School Confidentiality Problems

[bopeep]

What is the name of your state? MN

My ex-husbands wife just so happens to work in my childrens school district (they are 16 and 18), and has been finding out information about my daughtersn (they had gotten in trouble a few times in and out of school). Anyways she has been telling people such as her husband (my ex) who still has a relationship with my dad and he tells him then I get yelled at by my dad for the girls getting in trouble. One thing she has also done was tell my 12 year old daughter things that have happend but then told her not to tell me because if the school found out she would get fired, she and her husband would go to jail and their little ones would get taken away.

So yeah, I do have more then one issue. Her breaching confidentiality and causing problems plus mentally abusing my 12 year old by guilting her into not telling me. I have made this aware to the school but told them that before they take action on it I need to make sure my 12 year old is safe (her dad and step mom tend to flip out). I feel like I should contact an attorney for the breach of confidentiality but I am afraid for my daughter (we have joint custody). Any advise?? Oh, I'd also like to sue her (or the school district if I have to) for causng so many problems.What is the name of your state?

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state? MN

My ex-husbands wife just so happens to work in my childrens school district (they are 16 and 18), and has been finding out information about my daughtersn (they had gotten in trouble a few times in and out of school). Anyways she has been telling people such as her husband (my ex) who still has a relationship with my dad and he tells him then I get yelled at by my dad for the girls getting in trouble. One thing she has also done was tell my 12 year old daughter things that have happend but then told her not to tell me because if the school found out she would get fired, she and her husband would go to jail and their little ones would get taken away.

So yeah, I do have more then one issue. Her breaching confidentiality and causing problems plus mentally abusing my 12 year old by guilting her into not telling me. I have made this aware to the school but told them that before they take action on it I need to make sure my 12 year old is safe (her dad and step mom tend to flip out). I feel like I should contact an attorney for the breach of confidentiality but I am afraid for my daughter (we have joint custody). Any advise?? Oh, I'd also like to sue her (or the school district if I have to) for causng so many problems.What is the name of your state?

Have you put your 12 year old in counseling for the "abuse?"

Unless you can prove that you have been damaged by the school, and that you went through all the avenues with the school to get them to stop this person from looking at records, your lawsuit won't happen. You can't just sue for "problems," you have to sue for damages.

My suggestion would be to make an appointment with the superintendent, and put in writing your requests.

 

[Perky]

What is the name of your state? MN

My ex-husbands wife just so happens to work in my childrens school district (they are 16 and 18), and has been finding out information about my daughtersn (they had gotten in trouble a few times in and out of school). Anyways she has been telling people such as her husband (my ex) who still has a relationship with my dad and he tells him then I get yelled at by my dad for the girls getting in trouble. One thing she has also done was tell my 12 year old daughter things that have happend but then told her not to tell me because if the school found out she would get fired, she and her husband would go to jail and their little ones would get taken away.

So yeah, I do have more then one issue. Her breaching confidentiality and causing problems plus mentally abusing my 12 year old by guilting her into not telling me. I have made this aware to the school but told them that before they take action on it I need to make sure my 12 year old is safe (her dad and step mom tend to flip out). I feel like I should contact an attorney for the breach of confidentiality but I am afraid for my daughter (we have joint custody). Any advise?? Oh, I'd also like to sue her (or the school district if I have to) for causng so many problems.What is the name of your state?

If your ex's wife has been pulling your daughters' school files for no official purpose, then yes, she could be in trouble. The school probably cannot be held responsible, especially since you asked them to wait to take any action.

You can also make a case about her disclosures to the 12 year old. However, you state that you have joint custody. I assume that's joint legal. If so, your ex has a right to know what trouble his children have had, and you have kept information from him. YOU can face some consequences for that!

 

[bopeep]

I guess I forgot to mention that my older children are not my ex-husbands children. Their dad, my first husband, is dead. So he has no legal ties, custody, any kind of relationship with them what so ever. My ex-husband and I have joint physical and legal custody of our 12 year old.

I have tried to get my 12 year old to talk about the abuse to someone but she is so afraid of getting in trouble by her dad and step-mom that she's very careful of what she says to whom.

I also talked to child protection on how to handle the situation for my daughters safety and they said that the only thing that I could do was to take him back to court and try and get full custody of her or try and file a restraining order. They said that even though what they are saying to her and telling her is abusive that they would be unable to help because emotional and mental abuse is so hard to prove.

He was extremely physically, mentally, emotionally etc. abusive to me and the children, thats why I left him. He doesn't hit anymore because he doesn't want to get in trouble again but the other types of abuse have gotten worse.

They tell my twelve year old that he never abused us (she was abused too just doesn't remember it because she was very young), they tell her that I am a liar and that I was the abusive one. I told my ex-husbands wife to stop talking to my 12 year old about it because, first of all, she (the new wife) was not there and has no idea what took place and second, she is 12 and does not need to be involved in adult conversations. When my 12 year old asks me about it I just tell her that when she is a bit older I will talk to her about it but that for now she just needs to know that we (her father and I) both love her, that she is taken care of, and that all she needs to worry about is being a kid.

Suing the school district is an extreme, I'm just very angry at all the problems she has caused. You said to put my requests in writing to the super . . what should I request?

 

[Perky]

Can you say what position the new wife has in the school district? It may affect what you can expect from the district.

 

[CdwJava]

This sounds like a personnel issue at the school or office where your child attends. Speak to the principal or administrator, first, as the ex's wife is an employee of that office. Even the superintendent is not likely to be able to act directly and will have to pass it down to the local administrator for review. I'd start with her boss and then work up from there.

If she is pulling records with no reason to do so, she can likely be disciplined or fired for it ... I doubt you can dio anything to the district.

Also, keep in mind that allegations of abuse concerning one parent or the other in a testy custody or divorce situation is about as common as the sun rising. So, without some credible evidence of abuse, don't expect any authorities to get too worked up about any allegations in this area.

- Carl

 

[bopeep]

She is a teacher in a certain department of the school for children with more the main stream needs. I believe whatever "title" she holds is more then a main strem teacher.

Also, there is no custody battle going on, we share custody. BUT, I would like to take that away from him becuase of all this bs and because of the mental crap they (he and his wife) are doing to her.

Another thing she has done was pull my step daughters EFCE development assessment and read that which has personal information not only regarding our family but my step-daughters mom and family. She was dumb enough to tell me this herself I suppose her not knowing that I'm not stupid and I know what she can and cannot do in regards to her position at the school.

My daughter talked about it again yesterday and told me that her step mom probably got the info by looking into personal files because thats what she did at her last job. My daughgter also told me that she (the step mom) talks about some of her students (who my daughter knows personally) and it makes her mad because of the mean things her step mom says about them.

Again, I want this issue resolved but I need to take into consideration the safety of my daughter and the reprocussions she may suffer for giving me this info.

 

[Perky]

Whether or not she should be reading of any the children's files depends on her position in the school district. Unless all four girls attend the same school (K-12?), then it sounds as though she has access to district, not just school, records. It's hard to say if her actions are justified without knowing her responsibilities.

You said that you alerted the school to the situation. Who did you speak to, and what was the response?

 

[notsmartmark]

I have made this aware to the school but told them that before they take action on it I need to make sure my 12 year old is safe (her dad and step mom tend to flip out).

If you inform a district employee that certain things are occurring, they have responsibilities to respond or act. You may not be indicate that someone may have violated FERPA rules or something that may lead to an OCR complaint, depending on the information accessed and shared, and tell the District employee to not follow through.

There is no custody battle going on, we share custody. BUT, I would like to take that away from him becuase of all this bs and because of the mental crap they (he and his wife) are doing to her.

I don't know how determining joint custody is handled, but if you are looking for a means to alter it, I would be surprised that this incident would warrant a change in the agreement.

It does sound like someone needs to be a Dr. Phil "Hero." Is it going to be you?