How long before proceeding towards litigation

[cerberus75]

I live in Virginia. My laywer has been sending letters to the mother of my daughter requesting that she sign the AOP and that she meet with me in mediation in order to come to a consensus on a parenting plan and other related items. We have sent multiple letters over a period of the past month.

I approached the mother today and asked her if she planned to respond and if I should go ahead and set up an appointment for us to meet in mediation. She stated that she still needs to retain counsel and will not respond to any of my letters until she has had time to do so. However, she isn't sure when she will be able to retain counsel.

What should I consider to be a reasonable amount of time to allow her to retain counsel before I consider taking the next step, which is to file motions for Paternity, Custody and Visitation, and Support. I plan to speak with my attorney about this but wanted to get a second opinion.

Thanks in advance!

 

[escape2paradise]

I wouldn't wait. She obviously is not motivated to retain counsel. I bet sending her a petition and a motion for a parenting plan will get her motivated.

 

[cerberus75]

I was pretty certain she wouldn't respond. So far the deal is pretty good for her... she basically gets free babysitting services from me, free day care (which I pay), health insurance for our daughter through my plan, and the list goes on... and I don't have any rights whatsoever. She has been very reluctant to work with me on these issues...

Part of the reason for the letter writing campaign, and hence why I alluded to the length of time I should reasonably expect to give her before filing motions is because I want to prove to the court that this could have reasonably been settled out of court but that she refused to cooperate. If it does go to litigation, I am certain she will try to go after me to pay for her attorney's fees... I'm hoping a judge would see through this when he/she sees there was ample opportunity to settle out of court.

 

[Ohiogal]

If paternity is NOT established, how have you been providing health insurance?

 

[cerberus75]

If paternity is NOT established, how have you been providing health insurance?

My health insurance plan does not ask for proof of dependancy. Of course, if it was later proved that I was not the father then I would certainly need to reimburse the insurance company for their costs, however I am not too worried about that as I took an at-home DNA test and I am sure I am the father.

 

[cerberus75]

So, is it reasonable to assume that a concerted letter writing campaign can be used as evidence to pursuade the courts that this could have been settled out of court, or should I expect to be slammed with paying her legal costs? I can barely afford to cover my own lawyer's expenses after I pay for my daughters day care expenses and other related costs... if I have to pay her laywer's fees as well I'll probably have to foreclose on my house.

 

[LdiJ]

So, is it reasonable to assume that a concerted letter writing campaign can be used as evidence to pursuade the courts that this could have been settled out of court, or should I expect to be slammed with paying her legal costs? I can barely afford to cover my own lawyer's expenses after I pay for my daughters day care expenses and other related costs... if I have to pay her laywer's fees as well I'll probably have to foreclose on my house.

A concerted letter writing campaign might demonstrate that, but it also might demonstrate that you were trying to push her into an agreement without legal representation. She does have the right to have legal representation, and a judge cannot fault her for being unwilling to proceed without legal representation. I think it would possibly have been a better demonstration if the letter writing campaign had been by you, rather than by your attorney. I also hope that your attorney's multiple letters weren't the typical intimidating sort.

She may be having trouble coming up with the money for a retainer also.

 

[Ohiogal]

A concerted letter writing campaign might demonstrate that, but it also might demonstrate that you were trying to push her into an agreement without legal representation. She does have the right to have legal representation, and a judge cannot fault her for being unwilling to proceed without legal representation. I think it would possibly have been a better demonstration if the letter writing campaign had been by you, rather than by your attorney. I also hope that your attorney's multiple letters weren't the typical intimidating sort.

She may be having trouble coming up with the money for a retainer also.

Actually such a thing would not be admissible as I -- and most other attorneys -- could get it stricken as being part of negotiation. Negotation is NOT admissible in court.

 

[cerberus75]

A concerted letter writing campaign might demonstrate that, but it also might demonstrate that you were trying to push her into an agreement without legal representation. She does have the right to have legal representation, and a judge cannot fault her for being unwilling to proceed without legal representation.

I agree she is entitled to legal representation. That is why I specifically asked at the beginning of this thread what is a reasonable amount of time to expect that she should retain counsel. On the flip side however, I do not want to wait months and months as she may simply be stalling...

I think it would possibly have been a better demonstration if the letter writing campaign had been by you, rather than by your attorney. I also hope that your attorney's multiple letters weren't the typical intimidating sort.

I have tried in vain to work through these issues with her, prior to obtaining an attorney. She has refused at every step of the way. She would not put my name on the Birth Certificate, she would not agree to go to mediation with me. The list goes on. The whole reason I obtained an attorney and started this letter writing campaign was essentially to put her on notice that I am very serious about having my rights as a father and establishing myself as a permanent presence in our daughters life. As for the tone of the letters, I have told my attorney from the onset that I want to be very civil towards the mother and the letters have reflected that. I am not interested in instilling fear or intimidating the mother, I very much want to work things out amicably with her, in the spirit of cooperation and in the best interest of our daughter.

If you're interested in hearing the back story, please read my original thread:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=393174

 

[CourtClerk]

I say file today... and be done with it.

Oh, and cut off the money until ordered. That ought to light a fire up under her butt.

 

[cerberus75]

I say file today... and be done with it.

Oh, and cut off the money until ordered. That ought to light a fire up under her butt.

I am sorry, I understand where you are coming from... but I refuse to do that... I'd rather deal with a little crap in order to get her to the negotiation table than to hurt our daughter in the process and make her suffer unnecessarily.