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Is this harrassment?

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StacyLM

Junior Member
I reside in Wisconsin. My divorce was final on Sept. 17, 2007. I moved into my own apartment on July 1, prior to the divorce. We have joint physical placement of our 14 y/o son.

Before I moved out, my then husband felt that since I used $5,000 of his workers comp settlement (for a back injury) to pay off the loan on my mini van (which we both used) I now owe him this money. The van had an expensive engine problem that we didn't want to fix, it wasn't worth it. So I sold the mini van to a neighbor for $200 and used the $5,000 to pay it off so I could get the lien holder off of the title.

I told him that I could not afford to pay him this amount, and really don't feel I owe it to him anyway. However, I agreed to keep him under my health insurance policy from work as long as I could.

I work for the federal government. Because I needed to change my address due to the divorce and needed time off for court, my HR department was aware of my divorce and my husband was no longer able to be covered under my policy. (Later I learned that to keep him on my policy after the divorce would have been considered insurance fraud). However, I sent in the documents needed to continue coverage for my ex for 3 years under a different federal health insurance policy. This will cost him about $300 per month, which he states he can't afford. He expects me to pay this because I told him I would cover his health insurance. I did not say I that exactly. I told him I would try to keep him on my policy as long as possible, but I can't afford to pay this additional amount to him for his individual policy. This was all verbal, nothing in writing. He does not get benefits through his current employer. He is 57 y/o and I am 45 y/o. I work a full time job and a part time job already to make ends meet. I did not ask for maintenance or child support from him. I can't afford to pay him this amount monthly and don't really feel I should have to. He is suppose to pay me half of our son's drum lessons, but says he can't afford that, so I pay 100% of that, plus there are other things I could ask him to pay half for, per our Marital Agreement, however, I don't bother to ask for that.

But, he says to "buy his silence", I have to pay for this insurance. He says he will tell all my family how I was "whoring around" during the marriage and how I "stole" money from his mother (his mother helped us financially while I attended college a few years ago and I was only able to work part-time). I did see someone else towards the end of our marriage, and am still seeing this person. He does not have proof of this and just suspects it. However, he does not have the right to go to my brother, my dad (who is recently widowed and not in good health), my aunts and uncles and cousins, my brother's wife and her parents, etc. and tell them all how I "screwed around" on him, does he? He says if he doesn't call them or see them face to face, he will mail them letters. He says if I pay for his health insurance, he will keep his mouth shut about my "adultry and thievery". He also speakes disparagingly about me to our teenage son, who splits his time equally between us. I heard his dad on the phone, my son held the phone away from his ear so I could hear what his dad was saying. He was saying how he was "sick of my adultery and thievery". I can only imagine what else he tells our teenage son.

He leaves me messages on my cell phone almost daily (I have no land line) and sends me letters weekly telling me how awful I've made things for him and how I have "broken our home, broken our vows, broken his heart". We were married 15 years, and I tried my best for most of those years. The last few years I just quit trying to make it work. He is a very negative, blaming personality and of course, everything was always my fault. He also has a very bad temper, and cusses and swears, still, at me and at our son. He has a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde personality. Once when our son was little (about 2 or 3 y/o), he was pushing our son on a swing. My son got scared because the push was too high. I told my then husband not to push our child so high and he said, "fine, f*ck you both!!" and stomped away. I put up with this type of behavior for too long, but I am the one being made to look bad.

Do I have any legal recourse against him?

Thank you!
 
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legal recourse against him for what?

calling you names and threatening to tell your family crappy stuff? Why would your family listen to a word he said anyway?
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
verbal abuse?

I think this is verbal harrassment/abuse, and defamation of my character, and I am wondering if I and my family need to get a restraining order against him. Plus, he is saying bad things about me to our child.
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
And like I said he is like a split personality....he got my whole family Christmas gifts and they all think "oh, what a great guy". They probably wouldn't listen to him if he did follow through with his threats, but why should they have to be bothered with that crap anyhow? My dad is ill, my brother's child was diagnosed with autism, they don't need this bullsh** and neither do I!
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
And, do I actually, legally have to pay the insurance for him? He said that is what I told him I would do. I won't repeat what I already wrote about that, but that is the bigger question here.
 
And like I said he is like a split personality....he got my whole family Christmas gifts and they all think "oh, what a great guy". They probably wouldn't listen to him if he did follow through with his threats, but why should they have to be bothered with that crap anyhow? My dad is ill, my brother's child was diagnosed with autism, they don't need this bullsh** and neither do I!
you can certainly ask for a protective order, but are you seriously threatened by his behavior. I mean other than thinking he is a jerk? you don't seem "afraid" of him.

and sorry, but it would take a little more than a Christmas gift to make my family believe I was "whoring" around. In any event, you can't get a restraining order than keeps him away from them, only they can do that.
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
What is in the court order about the various items that you vented about?
There is nothing in the court order about my paying his health insurance. It only states that I will pay the health insurance for my son.

In regard to talking disparagingly about me, I believe that legally, he can't do that to my son, but I am not sure. It certainly is not in my child's best interest for him to do that.
 
And, do I actually, legally have to pay the insurance for him? He said that is what I told him I would do. I won't repeat what I already wrote about that, but that is the bigger question here.
not unless it is a part of the court order. Tell him it is time for him to get his own insurance. Period.

Who cares what you told him. You both told each other til death do us part too, remember??
 
There is nothing in the court order about my paying his health insurance. It only states that I will pay the health insurance for my son.

In regard to talking disparagingly about me, I believe that legally, he can't do that to my son, but I am not sure. It certainly is not in my child's best interest for him to do that.
True, the court does not encourage parents to speak ill of each other in front of the children. However, it is highly unlikely that any court action is going to really control that. Better to just let your son know that Dad is very angry right now, and sometimes says STUPID things that he doesn't really mean because he is having trouble dealing with his feelings.
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
Thanks for your input. I know he is trying to scare me or "blackmail" me into paying his insurance, and I just wanted to get some other opinions on if I am looking at this the right way. And I am not afraid of him physically, he never hit me (busted a few walls, though), but he does try to do mental and emotional harm. Because he is Sicilian, he "knows" people and I have heard him threaten to call them to harm others that have "wronged" him in the past. He never did, at least not yet.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Thanks for your input. I know he is trying to scare me or "blackmail" me into paying his insurance, and I just wanted to get some other opinions on if I am looking at this the right way. And I am not afraid of him physically, he never hit me (busted a few walls, though), but he does try to do mental and emotional harm. Because he is Sicilian, he "knows" people and I have heard him threaten to call them to harm others that have "wronged" him in the past. He never did, at least not yet.
:eek:
Calling LdiJ!!!!!
Administer the Politically Correct Beatdown, please. ;)
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
not unless it is a part of the court order. Tell him it is time for him to get his own insurance. Period.

Who cares what you told him. You both told each other til death do us part too, remember??
Yes, I remember, and I get a daily reminder of that from the ex. Also, I didn't say my family would believe what he said, only that they shouldn't have listen to the crap to begin with.

Seems there is nothing I can do to stop him, from what you are saying.
 

StacyLM

Junior Member
:eek:
Calling LdiJ!!!!!
Administer the Politically Correct Beatdown, please. ;)
Not sure what you mean by that, please elaborate****************************.


I certainly don't need a beatdown, my ex has already taken care of that. I'm not stupid, I got in my 4 years of college, have a job as a scientist with the federal government, etc. I just wanted to get some others views from people that are able to step back from the situation.

Since I don't understand your post, I don't find it very helpful to me.
 
Not sure what you mean by that, please elaborate****************************.


I certainly don't need a beatdown, my ex has already taken care of that. I'm not stupid, I got in my 4 years of college, have a job as a scientist with the federal government, etc. I just wanted to get some others views from people that are able to step back from the situation.

Since I don't understand your post, I don't find it very helpful to me.
uh, that's because it wasn't directed to you. The rest of us "get it".

don' worry 'bout it.;):D
 
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