child support, visitation, custody and a passport

[Zigner]

Yet, when I flew out of the country with my daughter last summer - I was asked for documentation both in the US AND at the other end that showed Dad was aware of and consented to the trip. Both I and the child are born US citizens. When her Dad took her on a cruise, he was told that he had to have my WRITTEN consent available to present at any time.

I agree - travel by air and sea is much more strict. Also, in my case, I have full legal and physical with no set visitation by the ex.

 

[Humusluvr]

My pleasure -
I do wish to point something out...what is written and the "real world" are often times different. I happened upon that site while planning a trip (by car) to Mexico with my daughter. I had all the documentation ready to go and, guess what...no one even looked twice at me driving either way past the border.

Absolutely understood!

I have lived on the Mexican border for 8 years, and I have had immigration go to both extremes. Once I was asked for a passport and questioned for about 20 minutes concerning my reasons for going to Mexico, where I worked, where I was born, and my car was drug dog sniffed.

another time I was getting ready to stop and pull out my passport, and the bored looking inspector just waved my car on. I guess he figured a blond wasn't illegal. I have sooo many problems with that. I could be an illegal Swede.

And now that I travel with baby to Mexico, and I'm blond and baby is half, I am SUPER careful. Baby doesn't look like me. I don't want anyone thinking I stole him.

 

[jjscott75]

You may still have issues taking the child out of the country even with a passport. For the simple reason that at the border checkpoints they are asking for proof of permission to travel by the other parent.

As for visitation, go to court for a SCHEDULE of visitation. Then follow that schedule. And the daycare operator cannot prevent him from removing the child from daycare. if she does, she is breaking the law.

By your own admission, the father has contact with his son (even if contact isn't as frequent or regular as you would like). Apparently he is also paying child support as court ordered. Based on the information you've provided, expect that he will be awarded at least joint legal custody and standard visitation if he petitions for them.

Good point! He does have a child support order which he does not pay and he has not seen his son except for a hour since Christmas day. The hour he saw him was in court because he was in contempt. Seeing him at daycare was an option he once used a year ago. He has since stopped.

We have a scheduled mediation for the end of the month. I will expect the court to give him visitation which I am not contesting. He only wants to get him one weekend a month and all holidays but I am asking for every other weekend and alternating holidays. I am a firm believer that every child needs both parents even if the only thing they learn from the parent is what they do not want to be.

 

[Silverplum]

He only wants to get him one weekend a month and all holidays but I am asking for every other weekend and alternating holidays. I am a firm believer that every child needs both parents even if the only thing they learn from the parent is what they do not want to be.

You are walking into this with a mistaken assumption of what visitation/parenting time is, legally.

What it is, is a right. What it is not, is an obligation.

If he is "awarded" 2 weekends per month, and uses only 1 every other month, he is well within his legal rights. He never has to see his child, if he so chooses.

 

[stealth2]

he has not seen his son except for a hour since Christmas day.

So what's your point? That's pretty much the last time my kids' Dad saw them. He's still their Dad, and he still has a say in their lives. Is that shocking to you?

 

[Ohiogal]

This is not true. I asked the state department if I needed anything else to get him in Jamaica and I was told that an active passport indicates parental agreement or consent.

The State Department is incorrect quite frankly. A passport does NOT guarantee parental agreement or consent.

 

[penelope10]

Absolutely understood!

I have lived on the Mexican border for 8 years, and I have had immigration go to both extremes. Once I was asked for a passport and questioned for about 20 minutes concerning my reasons for going to Mexico, where I worked, where I was born, and my car was drug dog sniffed.

another time I was getting ready to stop and pull out my passport, and the bored looking inspector just waved my car on. I guess he figured a blond wasn't illegal. I have sooo many problems with that. I could be an illegal Swede.

And now that I travel with baby to Mexico, and I'm blond and baby is half, I am SUPER careful. Baby doesn't look like me. I don't want anyone thinking I stole him.

I went to college in El Paso. We'd walk over and go to the American Strip on the weekends.
Walking back over we had to show id. However, generally it was the same Border personnel every weekend. The first time I showed my id. Then I mentioned that my Dad was administrative director of ATF. Guy had heard of my Dad. With no other proof than a dl and my word I was never checked again if he was there. Just waved on through.

Thank goodness those days are long gone.

 

[jjscott75]

So what's your point? That's pretty much the last time my kids' Dad saw them. He's still their Dad, and he still has a say in their lives. Is that shocking to you?

No it is not shocking, it is disgusting and it is not parenting. Parenting is not patting your kid on the head like a dog or showing them off like a pony on the holiday. It is an active daily role that actually requires the whole entire family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village should definitely include mom and dad. What you take for you kids, I will not tolerate nor encourage. My son deserves better and I intend to get it for him.

 

[Silverplum]

No it is not shocking, it is disgusting and it is not parenting. Parenting is not patting your kid on the head like a dog or showing them off like a pony on the holiday. It is an active daily role that actually requires the whole entire family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village should definitely include mom and dad. What you take for you kids, I will not tolerate nor encourage. My son deserves better and I intend to get it for him.

No cigar.

Your time to make the choice of who will father your child has come and it has gone. Choice made. Child made. Father made. Mother made.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

How did this:

My daycare provider allows him to take him and she allows him to stay as well. But she rearranges her schedule for him. she will keep him later at no extra charge or take him early. I said this just to show it is not difficult for him to gain access to his son.

...turn into this?:

Good point! He does have a child support order which he does not pay and he has not seen his son except for a hour since Christmas day. The hour he saw him was in court because he was in contempt. Seeing him at daycare was an option he once used a year ago. He has since stopped.

Oh, right. It's because OP didn't get the answer she was looking for so NOW Dad is a dirtbag.

 

[proud_parent]

My thoughts exactly, PSD.

Is anyone else having a difficult time reconciling this...

Parenting ... is an active daily role that actually requires the whole entire family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village should definitely include mom and dad.

...with this?

I usually say yes to whatever he wants but this time I want sole legal and physical custody so he can not prevent me from making decisions for my son or keep him from enjoying vacation with his family. What should I do to make sure I get sole custody?

So, which is your real position, OP? Or does it differ depending upon which child and which father you are talking about?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

No it is not shocking, it is disgusting and it is not parenting. Parenting is not patting your kid on the head like a dog or showing them off like a pony on the holiday. It is an active daily role that actually requires the whole entire family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village should definitely include mom and dad. What you take for you kids, I will not tolerate nor encourage. My son deserves better and I intend to get it for him.

That being the case, I guess you and Dad should have stayed together, yes?

 

[Silverplum]

That being the case, I guess you and Dad should have stayed together, yes?

There was probably a "I will not tolerate" kinda 'tude going on there...

 

[stealth2]

No it is not shocking, it is disgusting and it is not parenting. Parenting is not patting your kid on the head like a dog or showing them off like a pony on the holiday. It is an active daily role that actually requires the whole entire family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village should definitely include mom and dad. What you take for you kids, I will not tolerate nor encourage. My son deserves better and I intend to get it for him.

Then you should have stayed with him, girlfriend. It doesn't take a freakin' village. What I "take" for my kids? Is the father I chose for them. But I can guarantee that they have the best that they could possibly get - with him or without. And I'll bet it's better than your son will get with a parent like you.

 

[kimberlywrites]

You may still have issues taking the child out of the country even with a passport. For the simple reason that at the border checkpoints they are asking for proof of permission to travel by the other parent.

As for visitation, go to court for a SCHEDULE of visitation. Then follow that schedule. And the daycare operator cannot prevent him from removing the child from daycare. if she does, she is breaking the law.

OG is totally correct, again! What me and my ex do is have a notarized letter from the other parent, stating dates of travel, airline, and when expected to cross the border (both in and out of Canada). Make sure you get such a letter NOTARIZED and that the letter states the parent is aware of travel itinerary.