Paternity issue

[mizirma]

What is the name of your state? CA
This is a mess. My son's wife had a bay less than a month ago. It seems she had sex with some guy she was obsessed with and got pregnant. She was cohabitting with my son as well. My son had a vascectomy so is in doubt that the baby is his. He has 4 other children with her. She has made no move to leave. However she has made informal visitation arrangements with the other possible grandparents. There have been no paternity tests to prove who is the father. The state of CA put unknown on the birth certificate even though she wanted to put the other guy's name on it. I don't think these people have legal standing because they haven't proved anything. I think that my son is the legal father since he is married to her. Our whole family wants to know if this child is my sons or not. Also I think my son needs to protect his family. Any advice?

 

[penelope10]

What is the name of your state? CA
This is a mess. My son's wife had a bay less than a month ago. It seems she had sex with some guy she was obsessed with and got pregnant. She was cohabitting with my son as well. My son had a vascectomy so is in doubt that the baby is his. He has 4 other children with her. She has made no move to leave. However she has made informal visitation arrangements with the other possible grandparents. There have been no paternity tests to prove who is the father. The state of CA put unknown on the birth certificate even though she wanted to put the other guy's name on it. I don't think these people have legal standing because they haven't proved anything. I think that my son is the legal father since he is married to her. Our whole family wants to know if this child is my sons or not. Also I think my son needs to protect his family. Any advice?

Unless I am wrong, since the child was conceived during the marriage your son would be considered the legal father until proven otherwise.

It's up to your son as to whether he wants to pursue DNA testing to find out if he is biologically the Dad. Now the possible Daddy can also decide if he wants DNA testing done and can petition the court for paternity. If he is found to be Dad he will have the right to visitation with the child and could be ordered to pay CS.

Whether your son wants to stay married to this "lady' will be entirely up to him....My sympathies, what a mess!

 

[mizirma]

Thanks and another question about it

Can the "grandparents" get visitation if their son does not pursue anything legal?

 

[penelope10]

Can the "grandparents" get visitation if their son does not pursue anything legal?

As far as I know no---they have no legal standing if your son is the legal father...

Just wanted to add that if their son established paternity they also wouldn't have visitation---still no legal standing--son would have standing.

 

[penelope10]

I just wanted to add that I think this woman's actions are completely weird to me---if she truly had regrets about what she had done she wouldn't be contacting this fling's parents and trying to set up visitation for the child with them. I suspect that the "sperm donor" really isn't too hip on having a serious relationship with her or resolving paternity issues right now. Hence she's started working on his parents---getting their interests up about the new baby in the hopes that his Mom and Dad will pressure him into resolving paternity issues.(And then they can all live "Happily ever after").

I think that it would be in your son's best interests to talk to an attorney regarding these issues NOW. And who knows in a couple of years this guy may get married, settle down, and decide he possibly has a child out there that he would like to start a relationship with.

Kiddo would then unhappily find out that who he/she thought was Dad isn't, which could prove to be truly traumatic...

Just something more to consider......

 

[mizirma]

the news

Well I found out yesterday that the paternity tests were done and my son is not the father (he did after all have a vasectomy).
You were right about the wife's weird behavior. She has been currying favor with the babies grandparents by letting them see the baby. She still apparently has a thing for the baby's daddy even though he has a lack of interest in the child. This guy is not Mr. Responsible financially or otherwise. Now my son gets to deal with this. Thanks for the help

 

[fairisfair]

Well I found out yesterday that the paternity tests were done and my son is not the father (he did after all have a vasectomy).
You were right about the wife's weird behavior. She has been currying favor with the babies grandparents by letting them see the baby. She still apparently has a thing for the baby's daddy even though he has a lack of interest in the child. This guy is not Mr. Responsible financially or otherwise. Now my son gets to deal with this. Thanks for the help

wow, that was fast. less than THREE DAYS????

 

[mizirma]

fast but not that fast

The baby is a month old so the other grandparents must have gotten it done without telling anyone. I don't think the dad is a moving force in this operation. My d-i-l is claiming that the guy is paying child support but she's only getting stuff from his parents. My son is apperantly watching this drama play out. He is hoping that she'll leave but the baby's dad doesn't sound like he has any money. He doesn't really want his 4 chilldren not to have a mom such as she is. She doesn't have any sense!

 

[CourtClerk]

I don't know if your son understands this, but does he realize that this child is LEGALLY his, since it is a child born of the marriage... no matter WHO made the child, in the eyes of the State of California, until paternity is DISESTABLISHED... this is his kid.

 

[casa]

The baby is a month old so the other grandparents must have gotten it done without telling anyone. I don't think the dad is a moving force in this operation. My d-i-l is claiming that the guy is paying child support but she's only getting stuff from his parents. My son is apperantly watching this drama play out. He is hoping that she'll leave but the baby's dad doesn't sound like he has any money. He doesn't really want his 4 chilldren not to have a mom such as she is. She doesn't have any sense!

They could have done a home DNA kit or private lab. Point is, it wasn't through the courts in that short of a time frame.

What he 'wants' to do needs to be deciphered. Does he want to know how to fight for this child? We can direct him on that UpHill battle- or does he want to be divorced & get the best Custody/Visitation situation possible?

BTW~ Co-habiting is rarely an issue in CA. CA is also a no-fault state, so it doesn't matter who cheated on whom. We don't have the time/resources for anymore drama than we see on TV. Unless you have property, a business or children together....you just get divorced.