Extracurricular School Activites and Programs

[angelface30s]

What is the name of your state? FL (But divorce took place in WI)

the children want to come back from summer visits with there dad early as extracurricular activities (sports) that they are in practice starts before school starts up again and he will not let them return for this. When I call his home to talk with him about it, his wife keeps hanging up on me and will not let me talk to him about it. I notified him 6 months before about the sports they will have to be at for practice and he will not talk to me about it. I try calling and emailing and no response at all. I caught him at his mothers house last night and he says he can't even give me a return date on the flight. He is bitter that I left him and says this is all about me and not the kids and that he will never let them come home early for anything. The kids are very hurt and angry with him. Frustration is setting in!!!!!! I have let him have the kids 4 to 7 days longer then he should have them for winter break every year. It is bad enough he gets them every Christmas.

What happend is they change the school year days and now activities start 2 to 3 weeks earlier, they didn't change there practice times due to state law requires some activities be done by a certain time of year for whatever reason.

 

[amberlea434]

What is the name of your state? FL (But divorce took place in WI)

the children want to come back from summer visits with there dad early as extracurricular activities (sports) that they are in practice starts before school starts up again and he will not let them return for this. When I call his home to talk with him about it, his wife keeps hanging up on me and will not let me talk to him about it. I notified him 6 months before about the sports they will have to be at for practice and he will not talk to me about it. I try calling and emailing and no response at all. I caught him at his mothers house last night and he says he can't even give me a return date on the flight. He is bitter that I left him and says this is all about me and not the kids and that he will never let them come home early for anything. The kids are very hurt and angry with him. Frustration is setting in!!!!!! I have let him have the kids 4 to 7 days longer then he should have them for winter break every year. It is bad enough he gets them every Christmas.

What happend is they change the school year days and now activities start 2 to 3 weeks earlier, they didn't change there practice times due to state law requires some activities be done by a certain time of year for whatever reason.

Legally speaking, he's well within his rights to not send the children back early and you're not supposed to plan events for the children on his time. Just because you agreed to him keeping the children 4 to 7 days longer for winter break is irrelevent. You can't expect him to retaliate that.

 

[my life is mine]

How old are children? Have they been playing said sports or doing said activities for a long period of time?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? FL (But divorce took place in WI)

I am going to guess tha tyou moved with the children then away from dad.

the children want to come back from summer visits with there dad early as extracurricular activities (sports) that they are in practice starts before school starts up again and he will not let them return for this.

What does your court order state about summer? About extracurricular activities?

When I call his home to talk with him about it, his wife keeps hanging up on me and will not let me talk to him about it.

How does she know what you want to talk to him about?

I notified him 6 months before about the sports they will have to be at for practice and he will not talk to me about it. I try calling and emailing and no response at all. I caught him at his mothers house last night and he says he can't even give me a return date on the flight.

He doesn't have to respond. Why are you calling him at his mother's house? when does your order state he has to give you a return date? What is his time defined as during the summer?

He is bitter that I left him and says this is all about me and not the kids and that he will never let them come home early for anything.

He is bitter yet he is remarried? Are you sure he is not upset that you left the state with his children and he is limited as to when he can spend time with them and that you are cutting into his time even more?

The kids are very hurt and angry with him.

And why do they even know about it? Who filled them in about how this is "dad's fault"?

Frustration is setting in!!!!!! I have let him have the kids 4 to 7 days longer then he should have them for winter break every year. It is bad enough he gets them every Christmas.

Why does he get them every Christmas? Sounds like you are the one who is bitter and bothered.

What happend is they change the school year days and now activities start 2 to 3 weeks earlier, they didn't change there practice times due to state law requires some activities be done by a certain time of year for whatever reason.

Put the shoe on the other foot. He lives in WI with the children. You get the children only during the summer. Dad wants them returned early. What do you do?

 

[angelface30s]

Yes, 7 years ago we divorced and I relocated to FL where family is. It was proven in counseling that he has past issues and needed to continue seeking help. He declined. I moved away because he was very possesive and controlling.

I recall reading that the children should have as much as a normalcy life as possible.

The Winter Break and Spring break has specified dates but it states on the settlement agreement and I quote "Husband shall have placement during the summer when children are out of school", it doesn't say from this day to that day for this many weeks.

I have tried emailing my ex to ask him to grant them an earlier return home for activities that start prior to school starting. Since December they have not answered. So I started calling his house to get answers and only to have his wife hang up on me. I am friends with his mother and was calling her to ask if she could tell him I was trying to get a hold of him and to have him call me, and she said, hold on, he is right here I will let you talk to him.

I am a very fair person. I would grant anything for him that would benefit the kids. Like stated before I have let him keep the kids longer then he is suppose during the winter. Is it hard to never have them at Christmas?? Absolutely, wouldn't it be hard for you, there is nothing happy about that. But I never threaten to keep them home or try to talk him into anything. The kids always ask me if they can stay with me for Christmas and I encourage them to share there thoughts with there father and perhaps he will let them stay here one year and I would be willing to let him have them at Thanksgiving.

As far as the kids being hurt and angry, there father has told them that he would consider them staying with me part of the summer if they were involved in sports or activities. He keeps telling them, next year, next year. Then he told my daughter if you want to participate in any camp at moms, let me know and you can do it. So we sign her up and he says no, this is your mom wanting to keep you home and maybe next year. This was an email to her from him. She said mom, he keeps saying he will let me do things, then he never lets me. He even told her that he would compromise with her and for her to write something out and they will discuss it. Everything she has offered him, he says no. But yet he won't try to meet her half way. I realize he is mad at me for moving them out of state, but don't take it out on the children. I just ask they he quit making empty hopes for them, he keeps stringy them along. He even told me he never wanted children after we had them.


I do appreciate your input, but to say I am bitter is not the case here. If you could be on the line with us and listen to the way he talks to me, you would think he is an aweful mean person. He abused me in our marriage, I did whatever I could at the time to get far away from him. He would take the children from me when he got mad at me for leaving towels crooked on the rack, having music play to loud, do you get what I am dealing with here. I was in distress when I agreed to these terms. He told me he would taunt me until I died if I left him and he knows the children are the key to my heart and soul. So if you want to think that I am bitter, you have me all wrong.

There have been many times that I let him come to FL to see them and take them for a week without any gripe at all. This is about the children, not us.

 

[angelface30s]

Legally speaking, he's well within his rights to not send the children back early and you're not supposed to plan events for the children on his time. Just because you agreed to him keeping the children 4 to 7 days longer for winter break is irrelevent. You can't expect him to retaliate that.

We didn't agree, he just did it, I apologize if I wrote it that way.

 

[angelface30s]

How old are children? Have they been playing said sports or doing said activities for a long period of time?

12 and 9.. Yes they have been activily involved in sports and activities, but the school year changed, the activities did not change with the school year changes.

 

[Ohiogal]

When then dad doesn't have to send them back and you COULD have gone for contempt against him for not sending the children back if it went against the court orders.

 

[wileybunch]

OP, summer is Dad's time so in reality, any summer activities should be discussed with Dad and kids -- and then you. Now, it's the other way around and then some -- it's discussed between kids and you, plans set, hopes high, then Dad is informed what shall be. That would be like Dad making plans with kids during school year when it's on your time and *telling* you how things are going to be. See how that's backwards? You need to have kids call dad and speak directly to him about things they are interested in doing over the summer and let them work it out and then Dad can talk to you about plans they've made and see if they're OK with you, too. Until that happens (Dad talks to you about proposed plans), you need to stay out of it with the kids, not buy into their feelings or anything of that sort, it's between them and Dad. Let Dad be in the driver's seat. It's his time with the kids and is only right.

 

[nextwife]

OP, summer is Dad's time so in reality, any summer activities should be discussed with Dad and kids -- and then you. Now, it's the other way around and then some -- it's discussed between kids and you, plans set, hopes high, then Dad is informed what shall be. That would be like Dad making plans with kids during school year when it's on your time and *telling* you how things are going to be. See how that's backwards? You need to have kids call dad and speak directly to him about things they are interested in doing over the summer and let them work it out and then Dad can talk to you about plans they've made and see if they're OK with you, too. Until that happens (Dad talks to you about proposed plans), you need to stay out of it with the kids, not buy into their feelings or anything of that sort, it's between them and Dad. Let Dad be in the driver's seat. It's his time with the kids and is only right.

Why can't they sign up for programs in their preferred sports while at Dad's house? Why can they only do sports with you? I have a ten year old, and she is signed up for all sorts of sports programs and camps throughout the summer.

 

[penelope10]

I do something really odd. Before daughter is signed up for anything I discuss the realities with Dad first before any decisions are made. I let our daughter know this as well.

Seems to have worked out pretty well for us. Sure has kept misunderstandings and animosity down to a minimum

 

[xylene]

Move to district with year round school plan.

 

[wileybunch]

Why can't they sign up for programs in their preferred sports while at Dad's house? Why can they only do sports with you? I have a ten year old, and she is signed up for all sorts of sports programs and camps throughout the summer.

It sounds like the sports are for the fall, but practices start in the summer so Mom wants the kids home early for that. That's understandable on the one hand, but sounds like Mom hasn't gone about it the best way and Dad probably feels strong armed and screwed before his perspective is ever considered.

 

[nextwife]

Move to district with year round school plan.

You know, I'm in WI and we get exactly three months of nice weather. I'd never want my kid in a year round program, when the only NICE months, the only months they can attend overnight and day camps and expect decent weather, are the summer months. And imagine trying to sort out BLENDED families, with some of the kids in traditional schools and one or two other kids in year round schools, and they all have DIFFERENT vacation schedules? How would a NCP living in a traditional district find day camp and other programs during breaks times that don't occur in their district?

 

[amberlea434]

The Winter Break and Spring break has specified dates but it states on the settlement agreement and I quote "Husband shall have placement during the summer when children are out of school", it doesn't say from this day to that day for this many weeks.

The answer to all your questions is right there in your CO. Dad has the summer with the kids. Period. If you don't like it, take it back to court for a modification. But, it's not gonna happen by the time summer comes around, so you might as well wrap your head around the fact that the children aren't coming back early.