Estate question

[capriblue]

facts

I will lay out the facts surrounding this and this will help with some of the issues raised.

Mom is not hearing any of this. Her health and well being of utmost concern, and sibling discourse would probably bring her undue stress. She wanted to help me with some debt, and did not expect or want repayment. I explained to her the necessity for my repayment for 1) my own peace and personal responsibility, 2) responsibility financially to the estate and 3) demonstrating personal respect to the other inheritants. I should have written up a document at the time to address this. She understands my feelings and will respect them, but does not want this to be a loan. My debt is not a result of recklessness or poor money management.

The successor trustee is currently sitting on a condo that should have been sold 2 years ago when my mother moved to an assisted living facility. My other brother has expressed concern for months, and volunteered to take over the job of selling the condo. He has also questioned why this has taken so long, and the amount of interest lost while the condo just sits. We get a nasty reply when we inquire, so we've agreed to wait it out.
Now we're in a horrible sellers market, and frustration grows. We all have a wonderful relationship with my mother and only want what is best for her. Of course the non-sale of the condo is a separate issue, but it was decided by all of us that the condo would be sold as soon as possible. Based on actions alone, it seems a bit hypocritical on the part of the trustee demanding immediate repayment from me, as the mystery of property sitting, uninhabited for over 2 years does not seem to be "protecting the assets of the estate".

Again, I am not trying to avoid my issue or change the subject, but the immediacy and threats seem unwarranted considering other issues at hand. The other heirs have basically said that it is my mothers money to do as she wishes, in regard to her financial assistance to me. The same mindset we all adopted in the evolution of the following situation.

The successor trustee was given a large piece of real estate (yes given) and none of the siblings quite understood it, but none of us rejected it when presented. He has had some personal hardship and it was my mother's wish to give him this house.

The trusts are substantial, and would definitely address any financial demands life might deal my mother.

 

[anteater]

.... Based on actions alone, it seems a bit hypocritical on the part of the trustee demanding immediate repayment from me...

Figuring out the ins and outs of your parents' estate planning is pretty much beyond the scope here. (Unless you are willing to pay $250 per hour.)

But, I can't help but ask... How does your brother figure that he has any authority to demand repayment of money that your mother gave you? When your mother is still alive and seemingly competent?

 

[curb1]

You are sending mixed messages about whom is the trustee. If your brother is the successor trustee, is your mother the trustee? Your brother only becomes the trustee when your mother relinquishes that position.

If your brother is the trustee (and not the successor trustee) then he does have a responsibility to the trust. Did you say whether the money she is giving you is an asset of the trust?

This whole mess is not atypical of how messes get started. It is lack of communication and transparency. At this stage all family members need to be communicating and clearly documenting what is happening. Your family is dysfunctional and becoming more so as each person chips away at proper procedures. You are heading down a slippery slope that will get steeper with the actions you have expressed.

You are at a position now to stop this nonsense or let it evolve to a point of tremendous legal costs and worse yet, a great amount of time lost in the settlement of whatever follows. You have egos stepping all over each other to the detriment of everyone involved (except future attorneys who will shortly be coming into the picture).

 

[Dandy Don]

Brother is overreacting because the money is hers to loan out or gift as she pleases and that is technically none of his business, but you DO understand that you have a little bit of unfair advantage that the other siblings are jealous of because THEY didn't ask for a similar loan.

Ask mother to add a clause in the trust stating that any monies that were paid to ANY children during her lifetime were gifts and do not need to be repaid. If she has a will, she should put a similar clause in there but I assume that most of the assets were put into the trust without a need for a will. And ask her to please tell brother the same thing in person--that the monies do NOT need to be repaid because they were gifts or whatever she wants to call it.

DANDY DON IN OKLAHOMA ([email protected])

 

[curb1]

Dandy Don,
Capriblue stated, "The successor trustee (her older brother) is currently sitting on a condo that should have been sold 2 years ago when my mother moved to an assisted living facility."

Does that make sense? How can a "successor trustee" be responsible for selling the condo? Or, is the "successor trustee" really the trustee. And as the trustee is protecting the assets in the trust and capriblue is getting assets from the trust inappropriately? That has not been clarified and could be the root of this problem.

 

[candg918]

It could be that Mom is competent to make her wishes known but may have depended on Dad to do all of the financial management in the family and be unable to actually handle complex financial transactions. (Been there, seen that!) The successor trustee may be acting outside the scope of his designation simply because Mom is incapable of the task of trustee.

If the successor trustee is not acting as Mom would want, it does not seem appropriate for her to resign as trustee so that he can assume the duties. Replacing or updating the trust to name a different family member as successor trustee might be seen as undue influence by that family member. That is one reason that I suggested that changing the successor trustee to an outside entity (person or institution) might be a good alternative even with the additional cost if Mom is agreeable to that option.

Would not the outside entity be required by law to abide by Mom's wishes exclusively until she is deemed incompetent? What would an institution's responsibility be to protect Mom if she made requests that were obviously detrimental or appeared to be due to inappropriate pressure by either a family member or other organization?

Edited to add: What services should an outside trustee provide in addition to paying bills and managing assets?


Another Dr. Phil moment

Some parents prefer to give according to needs or circumstances of the individual children rather than in equal shares. Individuals - especially those without children of their own - often equate equal love to equal shares of whatever is being divided.

 

[curb1]

candg918,
You raise good points. But, this situation has become dysfunctional because of lack of communication and transparency.

You said, "Individuals - especially those without children of their own - often equate equal love to equal shares of whatever is being divided."

I don't think "love" is the problem. It is a fairness issue. I have seen this so many times and usually it is destructive for the family when parents, through legitimate concerns, start favoring one child over the others with financial assets. Fews things can split siblings faster and this story is a good example. Once the ball starts rolling it is hard to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. That is why it is important for capriblue to get a handle on this situation now rather than casting stones at older brother.

She needs to realize that the brother is either the Trustee or the successor Trustee but not both.

 

[capriblue]

more clarification

My brother is the successor trustee to my mothers trust and my fathers trust. My father died 6 years ago, and the condo was in my father's trust. I was under the impression that when a trustee to an estate dies, the successor trustee then becomes the trustee. Is this correct?

The money given me was from her checking account, which is not part of her trust. The protected assets in both trusts have not been touched. However, potential money due the trust in lost interest and monthly condo fees ($600 per month for 2 years) are affecting the bottom line. It is a separate issue, but an issue of the trust. The money gifted to me may not be liked, but not money in the trust in the first place.

My other siblings have made it clear that this is up to my mother and they have no problem with her assisting me.

 

[curb1]

Just curious, why did your parents set up individual trusts rather than one trust? Are you suggesting that your mother has no control over the assets in your fathers estate? Normally, there is one trust with individual wills for the husband and wife. The second to die is the remaining trustee and then the successor trustee takes over when both have died.

Why haven't the assets in your father's trust been distributed? Was the condo the only thing in his trust? Your mother's trust should have all of her assets/accounts within the trust.

I still say you are setting this family up for a real cat fight if you don't put all of this into writing and communicate your mothers wishes to everyone.

 

[maat55]

capriblue

Would it be fair for your siblings to be as irresponsible as you so mommy can bail them out also. You need to pay your own bills to keep legitimate harmony in the family. There may be no legal problem here, but there is for sure a moral problem.

Any money gave to you or your siblings should be recorded and subtracted from your share of the estate at your mothers passing. That would be fair. For you to say your brother is being nasty about the money is extremely hypocritical of you.