Update: Mediation Today

[StampGirl]

What is the name of your state? California

Well we had mediation today. What a mess!! ha ha

Basically my ex wanted to modify holiday visitation mostly Xmas. This year he wanted almost the entire 2 weeks etc.

It was a heated 3hr discussion this morning. He got no changes for this year. We are following the court order which is what I wanted in the first place.

We signed an agreement to modify: From now on starting next year, I get the first 7 days of their Xmas vacation (which next year includes Xmas) and he gets the rest of their vacation. I know for a fact he will not be able to get those days off work but thats not my problem. We then switch every year (alternate weeks for xmas vacation).

In the end, my ex ended up giving up close to 4-5 days with the amended schedule that he wanted. He was so set on having 7 days in a row that he failed to realize that the court order we had I was giving him an extra 3-4 days at Xmas. Now he doesn't get thos extra days anymore.

He also has to give the kids to me on the days he works if he doesn't get them off. So basically because I know he won't be able to get time off (he is a cop) every year I will end up with the kids way more than I have them now.

I was Lillith to the hilt today hehehehe I was very proud of myself.

My ex actually told the mediator that he wanted 7 days in a row for Xmas so him and his wife could take the kids to spend the holiday with her family. Let me say the mediator took great EXCEPTION to this: Her exact words "I don't care that your wife's family and your wife don't like your holiday visitation and I certianly will NOT allow you to take time away from your ex wife with the kids to give it to you for that reason". She hammered him about how his wife is a legal stranger and that she means nothing legally when it comes to the kids and to parenting with me.

It was certainly a wake-up call for him. Needless to say, its over. He paid muchodollars to get exactly what he wanted but in the end lost time with his kids. Oh well. I tried to tell him but he didn't want to hear me.

So thats the update. What is the name of your state?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California

Well we had mediation today. What a mess!! ha ha

Basically my ex wanted to modify holiday visitation mostly Xmas. This year he wanted almost the entire 2 weeks etc.

It was a heated 3hr discussion this morning. He got no changes for this year. We are following the court order which is what I wanted in the first place.

We signed an agreement to modify: From now on starting next year, I get the first 7 days of their Xmas vacation (which next year includes Xmas) and he gets the rest of their vacation. I know for a fact he will not be able to get those days off work but thats not my problem. We then switch every year (alternate weeks for xmas vacation).

In the end, my ex ended up giving up close to 4-5 days with the amended schedule that he wanted. He was so set on having 7 days in a row that he failed to realize that the court order we had I was giving him an extra 3-4 days at Xmas. Now he doesn't get thos extra days anymore.

He also has to give the kids to me on the days he works if he doesn't get them off. So basically because I know he won't be able to get time off (he is a cop) every year I will end up with the kids way more than I have them now.

I was Lillith to the hilt today hehehehe I was very proud of myself.

My ex actually told the mediator that he wanted 7 days in a row for Xmas so him and his wife could take the kids to spend the holiday with her family. Let me say the mediator took great EXCEPTION to this: Her exact words "I don't care that your wife's family and your wife don't like your holiday visitation and I certianly will NOT allow you to take time away from your ex wife with the kids to give it to you for that reason". She hammered him about how his wife is a legal stranger and that she means nothing legally when it comes to the kids and to parenting with me.

It was certainly a wake-up call for him. Needless to say, its over. He paid muchodollars to get exactly what he wanted but in the end lost time with his kids. Oh well. I tried to tell him but he didn't want to hear me.

So thats the update. What is the name of your state?

Congrats StampGirl Gotta Love CA Mediation

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? California

Well we had mediation today. What a mess!! ha ha

Basically my ex wanted to modify holiday visitation mostly Xmas. This year he wanted almost the entire 2 weeks etc.

It was a heated 3hr discussion this morning. He got no changes for this year. We are following the court order which is what I wanted in the first place.

We signed an agreement to modify: From now on starting next year, I get the first 7 days of their Xmas vacation (which next year includes Xmas) and he gets the rest of their vacation. I know for a fact he will not be able to get those days off work but thats not my problem. We then switch every year (alternate weeks for xmas vacation).

In the end, my ex ended up giving up close to 4-5 days with the amended schedule that he wanted. He was so set on having 7 days in a row that he failed to realize that the court order we had I was giving him an extra 3-4 days at Xmas. Now he doesn't get thos extra days anymore.

He also has to give the kids to me on the days he works if he doesn't get them off. So basically because I know he won't be able to get time off (he is a cop) every year I will end up with the kids way more than I have them now.

I was Lillith to the hilt today hehehehe I was very proud of myself.

My ex actually told the mediator that he wanted 7 days in a row for Xmas so him and his wife could take the kids to spend the holiday with her family. Let me say the mediator took great EXCEPTION to this: Her exact words "I don't care that your wife's family and your wife don't like your holiday visitation and I certianly will NOT allow you to take time away from your ex wife with the kids to give it to you for that reason". She hammered him about how his wife is a legal stranger and that she means nothing legally when it comes to the kids and to parenting with me.

It was certainly a wake-up call for him. Needless to say, its over. He paid muchodollars to get exactly what he wanted but in the end lost time with his kids. Oh well. I tried to tell him but he didn't want to hear me.

So thats the update. What is the name of your state?

I love it when justice is handed out the screaming x's lose out because of their own stupid, unreasonable demands.. way to go StampGirl and once again a reminder of the boundaries forfstepparents...

 

[casa]

I love it when justice is handed out the screaming x's lose out because of their own stupid, unreasonable demands.. way to go StampGirl and once again a reminder of the boundaries forfstepparents...

CA is absolutely NOTORIOUS about Parents vs. Step-Parents. Those who are wise, really do Not want to even 'go there'.

 

[escape2paradise]

So you didn't have to help pay for the mediation?

In WA mediation is not required for an initial custody suit (maybe it is when there is a divorce, I don't know), but it can be worked into the permanent PP should problems arise in the future. I had considered fighting that requirment being added, because I can see my X dragging me to the mediator to decide what kind of milk I serve my DD, whole or 2%. If the one requesting the mediation is the one who pays, I may have to rethink it.

 

[casa]

So you didn't have to help pay for the mediation?

In WA mediation is not required for an initial custody suit (maybe it is when there is a divorce, I don't know), but it can be worked into the permanent PP should problems arise in the future. I had considered fighting that requirment being added, because I can see my X dragging me to the mediator to decide what kind of milk I serve my DD, whole or 2%. If the one requesting the mediation is the one who pays, I may have to rethink it.

In Ca Mediation is available for any contested custody proceeding (whether marriage/divorce is involved or not). Standard cost is approx. $1,500.00 (That's definately what cost the court will impose upon you if you fail to show) In some circumstances the court will bear the cost...it really depends on the circumstances. CA is an income disparity state so sometimes a party who didn't request it will be responsible for the largest % of cost...while other times both parties split the cost...while other times they get ONE chance at no cost. It really depends on the individual case/specifics. (That's why we always remind people not to judge their case on their friend's, neighbor's, sister's, etc. etc.)

 

[CourtClerk]

Casa,

Our local rules say that mediation is required in all cases where custody and visitation will be discussed, whether contested or not. In fact, you can't even schedule an OSC hearing without a mediation date. If it's not a contested matter, the mediator is responsible for writing out the plan and the judge adopts it.

We don't charge. At all. Whether the parties show up or not, however, if neither party shows up to a mediation appointment, the OSC is taken off calendar or the judge will order them to go to mediation immediately before he hears the matter.

Shoot, my ex has never shown up at mediation, and I wish they would send him a bill. CA courts throw a lot of money away that way.... but they, throw a ton of money away in a few different ways.

 

[escape2paradise]

In Ca Mediation is available for any contested custody proceeding (whether marriage/divorce is involved or not). Standard cost is approx. $1,500.00 (That's definately what cost the court will impose upon you if you fail to show) In some circumstances the court will bear the cost...it really depends on the circumstances. CA is an income disparity state so sometimes a party who didn't request it will be responsible for the largest % of cost...while other times both parties split the cost...while other times they get ONE chance at no cost. It really depends on the individual case/specifics. (That's why we always remind people not to judge their case on their friend's, neighbor's, sister's, etc. etc.)

Wow $1500! I'm glad we don't have to do the mediation here. I wouldn't want to tack those fees on to my attorney, two counselors, a GAL etc...

 

[StampGirl]

In Ca Mediation is available for any contested custody proceeding (whether marriage/divorce is involved or not). Standard cost is approx. $1,500.00 (That's definately what cost the court will impose upon you if you fail to show) In some circumstances the court will bear the cost...it really depends on the circumstances. CA is an income disparity state so sometimes a party who didn't request it will be responsible for the largest % of cost...while other times both parties split the cost...while other times they get ONE chance at no cost. It really depends on the individual case/specifics. (That's why we always remind people not to judge their case on their friend's, neighbor's, sister's, etc. etc.)

We have never had to pay for mediation. He filed the modification so he paid the fees for that plus he requested an emergency hearing so he paid more for that.

 

[StampGirl]

Yes it was truely a good day yesterday. I was very worried but all was good.

My ex and his wifey don't really understand that her and her family are "strangers" in a legal sense. He got read the riot act up and down all morning for referencing her and her family. I just shut my mouth and let the mediator take care of him. hehehehe

Shoot she told him the same thing I've been telling him for the past 5yrs. Was nice to have it confirmed though and to know I am just not a vindictive ex wife

 

[StampGirl]

I love it when justice is handed out the screaming x's lose out because of their own stupid, unreasonable demands.. way to go StampGirl and once again a reminder of the boundaries forfstepparents...

Its a shame because all he realizes is that he "got what he wanted" and that was a block of 7 days in a row at Xmas. *sigh* The interesting part is that the mediator took notes all practically everything he was spewing about his wifey and all the other crap. I know her notes are seen by a judge so next week should be interesting when we have to see the judge.

We didn't have time to have a judge sign it yesterday.

But here is my question: The mediator said that he has a 50/50 shot at the judge even approving the modification because technically its not a "fair" agreement. Has any of you seen a judge not approve something both parents signed? I will laugh so hard if the judge just reverts to our original agreement and he really wasted all that time!!!