First Right of Refusal Question

[Calimom3]

What is the name of your state? CA

I have posted previously about my EH and my issues with an overstepping step and possible custodial interference. As a reminder, my EH and I share joint legal and physical custody of our children.

As a little background, I found out through my sister that my EH is getting married the day I am to pick up our kids to start the summer schedule. He hasn't formally said anything to me about the wedding, but when I did asked him if he could pick up our children on Monday of Memorial Day instead of the usual pick up on Sunday, he asked me if we could "make a trade" because of plans they had made for that Saturday, and so I agreed to pick the kids up on Sunday instead of Saturday for the start of the summer schedule.

Well, he will obviously be on his honeymoon during his summer parenting time. Since we dont have FROR in our order, do I have any rights to request that our children stay with me during his weekend time, since he will be out of town anyway?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CA

I have posted previously about my EH and my issues with an overstepping step and possible custodial interference. As a reminder, my EH and I share joint legal and physical custody of our children.

As a little background, I found out through my sister that my EH is getting married the day I am to pick up our kids to start the summer schedule. He hasn't formally said anything to me about the wedding, but when I did asked him if he could pick up our children on Monday of Memorial Day instead of the usual pick up on Sunday, he asked me if we could "make a trade" because of plans they had made for that Saturday, and so I agreed to pick the kids up on Sunday instead of Saturday for the start of the summer schedule.

Well, he will obviously be on his honeymoon during his summer parenting time. Since we dont have FROR in our order, do I have any rights to request that our children stay with me during his weekend time, since he will be out of town anyway?

If he is completely out of town, then you can just keep your kids while he is gone. However you better be sure that he is out of town.

 

[Calimom3]

Thanks for the response....

If he is completely out of town, then you can just keep your kids while he is gone. However you better be sure that he is out of town.

I actually think they are going out of the country...... I am in the process of obtaining a lawyer to take our current agreement back for modification and clarification, so I want to insure that I dont do anything stupid.

Should I just send him a note stating that I understand that he will be out of the country on his honeymoon, and the kids will stay with me, and if he returns before the weekend is up, he may pick the kids up for the remainder of his time?

 

[LdiJ]

I actually think they are going out of the country...... I am in the process of obtaining a lawyer to take our current agreement back for modification and clarification, so I want to insure that I dont do anything stupid.

Should I just send him a note stating that I understand that he will be out of the country on his honeymoon, and the kids will stay with me, and if he returns before the weekend is up, he may pick the kids up for the remainder of his time?

Sure, you can do that.

 

[Calimom3]

Sure, you can do that.

Thanks for the assistance....

 

[bononos again]

Sure, you can do that.

Color me confused. Maybe it depends on the state, but, it is his time. He chooses what happens on his time, maybe he arranged for the kids to spend some quality time with the GP's that weekend. Or, have a sleepover for the weekend at their friends. Mom can't dicatate that nor just keep the kids can she?

 

[Calimom3]

Hmm.....Good Point..

Color me confused. Maybe it depends on the state, but, it is his time. He chooses what happens on his time, maybe he arranged for the kids to spend some quality time with the GP's that weekend. Or, have a sleepover for the weekend at their friends. Mom can't dicatate that nor just keep the kids can she?

Like I said, I am going back to make modifications to my current agreement, so I would hate to mis step on something like this. EH's family is from Oregon, so I wouldn't think they would still be in town but his soon to wife's family is in town. If I cant have to kids with me at that time, then the question would be, do I have the right to know who they are with during this time and make sure they have my contact information in case of an emergency... especially since Dad will be out of the country?

 

[StampGirl]

Tread carefully on that one.

It is HIS parenting time. Because you don't have that first right of refusal, you can't keep the kids.

You can ask that the kiddos stay with you, but if he says no, you have to return them.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think I am.

 

[Bloopy]

Color me confused. Maybe it depends on the state, but, it is his time. He chooses what happens on his time, maybe he arranged for the kids to spend some quality time with the GP's that weekend. Or, have a sleepover for the weekend at their friends. Mom can't dicatate that nor just keep the kids can she?

Color me too... There is no ROFR

 

[Silverplum]

Tread carefully on that one.

It is HIS parenting time. Because you don't have that first right of refusal, you can't keep the kids.

You can ask that the kiddos stay with you, but if he says no, you have to return them.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think I am.

You're quite correct.

 

[Calimom3]

Understood...

You're quite correct.

I will ask if he has planned anything for the kids and if not... offer that they can stay with me during that time....and if he says no... tough luck...

Got it..... thanks for clarifying for me.

 

[Bloopy]

I will ask if he has planned anything for the kids and if not... offer that they can stay with me during that time....and if he says no... tough luck...

Got it..... thanks for clarifying for me.

You should include an offer for make up time so he can have the children when he is home.

 

[wileybunch]

Well, he will obviously be on his honeymoon during his summer parenting time. Since we dont have FROR in our order, do I have any rights to request that our children stay with me during his weekend time, since he will be out of town anyway?

You have no legal right to have the kids, but you have a right to make the request and it's up to Dad's discretion.

 

[LdiJ]

I will ask if he has planned anything for the kids and if not... offer that they can stay with me during that time....and if he says no... tough luck...

Got it..... thanks for clarifying for me.

Please wait a moment. Most people here are very big on the idea that parents are allowed to "transfer" their parenting time to other people. That is absolutely not correct. Parents are allowed to share their parenting time with their extended families, but they can't go out of town for extended periods of time, and leave the kids with a babysitter rather than leaving the children with the other parent, whether ROFR is in effect or not. His new wife's parents would be babysitters. His parents, would not.

Believe me, if you kept the children with you rather than with someone like the new wife's parents, the judge would NOT be on dad's side if he tried to take it to court for contempt. In fact, the judge would wonder why dad didn't talk to you ahead of time and arrange a trade in the summer vacation schedule.

However, if he had planned for his parents to have that time with the kids, particularly if they didn't see them often, then you would be the bad guy.....even if you had an ROFR in place.

 

[Bloopy]

Please wait a moment. Most people here are very big on the idea that parents are allowed to "transfer" their parenting time to other people. That is absolutely not correct. Parents are allowed to share their parenting time with their extended families, but they can't go out of town for extended periods of time, and leave the kids with a babysitter rather than leaving the children with the other parent, whether ROFR is in effect or not. His new wife's parents would be babysitters. His parents, would not.

Believe me, if you kept the children with you rather than with someone like the new wife's parents, the judge would NOT be on dad's side if he tried to take it to court for contempt. In fact, the judge would wonder why dad didn't talk to you ahead of time and arrange a trade in the summer vacation schedule.

However, if he had planned for his parents to have that time with the kids, particularly if they didn't see them often, then you would be the bad guy.....even if you had an ROFR in place.

I was hoping you saw a typo and thought they DID have ROFR

Nowhere did it say she –or anyone else- say that random people like the children’s step grandparents might be taking them. Even so, he can send them to camp, why not Camp StepGrandpappies?

She doesn’t even know of their honeymoon plans. I’d say many second marriages with kids involved put honeymoon plans on hold. Extended? Maybe a week or so.

Didn’t you talk about your lovely summer visits with your grandparents that in no way could be called babysitting?