Phone calls

[3UofMfans]

My court order says exacty that. My Ex gets to call the kids every single day that he doesn't have them at his house. He exercises that too by 8pm every day.

Does it bother you that he calls them? My ex has never really made it a habit to call everyday consistently when they were with me but the times he calls don't affect me because they are his children. I guess I have never walked in his shoes but I just don't see why 5 minutes is such a big deal. My issue with the time is due to him only giving me at 6 pm and not a block of time to make that call. If he said I had between 5-8 and they weren't available when I called it wouldn't be an issue but when HE gave me one specific time then it is up to him to make them available. I honestly would prefer the block method.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I don't. Because I have seen them order that.

In that case, since my favorite lawyer says it's true, I'll take it back.

I do know that in MY case(different state/situation) The Ex would immediately start crying foul and complaining about how I am trying to control what goes oninher household(BTDT).

 

[profmum]

Out of curiousity, did Dad TELL YOU that he was calling to show you how annoying it is, or is that why you think he was calling?

This is not about annoying the other parent but to check and see how the kids are doing

Calling every day seems a bit excessive. I doubt that a court would order that.

wrong, courts have and most lilkely can order a call once day.

 

[Ohiogal]

In that case, since my favorite lawyer says it's true, I'll take it back.

I do know that in MY case(different state/situation) The Ex would immediately start crying foul and complaining about how I am trying to control what goes oninher household(BTDT).

Good man. And ex can start crying foul but A DUTY of the CP is to encourage and facilitate the relationship between the child and the NCP. So therefore, a phone call a day is not too much to ask.

 

[stealth2]

In that case, since my favorite lawyer says it's true, I'll take it back.

So.... what the rest of say is moot, PSDM?

I do know that in MY case(different state/situation) The Ex would immediately start crying foul and complaining about how I am trying to control what goes oninher household(BTDT).

Yeah, lots of us have idiot ex's. So what? You don't want to talk to LMPS daily? Then don't. But some parents would like to.

 

[3UofMfans]

In that case, since my favorite lawyer says it's true, I'll take it back.

I do know that in MY case(different state/situation) The Ex would immediately start crying foul and complaining about how I am trying to control what goes oninher household(BTDT).

He does try to control what happens in my house. His attorney actually brought up the fact, in court, that he does not know my friends. We have been divorced over 7 years! I don't know his friends. This is our first full custody hearing ever and I really don't know what is normal. I use common sense but then he tells me I am crazy etc. I know my questions may seem stupid to some but we got along great for over 4 years and I know what our norm was but now I don't know what is truly acceptable because we can't co-parent any more.

What does BTDT stand for?

 

[StampGirl]

Does it bother you that he calls them? My ex has never really made it a habit to call everyday consistently when they were with me but the times he calls don't affect me because they are his children. I guess I have never walked in his shoes but I just don't see why 5 minutes is such a big deal. My issue with the time is due to him only giving me at 6 pm and not a block of time to make that call. If he said I had between 5-8 and they weren't available when I called it wouldn't be an issue but when HE gave me one specific time then it is up to him to make them available. I honestly would prefer the block method.

Nope doesn't bother me in the least. Our kids were young (6yrs, 2.5yrs and not even born) when we divorced. It helped them adjust to talk to daddy everyday. If he calls during dinner, my oldest just says she will call him back. She usually answers the phone as he calls her cell (which I bought her a few yrs ago for this purpose). Then they call back after dinner.

When they are at his house on his weekend, they call me too. Doesn't matter the time, if they are going to be busy most of the day etc they call in the morning.

No block of time just before 7pm (or 8pm) as they are getting ready for bed or asleep by 8:30pm.

 

[wileybunch]

I divorced dad not the kids. I try very hard to keep him involved in their life even though I only have them on weekends. They have their own cell phone here and he doesn't hesitate to call and he knows that I have no problems with that. I would never request anything from him that I am not willing to give in return.

I'm confused, but it's probably just me. If Dad sees the kids every day and you have weekend visitation, why are you trying very hard to keep their Dad involved in their lives? Sounds like he already is.

They (not sure if it is him or wife) will bang pots and pans, vacuum, eavesdrop while I am trying to talk to the boys.

That is ridiculous. My husband's ex's husband makes monkey sounds in the background when he's talking to ex. How can the kids NOT know the parent is disparaging the other with the pot banging/monkey sounds? I'm honestly not sure what, if anything, can be done about that. Maybe a senior knows.

You are within your legal rights to have the calls that are in your CO. If you aren't causing problems, then your ex needs to comply, but it sounds like he's going to skirt it a little, but not too much that you make a legal issue of it.

Personally when my kids are with their dad (8.5yo twins), I don't initiate phone calls. I used to, but I felt like I was intruding on their time and in their case he only comes in a few times a year for visits and no matter how much I miss them, I need to let them have solid time, not one foot with each parent. But, this is obviously much different than when kids go back/forth between parents that see them all the time. Different dynamics.

 

[3UofMfans]

I'm confused, but it's probably just me. If Dad sees the kids every day and you have weekend visitation, why are you trying very hard to keep their Dad involved in their lives? Sounds like he already is.

That is ridiculous. My husband's ex's husband makes monkey sounds in the background when he's talking to ex. How can the kids NOT know the parent is disparaging the other with the pot banging/monkey sounds? I'm honestly not sure what, if anything, can be done about that. Maybe a senior knows.

You are within your legal rights to have the calls that are in your CO. If you aren't causing problems, then your ex needs to comply, but it sounds like he's going to skirt it a little, but not too much that you make a legal issue of it.

Personally when my kids are with their dad (8.5yo twins), I don't initiate phone calls. I used to, but I felt like I was intruding on their time and in their case he only comes in a few times a year for visits and no matter how much I miss them, I need to let them have solid time, not one foot with each parent. But, this is obviously much different than when kids go back/forth between parents that see them all the time. Different dynamics.

They are involved in Church functions here so I let them know about confirmation classes etc and invite him and his family when it is something I think they would like to be involved in. They have been to our church for 3 different occasions. Also parents from school will call sometimes regarding parties etc so I call the ex and discuss things before just assuming that I will take care of the matter. Or even just small things like when one of the children loses a tooth I have them call dad. They are wonderful boys who like to share their life with all of us. I come from a very close family and we just talk a lot. I want to make sure the boys have that open communication to reach out to family to celebrate the good and share the bad.

We don't have a CO. Honestly, things just went downhill the week he proposed to his wife. His feeling (he actually said this to me) is that he has a 'new family' now and that his wife is a good mom(she doesn't have children) and I just have to understand. He tries to alienate me from the kids and tells them he is going to do special things with them on the weekends. So then I am put in a bad position because now I can either agree to let him have my time or look like the bad guy to the kids if I say no.

I am not trying to be a pain to him by calling. I am just desperately trying to stay involved in THEIR lives because he is trying everything in his power to keep me out of all of it...medical, educational, parenting time. I was the primary caregiver and took care of scheduling appointments, school conferences and stuff because of his schedule up until my children were 10 & 7. When he started to alienate me and the children started to fail their classes I petitioned the courts to basically flip flop our schedule because I felt that I would better facilitate a good relationship between them and I have more time available to get my oldest tutoring and to work with the school to do whatever I can to help them.

 

[wileybunch]

Uh oh .....
OP, you NEED a CO. I'm sure you don't want to rock the boat, but you are better off getting things established now vs. waiting for alienation to set in and THEN trying to dig yourself out of a hole.

 

[3UofMfans]

Uh oh .....
OP, you NEED a CO. I'm sure you don't want to rock the boat, but you are better off getting things established now vs. waiting for alienation to set in and THEN trying to dig yourself out of a hole.

I petitioned for custody 2 years ago but he has delayed the proceedings the entire time. We finally had our hearing last week and his attorney tried to delay it again. I know they are just trying to do this to show status quo. We are not even half thru the hearing. I am waiting to hear back from my attorney about the next date.

He has tried his best to alienate me. Last month he threatened to tell the kids that they won't go to Disney because of me. It was all so stupid. He wanted all of Spring Break and I said ok but I want a few extra days of winter break. He didn't want to work with me on that so I said we would stick with status quo and that is when he threatened to tell the kids they were going to Disney but now I won't let them. It's just been a nightmare. I really do try but most of the times it is like talking to a brick wall.

 

[Bloopy]

Should a time frame for the durations of phone calls be put into an initail order over phone calls? Or is that only done if there is a problem?

Honestly, you’d think it would be common sense but this seems to become a point of contention.

 

[3UofMfans]

Should a time frame for the durations of phone calls be put into an initail order over phone calls? Or is that only done if there is a problem?

Honestly, you’d think it would be common sense but this seems to become a point of contention.

There are a lot of things that you would think would be common sense but they are not. I just don't understand why we can't just get along for their sake. There is such a power struggle it is amazing. My oldest actually hangs up on me if someone comes home and he is on the phone with me. He is so afraid he will get in trouble for calling me. He is 13. He shouldn't feel that way.

I don't know if there should be a time limit or not. I would hate to rush my children if they were telling me a story or something. It wouldn't bother me if there was one in mine. My phone calls usually only last about 5 minutes.

 

[Bloopy]

There are a lot of things that you would think would be common sense but they are not. I just don't understand why we can't just get along for their sake. There is such a power struggle it is amazing. My oldest actually hangs up on me if someone comes home and he is on the phone with me. He is so afraid he will get in trouble for calling me. He is 13. He shouldn't feel that way.

I don't know if there should be a time limit or not. I would hate to rush my children if they were telling me a story or something. It wouldn't bother me if there was one in mine. My phone calls usually only last about 5 minutes.

5 minutes for a daily call seems very reasonable. Sure, there are days to chat it up.

The hitch is SOME parents nag and beg to keep their child on the phone for an excess of 30 minutes and get upset if the call needs to end, even if it is the child wanting to end the call.

On the flipside, if a time period is specified Dad may feel it’s appropriate to stand there with a stopwatch.

I don’t know if your Ex would abuse calling, but it seems have call guidelines in place for both of you is a fair as can be given the friction.

 

[3UofMfans]

5 minutes for a daily call seems very reasonable. Sure, there are days to chat it up.

The hitch is SOME parents nag and beg to keep their child on the phone for an excess of 30 minutes and get upset if the call needs to end, even if it is the child wanting to end the call.

On the flipside, if a time period is specified Dad may feel it’s appropriate to stand there with a stopwatch.

I don’t know if your Ex would abuse calling, but it seems have call guidelines in place for both of you is a fair as can be given the friction.

I have been calling them for years on school days. He knows that I don't stay on but for a few minutes. He is just on a power trip right now. I have asked my attorney about mandatory counseling for us (this county doesn't have parenting classes) Maybe if someone just refocuses him on the best interest of the children we can get back to the way it was I do have a question on that. Would you recommend having or not having SM involved in coparenting counseling? She is overly involved in the decisions and I am not sure if she would be told to back up a little or I would be told to grow thicker skin lol