friend lost custody, very worried about her!

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? vt I have a friend who recently was in a custody battle. She has lost custody of her two boys. Her ex came to her house the day he got the court order "he won" and removed the two boys. She went into her bathroom and cried for about 2 hours, called me to come over saying she wanted to die. I found her on the couch curled up in a blanket and she looked 20 years older. I talked with her all night just about. I do call her everyday. But she has not talked to her two boys now for about 2 weeks, and will not return calls from her ex. He does not leave nice messages. Now she says she can deal with it better emotionally if she is away for awhile. She says out of sight out of mind. She claims she feels numb, and feels that since the courts took her children from her and gave him sole custody ( she has generous visitation), she feels like they just died. I don't quite understand her emotional stability right now. But, I asked her about therapy, she refuses, saying it won't bring them back. I have never seen anyone go into depression so quickly like this. Her ex is not helping by leaving messages like, your nothing now. She is talking about leaving everything behind. Now her ex is claiming he is taking her back to court to take away her time with the boys. ITS ONLY BEEN A FEW WEEKS! I called him and he told me to butt out, (understandably), but I don't know legally if she will lose her visitation, and I think after losing to him in her mind, nothing means anything anymore. Any ideas for me to help her???? Her kids were her life. And I do know that she does not hate her ex, she is just so sad, depressed, and numb. She is a good mom. God Bless Faith

 

[jbowman]

I called him and he told me to butt out, (understandably),

And this is exactly what you should do. Just be her friend. Aside from that I suggest you hushhhhhhhhhhhhh. You seem to have enough drama in your own life to try giving help and/or advice here. Sorry just my two cents after knowing your history.

 

[Silverplum]

I dunno -- she sounds like anyone I've ever known that sustained a major emotional blow. She's grieving right now.

My H was miserable to not win custody. No one (official) cared. No one EVER cares, except friends. His X was nothing BUT nasty. No one cared. He was NEVER "allowed" to speak to his sons except when it was Officially His Parenting Time. No one cared.

Be there for her, is all you can do.

What is the name of your state? vt I have a friend who recently was in a custody battle. She has lost custody of her two boys. Her ex came to her house the day he got the court order "he won" and removed the two boys. She went into her bathroom and cried for about 2 hours, called me to come over saying she wanted to die. I found her on the couch curled up in a blanket and she looked 20 years older. I talked with her all night just about. I do call her everyday. But she has not talked to her two boys now for about 2 weeks, and will not return calls from her ex. He does not leave nice messages. Now she says she can deal with it better emotionally if she is away for awhile. She says out of sight out of mind. She claims she feels numb, and feels that since the courts took her children from her and gave him sole custody ( she has generous visitation), she feels like they just died. I don't quite understand her emotional stability right now. But, I asked her about therapy, she refuses, saying it won't bring them back. I have never seen anyone go into depression so quickly like this. Her ex is not helping by leaving messages like, your nothing now. She is talking about leaving everything behind. Now her ex is claiming he is taking her back to court to take away her time with the boys. ITS ONLY BEEN A FEW WEEKS! I called him and he told me to butt out, (understandably), but I don't know legally if she will lose her visitation, and I think after losing to him in her mind, nothing means anything anymore. Any ideas for me to help her???? Her kids were her life. And I do know that she does not hate her ex, she is just so sad, depressed, and numb. She is a good mom. God Bless Faith

 

[Grandma's house]

And this is exactly what you should do. Just be her friend. Aside from that I suggest you hushhhhhhhhhhhhh. You seem to have enough drama in your own life to try giving help and/or advice here. Sorry just my two cents after knowing your history.

QUOTE: Just be her friend

and that Is all you can do for her. Also to encourage her to see her kids because she could lose visitation for not taking them. How terribly sad for her. Give her hugs and insist on dropping in to see her. It's still new. She will recover with good friends like you.

 

[faithnlve]

First of all I don't judge others after "knowing" their history. You can have an opinion and that is all. You don't know me, and I don't know you. But I do believe that many people in life have many heart wrenching struggles and look for advice from others. I am not one to turn my back, but I am someone who will take constructive criticism, and I will give my opinion or help based upon personal experiences and learning what to expect. I am not giving her any legal advice, I am trying to console her and be a friend. But, thanks for exposing your generous finger in my direction Jbowman. God Bless Faith

 

[jbowman]

First of all I don't judge others after "knowing" their history. You can have an opinion and that is all. You don't know me, and I don't know you. But I do believe that many people in life have many heart wrenching struggles and look for advice from others. I am not one to turn my back, but I am someone who will take constructive criticism, and I will give my opinion or help based upon personal experiences and learning what to expect. I am not giving her any legal advice, I am trying to console her and be a friend. But, thanks for exposing your generous finger in my direction. God Bless Faith

You asked what you should do and I responded just like the other posters did.-- Be her friend. What else do you want? Youre stating that you dont want to give her any legal advice and THIS IS A LEGAL SITE so what other advice did you want to hear? Did I say "turn your back"?

And um, there are a whole lot of "I"s in this post. Sure its about her or the attention you want?

 

[faithnlve]

She can lose visitation for what she is going through now?! Faith

Oh, and Jbowman, the I's, the many I's are me talking to you.

 

[Zephyr]

send her to nancm.org

everyone there knows exactly what she is feeling

 

[Isis1]

without trying to be mean she is going through her pity party, her own self mourning. she'll get over it. just encourage her to go see her kids on her visitation times. once she misses her kids....she'll get back on track.

this too, shall pass.

 

[faithnlve]

You asked what you should do and I responded just like the other posters did.-- Be her friend. What else do you want? Youre stating that you dont want to give her any legal advice and THIS IS A LEGAL SITE so what other advice did you want to hear? Did I say "turn your back"?

And um, there are a whole lot of "I"s in this post. Sure its about her or the attention you want?

I never said I don't WANT to give her legal advice. I said I have NOT given her any legal advice. And you should hushhhhhhhhhh when it comes to giving advice other than legal. Faith

 

[faithnlve]

send her to nancm.org

everyone there knows exactly what she is feeling

EXCELLENT IDEA!! Thank you!

 

[Zephyr]

without trying to be mean she is going through her pity party, her own self mourning. she'll get over it. just encourage her to go see her kids on her visitation times. once she misses her kids....she'll get back on track.

this too, shall pass.

um Isabella- that's a real flip way to put it- there are women (and men) who NEVER get over it

I can't believe YOU, someone who was in this woman's position said something sooo incredibly stupid

 

[CJane]

She can lose visitation for what she is going through now?! Faith

Oh, and Jbowman, the I's, the many I's are me talking to you.

She's not going to lose visitation because she didn't exercise it for a couple of weeks after a huge emotional blow.

HOWEVER. As her friend. Tell her to buck up and at least PRETEND to be strong enough to deal with this NOW. Eventually she will find she's not pretending anymore. Grief is all well and good, but it's time to put it away and be a MOTHER. Because ya know what, her CHILDREN are likely grieving too because THEIR WORLD WAS ROCKED AS WELL.

So, be the kind friend who holds her hand. Until it's time to be the drill sargent who kicks her ass.

Edit, Zephyr, please don't yell at me.

 

[Isis1]

it happens often. some people get so into themselves they fall into depression. whether she gets counseling or she self destructs. in the end how she handles it is her own decision.

i made a choice when i was in that position to pity myself, then i got over it. it can happen if you pick up yourself and not worry about how you are handling it and worry about how your children are handling it. i did my mourning and went on. it's a process. there is nothing negative about having a pity party over something emotional. people do it all the time. male or female. i actually found it empowering once i found my way to get over it.

because exactly what cjane said...is exactly what i did. after my two weeks of pity party. and dammit, i'm not ashamed to admit it.

 

[faithnlve]

Just one other question: I know every state is different, but, do judges take into account the emotional needs for not just the children, but also that each parent needs the same rights to their child as the child's rights to each parent? Other than unfit parents, how is it right for a judge to say since you both cannot agree on your children, parent 1. You lose....parent 2. You win. As far as I can tell no one wins, especially the children. Why is it each state is different?? Shouldn't each state have the same requirements? Thanks Faith