Concerned about visitation with NCP's family

[Mamie]

What is the name of your state? CP Maryland, NCP Florida

Hello,

A brief background. No visitation order, NCP has never met our son who is four and is now trying to establish visitation. He is resistant to going to court to establish visitation. I would very much like him to be in our sons life but there are a few things I am worried about.

NCP's mother and father just recently informed me that they do not think that the NCP and his wife are stable enough to be alone with my son. According to the NCP's parents they regularly fight and argue up to the point of cussing in front of their children and throwing things and chasing around each other in their cars with the children. They have also told the NCP's wife's other children that the NCP is Daddy to my son and the NCP's wife is Mommy to my son but just lives with someone else for right now. And the NCP's wife regularly bad mouths me in front of the entire family and children.

I have not had any contact with the NCP since I was pregnant (other than child support stuff) and have never met his wife. I don't know what to do. I want my son to know my father but do not want him to be witnessed to this negativity. Also, the NCP does not want to go to court and work out a visitation schedule. He wants to just be able to see my son whenever he wants.

What can I do? Just tell him to take me to court? Then, I'd be able to bring up my concerns?

 

[CJane]

What can I do? Just tell him to take me to court? Then, I'd be able to bring up my concerns?

Yup. Tell him that it really is in everyone's best interests to get a court order. That it protects everyone, and that you'll be happy to work everything out w/the help of a judge just to make sure everyone is protected.

Then stop taking his calls/emails/whatever unless and until you're served w/papers.

I'm willing to bet you won't be served.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

What can I do? Just tell him to take me to court? Then, I'd be able to bring up my concerns?

That would sum things up nicely

 

[Silverplum]

IF/when he does file for visitation, make dang sure you get it to be supervised for a bit, so they can get to know each other.

I'm proud of your attitude, Mom.

 

[Isis1]

I'm willing to bet you won't be served.

the horrible part is......that aplies to alot of these situations. sucks for the kids when a parent wants to be a parent on his/her terms.

 

[CJane]

the horrible part is......that aplies to alot of these situations. sucks for the kids when a parent wants to be a parent on his/her terms.

I'm rather on the fence about that.

I think, if a parent can't be bothered to do things the RIGHT way, then they probably can't be bothered to have a consistent relationship with the child anyway. And in that case? I'd really prefer they stayed away and left everyone alone.

 

[Mamie]

Yup. Tell him that it really is in everyone's best interests to get a court order. That it protects everyone, and that you'll be happy to work everything out w/the help of a judge just to make sure everyone is protected.

Then stop taking his calls/emails/whatever unless and until you're served w/papers.

I'm willing to bet you won't be served.

Yes, I bet I won't be served either. That's what bothers me about all of this. I know if I do that, the NCP won't go through court and my son will not get to know him. I feel as if I'm doing something to prevent them from knowing each other, but at the same time I trust his parents and their judgement (after all, the NCP is their son) and I can't stand for the thought of what might happen.

 

[Mamie]

IF/when he does file for visitation, make dang sure you get it to be supervised for a bit, so they can get to know each other.

I'm proud of your attitude, Mom.

Thank you. If he does happen to file, is there any specific steps I would have to take in order to make it supervised? I'm pretty sure that the NCP and his wife would not want me around to supervise, so we would have to use a third party.

 

[CJane]

Thank you. If he does happen to file, is there any specific steps I would have to take in order to make it supervised? I'm pretty sure that the NCP and his wife would not want me around to supervise, so we would have to use a third party.

You reasonably request that visitations take place monthly, in YOUR area at a supervision facility so that a relationship can be established w/the child.

Then, unsupervised visits... again IN YOUR AREA, overnight.

THEN, unsupervised visits in Dad's area at Dad's expense.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree with everyone else -- yes I am late to the party -- but have him take you to court. And until he does, he gets nothing by way of visitation. Not at this stage. If this were an infant that would be one thing. The other thing, hope he brings his wife with him to court when he does come. Hopefully she will state she is really mommy and you are just a glorified babysitter and then watch the judge go ballistic.