How long is too long?

[SMinNJ]

What is the name of your state? NJ

Some of you may recall what has gone on with my husband, his ex, and their daughter. His question today is this...

In the middle of February, Judge, mom's counsel, GAL, and dad had a conference call in which Judge asked the three parties to agree about how to adopt the recommendations from a psych eval on dad and the child. The three parties continued the call after the judge left and came to a tentative agreement. GAL was to draft a consent order for all parties to comment on and approve.

In the middle of March, dad received the draft of the consent order, asking each party to check to see if there were any objections, disagreements or misunderstandings. If there were not, the GAL would circulate the consent order for execution and filing.

My husband responded quickly, since the draft represented close to the opposite of how the parties had agreed to handle the situation, in some regards.

It has now been a month since the draft was sent to him, and there has been no communication from mom's counsel or GAL, including no response to my husband's response to the draft. Dad is sending an email to the parties today, asking what's up.

This consent order involves how dad and child get to counseling so that they can work towards reunification (there has been no parenting time since last June). Per the agreement in question, all parties are to agree to the counselors used, so dad is anxious to get the order filed and to get counseling started.

The question is - how long should dad wait before trying to go back to the judge? It's been two months since the Judge told them to play nicely together, and dad has been the only attempting to play. The GAL in this case has been notorious for disappearing, and mom might have an interest in delaying this matter as long as possible.

Thanks for your input.

 

[fairisfair]

bump . . . . . . . . . .

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? NJ

Some of you may recall what has gone on with my husband, his ex, and their daughter. His question today is this...

In the middle of February, Judge, mom's counsel, GAL, and dad had a conference call in which Judge asked the three parties to agree about how to adopt the recommendations from a psych eval on dad and the child. The three parties continued the call after the judge left and came to a tentative agreement. GAL was to draft a consent order for all parties to comment on and approve.

In the middle of March, dad received the draft of the consent order, asking each party to check to see if there were any objections, disagreements or misunderstandings. If there were not, the GAL would circulate the consent order for execution and filing.

My husband responded quickly, since the draft represented close to the opposite of how the parties had agreed to handle the situation, in some regards.

It has now been a month since the draft was sent to him, and there has been no communication from mom's counsel or GAL, including no response to my husband's response to the draft. Dad is sending an email to the parties today, asking what's up.

This consent order involves how dad and child get to counseling so that they can work towards reunification (there has been no parenting time since last June). Per the agreement in question, all parties are to agree to the counselors used, so dad is anxious to get the order filed and to get counseling started.

The question is - how long should dad wait before trying to go back to the judge? It's been two months since the Judge told them to play nicely together, and dad has been the only attempting to play. The GAL in this case has been notorious for disappearing, and mom might have an interest in delaying this matter as long as possible.

Thanks for your input.

It's only been a month & in that time period BOTH parties need to GET the info, Respond to the info., the GAL then needs to make all the changes, then re-send again to both parties to review....

So Dad can email the GAL and attorney if he wants, but I personally wouldn't consider it 'late' at this point.

 

[SMinNJ]

It's only been a month & in that time period BOTH parties need to GET the info, Respond to the info., the GAL then needs to make all the changes, then re-send again to both parties to review....

So Dad can email the GAL and attorney if he wants, but I personally wouldn't consider it 'late' at this point.

Thanks for your input... I think dad's concern was that, as you said, both parties need to get the info... and both parties have been instructed to copy all parties on all the communication, so since he hasn't seen anything from mom's attorney, it was all still stuck in the first stage - getting a response from mom...

Dad's going a little crazy with "nothing" happening - he misses his daughter, and wants desperately to be in her life.

Thanks again Casa... and fairisfair...

 

[casa]

Thanks for your input... I think dad's concern was that, as you said, both parties need to get the info... and both parties have been instructed to copy all parties on all the communication, so since he hasn't seen anything from mom's attorney, it was all still stuck in the first stage - getting a response from mom...

Dad's going a little crazy with "nothing" happening - he misses his daughter, and wants desperately to be in her life.

Thanks again Casa... and fairisfair...

I know this is agony for Dad. But, try to think of it this way: Mom cannot delay forever ANYMORE. Now, it's just a matter of time. He's come all this way, don't fall apart so close to the goal.

 

[Zephyr]

I know the waiting sucks- I was chomping at the bit for my order as well.....and there were objections....almost 4 months later I finally got an order......I'd say give it a little more time- but I would definitely send the email and try to keep everyone moving on it

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry I was not around but I agree with what you have been told. Patience is a virtue and it is also impossible when it concerns your life.

 

[SMinNJ]

Sorry I was not around but I agree with what you have been told. Patience is a virtue and it is also impossible when it concerns your life.

So, opposite of what CASA suggested, mom can indeed delay forever, with the court's permission. At the end of April, the GAL sent a letter to the judge in the case, stating that the parties are unable to agree as to a consent order. The judge had originally told everyone to see if they couldn't agree, and if they couldn't, then come back to him to schedule a hearing. So, the GAL asks for the hearing.

Three months have gone by since then. A letter from the GAL arrives today stating that he heard from the Judge, and the judge says that he is not going to make an order or schedule a hearing unless one of the parties seeks relief. Funny, I thought my husband AND his ex-wife had done that with their original filings, none of which have been permanently ruled upon.

Anyway, dad had finished writing a motion this week to get things moving, since it had been three months since the GAL requested a hearing. Among other things, dad is requesting that the GAL be removed, since the GAL has never met dad and has disappeared multiple times during the process; that supervised parenting time be put in place immediately; that the child and dad enter immediately into joint and individual counseling; and that the parents adopt dad's proposed parenting plan, which provides for information sharing between parents.

It's now been 13 months since parenting time took place, 10 months since a phone conversation, and 10 months since the child has been in counseling. The child has missed her half-brother's 1st and 2nd birthdays, and entirely missed the birth and subsequent life of her 3 month old half-sister. It's tearing my husband apart.

Is there any advice on how my husband should present himself in his motion. Even though he's written it, he's anxious to make certain that he presents it well so as not to tick off a court that already doesn't want to deal with the case.

Also, this case started with a motion from dad requesting a transfer of custody. Mom then filed an ex parte motion to suspend dad's visitation. Parenting time was temporarily suspended, pending evaluations. Now that the evaluations are done, there is no order in place for the execution of any recommendation - shouldn't the court be required to make further rulings without motions being filed? Clearly, dad will file anyway, but it seems to us that the court is abandoning its own process. Are we wrong?

Thanks for your help...

 

[SMinNJ]

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