child abuse in custodial parents home

[madz]

What is the name of your state? CA

My fiancee has joint legal custody of his 8yr old son and 13 yr old dtr. He has visitation with them on weekends. Mother has not taken dtr to school for a week and dtr now getting f's in all classes. She is telling the school that the father has consented to home schooling which is not the case being that last year she removed the girl from school and failed the home school program and was written a notice that a return to the program is not recommended. NExt, the boy tells us of domestic violence that he witnesses in his mothers home. That mother and stepfather yell at each other calling names and breaking and throwing things in the home. Recently the girl was in the vehicle with mother and stepfather. Dtr claims opposing gang members pulled up next to them and threw gang signs (stepfather lives life comparable to a gang member) and stepfather sped and chased them in car. Dtr claims she was scared and lowered her head to the seat as she was in fear of being shot. She comes to our house wearing bathing suit bottoms and her mothers underwear stating she doesn't have underwear at her mothers house. The mother and stepfather have recently taken in his 3 children from another relationship and some of the children, we are told, are forced to sleep on the floor. Father has been seeking full custody and has been put off over a year due to court ordered therapy and co-parenting which he signs up for immediate;y, but mother stalls for months. School district unable to help. I've heard of Ex Parte hearings. Does anyone think this case would warrant this? If not, it will continue at least through March.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA

My fiancee has joint legal custody of his 8yr old son and 13 yr old dtr. He has visitation with them on weekends. Mother has not taken dtr to school for a week and dtr now getting f's in all classes. She is telling the school that the father has consented to home schooling which is not the case being that last year she removed the girl from school and failed the home school program and was written a notice that a return to the program is not recommended.

Dad needs to contact the school & request the contact information for the truancy board. The school doesn't mete out consequences, the truancy board does...but not unless they are aware of it. She will get NAILED for this. And, in CA, truancy is heard @ the Police Stations, not in the Court.

NExt, the boy tells us of domestic violence that he witnesses in his mothers home. That mother and stepfather yell at each other calling names and breaking and throwing things in the home. Recently the girl was in the vehicle with mother and stepfather. Dtr claims opposing gang members pulled up next to them and threw gang signs (stepfather lives life comparable to a gang member) and stepfather sped and chased them in car. Dtr claims she was scared and lowered her head to the seat as she was in fear of being shot.

Sounds frightening & dangerous...but there is no proof/evidence of this, beyond a child's words. Dad can petition the court to appoint a GAL, CASA or Minor's Attorney for the child's Best Interest.

She comes to our house wearing bathing suit bottoms and her mothers underwear stating she doesn't have underwear at her mothers house. The mother and stepfather have recently taken in his 3 children from another relationship and some of the children, we are told, are forced to sleep on the floor. Father has been seeking full custody and has been put off over a year due to court ordered therapy and co-parenting which he signs up for immediate;y, but mother stalls for months.

Dad needs to file a motion for Contempt then. If Mom is failing to attend Court Ordered therapy & co-parenting, that is reason to file Contempt and a Change of Custody- BOTH.

School district unable to help. I've heard of Ex Parte hearings. Does anyone think this case would warrant this? If not, it will continue at least through March.

Have Dad to first thing in the morning on a weekday to the Family Law Facilitator's office. He needs to tell them all you've told us. They will help prepare his Ex Parte documents.

 

[onebreath]

In addition of resources mentioned that the court could appoint, one other resource is to request a child custody evaluation/pysch evaluation. However I would not ask for that in court unless you have researched beforehand and are ready to suggest a particular one or two evaluators in your area that are proven professionals in custody evaluations. A professional custody evaluator will come into your home, observe you with your child, have a meeting with you and your child in their office (as well as dad...its all equal), spend time alone with the child and evaluate child in a therapuetic manner. You would both take pysch tests, and have a few hours of individual interviewing with the evaluator. The evaluator makes a recommendation and then a follow court date is made in court to determine whether to put those recommendations into effect. I went through one close to 6 years ago. The pyschologist was respected by the courts and his recommendations were put into effect for several years...despite my ex constantly taking me back to family law court.

In our case, one huge variable was our childs bonding with each parent, which was the only place that she has ever gotten heard safely in the court system. However, the first eval cost me $4,000 (judge didn't trust my concerns so LET me pay for), we did two updates with the same guy that cost $1000 apiece, which me and ex split.

 

[casa]

In addition of resources mentioned that the court could appoint, one other resource is to request a child custody evaluation/pysch evaluation. However I would not ask for that in court unless you have researched beforehand and are ready to suggest a particular one or two evaluators in your area that are proven professionals in custody evaluations. A professional custody evaluator will come into your home, observe you with your child, have a meeting with you and your child in their office (as well as dad...its all equal), spend time alone with the child and evaluate child in a therapuetic manner. You would both take pysch tests, and have a few hours of individual interviewing with the evaluator. The evaluator makes a recommendation and then a follow court date is made in court to determine whether to put those recommendations into effect. I went through one close to 6 years ago. The pyschologist was respected by the courts and his recommendations were put into effect for several years...despite my ex constantly taking me back to family law court.

In our case, one huge variable was our childs bonding with each parent, which was the only place that she has ever gotten heard safely in the court system. However, the first eval cost me $4,000 (judge didn't trust my concerns so LET me pay for), we did two updates with the same guy that cost $1000 apiece, which me and ex split.

OP is in CA. CA has mandatory Mediation for any contested Custody Action. No Judge will order a 730 eval. prior to that. Also 730 evals are costly in CA, I'm talking $5,000 and up.

 

[onebreath]

Yep, thats probably true...when I requested one (in court, after the mediation session), it was 4,000...that was 6 years ago. Yet, it was the only thing that saved my kids butt from the courts ruthless orders.

Not to be combative at all...I have heard horror stories about GALS...If its not a neutral, professionally trained counselor, then they often side with one parent.

I have no experience with a kids attorney, or a CASA, my understanding of CASA workers were they work only with disadvantaged kids...we do not qualify.

My experience is to have as much choice as possible in court. If a GAL is asked for, then have a name to request, if a custody evaluator asked for, have a name to request, if a child attorney or CASA worker requested, have a name to request.

All of that involves hustling research...with respected attorneys, friends, whomever can give info.

The one good thing, as I mentioned in last post, our impartial custody evaluator did for us was to listen in depth to our kid. His word protected her from the state legislation, which in my belief is not in the childs best interests', for several years in courtrooms.

 

[casa]

Yep, thats probably true...when I requested one (in court, after the mediation session), it was 4,000...that was 6 years ago. Yet, it was the only thing that saved my kids butt from the courts ruthless orders.

Absolutely. I strongly believe in Advocacy.

Not to be combative at all...I have heard horror stories about GALS...If its not a neutral, professionally trained counselor, then they often side with one parent.

True...and Unfortunately, states differ in their guidelines/requirements. In this case, you hire a Minor's Attorney~ Someone who actually is an attorney AND Advocate. Some states, like OG's combine the 2 (Attorney/Advocate=GAL).

I have no experience with a kids attorney, or a CASA, my understanding of CASA workers were they work only with disadvantaged kids...we do not qualify.

Most CASA cases are low income...but that's not the common denominator. The majority is abuse/neglect cases. It can be a bridge from the system to the court &/or from the children to the court, when there is no other. They aren't available everywhere either- and so that presents a problem re; long waiting lists or denial based on 'Need'.

My experience is to have as much choice as possible in court. If a GAL is asked for, then have a name to request, if a custody evaluator asked for, have a name to request, if a child attorney or CASA worker requested, have a name to request.

Actually, the Truth is requesting a 'Court Appointed' advocate is Best. This accomplishes more than one task: It ensures the highest options re; guidelines/training (less city/state lawsuits which are big $), and also: It demonstrates your 'Faith' in the Court/Judge & your willingness to accept assistance/direction from the Courts. Or so it presents in many cases. Of course, you can still 'Request' one that you chose~ but you are opening the door to wasting time & money litigating whether that would involve a bias of some part on the advocate.

All of that involves hustling research...with respected attorneys, friends, whomever can give info.

The one good thing, as I mentioned in last post, our impartial custody evaluator did for us was to listen in depth to our kid. His word protected her from the state legislation, which in my belief is not in the childs best interests', for several years in courtrooms.

Evaluators & Advocates, however, are different entities. Advocates can work WITH evaluators, but they are not the same. One takes the clinical/Psychological aspect(s) and the other takes the Emotional/Legal aspect(s).

 

[onebreath]

Hi Casa,

Its good to get your professional feedback. I still have questions about GAL workers, and I suppose underlying this is a complete lack of faith in the court system operating in the childs best interests. I assume if there are x amount of GAL's available to the court, that the court will assign any old one to the case, and again, I have heard absolute horror stories of biased GAL's. Perhaps you have more experience with good Gals, then I have, but I just do not trust their liability in taking care of my kid.

Thanks for your feedback...

 

[madz]

continued troubles

So my fiance is going to file for ex parte custody hearing. He had a call from his ex today she was telling him that she has enrolled the dtr in a "cyber" school. They dont even own a computer. The father has adamantly let them know he does not approve of home school. And the dtr told him just last week that she doesn't want it either. Mother says dtr old enought to make her own decisions. While yelling at home and cursing, the mother put the daughter on the phone and told her "tell him!" and she said (a 13 yr old) "Dad I can make my own decisions you already went through your schooling,let me do mine the way I want." I repeat the child is saying she can make her own decisions. Yet the mother proceeds to tell dad that dtr can not properly function in school and keep up with the curriculum as she has the mental capacity of a 6th grader and she still plays with toys and dolls. That's seems very contradictory! He has joint legal custody and as such we have learned that no major educational change can be made without the consent of BOTH parents. We recorded this conversation where he tells her "i've told you that I don't want her to be home schooled" and she says "well too bad, It's done and there's nothing you can do about it." If we understand the order correctly he has rights to his dtr's education and has the right to refuse home schooling. Is she violating his rights by insisting on the home schooling? Isn't that contempt by doing so? Would the recording help?

 

[casa]

So my fiance is going to file for ex parte custody hearing. He had a call from his ex today she was telling him that she has enrolled the dtr in a "cyber" school. They dont even own a computer. The father has adamantly let them know he does not approve of home school. And the dtr told him just last week that she doesn't want it either. Mother says dtr old enought to make her own decisions. While yelling at home and cursing, the mother put the daughter on the phone and told her "tell him!" and she said (a 13 yr old) "Dad I can make my own decisions you already went through your schooling,let me do mine the way I want." I repeat the child is saying she can make her own decisions. Yet the mother proceeds to tell dad that dtr can not properly function in school and keep up with the curriculum as she has the mental capacity of a 6th grader and she still plays with toys and dolls. That's seems very contradictory! He has joint legal custody and as such we have learned that no major educational change can be made without the consent of BOTH parents. We recorded this conversation where he tells her "i've told you that I don't want her to be home schooled" and she says "well too bad, It's done and there's nothing you can do about it." If we understand the order correctly he has rights to his dtr's education and has the right to refuse home schooling. Is she violating his rights by insisting on the home schooling? Isn't that contempt by doing so? Would the recording help?

WHOA! That is an illegal recording! CA is an "all party consent" state...that means ANY/EVERYONE on the phone has to consent. Not be 'notified' but actually CONSENT.

Yes, Dad has the Right to file for Contempt of Court Order & Custody action against Mom. I suggest he do it ASAP via an Ex Parte. Mom CANNOT 'unilaterally' yank the child out of school <Any School>. In addition, home-schooling was previously addressed in this case & it was advised NOT to do that.

 

[casa]

Hi Casa,

Its good to get your professional feedback. I still have questions about GAL workers, and I suppose underlying this is a complete lack of faith in the court system operating in the childs best interests. I assume if there are x amount of GAL's available to the court, that the court will assign any old one to the case, and again, I have heard absolute horror stories of biased GAL's. Perhaps you have more experience with good Gals, then I have, but I just do not trust their liability in taking care of my kid.

Thanks for your feedback...

I've heard some horror stories too...but they are the minority, not the majority. It's like that saying "No News is Good News" or "Happy Customers don't complain", etc.

What helps is to look up individual state guidelines for GALs, that way you know what the guidelines/requirements are in your state...so you can make the decision re; what type of advocate would be best.

And, of course the advocates that tend to wield the most power tend to be the Social Workers who have Dept. Social Services' resources/clout to back them up.