Mother leaves 7 yr old alone nights while she works

[carrie57]

What is the name of your state? NJ

My son divorced in 2002 in Washington State. He was given custody of his then 2 yr old son (willingly by the mother). In 2004 my son and grandson moved to NJ (he also went thru the court with this and the mother did not fight the move). The mother moved to CA later that same year.

My grandson is now 7 years old.

He just returned from his mothers after spring break and tells how he stays home alone while his mommy works. She works at a casino from 1am to 9am.

There is no way my son will allow his child to go back there for the summer knowing he is left alone.

We don't know what state would have jurisdiction and where he begins to try to modify the visitation.

Also, there is no proof except the 7 year olds word - will the court take that into account? He is not making this up. He loves his mommy and wants to visit her.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state? NJ

My son divorced in 2002 in Washington State. He was given custody of his then 2 yr old son (willingly by the mother). In 2004 my son and grandson moved to NJ (he also went thru the court with this and the mother did not fight the move). The mother moved to CA later that same year.

My grandson is now 7 years old.

He just returned from his mothers after spring break and tells how he stays home alone while his mommy works. She works at a casino from 1am to 9am.

There is no way my son will allow his child to go back there for the summer knowing he is left alone.

We don't know what state would have jurisdiction and where he begins to try to modify the visitation.

Also, there is no proof except the 7 year olds word - will the court take that into account? He is not making this up. He loves his mommy and wants to visit her.

Was the order made by the court in Washington or NJ?

 

[carrie57]

The parenting plan and all court info was done in Washington State. They have lived in NJ for 3 years now though.

 

[CourtClerk]

Washington still has jurisdiction until it's changed, and when it is, New Jersey should take jurisdiction because that's where the child lives.

Your son needs an attorney in New Jersey and no, chances are we are not going to be speaking to a 7 year old, however, if your son is concerned about his well being, he is free to contact CPS in mom's area and they will check into it.

 

[carrie57]

Thanks for your help. My son will be contacting an attorney tomorrow to restrict her visitation. I think CPS in CA is out of the question now as the child is already back in NJ with Dad. Our concern is summer vacation is coming up and Dad won't risk the chance that the child will be left alone this summer all night while she works.

 

[Isis1]

if he is concerned...he could respectfully ask for the contact information of the adult who is babysitting their child while she is working for emergency purposes. and ask that his information be given to that person as well. this lets her know in a polite non confrontational way the child should be supervised.

 

[carrie57]

What kind of mother doesn't already know that a 7 year old should be supervised??? And what kind of a mother leaves a 7 year old alone from 1AM to 9AM while she goes to work? I think any mother should already know this or am I crazy? What if there was a fire, a burgler, a kidnapper? He said he woke up in the night on two separate occasions. She doesn't think he is scared?? What does that do to him emotionally?

Am I over reacting that he is left alone all night??

 

[onebreath]

I don't think you are overreacting, personally.

I would figure out how to get the jurisdiction moved to NJ...whether thats separate from or combined with filing a legal motion...and have this heard in court. Whether or not the court will believe a 7 year old....the fact is is this is not safe and at least give the court a chance to hear it...any parent would be concerned. And like the last poster suggested...but I would get it in LEGAL wording that you be informed in advance of the caretakers name, work phone number, credentials... while mom works...do some research/legwork on how to request someone legit....but I would do it through court.

The cps idea could be a blind alley...but the fact is is it just happened so its fresh and MAYBE CA CPS would be willing to look into it. Trust me, it doesn't hurt to talk to them and tell them your concerns...its free and it doesn't hurt anyone, they will decide on their own if they choose to open up an investigation and discuss with the mom or not....I would do it. When you are discussing with them, tell them the same thing...you need access to an authorized child care person ____weeks in advance of the visitation so that you can personally be assured the person is caring for the child.

Last but not least I would contact mom with a certified letter explaining your concerns, that it is absolutely not OK to have the 7 year old there without appropriate adult supervision at all times. Explain to her this is against the law and cite the law. I don't know what the issue is but this is negligence and I sure wouldn't want my 9 year old daughter walking into that. So you will have to act and just do your best.

 

[stealth2]

Whether or not the court will believe a 7 year old....the fact is is this is not safe and at least give the court a chance to hear it...any parent would be concerned.

Except the court is not going to hear from the 7yo.

OP - what proof does Dad actually have that this is occurring? Except for the word of the child?

And as for what sort of parent doesn't know a 7yo needs to be supervised? Perhaps it's less not knowing that and more being in a position of having to work and not having the money to afford someone to watch the child. If she's working in a casino, I doubt she's rolling in dough. Perhaps Dad should consider talking to her to find out whatr the situation is and how they can resolve it for the best interests of their son.

Oh, and your reaction? Is completely moot, legally speaking.

 

[Ohiogal]

Stealth is correct provided the child is telling the truth. Has dad talked to mom about what the child has stated?

 

[Isis1]

you'd be so surprised how many parents (mothers and dads alike) leave a child at home alone unsupervised. my mom did it when i was 2. my ex did it when his youngest was 3 and 4. my ex's mom did it to all of her foster children when they were under the age of 10. is it wrong to be worried, absolutely not. definitely talk to the mother about it. show state law regarding leaving a child unattended.

 

[Ohiogal]

you'd be so surprised how many parents (mothers and dads alike) leave a child at home alone unsupervised. my mom did it when i was 2. my ex did it when his youngest was 3 and 4. my ex's mom did it to all of her foster children when they were under the age of 10. is it wrong to be worried, absolutely not. definitely talk to the mother about it. show state law regarding leaving a child unattended.

You would be surprised to know that state law does not usually list an age. And again WE DO NOT KNOW -- nor does the poster -- if his child is really being left unattended.

 

[pa1981]

show state law regarding leaving a child unattended.

If Dad does find out this is occurring, and mom happens to be one of those types who thinks it's no big deal, here's some food for thought:

http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/15402053/detail.html

Makes me ill.

 

[LdiJ]

You would be surprised to know that state law does not usually list an age. And again WE DO NOT KNOW -- nor does the poster -- if his child is really being left unattended.

I agree that dad doesn't know....and he could hurt himself badly if he takes action without knowing.

 

[FITFatherof2]

How dad goes about handling this depends on what dad’s motives are. If dad is only trying to insure that there is a responsible adult present while his ex is working, a certified letter asking who the babysitter is and asking for all contact information would seem appropriate. I would also include that their son was under the impression that he was there alone all night while mom worked. Dad may want to take the stance of a responsible parent following up on his sons concerns. I would make it an attempt to gather information, rather than an opportunity to accuse.

I would follow the court order, and still send the child for the visit, but I would send him with a cell phone. If mom answers a page at work, I would then call my son on his cell and see if he is alone, or who is watching him. If he is alone, dad should call the local police where the child is and let them decide what the next step is.