you are.

I'm actually not speaking from the stepmom point of view. I"m speaking from the child's point of view.

My step mom went to most of my parent teacher conference instead of my dad. My mommy went to every single event I have ever participated in. My mom gave me the choice whether to have my step dad involved or not.

I have no idea what to do as a step mom so I don't even try to say anything from the step mom point of view.

But all I am saying is - if the children are old enough talk to them...see what they think...they do have a mind of there own!!!!

 

[profmum]

I'm actually not speaking from the stepmom point of view. I"m speaking from the child's point of view.

My step mom went to most of my parent teacher conference instead of my dad. My mommy went to every single event I have ever participated in. My mom gave me the choice whether to have my step dad involved or not.

I have no idea what to do as a step mom so I don't even try to say anything from the step mom point of view.

But all I am saying is - if the children are old enough talk to them...see what they think...they do have a mind of there own!!!!

but not to have input in adult related matters!!, my 4 yr old is very articulate and certainly has a mind of her own, everytime she has to go to her Dad's (and we have a 50-50 schedule), she tells me does not want to, now does that mean she should not go to stay with her Dad?

 

[Isis1]

my personal thought was my husband wasn't doing any interferring. he is adding to the parenting, not taking away or interferring. i grew up with stepfather and he loves me more then my own mother. he treated me the same as my half-sister (his daughter). i wasn't raised seperately. as i don't want any of my children to be raised seperately. i have two with my ex, and two with my husband. my husband and i do not argue about the raising of all the children in the house. every child gets equal treatment. if he isn't making decision that are of legal consequence and my children make the specific request to have their stepfather there, i don't understand how their father has the ability to put a negative input on their personal home life. what next? my husband will not be allowed to take his step kids to the toy store without my supervision? how is it possible to have no contact with children he lives with? my ex is out for vengence. has been since he was proved to be an unfit parent in court. my husband was involved with me with my children. my oldest was the one that wanted to know when i was going to marry him because he liked him so much. will the calls to CPS (all dismissed as unfounded) be proof the ex is just trying to a pain in the rear end? the NCP is not going to stop until i return home to him. he has never given me any problems if i was single. it was only until he found out i was pregnant that he had a problem with me not being available to him personally.

 

[Grayson]

When it involves school conferences the children really do not have a say as it is a parents decision. Asking a kid who they like or don't like doesn't have a role here.

 

[profmum]

then ignore the ex, use common sense about SD's role to AVOID a long, legal battle and continue with your life, your ex will only "control" your life if you think he has the power to do so..

 

[Just Blue]

I'm actually not speaking from the stepmom point of view. I"m speaking from the child's point of view.

My step mom went to most of my parent teacher conference instead of my dad. My mommy went to every single event I have ever participated in. My mom gave me the choice whether to have my step dad involved or not.

I have no idea what to do as a step mom so I don't even try to say anything from the step mom point of view.

But all I am saying is - if the children are old enough talk to them...see what they think...they do have a mind of there own!!!!

No. It is NOT up to the children if step dad goes to parent teacher meeting, therapy or medical appointments. This is totally out of line. This is a legal advice site and that is the advice you are expected to give. Advice based on law...not garbage you pull out of your.....hat. If you can't obey the TOS of this site then do NOT post.

If Dad was to take this to court I don't think a Judge would think Dad unreasonable for not wanting a legal stranger at his children's therapy or school appointments. It is inappropriate for this man to be there. And Mom is asking for a custody change if she continues trying to usurp Dads place with the children.

 

[CJane]

We're not going to argue with you.

You asked a question and received legally accurate answers. You also received a couple of 'exactly what you want to hear' answers.

Take your pick.

 

[majomom1]

I'm actually not speaking from the stepmom point of view. I"m speaking from the child's point of view.

My step mom went to most of my parent teacher conference instead of my dad. My mommy went to every single event I have ever participated in. My mom gave me the choice whether to have my step dad involved or not.

I have no idea what to do as a step mom so I don't even try to say anything from the step mom point of view.

But all I am saying is - if the children are old enough talk to them...see what they think...they do have a mind of there own!!!!

We got that part...

And you obviously didn't read the whole post because it had nothing to do with anything that a child should, or would, be able to choose or decide.

 

[g1nababy]

but not to have input in adult related matters!!, my 4 yr old is very articulate and certainly has a mind of her own, everytime she has to go to her Dad's (and we have a 50-50 schedule), she tells me does not want to, now does that mean she should not go to stay with her Dad?

personally if it was my child.....I would take him there let him see his dad and if he still didn't want to stay I WOULDN"T MAKE HIM....

I don't think any human should be forced into staying someplace and the childs dad SHOULD understand that.

 

[profmum]

personally if it was my child.....I would take him there let him see his dad and if he still didn't want to stay I WOULDN"T MAKE HIM....

I don't think any human should be forced into staying someplace and the childs dad SHOULD understand that.

Holy crap... !! you really should NOT be posting this kind of "advice" here, I have a court order that says kiddo goes to Dad on x days and she goes kicking or screaming, no leeway on that. You do NOT let the kids dictate parenting time or anything of that magnitude and certainly do not when there is a court order that specifically states otherwise. For the child, giving in to her not wanting to see her Dad is the worst thing to do, then she realizes that she can get away with anything and it prevents her from having a relationship with her father.

 

[majomom1]

my personal thought was my husband wasn't doing any interferring. he is adding to the parenting, not taking away or interferring. i grew up with stepfather and he loves me more then my own mother. he treated me the same as my half-sister (his daughter). i wasn't raised seperately. as i don't want any of my children to be raised seperately. i have two with my ex, and two with my husband. my husband and i do not argue about the raising of all the children in the house. every child gets equal treatment. if he isn't making decision that are of legal consequence and my children make the specific request to have their stepfather there, i don't understand how their father has the ability to put a negative input on their personal home life. what next? my husband will not be allowed to take his step kids to the toy store without my supervision? how is it possible to have no contact with children he lives with? my ex is out for vengence. has been since he was proved to be an unfit parent in court. my husband was involved with me with my children. my oldest was the one that wanted to know when i was going to marry him because he liked him so much. will the calls to CPS (all dismissed as unfounded) be proof the ex is just trying to a pain in the rear end? the NCP is not going to stop until i return home to him. he has never given me any problems if i was single. it was only until he found out i was pregnant that he had a problem with me not being available to him personally.

Your husband is not doing anything wrong and will be a part of your children's lives. At home, at the toy store, in decisions within your home (don't let anyone else hear you)... your ex has no say there, period, and never will.

You have only been advised to take out the therapy and parent teacher conferences. These are the only areas that involve anything "legal" as far as your ex is concerned. All this does really is eliminate any potential conflict and ensures that there are no issues in court. Doesn't mean you have to do it... we have just given you advice.

If you take away the legal issues that your ex "may" have some recourse for... then he runs out of steam and has not leg to stand on in court. The rest he will be pounding sand.

Take away anything HE can possibly give you grief over.... ignore the rest AND just live your life.