Change of Custody in NC question

[speterson2008]

What is the name of your state? NC

I am a newbie, have read the rules, and will do my best to be clear and concise.

My husband has shared custody of his minor son. Custody order has been in place for 3 years. In 2006 husband had to take ex wife to court for contempt of the standing court order. The ex wife was found in contempt, sentenced to jail time, but sentence was suspended if she agreed to:
making up lost visitation that she had previously refused
following existing order henceforth

Fast forward about 6 months - lost visitation had been made up according to contempt papers, but patterns of the past returned. Father cannot get son on the phone for scheduled phone calls, no notification of illness/doctor visits, no notification of school events, parent teacher conferences, etc etc etc. Pattern continues as before.

Easter weekend, ex wife refuses scheduled weekend visitation.

So, it looks like Dad will have to go back to court again on another contempt issue.

Underlying issue for father: son's grades at school have continually spiraled downward over the past 3 years - to the point that son will likely fail 7th grade. He simply does not do his homework or classwork. Mom makes excuses (having problems at home is the most recent, father has no idea what these might be, son says nothing wrong at home when asked) Problem is - the kid is smart - really smart. Scored really well on SAT through Duke 'invitation only' TIP program.

Question: Can a parent file for change of custody in NC without legal representation?
Or.....should father file contempt of custody order again and let school issues rise as part of the hearing?

Dad is traveling on business and asked me (wife) to see if I could find any resources before he makes a decision on which way to go.

Side note: we would both love to have the son with us, with visitation with mom regularly.

Any input would be helpful and I hope I met all the requirements of the rules. Thank You.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? NC

I am a newbie, have read the rules, and will do my best to be clear and concise.

From the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU.

Question: Can a parent file for change of custody in NC without legal representation?
Or.....should father file contempt of custody order again and let school issues rise as part of the hearing?

Dad should file both a motion for contempt and a motion for custody. Yes he can do this without an attorney so long as he can research the local rules, the rules of evidence, the rules of civil procedure and the state statutes. How much time does dad currently have with the child?

Dad is traveling on business and asked me (wife) to see if I could find any resources before he makes a decision on which way to go.

How often does dad travel on business and how long do these trips last?

Side note: we would both love to have the son with us, with visitation with mom regularly.

Doesn't matter truthfully but that is nice.

Any input would be helpful and I hope I met all the requirements of the rules. Thank You.

You are welcome. Please answer my questions. I did give you advice.

 

[speterson2008]

Responding to questions - more advice

From the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU.


Dad should file both a motion for contempt and a motion for custody. Yes he can do this without an attorney so long as he can research the local rules, the rules of evidence, the rules of civil procedure and the state statutes. How much time does dad currently have with the child?

Dad has first and third weekends a month, 2 weeks vacation of his choosing (nightmare working this out each year) weekly Tues nite phone calls, (he seldom gets an answer), and Thur nite dinners on weeks he does not have son (non since she moved and he had to track her down - part of the reason she was found guilty of contempt) and switches holidays between mom and dad.



How often does dad travel on business and how long do these trips last?
Rarely - in the past three years this is only the second time, first was for two days, this time is project related and a one time issue. In Cincinnati for 8 weeks, home every other weekend, scheduled to match his visitation - which is now messed up as Mom does not see March 1 as being first weekend in March, so refused to let dad have son for Easter weekend which was regular schedule. We schedule everything around visitation, even our wedding.



Doesn't matter truthfully but that is nice.
We want the son to be well educated, well balanced, and loved. The mom seems to be having some issue which may be arising from an undiagnosed condition (OCD) and we would dearly love to have her evaluated, if for no other reason to have some treatment forced. Her behavior is becoming more and more unpredictable and it is affecting the son


You are welcome. Please answer my questions. I did give you advice.

Sorry - I posted a response to this yesterday, but when I went back to look at your response again, it didn't take.....

 

[fairisfair]

I just wanted to say that this is, so far, the most beautiful thread I have ever seen.. . . .sniff . . . . sniff.

 

[speterson2008]

Why, Thank You !

I just wanted to say that this is, so far, the most beautiful thread I have ever seen.. . . .sniff . . . . sniff.

Worked for an attorney in high school and was raised in a nest of them, as well as judges. They handled criminal not family law and all are in Virginia. So, had a taste of how information is digested, but cannot call for help from the 'crew'.

Thanks for the compliment, though !

 

[speterson2008]

One last question - NC Family Law

In regard to finding resources for procedural and written complaints, does anyone have a resource in NC (other than the law books) that can outline the requirements for change of custody issues?

Thank you for the help.

 

[3UofMfans]

www.nccourts.org You can find your district court there. Also check the appellate court rulings. I found one that was in regards to change in circumstance and not being able to co-parent anymore. I am also in NC and have court next Friday. My issue is education too but since this is an initial hearing (after 7 years of divorce) technically I don't have to prove change in circumstance. I do have status quo working against me though. If I learn any valuable info next week I will pass it on. Good luck!

 

[speterson2008]

Man, thank you so much

www.nccourts.org You can find your district court there. Also check the appellate court rulings. I found one that was in regards to change in circumstance and not being able to co-parent anymore. I am also in NC and have court next Friday. My issue is education too but since this is an initial hearing (after 7 years of divorce) technically I don't have to prove change in circumstance. I do have status quo working against me though. If I learn any valuable info next week I will pass it on. Good luck!

Dude, thank you so much for the link. We are absolutely going nutszo over this kid's grades. He scored so high on his test SAT, and is failing 7th grade. He tells us that he puts his homework out for mom to check it, then can't find it. I sort of thought that was a 'teen excuse' but when we sent out the wedding info, this kid was so excited about the stuff he was supposed to do - his actual responsibilities for the rehearsal and ceremony - we sent out 'responsibility cards' the month before, and he said he got his. Was really excited about the things he was supposed to be 'in charge of'. But on rehearsal day, he shows up over an hour and a half late (held up the entire rehearsal waiting) got no phone call from mom, couldn't get mom on the phone, had no clue where he was. He finally gets there and when I ask him if he 's got his responsibility card, so he'll know where to be and at what time and what to do - he just looks crestfallen and says he put it on the table and when it was time to leave it was gone...just like his homework. He hugged me when I pulled a copy out of my purse for him ( I knew something would happen) and told him I loved him.

We are seriously worried about what is happening at home.....and don't know how to force the issue to the fore....we just want this little guy to have a shot at a good life.

Thanks much and let me know how tomorrow goes. Best of luck to you dear.

 

[3UofMfans]

Dude, thank you so much for the link. We are absolutely going nutszo over this kid's grades. He scored so high on his test SAT, and is failing 7th grade. He tells us that he puts his homework out for mom to check it, then can't find it. I sort of thought that was a 'teen excuse' but when we sent out the wedding info, this kid was so excited about the stuff he was supposed to do - his actual responsibilities for the rehearsal and ceremony - we sent out 'responsibility cards' the month before, and he said he got his. Was really excited about the things he was supposed to be 'in charge of'. But on rehearsal day, he shows up over an hour and a half late (held up the entire rehearsal waiting) got no phone call from mom, couldn't get mom on the phone, had no clue where he was. He finally gets there and when I ask him if he 's got his responsibility card, so he'll know where to be and at what time and what to do - he just looks crestfallen and says he put it on the table and when it was time to leave it was gone...just like his homework. He hugged me when I pulled a copy out of my purse for him ( I knew something would happen) and told him I loved him.

We are seriously worried about what is happening at home.....and don't know how to force the issue to the fore....we just want this little guy to have a shot at a good life.

Thanks much and let me know how tomorrow goes. Best of luck to you dear.

I am not a dude...just a big football fan LOL I am a frustrated mom of a 7th grader also. My (hopefully last day) hearing is next Friday the 4th. I have some other issues with my case that are going to play a big role on how the judge rules. I work 24 hour shifts so that is really working against me. I will tell you that I petitioned for custody over 2 years ago. It can be a long process if the respondant wants it to be. What county are you in? The costs here aren't as high as I thought they would be.

 

[txrose1998]

Dude, thank you so much for the link. We are absolutely going nutszo over this kid's grades. He scored so high on his test SAT, and is failing 7th grade. He tells us that he puts his homework out for mom to check it, then can't find it. I sort of thought that was a 'teen excuse' but when we sent out the wedding info, this kid was so excited about the stuff he was supposed to do - his actual responsibilities for the rehearsal and ceremony - we sent out 'responsibility cards' the month before, and he said he got his. Was really excited about the things he was supposed to be 'in charge of'. But on rehearsal day, he shows up over an hour and a half late (held up the entire rehearsal waiting) got no phone call from mom, couldn't get mom on the phone, had no clue where he was. He finally gets there and when I ask him if he 's got his responsibility card, so he'll know where to be and at what time and what to do - he just looks crestfallen and says he put it on the table and when it was time to leave it was gone...just like his homework. He hugged me when I pulled a copy out of my purse for him ( I knew something would happen) and told him I loved him.

We are seriously worried about what is happening at home.....and don't know how to force the issue to the fore....we just want this little guy to have a shot at a good life.

Thanks much and let me know how tomorrow goes. Best of luck to you dear.

I just wanted to put my two cents in on this sentence. This is not as abnormal as you think it is. There are some kids that just test really well. The SAT measures the amount of intelligence you have, basically. However, 7th grade or any other grade for that matter basically measures how you use that intelligence. It could just be he is a really good tester.

 

[stealth2]

And... it could also be that the kid is using Mom as an excuse. Ultimately, his homework is his responsibility, and he needs to figure out how he's going to make sure it gets handed in.

My boy tried to use the same excuse at about the same age. All it got him was the opportunity to re-do all of the missing work (my requirement) for no credit (teacher's rules). He's tried it again this year - now the consequence is "if you're not responsible enough to hand in your work, you're not responsible enough to be behind the wheel of a car." Oh well. But funny how his work seems to be getting where it belongs all of a sudden.

 

[Silverplum]

And... it could also be that the kid is using Mom as an excuse. Ultimately, his homework is his responsibility, and he needs to figure out how he's going to make sure it gets handed in.

My boy tried to use the same excuse at about the same age. All it got him was the opportunity to re-do all of the missing work (my requirement) for no credit (teacher's rules). He's tried it again this year - now the consequence is "if you're not responsible enough to hand in your work, you're not responsible enough to be behind the wheel of a car." Oh well. But funny how his work seems to be getting where it belongs all of a sudden.

Ah, yes. The car and the teen boy. To maintain connection with his car, the teen boy will do almost anything.