Phone calls

[3UofMfans]

What is the name of your state? NC

My ex and I are in the middle of a custody hearing. The boys are with him during the week and with me on the weekends. He doesn't think I should speak with the boys on his 'custodial day' He has told me that if I am going to call then to call at 6 pm because that is what is best for his schedule. I call them every evening at 6 to see how school was. Sometimes he doesn't answer or doesn't tell me that they won't be there. If a judge puts in the CO that I am allowed to call at a certain time will he be able to arbitrarily just not answer because it is inconvenient for him?

 

[Isis1]

either parent should have free access to call their child/ren during visitations and custody. however, in situations like yours, getting a calling schedule is appropriate. Telling someone thay are not permitted to speak to their kids "because i said so" is not co-parenting.

in my circumstance, i gave the NCP a time that would be best to contact the kids on a daily basis from 5pm-8pm. NCP had a problem with it, judge only made it an order that he can have at least one phone call during that time frame. of 4pm-7pm. huge difference i suppose. i suggest sending a letter requesting a time frame first (maybe from an attorney) of wanting some phone time with the children on his days and maybe scheduling some sort of time frame on your days.

if he still says no, or doesn't respond, definitely take it to court.

p.s. keep a log.

 

[3UofMfans]

We are in the middle of our hearing now. We had two days last week and probably another 2 days to go sometime soon. He doesn't understand the term co-parenting! I just want to make sure that I am not being unreasonable. I call at 6 because that is the time he told me to call but then he doesn't make the children available. The boys have a cell phone and dad knows he can call whenever he wants. He called a couple of times in the last few months just to show me how annoying it is. I just laugh. I don't know why he would think it annoys me...they are his children! He says that we can't call his home before 9 am (my oldest called him one day at 8:30 because he needed dad to bring something to football and wanted to tell him before he left for the day) but he doesn't hesitate to call mine at 7 am. So is it typical to get a block of time instead of a specific time? Am I wrong in wanting to talk to them for 5 minutes to see how their day was? I only call once a day and speak to each child for 2 or 3 minutes.

 

[Isis1]

i actually like the block of time. my kids go play at friends houses, or outside. perhaps i am on the phone with a company (and unless the NCP is dying, it's not an emergency) the kids can call him back. and it's really unfair to input an exact time to either parent. what if either child or parent forgot some information they wanted to share? do they really have to wait until the next day? why not have the freedom to call back? and in my case, the NCP works during the timeframes. it's possible he doesn't get his breaks at those exact times. so some flexibility should be given.

and most children don't hold 30 minute conversations over the phone. the NCP i deal with always complains his calls are brief. I didn't get it. did he think a child was going to discuss the pro and cons of the war in iraq? of the new presidential election? the only time any of my kiddy conversations lasted more then 10 minutes is when something bad happened or dad didn't give him the ice cream he wanted.

so yes, i understand you when you say your ex doesn't know the definition of co-parenting. so see if you can get a response in writing. keep a log. and just let the kids know you miss them.

 

[3UofMfans]

i actually like the block of time. my kids go play at friends houses, or outside. perhaps i am on the phone with a company (and unless the NCP is dying, it's not an emergency) the kids can call him back. and it's really unfair to input an exact time to either parent. what if either child or parent forgot some information they wanted to share? do they really have to wait until the next day? why not have the freedom to call back? and in my case, the NCP works during the timeframes. it's possible he doesn't get his breaks at those exact times. so some flexibility should be given.

and most children don't hold 30 minute conversations over the phone. the NCP i deal with always complains his calls are brief. I didn't get it. did he think a child was going to discuss the pro and cons of the war in iraq? of the new presidential election? the only time any of my kiddy conversations lasted more then 10 minutes is when something bad happened or dad didn't give him the ice cream he wanted.

so yes, i understand you when you say your ex doesn't know the definition of co-parenting. so see if you can get a response in writing. keep a log. and just let the kids know you miss them.

Actually my 9 year old would discuss the election. LOL I like the block of time. I am a paramedic so sometimes if I am with a patient then I miss my call. But I won't call them more than once because that would really set him off. I tell them I love them but I don't tell them I miss them because I don't want them to be sad because I am alone...call me strange, I am just worried that would make them feel guilty or something. Thanks for the help. I guess I will ask my attorney to make this request at our next court date.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I call them every evening at 6 to see how school was.

He called a couple of times in the last few months just to show me how annoying it is.

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state? NC

My ex and I are in the middle of a custody hearing. The boys are with him during the week and with me on the weekends. He doesn't think I should speak with the boys on his 'custodial day'

hehehe My ex was like this. I ended up having to make the rounds of local public phones to speak with the kids on his weeks. It really got quite comedic.

However, we now have a specified time for calls. The kids are to call him on a particular day of the week, between specific hours. If, for some reason, they're not going to be able to do so (we sometimes have unalterable plans) I have them call him earlier and/or I send an email to let him know when they'll be calling. Generally, when they do call w/in the specified times, he's not there and calls back at his leisure. As far as I'm concerned, he's free to call them whenever he wants to.

When they're with him, I have a specified time frame when I can call them. More often than not, they're not there, the phone's not answered (and the machine's off) or the phone's busy. They both have cellphones, though, so I just send them a text to call when they have a chance.

So yeah - get a court-specified time when he is to make them available, and include some sort of wording regarding call-backs if they're not available when you call.

 

[proudwifey]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

She's a PARENT for cripes sake! There's no reason in the world that a PARENT should not have the opportunity to speak with their children. Maybe if she were calling 5-10 times a day, THAT would be considered excessive. But trying to be INVOLVED in your childs life by making daily phone calls? When did that become the wrong thing to do???

OP, if the children have cell phones, why don't you get the number?

 

[stealth2]

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

Well then... seeing a kid every day also seems a bit excessive.

Seriously - I think that as long as it's not hours at a time, a quick "hey, how was your day? How was your math test? Lots of homework?" type call isn't asking a lot. Daily.

 

[wileybunch]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

The devil is in the details. They may -- they may not depending on circumstances. Depending on age of child, I agree daily is excessive and could be an issue with an attachment or jealousy issue of the one parent that's calling and needs to keep that tie going so child doesn't feel totally at the other parent's house when they are there -- sorta one foot in both places. If there has been any allegation of the calling parent being one that's withheld children or alienated from other parent, obviously that will weigh in. I think Dad may have also been trying to show you how good you have it b/c he does NOT call every day. The better thing is probably for Mom/Dad to tell kids they can call Mom at 6PM if they so desire and leave it up to the kids (and Dad needs to really honor kids' desire to call).

OP, how old are the kids?

I call them every evening at 6 to see how school was. Sometimes he doesn't answer or doesn't tell me that they won't be there. If a judge puts in the CO that I am allowed to call at a certain time will he be able to arbitrarily just not answer because it is inconvenient for him?

I'm so glad I don't have something like this required of me that every.day I have to get kids to certain place to receive phone call or notify someone they won't be there. What a pain in the rear.

 

[3UofMfans]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

He told me that. He gets to see them 6 days a week.

Why does talking to them for 5 minutes after school to see how school was seem excessive? I went from seeing them at least half the week to being a weekend mom. I went from being involved in their schooling and homework to only having weekends. It is a whopping 20 minutes a week. I don't think that is too much to ask.

 

[3UofMfans]

The devil is in the details. They may -- they may not depending on circumstances. Depending on age of child, I agree daily is excessive and could be an issue with an attachment or jealousy issue of the one parent that's calling and needs to keep that tie going so child doesn't feel totally at the other parent's house when they are there -- sorta one foot in both places. If there has been any allegation of the calling parent being one that's withheld children or alienated from other parent, obviously that will weigh in. I think Dad may have also been trying to show you how good you have it b/c he does NOT call every day. The better thing is probably for Mom/Dad to tell kids they can call Mom at 6PM if they so desire and leave it up to the kids (and Dad needs to really honor kids' desire to call).

OP, how old are the kids?

I'm so glad I don't have something like this required of me that every.day I have to get kids to certain place to receive phone call or notify someone they won't be there. What a pain in the rear.

The boys are 13 & 9 1/2. The oldest has problems in school and I like to keep up on how it is going. Dad has always and will always have open access to his children. I have never denied him calls. He sees them 6 days a week and would have them every day if he had his way. He is very controlling and basically feels that I am only mom when I have them. He does not keep me informed on school functions and issues so I stay infomed by asking my children how things are going. If something happens on Monday then by Friday odds are the boys will forget and not tell me. The oldest actually calls me after school every day and then I call the youngest later. Dad thinks that his 'custodial days' are his only. He doesn't even believe that I should go to the school and have lunch with the youngest. I have made this a tradition since the oldest started K and I was still married. Once or twice a year I go to the elementary school and have lunch. I am not overbearing nor am I trying to make sure they don't forget about me. I just want to stay involved in all aspects of THEIR life...not his. I invite him and his family to church functions involving the children. I have them call dad if anything happens...good or bad, while they are with me. I make sure he is not alienated in any way! These will be OUR children no matter whose parenting time it is. The phone calls are 4 times a week and last 5 minutes. The 6 pm time was his doing. They (not sure if it is him or wife) will bang pots and pans, vacuum, eavesdrop while I am trying to talk to the boys.

 

[Ohiogal]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

I don't. Because I have seen them order that.

 

[StampGirl]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

My court order says exacty that. My Ex gets to call the kids every single day that he doesn't have them at his house. He exercises that too by 8pm every day.

 

[3UofMfans]

Thanks

I don't. Because I have seen them order that.

I divorced dad not the kids. I try very hard to keep him involved in their life even though I only have them on weekends. They have their own cell phone here and he doesn't hesitate to call and he knows that I have no problems with that. I would never request anything from him that I am not willing to give in return.