I know this thread has left far behind the original topics, but I wanted to give some info on our family, so that you guys know where we are coming from... My husband and I have been married six and a half years. We met 6 months after the divorce, and were married two months later. His daughter was 6 at the time. According to her, in her primary residence, bathing, and later, pre-adolescent hygiene, was not taught or stressed. She'd ask her mom facts of life questions, and her mom bought her a book, but never followed up, even when she asked questions. So it became natural for her to come to us with those questions. When she wanted to know about menstrual cycles, my husband and I explained everything to her while baking bread in the kitchen. Watching the two of the talk is amazing - they can sit in a corner of a room for hours together - just the two of them - and discuss the whole world. They share an interest in astronomy and history, he taught her to diagram sentences and how to do algebraic equations. She cooks and bakes at our house, because she's not allowed at home, and she makes the world's best biscuits from scratch... her first full meal was chicken parmigian(sp) which is her daddy's favorite. She can take any recipe and prepare it perfectly the first time.
We are Christians, and she loves talking ethics and doctrine - and far beyond her age level. When she was 6, before we were married, and my husband asked her how she would feel about having a stepparent, her response was that if it was alright for Jesus, it was alright for her. She has stepped in and told her father morally how he has erred in certain situations, and backs it up from the Bible. She is a remarkable young woman.
I see that she gets some of it from her mother. I clearly haven't spent a lot of quality social time with mom
, but I know from the pleasant times that she has a good sense of humor. I know that she is good at room mother sort of crafts - diaramas and posters and stuff, and her daughter is excellent at art. She has her mother's pretty smile.
I am the bio-mom to two. We believe in a Biblical model of the home, which says that the husband is the head, and so in our family, steps aside, it is easy for my husband to be the decision maker. We discuss things, and generally, we are in agreement, but he gets the final say. Additionally, I am the helper... if my husband needs something done, I'm right there. And that's why I post. Like every normal person would be, this stuff depressed my husband. He looks at the kids being hurt by the deadbeats of both genders, and it makes him incredibly sad. While it makes me no less sad, I am capable of being a bit more detached, and thus, I am the perfect person to do the legal research and the motion writing. Additionally, organization is one of my skills, and I have a memory which allows me to remember, almost verbatim, communications from mom and her attorney. This has helped my husband more than once.
This isn't our first time around the block. This is the third post-judgement motion filed by mom. The only one he filed was his motion for custody. He has had two attorneys previously. The first handled his divorce and the first PJ motion. The crux of that motion was dad should not be allowed to take daughter for nonemergent care. In all the meetings, up to the day of the hearing, the lawyer advised him that this motion was ridiculous - of course dad should be allowed to take child to the doctor. He prepared accordingly, and defended his position strongly in his certification. At court the day of the hearing, the attorney spoke to him before going to conference with the opposing counsel, and advised him that legally, even with joint legal custody, he wasn't supposed to take the child to the doctor, so he would lose that point, and therefore should give in... I've come to understand that legally this is not right at all, and now there is a court order barring him from taking their daughter to the doctor. Even more unfortunately, no judge heard that case, because the attorneys came up with an agreement outside the courtroom beforehand, so this is an agreement that he made... That law firm failed to tell him of multiple communications from opposing counsel before papers were filed in which they demanded to know of all doctor visits, or else they would file... case never had to go to court (quickly - dad called and sent letters previous to all appointments asking to discuss their daughter's health - each time he received a note saying there was nothing to talk about).
Second case, mom claimed mental abuse. Visitation was withheld. Judge ordered risk assessment from the court. RA said that dad treats child as older than she is, and mom increases in the child fear of her father. She recommended the family go into counseling, and that visitation be slowly ramped up - since it had been non-existant for four months. Family went into counseling - counselor was supposed to provide report to court after second family visit. He waited until four months later, and two court orders before submitting a report that said there was no abuse and that mom had to start communicating better with dad. Judge ramped up visitation and resumed overnights. Family counseling ended, since mom wasn't willing to communicate (dad asked for it to go on - mom said they had nothing to talk about). Dad and daughter continued in counseling. Finally, after a year, judge finally spoke to daughter. He promised confidentiality so no one knows what was said, but the same day, he ordered that visitation be resumed. Our attorney failed to ask for make-up time for the last year in order to rebuild the relationship, and all along had said that the goal of this case was to get through the current issue and add a day of visitation. She never asked for the extra day. When counsel failed to agree with the substance of what the judge said in his final order so that it could be written, oc submitted the order to the court for signature under the five day rule. Dad called lawyer and asked what the five day rule was - it says that his counsel had five days from date of submission to let the court know what the problem was or else it would be entered as oc had sent it. Dad's counsel did not submit her disagreement, and so the order was entered without the judge's statement that the daughter must be provided for family counseling, and that the counseling should take place on mom's time, since there was more of it. It also stated that dad must take child to any and all activities that child has while with him, without including the codicil that dad has the right to decide which activities the child should attend (mom would make play dates for child during dad's time, and would use a school activity during dad's time as an excuse to withhold visitation for the entire time... an event on Saturday would keep the daughter away on Friday night as well.) The counseling part became important because dad works on Satuday, and there is a church activity on Wednesday nights - plus the family counselor doesn't have hours on Wednesdays. Dad would let mom know when there were counseling appointments, and she would say that she wasn't obligated to provide their child.
So, no legal questions to this post, just giving some background as to why dad is not the one posting, although he has asked me to find this information, and letting you know that we've been through this before with attorneys who have made mistakes that have dearly cost dad and daughter time together.