I need help

[momof2nTN]

What is the name of your state? TN

My husband and I filed for divorce is Feb. after being seperated since Oct of last year. When he left he swore that he did not have another woman. I wanted to believe him but just had a bad feeling about the whole situtation. We have 2 kids and they are my main concern. A few weeks ago, my youngest son (9) was talking to his dad on the phone when he heard somone talking in the background. He went on to ask him if he had someone there with him. His dad then told him about his girlfriend and her kids that were staying there with him. My son had asked him many times before if he had a girlfriend, he would always deny it. Now when they go over to his house she is always there with her kids. My soon to be ex has even let our youngest sleep on the couch with her son while he slept in another room with his girlfriend. I am just not sure if this should be going on in front of the kids or not. What he does with his life does not concern me anymore, unless he has our kids with him. I am just wondering if I am wrong about feeling uncomfortable with this sleeping arrangement while my kids are present.

 

[CourtClerk]

Your feelings are irrelevant in the situation because the law is not based on feelings. You can feel anyway you want.

You need to find out if your state has a noncohabitation statute. If it does, then perhaps you can take the issue to court, however, if they don't your ex has the right to have anyone sleep over anytime he pleases.

As for sleeping on the couch, nothing wrong with that.

 

[momof2nTN]

My kids are not too happy with this situtation either. My oldest son (15) says it is just too much for him to take see his dad with another woman and still married to his mom. He doesn't go over to his dad's house that often and I am afraid that is part of the reason. He doesn't like to talk about his dad leaving, so it's hard to know what is going on in his mind. I have tried to talk to their dad about the way they feel. They don't like to say anything to him because they are afraid they will hurt his feelings. I only hope he starts to consider their feelings first instead of his own.

 

[CourtClerk]

Get your children into some counseling so they can learn how to deal with his parent's divorcing. Explain to him that people these days don't seem to stay married and his father will start to have new relationships, just like you may one day. When he starts dating, he won't be with his very first girlfriend forever and ever either.

Coping skills are what they need and if there is an existing visitation order, let them know that they doesn't get to pick when they go to their father's house. Everyone involved needs to follow the order. Even if there is no order, they need to go to their father's house and maintain a relationship with him also.

 

[momof2nTN]

We do have a visitation schedule in place but our oldest son doesn't like to spend the night at his dad's new place. He is happy spending the day with him, but he wants to come back home at night. His dad and I have talked about this and he says that he will not make him spend the night if he doesn't want too. Our youngest son does spend the night there sometime but does feel weird about his dad sleeping with another woman. All I want is for my kids to adjust to this situtation in the easiest way possible. Their feelings are the most important thing.

 

[LdiJ]

We do have a visitation schedule in place but our oldest son doesn't like to spend the night at his dad's new place. He is happy spending the day with him, but he wants to come back home at night. His dad and I have talked about this and he says that he will not make him spend the night if he doesn't want too. Our youngest son does spend the night there sometime but does feel weird about his dad sleeping with another woman. All I want is for my kids to adjust to this situtation in the easiest way possible. Their feelings are the most important thing.

Again, counseling is one of the very best things that you can do for your children to help them deal with the situation.

Its a shame that dad decided to do this so quickly, it would have been better for the kids if they didn't have to share him right now, but what's done is done, and counseling can help them.

 

[Ohiogal]

Why didn't you request temporary orders with a no paramour clause?

 

[momof2nTN]

I never thought of having that put into the divorce papers. I guess there is nothing I can do about it now. I was wrong to trust him when he said that there wasn't someone else. I always believed everything he said and that was my worst mistake. We had been together so long, I never thought about him leaving for any reason. I thought we could work together and live through anything. I know that sounds crazy but I guess that's love for you. I am truly hurt right now, but I will get over this sooner or later. My kids are my number one priority. I am going to check into counseling for them. I want them to come out of this horrible mess with the least amount of pain possible.

 

[maryjo]

Eventually your kids will get over and so will you. Its always hard at first but you didnt think he was going to stay single forever, did you?

My ex swore the same thing. Two weeks later when he took our son for his first visitation, he brought the girlfriend along. We have been seperated for 2 years and divorced for a year and a half. Want to know how long it took him to admit he was actually living with her? LOL!

 

[Humusluvr]

I never thought of having that put into the divorce papers. I guess there is nothing I can do about it now. I was wrong to trust him when he said that there wasn't someone else. I always believed everything he said and that was my worst mistake. We had been together so long, I never thought about him leaving for any reason. I thought we could work together and live through anything. I know that sounds crazy but I guess that's love for you. I am truly hurt right now, but I will get over this sooner or later. My kids are my number one priority. I am going to check into counseling for them. I want them to come out of this horrible mess with the least amount of pain possible.

Heck, I was in the hospital in labor and my ex's new bedwarmer decided that I needed to hear about their love for each other. She apparently did not know I was pregnant. What a kick in the butt for us both. She wondered why my number kept showing up on his phone. Funny, I wondered the same thing about HER number when ex and I were still together.

 

[momof2nTN]

It's really funny to see my ex act all important because he has a new girlfriend. He thinks he has me right where he wants me, but I am getting stronger every day. I will not let him control my life any more. He can go out and have a good time with all his new friends because he is only showing his two kids exactly what kind of person he really is. He thinks they are not paying attention to him, but they are watching everything he does. Thanks everybody for giving me good advice and sharing your stories. I really appreciate it.