hateful x

[Supermomma]

What is the name of your state? dc

My ex is a very hateful person. I feel really really bad for my son who will probably have to deal with this for the rest of his life. DS is already tempermental so I simply do not say anything to my ex for fear he will get argumentative in front of my son. Is there anyone out there dealing with an x like this. How do you tolerate it? We are not going back to court until september and I know things will get worse over the summer.

 

[Isis1]

if not talking to him helps..then keep up with it. i stick to good ol' US Mail. it makes my life so much less complicated. there is nothing he can say that gets me riled anymore. if he calls, conversation starts off topic about the kids..i say conversation is over and hang up. simple as that. i no longer have to prove to the world (or the courts) that he's an idiot. he can do that all by himself now. i actually love my new visitation schedule. i do none of the driving, all drop offs and pick ups are at school.

 

[Ohiogal]

First of all, I don't demand that people pick up an infant across the street. I don't demand that child support be paid every time you exchange a child. i don't demand that dad only gets the child in 2 two week periods because it is convenient to me. I don't fish around to see if antidepressants are an excuse as to depriving dad time. Should I continue?

 

[onebreath]

Same here in terms of all drop offs and pick ups are at school, except for summer...yuck.

One thing that has helped me a lot with stress of difficult ex relationship is emailing. Through seeing a coparent counselor he very strongly advocated that we only email in terms of communicating about daughter....which over time meant refining that so that email headings are set up "(childs name)...date, transition" and relevant notes about what came up for child in your care with child before the transition happens. Or "(childs name...sick), (request for special time)...etc...you get the picture.

If thats too much communication....just email when it feels necessary. The only time we call each other anymore is for an emergency, or when its urgent...like there's a screw up and a call needs to be made to say...I am sitting here at your house...where are you and child?

It has helped not completely, but soooo much with all the animosity and issues getting shared with no constraints...now I don't stress when the phone rings...and its a lot better for the child that way too.

 

[onebreath]

Same here in terms of all drop offs and pick ups are at school, except for summer...yuck.

One thing that has helped me a lot with stress of difficult ex relationship is emailing. Through seeing a coparent counselor he very strongly advocated that we only email in terms of communicating about daughter....which over time meant refining that so that email headings are set up "(childs name)...date, transition" and relevant notes about what came up for child in your care with child before the transition happens. Or "(childs name...sick), (request for special time)...etc...you get the picture.

If thats too much communication....just email when it feels necessary. The only time we call each other anymore is for an emergency, or when its urgent...like there's a screw up and a call needs to be made to say...I am sitting here at your house...where are you and child?

It has helped not completely, but soooo much with all the animosity and issues getting shared with no constraints...now I don't stress when the phone rings...and its a lot better for the child that way too.

It also helps to have in our court order that no communication take place at transfers...other than polite conversation. Any communication that now takes place at transfers can be put into the emails. All of this is in our court order by the way, but it took a while.

 

[mommyof4]

First of all, I don't demand that people pick up an infant across the street. I don't demand that child support be paid every time you exchange a child. i don't demand that dad only gets the child in 2 two week periods because it is convenient to me. I don't fish around to see if antidepressants are an excuse as to depriving dad time. Should I continue?

So glad I read your response before I took the time to post. My fingers thank you.

 

[amberlea434]

Is there an actual LEGAL question here...

 

[Supermomma]

First of all, I don't demand that people pick up an infant across the street.

wouldnt either, but once again, he acted a fool in front of my door for no apparent reason. I didnt start anything, never said anything, he just wanted to complain about something. Of course I just handed over ds and shut the door.

I don't demand that child support be paid every time you exchange a child.

I didnt demand it. This is exactly what the judge wanted. Actually, I read the order and it says that "payments are to be made directly between the parties and not through Child Support Enforcement".

legally it sounds like he has to give it to me this way. How can I get himto mail it? I would love to get it via mail rather than handing over.

i don't demand that dad only gets the child in 2 two week periods because it is convenient to me.

I didnt demand that either. The judge did.

I don't fish around to see if antidepressants are an excuse as to depriving dad time.

That was from a discussion I had with other parents. I thought I would bring it here. As I stated before, neither me nor the other party are on antidepressants.

Should I continue?

please do OG, I really respect your comments and opinions, even when I dont agree. You and the other posters always point out things we and others need to think about. Between viewing and reading discussions on here, along with making weekly trips to the courthouse to sit in on CS cases, I have learned a lot. CS is a very expensive and stressful process. i am sad to see anyone, including myself deal with it.

 

[Supermomma]

Same here in terms of all drop offs and pick ups are at school, except for summer...yuck.

One thing that has helped me a lot with stress of difficult ex relationship is emailing. Through seeing a coparent counselor he very strongly advocated that we only email in terms of communicating about daughter....which over time meant refining that so that email headings are set up "(childs name)...date, transition" and relevant notes about what came up for child in your care with child before the transition happens. Or "(childs name...sick), (request for special time)...etc...you get the picture.

If thats too much communication....just email when it feels necessary. The only time we call each other anymore is for an emergency, or when its urgent...like there's a screw up and a call needs to be made to say...I am sitting here at your house...where are you and child?

It has helped not completely, but soooo much with all the animosity and issues getting shared with no constraints...now I don't stress when the phone rings...and its a lot better for the child that way too.

I have emailed him in the past. Since the baby is so young I would email about any changes in diet, any health conditons etc. He would not email me back. I would also just tell him when I handed him over and got no response. He doesnt email back or ask questions or anything. Also, during the weeks in between visitation, he does not inquire about how he is doing, not that he is obligated too, but maybe thats what most NCPs do, not call once or twice during non-visitation period? I dont know.

 

[mommyof4]

No, legally it does NOT sound like he must hand over payment when he picks up or drops off the child. It does sound like, however, that you think child support is an admission fee for him to see his child.

You know better now, so get over it.

It's up to him to pay you on time. It doesn't matter HOW he does that, as long as he does. It's none of your business how he conducts his financial affairs, as long as he does. If he doesn't, you take him to court for contempt. You do NOT demand child support when your child is there. Pathetic and you shouldn't even need coparenting 101 to figure that out.

You titled your thread 'hateful X'. I daresay he has room to say the exact same thing about you.

 

[Supermomma]

that you think child support is an admission fee for him to see his child.

Where did you come up with this. I was responding to OG post and tell OG what the order says. thats how we interpreted it. If I can get him to mail it that would be great. I have never witheld the child from even, even for not paying CS, which he has not paid for this month. I dont even mention it anymore because last time he began arguing again. Are you faulting me because of wha the judge ordered? I didnt ask for EOW only or CS directly. From my point of view, it seems like the judge just wanted us to get it over with asap. When x tried to talk about visitation, the judge told him he didnt want to talk about it and he set the schedule himself.

It's up to him to pay you on time. It doesn't matter HOW he does that, as long as he does. It's none of your business how he conducts his financial affairs, as long as he does.

You must be feeling like pouncing on someone today because I never said I had an issue with him paying CS. OG made a statement and i answered. jeez mommy, go have some chamomille tea and calm down....lol

If he doesn't, you take him to court for contempt. You do NOT demand child support when your child is there. Pathetic and you shouldn't even need coparenting 101 to figure that out.

I never demanded CS. where did you get this from.....lol. If your reading from previous post that would have been 3 months ago and you are certainly taking that out of context

You titled your thread 'hateful X'. I daresay he has room to say the exact same thing about you.[/QUOTE]

Oh I am sure. He hates paying CS to me, especially since he is already paying for another child. But that is something he has to live with. I never show any hate in front of him. Not good for the baby or forme.

 

[loloagogo2]

i feel your pain

my ex is rude and hateful he calls me dirty names and is constantly putting me down just remember that whAT he says really isn't how it is he s to busy being a hot head to think clearly i just try to ignore him

 

[penelope10]

I do the old grin and bear it. And I remind myself that there was a reason why we divorced. After all if his behavior wasn't that great while we were married, why would it change now that we're divorced? Thus far, despite my preliminary fears, he's turned out to be a pretty good Dad after the divorce. So I just remind myself not to stress out over the little irritating things that I don't have any control over. It's kept me relatively sane when it comes to him. (Notice I've used the word RELATIVELY---lol!!!)