Harassment?

[adviceseeker12]

What is the name of your state? California

After a divorce in December, I was given 100% legal and physical custody, with my X receiving only 'Supervised Visitation'.

In the months since, he has called to see the children (1 and 4) about 5 times. Generally, we do this in an open, public place like the McDonald's play area.

This last time, however, I agreed to allow a visit at my residence (currently at my Grandparent's house). Although he did briefly play with the children, he began hitting on me. I then could not get him to leave the premises after the visit was over. Every visit before this was similar, we (my X, the kids, and I) meet and he begins to make comments about me, etc.

I know now that the terms of the visit should be very well established before the visitation happens.

Which brings me to my two questions.

1) Being that I do not trust my X-husband at all, is there any thing I can do to prevent his inappropriate actions towards me (all verbal) during a supervised visitation with the children?

2) I would very much like to move out of state for a schooling/job opportunity, I believe this simply requires me to notify him, and him to take it to court, what is the history of proceedings like this (being that I have 100% legal and physical custody)?

 

[CJane]

Which brings me to my two questions.

1) Being that I do not trust my X-husband at all, is there any thing I can do to prevent his inappropriate actions towards me (all verbal) during a supervised visitation with the children?

2) I would very much like to move out of state for a schooling/job opportunity, I believe this simply requires me to notify him, and him to take it to court, what is the history of proceedings like this (being that I have 100% legal and physical custody)?

Why, specifically, are the visits to be supervised? Was this an agreement, or ordered by the court after a hearing to determine the children's best interests?

Answers to questions:
1) Have someone else supervise. It's almost always a bad idea for the other parent to supervise.
2) That will depend on the reasons behind the supervision, and what you're willing/able to do to make sure Dad still gets his visitation. Currently, he's seeing the kids around twice/month. Can you continue that? At your expense for travel?

 

[adviceseeker12]

In essence, I refused to divorce him due to his history (not something that the court knows about) with what I would consider very uncouth practices (I can go there, but I don't want this to sound as though I am accusing him of something illegal, as that is not what I am doing in this forum).

So, the terms of the divorce were set as such. In our financial situation (poor), I was the stay at home mom, and basically made his life hell until he left me under my conditions. The divorce was written by free court lawyer, uncontested, and the judge signed it as such.

1) Is there cost associated with supervision? What are the requirements for a person to supervise his visit. I am obviously very uncomfortable with him being even near the children, and unfortunately was not thinking in the sound mind to keep some sort of evidence that he is in fact a threat to them.

2) I don't know. I do know that he is thinking of taking a job out of state, which he would be at for at least a year. If he does this, how does that effect my own desire to move?

 

[CJane]

1) Is there cost associated with supervision? What are the requirements for a person to supervise his visit. I am obviously very uncomfortable with him being even near the children, and unfortunately was not thinking in the sound mind to keep some sort of evidence that he is in fact a threat to them.

Can you have a friend/neighbor/relative supervise? Supervision centers are not inexpensive.

Also, since he agreed to your terms, as opposed to the court hearing evidence and ordering supervision, it is something he'd be able to file to modify later. Just so you know.

2) I don't know. I do know that he is thinking of taking a job out of state, which he would be at for at least a year. If he does this, how does that effect my own desire to move?

If he leaves the state first, your chances of being allowed to take the children out of state increase. And, CA tends to be fairly move-away friendly as long as it can be proven that the move is in the best interests of the children. But you'll still be expected to bear the expense of transportation.

 

[adviceseeker12]

The thing is, when I made the terms of the decree, it says that "The father may only visit the children while supervised by the mother" (I don't have it in front of me because it is in a safety deposit box, so that's not precise on verbage.

How does the fact that I had to garnish his wages for receipt of child support factor in on a potential court case?

 

[Ohiogal]

The thing is, when I made the terms of the decree, it says that "The father may only visit the children while supervised by the mother" (I don't have it in front of me because it is in a safety deposit box, so that's not precise on verbage.

How does the fact that I had to garnish his wages for receipt of child support factor in on a potential court case?

Garnishing wages for child support does NOT factor considering that is the common practice and unless paid through Child Support it is NOT considered as such normally. And why the heck would be you be keeping your divorce decree in a safety deposit box? That is NOT a smart move.

You are stuck with that until you file a motion to modify. And don't expect to be able to bring up anything that happened before the divorce against him. YOU had the chance to bring that up before the decree.

 

[OhReally?]

How does the fact that I had to garnish his wages for receipt of child support factor in on a potential court case?

Uhh...hate to knock you off your Soapbox O' Control, but garnishment of wages for CS is mandated by most, if not all, states. There are some orders that do not have garnishments, but they are not the norm nowadays.

 

[OhReally?]

1) Is there cost associated with supervision? What are the requirements for a person to supervise his visit. I am obviously very uncomfortable with him being even near the children, and unfortunately was not thinking in the sound mind to keep some sort of evidence that he is in fact a threat to them.

This is the FIRST time you mentioned this alleged "threat to the kids" comment. If this were true:

1) This would've been part of your divorce proceeding

2) You would've mentioned this allegation in your original posting and not several responses later.

So I am gonna call BULLCRAP on that claim. Even a Judge will IF you try to bring it up because you did not present it during the divorce proceeding. And the Judge won't be interested in whatever "reasons" you might try to offer. If it was a legit factor, it would've been mentioned during the original proceeding.

He's flirting with you. You've managed to escalate flirting in your responses to him now being a threat to the kids.

 

[mommyof4]

...and I just have to add that if he IS a threat to the children, then you are just as responsible for the risks as you did NOTHING to protect them. You didn't even leave him. You acted like a spoiled brat to make his life hell so that HE left the marital home. You purposely didn't bring up any of his (from your broad hints, I am assuming CRIMINAL) tendencies during the divorce, nor did you notify the local authorities. You conveniently got rid of any evidence that might have given any weight to your allegations....

It's time for you to put on your big girl panties and behave as an adult.

 

[CJane]

Folks? It IS possible to bring up 'stuff' that happened prior to this order... a change of circumstances is not ONLY something that has happened since the entry of the prior order... it's ALSO things that were unknown to the court.

If OP is correct, they have an agreed entry. They never went through a trial/heard evidence. If Dad is REALLY a danger to the kids, then it's possible that Mom would be successful in maintaining the supervised visits. BUT those visits make it LESS LIKELY that a move would be granted.

And OP? Be prepared for it to cost a LOT to take this through the courts.

Take a witness with you to visitations. Sounds like he's being rude and lacks boundaries, but you've said nothing that makes him sound dangerous.

 

[adviceseeker12]

That brings me to

What are my rights to take a vacation out of state?

I appreciate all of you trying to tell me what I should have done, but it's a little late for that, and there's not much I can do about it in my current position.

 

[CJane]

That brings me to

What are my rights to take a vacation out of state?

Unless your order prohibits it, you can take the kids out of state whenever it's your time.