Dad having son Mom gets daughter

[angelface30s]

I'm in FL...

For 7 years I have been battling with my ex with my daughter not wanting to go see him. Last night we thought perhaps my son could live him permanently and my daughter stay here with me permanently. Has anyone done this and how has it worked and how do you cope with knowing you let go of one of your kids? My son says he would like to try living with his dad for a year and see how it goes. Needless to say my daughter is on cloud 9. Please give me your concerns and comments.

Thanks

 

[aoyen81]

This isn't any sort of legal advice but my ex-wife suggested this to me when we divorced. I declined because my kids are each-others best friends (they are pretty young and I'm sure this will change ) - Are you close enough to each other to let the kids be in pretty regular contact with each other? If so I would possibly give it a try - but if not I wouldn't do it - it might be better for the parents but not for the kids in my opinion.

Andrew

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

When I moved, I landed up splitting my two girls ~ there was a 7 year difference. It was a very hard decision, but one that I thought was the right one at the time.

In any case, we set a schedule that the children were together on their breaks. One parent had both children together for Thanksgiving/ Christmas/ Spring Break and split the summer with each having half the summer ~ the children were together all summer.

If you two live near each other, you can alternate the weekends so the children are together on the weekends with one parent or the other, but separated during the week. The downside is the NCP wouldn't have alone time with the child that lives with the other parent ~ maybe you could swap children on a Wednesday/Thursday night (or whatever your schedule looks like.)

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm in FL...

For 7 years I have been battling with my ex with my daughter not wanting to go see him. Last night we thought perhaps my son could live him permanently and my daughter stay here with me permanently. Has anyone done this and how has it worked and how do you cope with knowing you let go of one of your kids? My son says he would like to try living with his dad for a year and see how it goes. Needless to say my daughter is on cloud 9. Please give me your concerns and comments.

Thanks

Ever see parent trap? Why can't the two adults grow up and both work towards the children having a relationship with both parents?

 

[angelface30s]

This isn't any sort of legal advice but my ex-wife suggested this to me when we divorced. I declined because my kids are each-others best friends (they are pretty young and I'm sure this will change ) - Are you close enough to each other to let the kids be in pretty regular contact with each other? If so I would possibly give it a try - but if not I wouldn't do it - it might be better for the parents but not for the kids in my opinion.

Andrew

Those are valid points, however, my two kids can't stand one another, they seem to be happy that they won't be with one another. Unfortunately, 1 will live in WI and the other in FL. My son wants to be with his dad and my daughter with me. Right now I have them for the whole school year and he has them for holidays and summer.

 

[angelface30s]

When I moved, I landed up splitting my two girls ~ there was a 7 year difference. It was a very hard decision, but one that I thought was the right one at the time.

In any case, we set a schedule that the children were together on their breaks. One parent had both children together for Thanksgiving/ Christmas/ Spring Break and split the summer with each having half the summer ~ the children were together all summer.

If you two live near each other, you can alternate the weekends so the children are together on the weekends with one parent or the other, but separated during the week. The downside is the NCP wouldn't have alone time with the child that lives with the other parent ~ maybe you could swap children on a Wednesday/Thursday night (or whatever your schedule looks like.)

One lives in WI and the other in FL. I will discuss the alternating of the holidays and split summer. Thanks for the idea.

 

[angelface30s]

Ever see parent trap? Why can't the two adults grow up and both work towards the children having a relationship with both parents?

Why am I not suprised to get an answer like this from you. You see nothing but negativity in everything people write on here...... Funny in another post from me you were for the father, now that we are trying to agree on something it isn't good enough. Like I said before, get a life....

 

[Ohiogal]

Why am I not suprised to get an answer like this from you. You see nothing but negativity in everything people write on here...... Funny in another post from me you were for the father, now that we are trying to agree on something it isn't good enough. Like I said before, get a life....

Bye bye Angelface. I am never for anyone but the children especially when the adults cannot be adult and face the resonsibilities of being good parents.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

One lives in WI and the other in FL. I will discuss the alternating of the holidays and split summer. Thanks for the idea.

My older daughter had stayed in Michigan. I brought the younger one to Florida with me.

For one school year, I have Thanksgiving/ Spring Break and dad gets Christmas break. The next year, we alternate. Because Florida schools started earlier than the schools up north, my X would get the first half and I would take the second half. It really landed up with each parent having the visiting child probably a week or two additional with the other one still in school.

And yes, my girls battled very badly.

 

[angelface30s]

My older daughter had stayed in Michigan. I brought the younger one to Florida with me.

For one school year, I have Thanksgiving/ Spring Break and dad gets Christmas break. The next year, we alternate. Because Florida schools started earlier than the schools up north, my X would get the first half and I would take the second half. It really landed up with each parent having the visiting child probably a week or two additional with the other one still in school.

And yes, my girls battled very badly.

Again, Thank you for your ideas, they are great ideas!!! I will propose something along those lines. Where in FL are you??? We are in Charlotte County

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Then things that I would add to my court order if I were willing to open it up (I'm not):

1. Virtual visitation: maybe a web-cam visit once a week so that you can see the child, not just talk on the phone.

2. Be specific on what are acceptable plane departure/arrival times. I have had to be on the road at 3:30 am for a 6:05 AM departure. I have arrived home at 1:30 AM with the child having to get up for school at 7:30 am.

3. Be specific on the distance to an airport. Who will be responsible for the UM charges. Since we fly SWA, it's not been an issue, but ...

4. Phone visitation: how many times/ when is acceptable?

5. School pictures/ etc. on notifications, etc.

 

[txrose1998]

Again, Thank you for your ideas, they are great ideas!!! I will propose something along those lines. Where in FL are you??? We are in Charlotte County

This is merely my opinion. WHen I was a child, my parents did this to me and my younger brother. We could not stand each other each either, but of course, that is kids for you. As we grew up, we grew further and further apart and I pretty much lost my brother because of it. IMHO, this is a VERY BAD idea. Siblings need each other later in life.

 

[stealth2]

I hope, OP, that you realize (and that your daughter does, as well) that living with your permanently will not mean that she doesn't have to go to her Dad's ever. He WILL get visitation with her, and you WILL have to make her go.

I have to say that I find it extremely sad that the situation has been allowed to deteriorate to the point where one child doesn't want to see one parent, and that the kids can't stand each other. My two squabble, but anyone messes with one? Has two of them to deal with. They have each other's backs. The divorce only brought them closer.

 

[Silverplum]

I have to say that I find it extremely sad that the situation has been allowed to deteriorate to the point where one child doesn't want to see one parent, and that the kids can't stand each other. My two squabble, but anyone messes with one? Has two of them to deal with. They have each other's backs. The divorce only brought them closer.

Agree 100%.

And my skids are precisely the same as your S&D. Of course, they weren't allowed to treat each other with meanness, and were taught to work through their disagreements in loving/respectful ways. I'd imagine yours are the same.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Funny part of all of this now is that these two children get along better than they ever did. The oldest is now in college. They talk weekly. They email a lot. And they actually look forward to their time together (which is only at mom's now.) Because of the parenting time schedule, they couldn't avoid each other completely; they HAD to interact. But their time together became more precious.

Just because they are siblings does NOT necessarily mean that they have to like each other right now. That may come with time.