Final Trial Date 3-10-08

[Chamillion]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Yesterday, I decided to drop the appeal from the associate judges ruling on temp orders, and simply move to final trial. I considered it in my best interest to do so, considering that I would be presenting the same case for the temp orders as I would have the final trial...just in more detail, also as far as judicial economics are concerned, it'd be a better approach as well.

During the hearing, my ex's attorney mentioned that they are running out of money, which I assume means that she isn't able to pay him right now, or to continue having to pay him. Then when we go back into the chambers, he finds out that I requested a jury trial, which means more expensive. When he was speaking with them, (ex and her family) he said in so many words that if it was to go before a jury, she's more than likely going to lose.

Of course I have to go through mediation and parenting classes etc...to meet the judges requirements for the hearing and such, but when I went to pick my daughter up for visitation...something out of the norm happened. She actually talked to me. I'm thinking this whole thing is wearing her down financially and emotionally, and she's ready to negotiate with me. Its wearing on me too, and God knows I'm ready for it to be overwith already.

When it comes to mediation, I've already decided that my negotiating to a deal begins only with me having the right to determine the residence. Everything after that is just bend over backwards flexible for me.

If this goes to final trial, I'm more than confident that I'm going to win custody because of the facts and merits of my case and the preparation I've taken. I'd LOVE to settle this out of court, and if my ex could agree to us going back to pretty much what we had before, just that I have the LEGAL right to keep her in my home...that would work out so fine.

I've seen different descriptions of parenting plans here on the board, and I don't really understand any of them, so I came up with some parts of one that I could introduce at mediation, and with some guidance from you all, hopefully bring this to a close before the end of January.

I figured that it would be best to have my daughter enrolled in Alvin ISD. I live in in the district, so she can attend the school. It's roughly in the middle of both our residences (20 minutes from both our homes) and would provide a neutral meeting place for exchanges etc..

As far as child support would go, all I'd want is help with daycare since our bill would go back to what it was (1200 per month) when we had her back at our home. I have always paid for everything else, and still don't mind doing so. I REALLY want to work this thing out so that our daughter doesn't suffer through this mess any longer. Besides the child support, and school district, what is a better parenting plan that a judge would consider, that would be as close to half time as we can get? I'm open to everything guys, so hit me with it...I don't have much time before mediation so any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[majomom1]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Yesterday, I decided to drop the appeal from the associate judges ruling on temp orders, and simply move to final trial. I considered it in my best interest to do so, considering that I would be presenting the same case for the temp orders as I would have the final trial...just in more detail, also as far as judicial economics are concerned, it'd be a better approach as well.

During the hearing, my ex's attorney mentioned that they are running out of money, which I assume means that she isn't able to pay him right now, or to continue having to pay him. Then when we go back into the chambers, he finds out that I requested a jury trial, which means more expensive. When he was speaking with them, (ex and her family) he said in so many words that if it was to go before a jury, she's more than likely going to lose.

Of course I have to go through mediation and parenting classes etc...to meet the judges requirements for the hearing and such, but when I went to pick my daughter up for visitation...something out of the norm happened. She actually talked to me. I'm thinking this whole thing is wearing her down financially and emotionally, and she's ready to negotiate with me. Its wearing on me too, and God knows I'm ready for it to be overwith already.

When it comes to mediation, I've already decided that my negotiating to a deal begins only with me having the right to determine the residence. Everything after that is just bend over backwards flexible for me.

If this goes to final trial, I'm more than confident that I'm going to win custody because of the facts and merits of my case and the preparation I've taken. I'd LOVE to settle this out of court, and if my ex could agree to us going back to pretty much what we had before, just that I have the LEGAL right to keep her in my home...that would work out so fine.

I've seen different descriptions of parenting plans here on the board, and I don't really understand any of them, so I came up with some parts of one that I could introduce at mediation, and with some guidance from you all, hopefully bring this to a close before the end of January.

I figured that it would be best to have my daughter enrolled in Alvin ISD. I live in in the district, so she can attend the school. It's roughly in the middle of both our residences (20 minutes from both our homes) and would provide a neutral meeting place for exchanges etc..

As far as child support would go, all I'd want is help with daycare since our bill would go back to what it was (1200 per month) when we had her back at our home. I have always paid for everything else, and still don't mind doing so. I REALLY want to work this thing out so that our daughter doesn't suffer through this mess any longer. Besides the child support, and school district, what is a better parenting plan that a judge would consider, that would be as close to half time as we can get? I'm open to everything guys, so hit me with it...I don't have much time before mediation so any help would be greatly appreciated!

How old is your daughter? Why don't you put what would work for YOU out here, and let us poke holes in it. We don't know your work or activity schedules so it would be difficult for us to blindly suggest anything. Where is the school and daycare in relation to your jobs?

Are you looking at rotating weeks?... or Mon/Tue and EOW for one of you? then Wed/Thu and EOW for the other?

I would suggest you get out some calendars and mark them with a couple different ideas. Then look at birthdays and any 'traditions' your families have... Believe me "issue" always come up when sharing time so the more you can plan it out on the calendar to avoid those conflicts now, the better.

 

[Chamillion]

I work Monday through Friday from 7am to 3:30pm. The school is roughly 60 miles from my job...I have a pretty good commute. The daycare would pick her up for me and I have til 6pm to get her from there.

My daughter will be 5 in January. What would work for me..thats a good question because I never thought of it that way, always what would work for her. (the ex) Mainly because she doesn't have a stable work schedule, and she works weekends and sometimes nights, so a specific visitation schedule wouldn't work very well for her.

If I were to suggest something, it would be that 2 of her off days during the week (since they vary) she would have her, and then we alternate weekends. That would work for me fine. If she can't get her from school, there is always the daycare?

Problem I see right now though is that she works every weekend from what she has said before, so getting someone to watch her while she's at work would be a problem for her because her mom works weekends as well. Before all this mess started, when she would work weekends I'd always tell her that I'd pick up our daughter from her on her way to work, and then when she got off, I'd meet her to drop her off. She never took advantage of it though, but I could see that being a possibility for the times when she works.

I'm not sure what the courts would allow, but I really want to work this thing through, I'm tired of it, and I want it settled asap.

 

[Ronin]

It appears that you are considering taking a custody case to a jury trial as a pro se??

I don't mean to burst any bubbles or bum you out, but you need to understand some realities of the legal system in Texas.

If you did not file a proper responsive motion within 3 days of the associate judges ruling on temporary orders, your appeal on that issue would be moot, which I suspect may be the case here. Since the inclination is to lean toward maintaining status quo, any adverse temporary orders against you is never good.

Your ex's attorney is probably not so eager to go to trial because he risks not getting paid in full for it. In Texas, he cannot just drop his client, and unless the judge excuses him, he would be on the hook to continue representing her through trial. So it is in his best interest to try to settle this without trial.

However, if this attorney is drug into a jury trial...any attorney worth their salt can make mince-meat out of most pro se litigants in a jury trial. You are in one of the more conservative areas of the state (ie; moms get the kids...), and the other attorney will likely play both into these biases and your own inexperience.

I know how complicated a divorce trial can be because I have been there. After watching all the legal hoopla flying back and forth in court, there is no way I would have gone in there as a pro se, and for what it was worth my attorney earned her money in that trial.

If you do not already have the following books then for starters I highly recommend that you buy them from your local law school bookstore, as there is more than one in your particular area.

Texas Rules of Evidence
Texas Rules - Civil Trials
O'Connors Texas Family Code
All three by Jones-McClure Publishing and very good and easy to read. These are the books a lot of Texas lawyers carry into court with them. The info in these books can make or break you at trial.

If this goes to final trial, I'm more than confident that I'm going to win custody because of the facts and merits of my case and the preparation I've taken.

In a perfect world that may be true if indeed the merits of the case were in your favor. But there are just too many procedural issues in a jury trial that can manipulatively used by opposing counsel to bury you. The judge will not likely cut you any slack at all, and if you fail to make proper objections, or properly respond to objections the other attorney makes, or fail to make the right motions, then you waive any errors resulting from these.

Bottom line is it is way too easy to lose at trial for all the wrong reasons. Given the stakes, you just might be better off begging or borrowing the money needed for a trial attorney, especially in a jury trial.

If your ex is willing to voluntarily allow you to be the custodial parent rather than go to trial, then that is good for you. If not, don't be too arrogant and presume you will prevail as a pro se in a jury trial.

If this goes to final trial, I'm more than confident that I'm going to win custody...

If you do end up going to trial, you should be preparing for it as though you you have a high chance of losing, rather than confident of winning.

 

[Bloopy]

Shotgun guy? Sorry, but first impressions…

I requested a jury trial, which means more expensive. When he was speaking with them, (ex and her family) he said in so many words that if it was to go before a jury, she's more than likely going to lose.

Why? Sounds too fiasco to me. Maybe others will understand why this would be significantly better.

Of course I have to go through mediation and parenting classes etc...to meet the judges requirements for the hearing and such, but when I went to pick my daughter up for visitation...something out of the norm happened. She actually talked to me.

Good

When it comes to mediation, I've already decided that my negotiating to a deal begins only with me having the right to determine the residence.

What does this mean? Are you asking for full physical and legal custody?

I've seen different descriptions of parenting plans here on the board, and I don't really understand any of them, so I came up with some parts of one that I could introduce at mediation, and with some guidance from you all, hopefully bring this to a close before the end of January.

Could you please collect some of you relevant threads or individual posts?

You gradually were getting more and more time even though the official order never changed. Weren’t you up to 60/40?

You were officially given every weekend and want some weekdays. Why not let mom have just one weekend since she works anyway? Surely she can schedule off for one weekend a month or more easily get a family member to help. I agree that you shouldn’t “help” each other on the weekends. What about her days off? They vary right?

What do you want time wise? Maybe folks here could more easily say if it’s reasonable.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Does the X have a schedule that is posted for like a month? My boys' dad had a rotating schedule that rarely gave him weekends off. We had a parenting time schedule based on HIS work schedule that was communicated well in advance so that I could plan my schedule and the babysitter's schedule. He would have his 'two' days - he might pick 'em up from school, whatever.

A parenting plan would include the amount of notice to work out a schedule accordingly. You have notice so you can plan your life. The X has time with the child too.

 

[LdiJ]

Guys and Gals, this poster is the one who refused to drop off the child after visitation because her mother was not in the house, only her grandmother was. He is also the one who went outside with a shotgun when mom came to his house to get the child.

Honestly Camillion you really will get chewed up an spit out of you try to handle a jury trial pro-se. You have made some seriously bad errors in judgement throughout this process, and those WILL come back to haunt you.

 

[majomom1]

Guys and Gals, this poster is the one who refused to drop off the child after visitation because her mother was not in the house, only her grandmother was. He is also the one who went outside with a shotgun when mom came to his house to get the child.

Honestly Camillion you really will get chewed up an spit out of you try to handle a jury trial pro-se. You have made some seriously bad errors in judgement throughout this process, and those WILL come back to haunt you.

Hmmm.. that certainly adds a whole lot more to this, doesn't it.

I have never been on a jury... but wouldn't a jury be more likely to take all the issues into consideration, including the emotional tit for tat things that some people do? at least more so than a judge?

This also adds to the parenting plan. If mom has an unusual schedule, then it will be more important for them to communicate productively in order to have a "shared" schedule... and their ability to do that is already in question. If they cannot find a compromise and proceed to jury... that just further shows their inability to meet somewhere in the middle and co-parent effectively.

***Please note: I don't consider a shotgun as petty, or tit for tat. But in Texas, the judge may not find this to be as big deal, especially if OP can convince the judge of his actions. If I recall, this was in the middle of the night and out in the country. A jury is a whole 'nother story though that will watch his whole demeanor etc... in court and will be able to see what we can't see here on the boards...

 

[Chamillion]

Guys and Gals, this poster is the one who refused to drop off the child after visitation because her mother was not in the house, only her grandmother was. He is also the one who went outside with a shotgun when mom came to his house to get the child.

Honestly Camillion you really will get chewed up an spit out of you try to handle a jury trial pro-se. You have made some seriously bad errors in judgement throughout this process, and those WILL come back to haunt you.

I've already been to court behind the TRO that was issued due to the incident you have cited. The judge asked me why I acted in the way that I did, and my response was pretty much what MajMom said. It was in the middle of the night, police response is by county sheriffs, and that in itself is very slow because of where I live. I seriously live next to corn fields and cows.

As far as the not dropping off, the judge entered an injunction on the grandmother because after hearing the facts agreed with me that it was not safe for me to drop her off with the grandmother, especially after my ex corroborated my story on how we had previously agreed that our daughter would not be left alone with the grandmother.

He also considered that she was charged with assault (on me) and failed to show for court and now has a warrant issued for her arrest. I acted wholly on the part of defense of my family from whomever it was outside, as did my neighbors...not some sick sadistic plan to shoot my ex or scare her away with a weapon. My children, and my soon to be wife were inside my house. I live in an area that reminds people of Children of the corn whenever they come out to see me. I don't take the security of my family very lightly, and the judge apparently saw it that way too since he denied every single request for injunctions they asked for, and warned HER...not me.

I respect you all very much. I have received immeasurable help from all you throughout the drama filled life I lead at this time. I appreciate the honesty that you all display, especially when it’s not what I want to hear because you help me prepare even further for things. However, I believe that you've got a very WRONG impression of me here on this board. I am not some gun toting monster out to do some irreparable harm to someone I once loved, and had a child with. I'm a father, who is concerned about his child, and wants nothing but the best for her, hell for all of them. It just sucks that you have your mind made up about me. Thanks anyway though.

 

[Chamillion]

Does the X have a schedule that is posted for like a month? My boys' dad had a rotating schedule that rarely gave him weekends off. We had a parenting time schedule based on HIS work schedule that was communicated well in advance so that I could plan my schedule and the babysitter's schedule. He would have his 'two' days - he might pick 'em up from school, whatever.

A parenting plan would include the amount of notice to work out a schedule accordingly. You have notice so you can plan your life. The X has time with the child too.

I'm not certain about her work schedule. We honestly hadn't communicated roughly since September of this year at all. I have to drop my daughter off at 6 today, so maybe something good will come out of it. We can maybe start talking about resolving this thing and stop with the court dates.

 

[majomom1]

I've already been to court behind the TRO that was issued due to the incident you have cited. The judge asked me why I acted in the way that I did, and my response was pretty much what MajMom said. It was in the middle of the night, police response is by county sheriffs, and that in itself is very slow because of where I live. I seriously live next to corn fields and cows.

As far as the not dropping off, the judge entered an injunction on the grandmother because after hearing the facts agreed with me that it was not safe for me to drop her off with the grandmother, especially after my ex corroborated my story on how we had previously agreed that our daughter would not be left alone with the grandmother.

He also considered that she was charged with assault (on me) and failed to show for court and now has a warrant issued for her arrest. I acted wholly on the part of defense of my family from whomever it was outside, as did my neighbors...not some sick sadistic plan to shoot my ex or scare her away with a weapon. My children, and my soon to be wife were inside my house. I live in an area that reminds people of Children of the corn whenever they come out to see me. I don't take the security of my family very lightly, and the judge apparently saw it that way too since he denied every single request for injunctions they asked for, and warned HER...not me.

I respect you all very much. I have received immeasurable help from all you throughout the drama filled life I lead at this time. I appreciate the honesty that you all display, especially when it’s not what I want to hear because you help me prepare even further for things. However, I believe that you've got a very WRONG impression of me here on this board. I am not some gun toting monster out to do some irreparable harm to someone I once loved, and had a child with. I'm a father, who is concerned about his child, and wants nothing but the best for her, hell for all of them. It just sucks that you have your mind made up about me. Thanks anyway though.

Don't presume that minds are made up... or that you cannot present your case and change some of those minds. Continuing to come back and posting here, will eventually change their minds, or at the very least, earn their respect.

I think you did very well right here in this post. In court, with or without a jury, you will be presented with the same questions. Those people may have the same reservations and opinions, until you prove your case to them.

So back to your parenting plan... you both live equal distance from the school and daycare that you are proposing.

Your work is 60 miles away... where is mom's? With her changing work schedule... you will need to have a very specific plan for her time. You will need to be able to adjust, to accomodate and facilitate that.

The more reasonable and flexible you are, the better off you will be. Don't say the YOU want to pick the school etc... Try to go at it that you both need to decide on a good school and one that is equal distance etc. The more you can 'agree' on the less you will have conflict over later.

 

[CJane]

You mention that Mom has fluctuating work DAYS... what about HOURS?

Essentially the child will be in daycare for 12 hours/day (including school time) when she's w/you, yes? From roughly 6 or 630 am until 6 pm?

Does Mom's schedule allow for any of those daylight times?

Why is primary residence so important to you? Just out of curiosity.

MY schedule w/MY kids is as follows. It's 60/40 with me having the 60%. I live outside the school district, so my kids use Ex's address for school purposes.

Schedule:

Sun @ 8pm to Wed @ 8am - ME
Wed @ 8am to Fri @ 8am - HIM
Fri @ 8am to Sun @ 8pm - ALTERNATE

W/the exception of the Sunday nights when I pick them up after one of his weekends, ALL exchanges of the kids happen via the school bus. On HIS days, they get off the bus at his house, on MY days, they get off the bus at the sitter I've selected.

It works well as I don't have to see or talk to someone that I canNOT get along with, the kids don't have to see the dysfunction that is us, and no one is ever late to a pick up/drop off because we don't actually do it.

HOWEVER, it was a huge adjustment for the girls (one of whom was around your daughter's age when we got divorced).

Also, I'm not 100% convinced that a (roughly) 50/50 split is always (if ever) in the kids' best interests. It certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, but it's a gypsy lifestyle.

 

[Chamillion]

You mention that Mom has fluctuating work DAYS... what about HOURS?That I'm not too sure about either. She didn't mention anything to me about her hours of work, I only know that the place opens at 9 and closes at 9. I'm sure that doesn't help much though

Essentially the child will be in daycare for 12 hours/day (including school time) when she's w/you, yes? From roughly 6 or 630 am until 6 pm?Yea roughly that.

Does Mom's schedule allow for any of those daylight times?I'm pretty sure it would, I tried talking a little to her during the exchange on the 26th, in which she was very brief with me because she was in a rush to get someplace. I'll try again at the next exchange.

Why is primary residence so important to you? Just out of curiosity.Well, the reasons are starting to compile as time goes by. Initially, it was because my daughter was already living with me for the last 3.5 years. It only made sense to have the rights of the custodial parent since I had her as if I was. Then we move on to mom refusing visitation, violating court orders, assaulting me in front of the child, unstable employment, keeping bad company, refusing to give her medication according to doctors orders, not grooming, or even bathing my daughter.

In fact, just this week on the 24th, she calls and asks me had I noticed blisters on my daughters genitalia. I told her to take her to the ER to find out what's going on. She refused, and come to find out there was a couple things going on with her. Strep throat, yeast infection, and a urinary tract infection that had grown WAY out of control. Stuff like that, is the reason I want primary custody. We never had those problems in the 3.5 years when she was with us...they only surfaced when her mom took her.

MY schedule w/MY kids is as follows. It's 60/40 with me having the 60%. I live outside the school district, so my kids use Ex's address for school purposes.

Schedule:

Sun @ 8pm to Wed @ 8am - ME
Wed @ 8am to Fri @ 8am - HIM
Fri @ 8am to Sun @ 8pm - ALTERNATE

W/the exception of the Sunday nights when I pick them up after one of his weekends, ALL exchanges of the kids happen via the school bus. On HIS days, they get off the bus at his house, on MY days, they get off the bus at the sitter I've selected.

It works well as I don't have to see or talk to someone that I canNOT get along with, the kids don't have to see the dysfunction that is us, and no one is ever late to a pick up/drop off because we don't actually do it.

HOWEVER, it was a huge adjustment for the girls (one of whom was around your daughter's age when we got divorced).

Also, I'm not 100% convinced that a (roughly) 50/50 split is always (if ever) in the kids' best interests. It certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, but it's a gypsy lifestyle.

Yea, I am starting to see all of you guys points. I want to work with her as much as possible, but it would really be difficult to do so and keep her stabilized. If I was closer to her, the school bus idea sounds soooo awesome, but I live roughly 45 miles from her house, and across 2 school districts. If she is to come live with us, I would put her in Alvin ISD because it is right in the middle of us both of us and she could pick her up and drop her off there. That way we don't see each other at all, and the mess stays down.

 

[Chamillion]

Don't presume that minds are made up... or that you cannot present your case and change some of those minds. Continuing to come back and posting here, will eventually change their minds, or at the very least, earn their respect.I understand.

I think you did very well right here in this post. In court, with or without a jury, you will be presented with the same questions. Those people may have the same reservations and opinions, until you prove your case to them. That's exactly what helped me out during the TRO. I had to prepare for the worst, and hope for the best...and they definitely helped me do that!!

So back to your parenting plan... you both live equal distance from the school and daycare that you are proposing.

Your work is 60 miles away... where is mom's? With her changing work schedule... you will need to have a very specific plan for her time. You will need to be able to adjust, to accomodate and facilitate that. Yea...I work FAR from home, but its worth it..well almost when I trade in this Dodge for a Geo. Its well worth it though. Her mom works in the same city she lives in...like 10 minutes at most from her house.

The more reasonable and flexible you are, the better off you will be. Don't say the YOU want to pick the school etc... Try to go at it that you both need to decide on a good school and one that is equal distance etc. The more you can 'agree' on the less you will have conflict over later.

True enough. I brought this plan to her once before, about putting her first in a better school, and second..one that was in the middle for both of us. This was during mediation over temp orders that were being appealed, and she didn't want to agree on anything other than pretty much keeping things the same as we have right now. Like I said before...I think she wasn't prepared for the long and expensive trial, and she's just as willing to settle this now as I am. I also don't think she realized how difficult it is raising a child full time, getting them to and from where they need to be, feeding, homework, quality time, expenses, etc...I've been doing that since she was born, and when we broke up I kept on. She never had to do any of that, and now she does.

 

[IndyDad1on1]

Best suggestion here is to go to mediation.

This should have been suggested before a Jury Trial. If and when two parties (even the most stubborned ones) work things out together its for the best (and judges love it). If you skip mediation and put this back on the courts hands they may not like it.

Go to mediation prepared to listen and be willing to be reasonable on all issues. Do what you two think is best for he/she.

If after that neither party can agree on matters that are of importance, then court is the last resort.