When to file contempt

[amberlea434]

What is the name of your state? LA...child resides in TN

My husbands order reads that "non-emergency medical decisions shall be made jointly". He had spoken with his 9yo daughter on the phone last night and found out from her that she had stayed home from school on Monday because she had a sore throat and her mom took her to the doctor for it. Mom didn't inform/discuss this with Dad. Obviously, this is contempt, but is it too petty to bring infront of the judge? Should he wait to see if she continues to do this and then file?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? LA...child resides in TN

My husbands order reads that "non-emergency medical decisions shall be made jointly". He had spoken with his 9yo daughter on the phone last night and found out from her that she had stayed home from school on Monday because she had a sore throat and her mom took her to the doctor for it. Mom didn't inform/discuss this with Dad. Obviously, this is contempt, but is it too petty to bring infront of the judge? Should he wait to see if she continues to do this and then file?

First of all, you are not a party. Second of all, does it really matter? What harm was done? Did the doctor decide to schedule the child for a tonsillectomy? Is mom deliberately and wilfully trying to remove dad from the picture and making medical decisions without input from dad? What medical decision was made? It is NOT contempt until a judge says it is. And without more he may not find that it is contempt.

 

[stepmomndad]

Personally, I think it would be petty to take mom for contempt because she didn't call dad and let you know that their daughter went to the doctor for a sore throat. If it was something severe, then I'd say than she should have contacted you. Or, if she's getting a tattoo or a piercing. This is not legal advice, but, I'm thinking that most courts probably wouldn't do much to mom because she was taking care of a sick child by going to the doctor.

 

[amberlea434]

First of all, you are not a party. Second of all, does it really matter? What harm was done? Did the doctor decide to schedule the child for a tonsillectomy? Is mom deliberately and wilfully trying to remove dad from the picture and making medical decisions without input from dad? What medical decision was made? It is NOT contempt until a judge says it is. And without more he may not find that it is contempt.

Trust me, I know my place, OG. I'm not trying to overstep, just merely asking for Dad. The medical decision that was made was taking their child to the doctor without telling him first. It's clearly stated they should make these decisions together. A sore throat is non-emergency...

 

[amberlea434]

Personally, I think it would be petty to take mom for contempt because she didn't call dad and let you know that their daughter went to the doctor for a sore throat. If it was something severe, then I'd say than she should have contacted you. Or, if she's getting a tattoo or a piercing. This is not legal advice, but, I'm thinking that most courts probably wouldn't do much to mom because she was taking care of a sick child by going to the doctor.

If it was something severe, that's when mom SHOULD take their daughter to the doctor without talking to him first. Anything else that is "non-emergency", she should atleast inform him that she's taking her, not have him hear about it from the child days later.

 

[Ohiogal]

If it was something severe, that's when mom SHOULD take their daughter to the doctor without talking to him first. Anything else that is "non-emergency", she should atleast inform him that she's taking her, not have him hear about it from the child days later.

The problem is it is NOT that big of a deal. it really isn't. If it was for tonsils or something of that nature or the child has strep then that is a big deal. This is not. And it looks petty. What dad should do is ask mom to inform him directly next time when the child goes to the doctor. She may have needed to take the daughter for an excuse from school or her job.

 

[amberlea434]

She may have needed to take the daughter for an excuse from school or her job.

If only that were the case. She, actually, takes her to the doctor a lot, at least once a week, for very small things that could easily be remedied at home. Which is why dad had this clause put into their new order, which was just signed recently, that they discuss these things before she rushes off to the doctor and racks up doctor bills.

Just so I understand this correctly...only if the child is suffering from something that could possibly be serious and mom takes her to the doctor without informing dad, should he then file for contempt? And if she takes her for something insignificant such as a sore throat or stomach ache and doesn't inform him, it's not big enough to file contempt?

 

[Zephyr]

If only that were the case. She, actually, takes her to the doctor a lot, at least once a week, for very small things that could easily be remedied at home. Which is why dad had this clause put into their new order, which was just signed recently, that they discuss these things before she rushes off to the doctor and racks up doctor bills.

Just so I understand this correctly...only if the child is suffering from something that could possibly be serious and mom takes her to the doctor without informing dad, should he then file for contempt? And if she takes her for something insignificant such as a sore throat or stomach ache and doesn't inform him, it's not big enough to file contempt?

if the order is new she would be even more likely to not be found in contempt- have dad write her a very polite email reminding her of the change in the order and requesting she please notify him of doctors appointments

 

[LdiJ]

If only that were the case. She, actually, takes her to the doctor a lot, at least once a week, for very small things that could easily be remedied at home. Which is why dad had this clause put into their new order, which was just signed recently, that they discuss these things before she rushes off to the doctor and racks up doctor bills.

Just so I understand this correctly...only if the child is suffering from something that could possibly be serious and mom takes her to the doctor without informing dad, should he then file for contempt? And if she takes her for something insignificant such as a sore throat or stomach ache and doesn't inform him, it's not big enough to file contempt?

She takes the child to the doctor at least once a week? You are honestly not exaggerating there?

Normally a judge would NEVER find a parent in contempt for providing ordinary/routine medical care for a child. That would include taking a child to the doctor when the child is sick, and taking the child to the doctor for periodic (based on the child's age) "well child" visits.

Generally, the kind of "non emergency" care that a judge would expect your order to refer to, is things like getting tubes put in the child's ears for reoccuring ear infections, or getting the child's tonsils out, or something else that is expensive, maybe needed, but not necessarily required or not necessarily required immediately.

Normally a judge would never expect a parent to get the other parent's permission prior to taking a sick child to the doctor. Informing the parent as soon as possible yes, getting permission, no.

Now, if mom has been taking the child to the doctor once a week for the child's whole life, then that is an entirely different problem, a problem that would have been noted by the doctor, possibly getting CPS involved, and would certainly have required far different wording in a court order....unless the child had very serious medical issues.

A sick child is normally emergency care.

 

[effort17]

I think it is not petty especially if the cost of co-pay's and Dr. bills are split in half!

I feel it is ridiculous that judges to do not hold to these J&D's. What the hell are they for if no one is going to be held accountable? The person didn't follow something that is specifically stated, it is legal binding document and there should be accountability and consequences - no matter what, no questions asked!

This is very interesting because I have this same issue with my ex. She is taking my kids to the doctor and telling me AFTER the fact. This in my book is not acceptable! Especially since I have to pay for half of the medical co-pay's, prescriptions, non-insured costs, vision, dental, etc....And on top of that I already pay full insurance coverage on my 2 kids + me.

In my J&D it states specifically: "All such procedures that are "elective" must be agreed
upon in advance"

That to me means, that she better be calling me even if the kids have the sniffles! Going to the doctor for a headache, sore thumb, throat culture/sore throat is an "elective" procedure. It is not a matter of life or death!!!

I am speaking with a lawyer on Monday actually and this is one issue I am raising as a violation of the court order.

I will probably hear the same thing...is it really that big of a deal??? YES it is! Why are so many people so sympathetic? Write a nice email? I'd rather light my hair on fire! We are divorced and now I look at our relationship as a business. And businesses don't run on sympathy!

 

[CourtClerk]

I think it is not petty especially if the cost of co-pay's and Dr. bills are split in half!

I feel it is ridiculous that judges to do not hold to these J&D's. What the hell are they for if no one is going to be held accountable? The person didn't follow something that is specifically stated, it is legal binding document and there should be accountability and consequences - no matter what, no questions asked!

This is very interesting because I have this same issue with my ex. She is taking my kids to the doctor and telling me AFTER the fact. This in my book is not acceptable! Especially since I have to pay for half of the medical co-pay's, prescriptions, non-insured costs, vision, dental, etc....And on top of that I already pay full insurance coverage on my 2 kids + me.

In my J&D it states specifically: "All such procedures that are "elective" must be agreed
upon in advance"

That to me means, that she better be calling me even if the kids have the sniffles! Going to the doctor for a headache, sore thumb, throat culture/sore throat is an "elective" procedure. It is not a matter of life or death!!!

I am speaking with a lawyer on Monday actually and this is one issue I am raising as a violation of the court order.

I will probably hear the same thing...is it really that big of a deal??? YES it is! Why are so many people so sympathetic? Write a nice email? I'd rather light my hair on fire! We are divorced and now I look at our relationship as a business. And businesses don't run on sympathy!

Uhhh... please take your rant and your thread hijacking elsewhere. You obviously don't know the medical definition of an elective procedure if you believe that taking the child to the doctor for a headache is an elective procedure. As for a throat culture being elective? How's about your child have a sore throat, you don't find it necessary to go to the doctor, but this time your child has strep and ends up dying because you bought your medical license over the internet with your thoughts?

If you look at your exwife and your children as a business, you're going to have a very long road ahead of you, with you losing in the end... but that again is your perogative.

 

[maryjo]

Well, I do think it is petty. Then again, I am the CP who pays for the insurance, never gives my ex the medical bills for him to pay half of, and whose ex is 1600 dollars behind on childsupport.

But if its TRUE that she takes the kid to the doctor every week and the child doesnt have some sort of permenent illness, then I think he should bring it up to his lawyer and see what they have to say about it. If this is a new addition to the court order then I dont think you should jump the first time. I mean, make a note of it and if the trend continues then yes, take it to the lawyer first.

Some people freak out over the smallest thing. My mother was like that. She thinks you have to run to the doctor the minute a nose starts running. I, on the other hand, rarely run to the doctor until there is a fever or (and especially) my kiddo stops playing. THEN I KNOW something is wrong. LOL! But some people would rather be safe than sorry. I dont think she is doing this just to get at yall because its not like she is getting the money. But I dont know her.

On a side note: Reading all these posts is really enlightening to me. It just amazes me the things people think to put in their court orders. The only thing mine says about medical expenses is that we have, I think it is 30 days, to give the other half the medical bill and pay it back for all expenses occured over insurance.

 

[effort17]

Uhhh... please take your rant and your thread hijacking elsewhere. You obviously don't know the medical definition of an elective procedure if you believe that taking the child to the doctor for a headache is an elective procedure. As for a throat culture being elective? How's about your child have a sore throat, you don't find it necessary to go to the doctor, but this time your child has strep and ends up dying because you bought your medical license over the internet with your thoughts?

If you look at your exwife and your children as a business, you're going to have a very long road ahead of you, with you losing in the end... but that again is your perogative.

That's where your wrong Court Clerk - I do know the deinition of elective procedure and here is the definition.

Elective: In medicine, something chosen (elected). An elective procedure is one that is chosen (elected) by the patient or physician that is advantageous to the patient but is not urgent.
Elective surgery is decided by the patient or their doctor. The procedure is seen as beneficial but not absolutely essential at that time.

No one is going to die from a sore throat within a few minutes that an ex-spouse can't pick up the phone and say "are you ok if I bring little johnny to the doctor?"
Also maybe the ex just lost his or her job and can't afford anything! My current significant other has an ex-husband that is bringing the kids to doctor and has run up 100's of dollars in medical bills she can't afford! None of these medical issues were at all life threatening! They were all elective and the kids have been were just fine before and after.

I would never deny medical care but for a routine check up that can certainly wait - there is zero excuse the ex-spouse can't pick up the phone!

 

[CourtClerk]

I would never deny medical care

Then I guess it doesn't matter whether they called before or after the appointment...

 

[crhsah]

What is the name of your state? LA...child resides in TN

My husbands order reads that "non-emergency medical decisions shall be made jointly". He had spoken with his 9yo daughter on the phone last night and found out from her that she had stayed home from school on Monday because she had a sore throat and her mom took her to the doctor for it. Mom didn't inform/discuss this with Dad. Obviously, this is contempt, but is it too petty to bring infront of the judge? Should he wait to see if she continues to do this and then file?

I am a nurse. Who are YOU to decide what could be treated at home. The doctor's office would probably not have seen and certainly would not have treated her unless the child required it. Children develop permanent heart conditions from sore throats left untreated. Children need kidney transplants because of sore throats left untreated.


This is not your child. You are not the one making the decision as to whether you will have to pay 1/2 the cost of antiobiotic or 1/2 the cost of a funeral.

Why would you "wait to see if she continues and then file" a suit? Why? To punish a woman for getting medical care for her child??? Your husband is old enough to procreate. He is old enough to pick up the telephone and ask what is going on.