New Wife CS Responsibility

[daddenied]

What is the name of your state? CA

Some of you know that I am getting married in April and moving across the country to my fiance's state, NY. Although I am looking for work, my last day of work will be the 1st week of April, and we plan on being in New York on Apr. 28th. Perfect world would be that I have found a job by that time, but if not I will be out of work until then. I was advised to file a modification from my last attorney once I am out of work as it may decrease the amount of CS I am ordered to pay while out of work. Many of you know my story so know I am not going to NOT pay CS when I am working, but this will be a fresh start for me. My question is, while I am NOT working, should I worry that they will garnish my new wife's check? Where we will live her income will be enough to sustain us, barely until I start working. I am sick at the thought that she will have her monies taken out of her check. She tells me that I am worried over nothing, because she is not ordered to pay CS and once I get a job I can start paying CS again, but I still wonder if she could just be naive and we could both be ignorant to how the system works. I've been screwed so many times by our wonderful justice system, I just don't put anything past anyone...California or New York.

Also, after I file a modification, will I be able to appear by phone due to the distance of where I will be living or do you suggest I make arrangements to show up in person? Again, I ask, because it seems that I know what to expect every time I go to court and it makes me feel better to be screwed without having to spend money I don't have to travel all that way. Please advise.

Worried about new wife,
DD

 

[CourtClerk]

First of all, the attorney that told you to file a modification because you are voluntarily underemploying/unemploying yourself should have told you that the chances of that downward modification being approved is close to zero. Once you have a child, you do not have the luxury or the right to stop supporting your child because you want to follow the new woman/man around and get established somewhere else. As such, since you are voluntarily unemploying yourself, your new wife's income can almost certainly become a basis for your new child support order until you get yourself established. Since you are willing to live off of her, the court will expect that your child will also. If you fail to pay the order, then it will result in all of those other things happening to you, including the suspension of your license at 30 days in arrears and possible attachment of your assets.

Some counties in California will allow, and have made accomodations to allow telephone appearances. You will need to send in the appropriate paperwork to both the court and (if involved) Child Support Services and pay the telephone appearance fee. They will not allow you to appear via cell phone last I checked, so you will need to be on a landline.

 

[Zephyr]

CC- while what you are saying is factually accurate- this dad is not just up and following the new chick across the country- this case is like a horror story of custody cases....

DD- as CC said there is a very real chance you may not get the mod....if you can at all pay ahead to give yourself a little cushion for finding employment then you should do so, cause you know mom is going to come after you with guns blazing (figure of speech) the minute you get out of line, as in missing 1 payment

 

[daddenied]

Once you have a child, you do not have the luxury or the right to stop supporting your child because you want to follow the new woman/man around and get established somewhere else. As such, since you are voluntarily unemploying yourself, your new wife's income can almost certainly become a basis for your new child support order until you get yourself established. Since you are willing to live off of her, the court will expect that your child will also. If you fail to pay the order, then it will result in all of those other things happening to you, including the suspension of your license at 30 days in arrears and possible attachment of your assets.

QUOTE]

Mr or Miss Court Clerk, it is unnecessary for you to jump in and assume that I am looking for the luxury of NOT paying CS. I'm assuming you've never followed my case, so will try not to take this personally. And, for yourinformation I am not "following" the new woman. We decided that living in her town and her state is the only way I can survive and will offer me a better quality of life, while still taking care of my children at what I can afford and not what my ex-wife and the courts dictate. I am NOT living off of my new wife! I am leaving my job to move there to start working a job (as I have had my resume out in her town for a month now). Due to the fact that the cost of living is less in that area, so will be the income. I've NEVER failed to pay CS and even when I was laid off and had to be on unemployment at one time, half of my check was taken for CS, but my CS ordered amount was reduced. I am well aware that it may not reduce it at all or very much, but there is only so much they can do less take blood from me. Please refrain from making comments about me and my "following" the new woman around as you obviously have no idea about my case.

Regards,
DD

 

[CourtClerk]

Whatever the reason... you got a factually correct answer.

If you are going to her town, you are following her. If you don't like the way I put it... tough. But it is what is it. No matter the reason, you are going there... to be with her, hence following her.

I never said (please post where I did) that you were look for the luxury of not paying CS. I say exactly what I mean... when I want to tell you that you are looking for a way not to pay support, I will say just that. So, when you speak of people jumping to conclusions, perhaps you should stop jumping so high. You're hitting your head on the ceiling and its affecting your ability to comprehend.

 

[daddenied]

Thank you!

CC- while what you are saying is factually accurate- this dad is not just up and following the new chick across the country- this case is like a horror story of custody cases....

DD- as CC said there is a very real chance you may not get the mod....if you can at all pay ahead to give yourself a little cushion for finding employment then you should do so, cause you know mom is going to come after you with guns blazing (figure of speech) the minute you get out of line, as in missing 1 payment

Hi Zephyr!

How are you? Good to see somebody I know. I do understand I may not get the modification, but I probably will get slammed for saying this, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My ex will receive CS for Apr. 1st this year. My retirement will roll into an IRA, and as I planned it, my employer will owe me some vacation and personal time paid out with a final check. Our plan was that we put that money in a savings account for CS while I am unemployed. As I explained earlier, we are well aware that I may not get a modification. If I do, great! If not, I will have at least a few months to pay her. BUT, I think because of all the crap she has put me through, they can live with the sting of not getting May and June's CS. I'd like to live 60 days without her constant harrassment through the email and USPS. She told me 3 of our sons needed braces and I told her with the insurance we have I can afford to do them one at a time, or even overlap as the one is almost done. What does she do? Take all 3 to the most expensive ortho in her area, NOT a provider on my insurance then sends me a bill for $11000.00 and of course she types in big print, please pay in 30 days or I will attach 10% interest on it. She told me our 2 sons needed glasses. I send herinsurance information and she takes them to a Non-provider office and my insurance will not pay now and she sends me a bill for those. I tell her we cannot afford contacts (I CAN'T afford contacts and I have a damn job!)...what does she do? Order them glasses AND contacts...several pairs, because of course she doesn't want our kids to be without. So...back to what I was saying, I was thinking of simply moving and when I get a job report it to the courts so they can start taking CS. But, maybe not paying her May, June and maybe even July then sending it all at once after she is fuming, and fussing. I know...many of you may think this is immature and childish and it IS, but I haven't been afforded the luxury of being able to just laugh at all the madness she has caused. My children are completely alienated from me and now mimick everything she says. The last time I saw them they called me names and were so disrespectful I wanted to put them over my lap and spank them all...hard to do when they stand 6 feet to 6 feet 10 now, between the 4. I have experienced way too much hurt while trying to do the right thing and have lost all sons in the interim with the help of the family court system. I think having a little fun with my ex won't kill anyone.

Thanks again!
DD

 

[penelope10]

Hi Zephyr!

How are you? Good to see somebody I know. I do understand I may not get the modification, but I probably will get slammed for saying this, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My ex will receive CS for Apr. 1st this year. My retirement will roll into an IRA, and as I planned it, my employer will owe me some vacation and personal time paid out with a final check. Our plan was that we put that money in a savings account for CS while I am unemployed. As I explained earlier, we are well aware that I may not get a modification. If I do, great! If not, I will have at least a few months to pay her. BUT, I think because of all the crap she has put me through, they can live with the sting of not getting May and June's CS. I'd like to live 60 days without her constant harrassment through the email and USPS. She told me 3 of our sons needed braces and I told her with the insurance we have I can afford to do them one at a time, or even overlap as the one is almost done. What does she do? Take all 3 to the most expensive ortho in her area, NOT a provider on my insurance then sends me a bill for $11000.00 and of course she types in big print, please pay in 30 days or I will attach 10% interest on it. She told me our 2 sons needed glasses. I send herinsurance information and she takes them to a Non-provider office and my insurance will not pay now and she sends me a bill for those. I tell her we cannot afford contacts (I CAN'T afford contacts and I have a damn job!)...what does she do? Order them glasses AND contacts...several pairs, because of course she doesn't want our kids to be without. So...back to what I was saying, I was thinking of simply moving and when I get a job report it to the courts so they can start taking CS. But, maybe not paying her May, June and maybe even July then sending it all at once after she is fuming, and fussing. I know...many of you may think this is immature and childish and it IS, but I haven't been afforded the luxury of being able to just laugh at all the madness she has caused. My children are completely alienated from me and now mimick everything she says. The last time I saw them they called me names and were so disrespectful I wanted to put them over my lap and spank them all...hard to do when they stand 6 feet to 6 feet 10 now, between the 4. I have experienced way too much hurt while trying to do the right thing and have lost all sons in the interim with the help of the family court system. I think having a little fun with my ex won't kill anyone.

Thanks again!
DD

Actually the thought of having a little bit of fun with the ex by missing a couple of CS payments is very immature. You are getting back at your ex at the expense of your children. I realize that the ex may not have behaved well or correctly, but that does not mean that you should stoop to her level at the expense of your children.

None of us that get divorced and have children get to have a "fresh start" in the sense that we may be divorced from the ex, but we are not divorced from our children. Sorry if your kids aren't treating you well. You are the adult and you are the one that needs to build the bridge. Moving across the country is going to leave little opportunity for you to do this.

As I stated, the ex may not be acting in a difficult manner, but that is between you and her. Divorce is hard on kids, even when parents behave as adults. You may move on with your life and remarry, your ex may remarry, but you two will be your children's parents for the rest of their lives. When parents divorce and remarry, kids end up having a whole series of new people in their lives that they don't ask for. It can be distressing and scary for them. They often treat one or both parents badly because they are hurt. The normalcy in their lives has been uprooted.

So you should not be looking at this as having fun at the ex's expense. In the long run you will be hurting your children which is not what a parent should do.

 

[Zigner]

I never said (please post where I did) that you were look for the luxury of not paying CS.

Actually, you did...

Once you have a child, you do not have the luxury or the right to stop supporting your child...

But, that doesn't change the validity of what you said

 

[CourtClerk]

Actually, you did...


But, that doesn't change the validity of what you said

I stand corrected... thanks Ziggy!

 

[CJane]

Hey DD... for what it's worth, I think you're trying to do the right thing within the limits of what the court has saddled you with.

So, go on with your life and enjoy the hell out of it.

And no, they'll not be garnishing your wife's wages. Just not gonna happen.

Don't buy property together though. And keep your accounts separate and pay your CS once you're employed. It'll work out.

 

[daddenied]

Thanks!

Actually you will be having a little bit of fun with the ex is very immature. You are getting back at your ex at the expense of your children. I realize that the ex may not have behaved well or correctly, but that does not mean that you should stoop to her level at the expense of your children.

None of us that get divorced and have children get to have a "fresh start" in the sense that we may be divorced from the ex, but we are not divorced from our children. Sorry if your kids aren't treating you well. You are the adult and you are the one that needs to build the bridge. Moving across the country is going to leave little opportunity for you to do this.

As I stated, the ex may not be acting in a difficult manner, but that is between you and her. Divorce is hard on kids, even when parents behave as adults. You may move on with your life and remarry, your ex may remarry, but you two will be your children's parents for the rest of their lives. When parents divorce and remarry, kids end up having a whole series of new people in their lives that they don't ask for. It can be distressing and scary for them. They often treat one or both parents badly because they are hurt. The normalcy in their lives has been uprooted.

So you should not be looking at this as having fun at the ex's expense. In the long run you will be hurting your children which is not what a parent should do.

Thank you for your comments. I knew I would get crushed by many of you for saying this, especially since no one really knows what has transpired in my case. I appreciate your comments nonetheless. It's not necessary to tell me of the immaturity as I stated that in my own post. I have attempted to visit the children we have EVERY weekend last year, less 3 weekends since I technically SHARE joint legal and physical custody, and every week I get nasty emails from their mother and each of them from their private emails saying no, they hate me, (yet of course have no idea why), they want me out of their lives, I suck...these are the same kids from the time they were born until our divorce in 2002 and even into the summer of 2004 I had a WONDERFUL relationship with. In our divorce agreement written by their mother SHE states that I am a WONDERFUL father...ALWAYS had been and our irreconcilable differences is what hurt our marriage...SHE left me and didn't want to work hard for our family to survive. My boys insist that if their mother wasn't such a money monger, they could be rid of me in their lives...I tell them that if they feel that way I have no problem stopping CS if they request it from the courts and their mother agrees to it. Maybe I would be able to eat without the assistance of my church and maybe I would be able to live in a place a little more comfortable if that were the case. Again, PLEASE know paying CS has never been my issue...it has been SEEING my children and fathering them the way I should be able to, even if I am a NCP. For 4 years now, I have been kept from doing and every right I've had as a father has been trampled on. My sons won't miss the money from me they say...and maybe we know that's not true, but that is the reason I have no qualms about having them wait on their support. If they need it they will ask and OF COURSE I'm going to pay it...just not as quickly as their mother wants it. And, if any more posts come disgusted by me, please consider this reply for all. I had my questions answered earlier. Thank you!

 

[daddenied]

Thanks!

Hey DD... for what it's worth, I think you're trying to do the right thing within the limits of what the court has saddled you with.

So, go on with your life and enjoy the hell out of it.

And no, they'll not be garnishing your wife's wages. Just not gonna happen.

Don't buy property together though. And keep your accounts separate and pay your CS once you're employed. It'll work out.

Thank you very much! I continue to pray that one day soon or when my sons become adults they will come to me and want to talk things out and hear what I have to say. As ugly as my earlier comments may have been, I love the hell out of them, but want to have some peace myself. Have a good day CJane!

 

[penelope10]

Thank you for your comments. I knew I would get crushed by many of you for saying this, especially since no one really knows what has transpired in my case. I appreciate your comments nonetheless. It's not necessary to tell me of the immaturity as I stated that in my own post. I have attempted to visit the children we have EVERY weekend last year, less 3 weekends since I technically SHARE joint legal and physical custody, and every week I get nasty emails from their mother and each of them from their private emails saying no, they hate me, (yet of course have no idea why), they want me out of their lives, I suck...these are the same kids from the time they were born until our divorce in 2002 and even into the summer of 2004 I had a WONDERFUL relationship with. In our divorce agreement written by their mother SHE states that I am a WONDERFUL father...ALWAYS had been and our irreconcilable differences is what hurt our marriage...SHE left me and didn't want to work hard for our family to survive. My boys insist that if their mother wasn't such a money monger, they could be rid of me in their lives...I tell them that if they feel that way I have no problem stopping CS if they request it from the courts and their mother agrees to it. Maybe I would be able to eat without the assistance of my church and maybe I would be able to live in a place a little more comfortable if that were the case. Again, PLEASE know paying CS has never been my issue...it has been SEEING my children and fathering them the way I should be able to, even if I am a NCP. For 4 years now, I have been kept from doing and every right I've had as a father has been trampled on. My sons won't miss the money from me they say...and maybe we know that's not true, but that is the reason I have no qualms about having them wait on their support. If they need it they will ask and OF COURSE I'm going to pay it...just not as quickly as their mother wants it. And, if any more posts come disgusted by me, please consider this reply for all. I had my questions answered earlier. Thank you!

For the record, I never stated that I was disgusted by you--just wanted you to see it from the kids perspective. Sorry if you thought I was beating you up, that was not my intent.

Divorce can be hard on kids, and just as adults don't always act in an appropriate manner, children can too. They don't have the maturity level or coping skills often.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

While you are in there modifying your court order, make sure they add the stipulation that she must use a doctor/dentist etc that is under the insurance plan unless one isn't available within (fill in the blank) mies. If not, the parent taking them is responsible. There should be a stipulation if there is an emergency.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you very much! I continue to pray that one day soon or when my sons become adults they will come to me and want to talk things out and hear what I have to say.

Maybe, maybe not.
From experience, I vote NOT.

As ugly as my earlier comments may have been,

Not "may have been." Flat-out "were." They were ugly. Admit it, take responsibility. But you won't.

I love the hell out of them, but want to have some peace myself.

Because being a parent is all about having some peace yourself, isn't it?