Child custody

[amg0413]

Child custody PLEASE HELP

What is the name of your state?
Illinois
I have a 4 year old daughter, i was never married to her father, he is on her birth certificate and she has his last name. we just separated we have no legal documentation about custody or child support, i was wondering if I have sole custody over her, or if i have to go to court to get sole custody over her? He hardly sees her, and he was doing drugs, he denies that he continues to do drugs now. I just want to know what i should do from this point, or if it is too late to do anything now?

 

[Ohiogal]

It is not too late. Go to court and get a court order as that will avoid problems down the road.

 

[amg0413]

What should i do if I don't want her father to be in her life at all, i know that I am being selfish, but i don't know what else to do, over and over again he keeps hurting me and it would be so much easier if he would just go away and that my daughter and I would never have to see him again. Am I being totally wrong in wanting this? would the court allow me to have total and complete custody over her, would he get visitation rights, there are some many unanswered questions that i have, can anyone help me or give me advice?

 

[Gracie3787]

What should i do if I don't want her father to be in her life at all, i know that I am being selfish, but i don't know what else to do, over and over again he keeps hurting me and it would be so much easier if he would just go away and that my daughter and I would never have to see him again. Am I being totally wrong in wanting this? would the court allow me to have total and complete custody over her, would he get visitation rights, there are some many unanswered questions that i have, can anyone help me or give me advice?

Yes, you are wrong in wanting to keep father out of child's life. It is too late to choose that, it is a decision you should have made BEFORE you had a child with him.

Yes, he WILL get visitation rights, and no the court will not give you complete control over everything. This is something that for your cvhild's sake you need to get used to.

File for the needed orders BEFORE you move, it will make your life alot easier.

 

[NSA4answers]

over and over again he keeps hurting me

is he hurting your daughter?

and it would be so much easier if he would just go away and that my daughter and I would never have to see him again.

he's your daughters father. maybe it would be easier for you, but I'm sure she loves him.

Am I being totally wrong in wanting this?

it sounds like you are doing it to be selfish and for yourself, not your child she is who you should be thinking about in this situation.

would he get visitation rights,

probably, why shouldn't he, cause you don't want him to?

 

[amg0413]

is he hurting your daughter?

No he wouldn't hurt her, only with empty promises

he's your daughters father. maybe it would be easier for you, but I'm sure she loves him.

yes i know that she loves him

it sounds like you are doing it to be selfish and for yourself, not your child she is who you should be thinking about in this situation.



probably, why shouldn't he, cause you don't want him to?

yes i don't want anything to do with him anymore, but i know that he has to be a part of her life, I' m just so confused

 

[amg0413]

Yes, you are wrong in wanting to keep father out of child's life. It is too late to choose that, it is a decision you should have made BEFORE you had a child with him.

I know that, but it wasn't like she was a planned baby, i was only 17

Yes, he WILL get visitation rights, and no the court will not give you complete control over everything. This is something that for your cvhild's sake you need to get used to.

He and I were never married, does that matter, Will it change everything since he is on her birth certificate, and she has his last name?
File for the needed orders BEFORE you move, it will make your life alot easier.

I don't even know where to start with all of that

 

[fairisfair]

Yes, you are wrong in wanting to keep father out of child's life. It is too late to choose that, it is a decision you should have made BEFORE you had a child with him.

Yes, he WILL get visitation rights, and no the court will not give you complete control over everything. This is something that for your cvhild's sake you need to get used to.

File for the needed orders BEFORE you move, it will make your life alot easier.

Okay, I am totally frigging lost. Where does she ever say she is moving?

 

[NSA4answers]

What should i do if I don't want her father to be in her life at all, i know that I am being selfish, but i don't know what else to do, over and over again he keeps hurting me and it would be so much easier if he would just go away and that my daughter and I would never have to see him again. Am I being totally wrong in wanting this? would the court allow me to have total and complete custody over her, would he get visitation rights, there are some many unanswered questions that i have, can anyone help me or give me advice?

yes i don't want anything to do with him anymore, but i know that he has to be a part of her life, I' m just so confused

You're confused because you no longer wish to have him be part of your life, as should be a choice with a boyfriend/girlfriend that you break up with. However, he's no longer just your boyfriend and you are no longe just his girlfriend. You had a child together and as much as it may suck, you're gonna have to learn to co parent with him because there is no way you can force him out of your daughters life. If he wants visitation, he'll likely get it. You may be able to obtain sole legal decision making responsibility and physical custody but you are now forever tied to this guy. And as much as he may make your stomach turn your daughter is a part of him. You need to get past him and get on with raising your daughter with him.

If he wants visitation and you simply can't get along with him consider having a third party to exchange the child through such as a grandparent. That way the 2 of you wont have to be around each other. Pick up a parenting book (not sure that's exactly what they are called) at the book store to keep important information regarding the child in to exchange with dad for visitations. There are ways to work around not having him in your life but he's your daughters father.

There's another posters quote on here in his/her signature that I've heard before and I like a lot. Remember to love your child more than you hate your ex. Part of loving your child is ensuring s/he have a relationship with the other parent, and recognizing that the other parent is part of your child.

 

[Gracie3787]

Okay, I am totally frigging lost. Where does she ever say she is moving?

Ooops, you're not lost, I am. I was still thinking about another thread I had just posted on.

OP, please ignore my confusion, but the rest of my post is not confused.