a wrench in the works??

[gottasmilemore]

What is the name of your state? VA

I am going thru mediation right now to get custody, visitation, and support established thru the system. We have been agree on most of everything. He still doesn't like the support.

Ok. My ex, J. came to my work yesterday saying he was concerned about our daughter's behavior(she is 3). She has been wetting and soiling her pants at daycare, ( she has been potty-trained for sometime) and lashing out at the teachers, throwing fits. I have talked to my counselor and also her pediatrician about this and they say she is ok, but if problem worsens to get her checked out again. I have suggested taking her to family counseling to help her tell us what is upsetting her. She is really close to J and I and she has always had a hard time with changes. J has said that "someone at daycare" asked if she was abused (sexually). So enough rambling. I told him I am concerned and that we should seek family counseling.

I am really worried but am wondering if this is a ploy to ask for custody and not pay child support. Can he make allegations without foundation. This is the first I have heard of this one and I would assume if "someone" asked him about that they would have have an obligation to talk to me also.

What can I do?

 

[CJane]

"someone at daycare" asked if she was abused (sexually). So enough rambling. I told him I am concerned and that we should seek family counseling.

I am really worried but am wondering if this is a ploy to ask for custody and not pay child support. Can he make allegations without foundation. This is the first I have heard of this one and I would assume if "someone" asked him about that they would have have an obligation to talk to me also.

What can I do?

If that SOMEONE at daycare is a teacher, they are likely MANDATED REPORTERS and are required to call CPS rather than discuss w/the parents.

However, if your child has regressed significantly and there are no medical issues, then definitely get her into counseling to see what is wrong. Is this only occurring at daycare?

 

[gottasmilemore]

the regression on potty training is only at daycare. She still wets the bed at home, but she is only 3. As for the lashing out and throwing fits. She is a normal 3 year old in my home. Wants her way and has minor meltdowns and such. But nothing like what she does at daycare. He says she is an angel at his house. I don't know I am not there. I am really worried about her right now and he says that he doesn't want to pay for a counselor. I want to have it in our agreement that we split medical expenses. Can i do that and also add that we must go thru family counseling?

 

[gottasmilemore]

also what about insurance. I have them insured right now. If i ask for 50\50 medical can i have him pay half of copays. I don't mind carrying insurance but need help with the out of pocket?

 

[Silverplum]

also what about insurance. I have them insured right now. If i ask for 50\50 medical can i have him pay half of copays. I don't mind carrying insurance but need help with the out of pocket?

Think long-term. Ask for him to be responsible for half of the PREMIUMS, too.

 

[gottasmilemore]

he is complaining already and crying poor, but i will ask. What about the counseling??

I will take her regardless, but I want him to come too so that the dr can explain to both of us what is going on. He says I don't ask enough questions and I want him there so I don't have to deal with the "you are not concerned enough" crap.

Man, I am beginning to wonder if I was just blind in my "happy everyone is getting along" place before this. It seems as soon as i started filing in the courts, all the bad comes out.

 

[Silverplum]

he is complaining already and crying poor, but i will ask. What about the counseling??

I will take her regardless, but I want him to come too so that the dr can explain to both of us what is going on. He says I don't ask enough questions and I want him there so I don't have to deal with the "you are not concerned enough" crap.

Man, I am beginning to wonder if I was just blind in my "happy everyone is getting along" place before this. It seems as soon as i started filing in the courts, all the bad comes out.

Honey, don't *ask* HIM. He'll say no, he can't afford it. Funny, you can.

File for it and ask the court to decide. Hint: The court WILL give you 1/2 premiums, 1/2 out-of-pocket, and 1/2 copays.

Often counseling expenses, too. You get nothing without asking...the court, I mean.

 

[CAmommy]

The person who posted before about teachers being mandated reporters is correct and if it was a teacher they can get in trouble for asking the parent if they assume its happening and not reporting it.

My daughter went through the wetting her pants at school when we moved and things changed for her. It happened for about a month until she got into a routine. My daughter is 3 also.

Changes throw us all off but kids are hit even harder sometimes. Who knows if this is your ex's way of trying to build a case or not. I will say that often kids act one way at a place and a different way at another. My daughter is a good girl but she knows who lets her get away with things sometimes or who she likes to push buttons with. If she acts better at his place it doesn't mean he's a better parent or she likes it better there.

 

[gottasmilemore]

File for it and ask the court to decide. Hint: The court WILL give you 1/2 premiums, 1/2 out-of-pocket, and 1/2 copays.

Often counseling expenses, too. You get nothing without asking...the court, I mean.

Can I have that done through mediation? I know we won't agree. Right now we don't have anything legal signed by the judge. I really want to have it all established but I also don't want that back and forth battle in the courtroom. *sigh* I wish this was simpler.

 

[CJane]

Man, I am beginning to wonder if I was just blind in my "happy everyone is getting along" place before this. It seems as soon as i started filing in the courts, all the bad comes out.

Look at it this way... all the 'bad' is going to come out eventually anyway... even if you do everything exactly as he wants you to right now. And that's what you're doing... you're not looking out for the best interests of your child, you're bowing to your ex's wishes... ya know, that guy you can't get along with or live with?

So stop it.

Stop trying to make CS more palatable for him. Go to mediation. Tell the mediator that you've decided to let the court decide on the paperwork, that the state guidelines must exist for a reason, and you cannot see getting an order for less.

If you WANT to refund some to him now and then go for it. But get the ORDER for what your child DESERVES and let HIM worry about whether or not he can 'afford' his extras.

 

[wileybunch]

Can I have that done through mediation? I know we won't agree. Right now we don't have anything legal signed by the judge. I really want to have it all established but I also don't want that back and forth battle in the courtroom. *sigh* I wish this was simpler.

He better be careful., He's responsible for 1/2 of medical -- premiums, co pays, all out of pocket expenses. If he messes with this, he may get a judge that orders him to carry the insurance **at his own expense**.

With the way health insurance premiums are rising, don't agree to take the premiums on yourself. You never know when it might cost you $5K/year to insure this child and that's before paying for copays, deductibles, etc.

 

[Silverplum]

Word to CJane. Now I don't have to type it!

 

[gottasmilemore]

So stop it.

Stop trying to make CS more palatable for him. Go to mediation. Tell the mediator that you've decided to let the court decide on the paperwork, that the state guidelines must exist for a reason, and you cannot see getting an order for less.

If you WANT to refund some to him now and then go for it. But get the ORDER for what your child DESERVES and let HIM worry about whether or not he can 'afford' his extras.

THANKS!! Sometimes I need a swift kick in the....hmm...."reality" . You guys are awesome.

Do you think i can ask the judge to mandate, is the the right term, family counseling??

 

[Silverplum]

He better be careful., He's responsible for 1/2 of medical -- premiums, co pays, all out of pocket expenses. If he messes with this, he may get a judge that orders him to carry the insurance **at his own expense**.

With the way health insurance premiums are rising, don't agree to take the premiums on yourself. You never know when it might cost you $5K/year to insure this child and that's before paying for copays, deductibles, etc.

Yep, you are so right. That's why I want OP to look to the future.

 

[Silverplum]

THANKS!! Sometimes I need a swift kick in the....hmm...."reality" . You guys are awesome.

Do you think i can ask the judge to mandate, is the the right term, family counseling??

Yes. All you can EVER DO is ask.
Then, hopefully, you receive.