Hey guys, been a while. More questions

[TCool]

What is the name of your state? WI

So, I have a question and I think I already know the answer to it, but I figure it's still worth asking. Lately my daughters mom has been taking her one week a month instead of every weekend to save money on gas. I'm sure there are issues with this since we haven't had any change in the visitation schedule, but have just agreed (I have email confirmation) to continue this until Taylor starts school. I figured she has to see her mother some time, refusing to do one week a month instead would most likely mean she see's her mother only a couple days per month.

Anyway, thats not really the issue. It's just that Tays spending a week at a time with her mother has made it much more clear that her mother and her mothers boyfriend are smoking around her often. Everytime I get her back she smells horribly of cigarette smoke. I have to stick her in the bath immediately and bag up all her stuff til it gets washed or my entire apt smells like smoke. Now, I think it's bad enough to be exposing children to that, but to make it worse asthma runs in my family. My daughter has already had to be put on an albuterol inhaler in the past. Now, like I'm sure all of you know (cuz yer all smart) the risk is high when you have the genetic predisposition combined with an environment that promotes it. So, like I said, I'm pretty sure I know the anser already (being no) but is there anything I can do about this? Any ideas, legal or not, would be great.

Thanks

Tim

 

[CJane]

Nope, not really anything you can do about it based on family history or previous issues... it's gross, for sure. But it's enough that she's NOT exposed to smoke 4 weeks/month, yes?

How much longer til she starts school?

 

[Perky]

Any ideas, legal or not, would be great.

That IS gross. My nonlegal idea is an air purifier for her mom's place if you think the mom would actually use it, and if you could afford to buy it.

 

[TCool]

Well, she's not exposed to it at all 3 weeks out of the month, but is exposed to a ton of it that one week she is with her mother.

She starts kindergarten in August.

An air purifier isn't a bad idea. Ofcourse I'll try to convince her to buy one first. I'm shocked that I can't convince her to just step outside to smoke, especially since she says she knows the dangers. But, maybe I can convince her to run the air purifier. I dunno how much it'll help, but it's gotta be better than nothing. Only problem I see with this is as I try to convince her to go to the next step and go outside she'll just be like "well we don't smoke right next to her, and we have an air purifier!" Like that'll be the cure all for it.

I suppose another thing I could do is use our custody agreement as leverage. I can threaten to go back to visitation every weekend if she doesn't stop smoking around tays. I know she can't afford to do this so maybe she would be a little more willing to stop the smoking around her. Although, I feel as if this may be going overboard a bit. I'm sick of constantly fighting with her, and that would cause some nice ones.

GRRR! I think we need a law that prohibits people from smoking around children. You would think that'd be common sense!

 

[Zephyr]

TCool! I was just thinking about you earlier in the week...as has already been stated, there is not much you can really do about the smoking thing except really talk to mom about it, and if she is not willing to go outside then do then offer to purchase a purifier**************smoking aside, I think it's great that you are willing to work with mom on getting kiddo with her as much as reasonably possible

 

[3UofMfans]

I am one of those yucky smokers. When I can't smoke outside then I stand at the stove and smoke at the vent. It really keeps the smoke contained and goes straight outside thru the stove vent. If she won't go outside maybe you could suggest that to her.

 

[TCool]

TCool! I was just thinking about you earlier in the week...as has already been stated, there is not much you can really do about the smoking thing except really talk to mom about it, and if she is not willing to go outside then do then offer to purchase a purifier**************smoking aside, I think it's great that you are willing to work with mom on getting kiddo with her as much as reasonably possible

LOL, ya I suppose I have that affect on people. People just like to think about me, I guess I'm just cool. But on a serious note, I suppose I'll look into air purifiers, although I'm still gonna try to convince her to buy it, lol money is tight down here. Things are much much much more expensive then up north (like my $930/month rent for a 2 br apt!).

Ya know, honestly I don't see why some people would not want to work with the other parent. I mean, sometimes I hate her guts, but it's not really about her. It's just hard to deal with your daughter always coming up to you going "Daddy, I miss mommy. When am I going to see mommy again?" I may not love her mother, but she does and there is nothing I can do about that except to try to make sure she has a great relationship with her.

3UofMfans: I suppose I could suggest that, but I think it'd be too inconvenient for her to get up off her lazy butt to do it. On a side note, what U of M? Minnesota, Michigan? Either way, the Badgers whooped up on you! Go Badgers!!!

 

[cerberus75]

I am one of those yucky smokers. When I can't smoke outside then I stand at the stove and smoke at the vent. It really keeps the smoke contained and goes straight outside thru the stove vent. If she won't go outside maybe you could suggest that to her.

3UofMfans: I suppose I could suggest that, but I think it'd be too inconvenient for her to get up off her lazy butt to do it.

Honestly, my daughter's mother smokes as well, but at least she goes outside when she does. However, my daughter suffers from Exczema and when I took her to the doctor, the doctor stated there are two common causes for exczema and other similar ailments: smoking and 'day care'. She even said the chemicals in the smoke still reside in your hair, on your skin, in your clothing... so while smoking outside or into a vent might prevent your child from being exposed to second-hand smoke, it's still not 100% safe for your children...

TCool... I second your notion... there should be a law prohibiting smoking around children

 

[LdiJ]

Honestly, my daughter's mother smokes as well, but at least she goes outside when she does. However, my daughter suffers from Exczema and when I took her to the doctor, the doctor stated there are two common causes for exczema and other similar ailments: smoking and 'day care'. She even said the chemicals in the smoke still reside in your hair, on your skin, in your clothing... so while smoking outside or into a vent might prevent your child from being exposed to second-hand smoke, it's still not 100% safe for your children...

TCool... I second your notion... there should be a law prohibiting smoking around children

I also think its important not to expose children to second hand smoke. However...just to play the devil's advocate for a moment.

My grandparents smoked around their children, and all 4 of them are still very healthy senior citizens, and have always been healthy.

My mother smoked around the 4 of us, and we are all 4 still very healthy, and always have been.

Quite frankly, I am honestly more concerned about the air quality in our cities, and the incredibly poor air quality in sealed public buildings, than I am with second hand smoke these days. Most people these days are pretty careful around children, but none of us controls the overall air quality in our cities or public buildings.

We have tons more children with asthma these days than in previous generations, yet in general people are far more careful about smoking around children. Its a bit scary.

 

[3UofMfans]

3UofMfans: I suppose I could suggest that, but I think it'd be too inconvenient for her to get up off her lazy butt to do it. On a side note, what U of M? Minnesota, Michigan? Either way, the Badgers whooped up on you! Go Badgers!!!

Michigan...and I am sad to say my nephew was just accepted to Appalachian State! LOL

I live in ACC country so as long as a Big 10 team wins then I am happy (with the exception of Ohio State)

 

[Bloopy]

It's just that Tays spending a week at a time with her mother has made it much more clear that her mother and her mothers boyfriend are smoking around her often. Everytime I get her back she smells horribly of cigarette smoke. I have to stick her in the bath immediately and bag up all her stuff til it gets washed or my entire apt smells like smoke... So, like I said, I'm pretty sure I know the anser already (being no) but is there anything I can do about this? Any ideas, legal or not, would be great.

My mother-in-law smokes A LOT. She never smokes around any non-smoker including her children and grandkids. Still, after every visit to her home, we reek of cigarette smoke and go through the same “detox” you do. If my son spends the night is nostrils are bright-red from laying on smoky sheets.

Its possible Mom is really is making efforts to not smoke around Daughter.

 

[TCool]

Bloopy: Ya, the chemicals and the smokey smell can stick to everything. That is also an issue I brought up to my daughters mom. Where there is the smell there are the chemicals that can hurt her. As for her actually trying to keep smoke away from our daughter; nope. We discussed it the other day. When I suggested that she smoke outside because of our daughters already high risk for asthma she accused me of calling her a bad mother. Then she said that it's not a big deal, this is what she said "It's not like she is sitting on my lap while I'm smoking." Also, when I talked to her about smoking in the car she said, "It's ok because we open a window." She just doesn't realize the kind of damage that can be done with second hand smoke. I've urged her to go talk to a doctor about it if she doesn't want to listen to me, but still I'm the bad guy for even bringing it up. Apparently she doesn't believe that parents should be discussing health concerns of their children with one another.

3UofMfans: LOL, I was happy after that game. Since Michigan was the only team that beat the Badgers the year prior in football the whole city went nuts every time they saw that Michigan lost, or was losing. I was at a game at Camp Randall and they showed the score of a MI game once, MI was losing and everyone went wild. It's all good fun tho, there's only a few idiots here that get hostile with other teams fans.

LdiJ: In every type of situation there are outliers. Those that deviate from what normally happens. A friends step-dad was diagnosed with cancer about 5 or 6 years back and given 6 months to live. He decided to enjoy life, basically did nothing healthy at all and during one check up the doctors were shocked to find that the cancer was gone. So, does this mean that everyone who gets cancer and is given only a few months to live should go out and do all sorts of unhealthy things? No, this was just one unique situation. I know that's not what you're saying, but I hear that type of argument all the time from smokers. Their like "well this one person smoked their entire life and lived to be 100!" They see a few examples of that and then completely ignore the thousands of people that die each year from lung cancer from smoking or being exposed to it.

cerberus: I didn't know smoking could cause exczema. And what did the doctor mean by day care being a cause? LOL, maybe I should start worrying about that now too. My mom and sister have exczema, so it runs in the family, and my daughter is exposed to smoke and she goes to day care!! Great!!

 

[Bloopy]

she said that it's not a big deal, this is what she said "It's not like she is sitting on my lap while I'm smoking." Also, when I talked to her about smoking in the car she said, "It's ok because we open a window."

Bummer. I agree it's gross, but there is not much you can do.

IF you do go to court for something more serious, you may be able to sneak this in. If you ask for it and Mom is trying to look good, she may agree to smoking outside and not in the car. But then there is the issue of policing such an order. That would make Daughter your narc, so to speak.

What were Mom's smoking habits when you were together?

 

[Perky]

However...just to play the devil's advocate for a moment.

My grandparents smoked around their children, and all 4 of them are still very healthy senior citizens, and have always been healthy.

My mother smoked around the 4 of us, and we are all 4 still very healthy, and always have been.

Quite frankly, I am honestly more concerned about the air quality in our cities, and the incredibly poor air quality in sealed public buildings, than I am with second hand smoke these days. .

At the risk of straying further off-topic, I'd like to play opposing counsel to devil's advocate!

In our parents' and grandparents' time, homes were not as well insulated as they are today, and air-conditioning was not the norm. So, the concentration of smoke in the home, and the risks associated with it, were not nearly as high then as they would be today.

I completely agree with your comments about our air quality today. I often wonder how many illnesses and disabilities are a result of the pollutants in our environment.

 

[cerberus75]

cerberus: I didn't know smoking could cause exczema. And what did the doctor mean by day care being a cause? LOL, maybe I should start worrying about that now too. My mom and sister have exczema, so it runs in the family, and my daughter is exposed to smoke and she goes to day care!! Great!!

I think the doctor meant that the residual chemicals found in cigarettes have a proven cause-and-effect to the symptoms of Exczema. And as for her comments on the day care, I think the doctor meant that similarly children in day care have a higher rate of occurance of exczema and similar rashes than those children who are not in day care.

Not sure if it's accurate or not, I'm just repeating what she said...