a wrench in the works??

[gottasmilemore]

THANK!! again You all are AWESOME! I will do all of the above

 

[Silverplum]

THANK!! again You all are AWESOME! I will do all of the above

You're welcome.

It's CJane, really, who's AWESOME. We're all just her handmaidens.

 

[OnceUponATime]

The Virginia code actually has a different stipulation as far as medical expenses and health insurance. The parent carrying the health insurance for the kids will get a credit in the way of the cost to insure the kids (calculated) is added to the other parents support due and then multiplied by the overall income share of the parent. So if dad makes 60 percent of the combined income, he will be paying 60% of the premiums of the kids. Virginia code also stipulates that the custodial parent has responsibility for the first $250 of each child per calendar year. All costs above the $250 threshhold are prorated by each parent's respective income share. The cost to insure the kids is defined something like, "the cost above what the parent would otherwise have."

 

[gottasmilemore]

Hmm. something to think about....

We have mediation tomorrow so I will get to try my training wheels with with the research i have found to. BTW do you have a link to that rule. i didn't find that one yet.

 

[CJane]

Don't worry so much about the exact code right now.

Go here and plug in REAL numbers.

http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse_calc.cgi

Take that calculation with you as a starting point. Then, you'll also have the percentage of each of your incomes to the total... THAT is the percentage of costs above the $250 that you'd each be expected to pay.

 

[gottasmilemore]

Great! thanks that one really helps. ok check list

Don't bend over backwards for him
Let him be a man
let the state guidelines show what he can afford, not whinypants
ask for insurance/medical needs to be calculated in.
aks for family counseling
ask for payments thru child support services
ask for joint or "shared" custody
Don't bend over backwards
let him be a man
let the judge decide what whinypants can afford
don't bend over backward


Hmmm. any other suggestions?

still a little nervous about tomorrow's mediation

 

[CJane]

ask for joint or "shared" custody

Do you understand the difference between those two terms?

 

[gottasmilemore]

I think so. but just to make sure.....can you tell me. That is what the letter from the judge suggested.

I thought in VA they were synonymous.

 

[CJane]

Virginia Child Custody - Best Interests of the Child

Section 20-124.3 The Virginia Code lists a number of factors that the judge should consider in deciding what is in the child's best interests. They are:

1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child and the child's developmental needs;

2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;

3. The relationship between each parent and the child, the parent's positive involvement and ability to assess and meet the child's needs;

4. The childs needs including important relationships such as with brothers and sisters, grandparents, and other relatives;

5. The role which each parent has played and will play in the upbringing and care of the child;

6. Each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent, their willingness and ability to maintain a close relationship with the child, and their ability to cooperate in matters affecting the child;

7. The child's preference;

8. Any history of abuse; and

9. Any other factors the judges feels it is necessary to consider.


Other factors commonly considered:

1. The parent with whom the child is currently living at the time of the hearing has an advantage. Similarly, the parent who has put in the most time caring for the child has an advantage.

2. The parent who gets the home where the children have been living has an advantage. The parent who can offer the better living quarters has an advantage, particularly if each child can have a room of their own. The quality of the neighborhood where the parent is living can be an important consideration as well, particularly if one parent lives in a bad area.

3. The parent who is best able to reconcile the demands of working and caring for the children has an advantage. It is a definite negative if a parent will have to leave the child at home unsupervised while the parent is working.

4. New relationships can affect the balance between two contending parents. Particularly a new live-in significant other, promiscuity that the children will notice, and overt sexual behavior in their presence are big negatives.

5. A caring personality and a good heart go a long way with a judge if these qualities can be brought out in the courtroom. A mature attitude about letting the child continue to have a positive relationship with the other spouse, unselfishness, and putting the child's concerns first are also a major plus.

Ok, in VA, it's called 'shared custody' if the parent the child does NOT live with has the child more than 90 days/year. Which is what I think you're going for. That will change the CS calculation, and that's what you can use the mediator for.

Check out the info here...

It might explain to you why the judge rejected your idea the first time... you CAN deviate from guidelines, but you MUST explain why and it MUST be for one of the reasons listed.

http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+20-108.1

 

[gottasmilemore]

Whoo hoo. Jack pot. Thanks for the link.

5. A caring personality and a good heart go a long way with a judge if these qualities can be brought out in the courtroom. A mature attitude about letting the child continue to have a positive relationship with the other spouse, unselfishness, and putting the child's concerns first are also a major plus.

Wow i am doing something right. I think i deserve a cookie.

Hey CJane, wanna cookie, i just made two homemade batches from scratch?

They are extra special, my oldest -Sunshine, helped make them

 

[wileybunch]

Yes. All you can EVER DO is ask.
Then, hopefully, you receive.

I agree. The judge may appreciate your creative solution to do the best you can at co-parenting. OK, so counseling isn't all that creative really, but it's a lot better than smacking each other back/forth via the court and good could come of it.