Phone calls and alienation

[kimberlywrites]

How long have you guys been divorced? Do you think this might all be 'growing pains' in getting used to the situation, working out the kinks?
If you do believe it's a form of parental alienation, make sure to document everything as Silver suggested. Keep detailed notes but keep them factual, not emotional.

 

[wichitafalls1]

your going to drive your kids over the edge. switch your week, be nice, be polite, ask mom if you can pick her up from camp and keep them that week, (it will save her some gas money) and give you time with the girls in the car (mine tell us way to much info in the car, works everytime and i learn more about them and their taste in music)

call your kids during the week on one day, let them know they can call you anytime and they will, they went thru a divorce too, kids always want to make both parents happy or try and fix it, just be there and let them breath.

 

[suenoloco]

How long have you guys been divorced? Do you think this might all be 'growing pains' in getting used to the situation, working out the kinks?
If you do believe it's a form of parental alienation, make sure to document everything as Silver suggested. Keep detailed notes but keep them factual, not emotional.

We will be divorced 5 yrs in August.

 

[suenoloco]

We will be divorced 5 yrs in August.

I think some of it is typical 17 yr old rebellion. Some of it is also probably a 17 yr old playing her parents against each other. But the end result is the same...I dont get to see my kid.

 

[suenoloco]

another question...the judge has given us three names to serve as GAL for our kids.....if we cant agree on one then he will choose. What do I look for in a GAL? What questions should I ask? I guess Im researching how to make my choice.

 

[StampGirl]

Well, you are demanding something that you likely don't have the legal right to demand. Technically you don't have the right to demand that the children do anything at all during mom's time. So in a way, you are being controlling. Yes, you are the children's father all the time, but you have no rights regarding what happens at mom's house, and mom has no rights regarding what happens at yours.

In order for you to have the legal right to demand that, your court orders would have to state that. Its unlikely that your court orders would state that the children are required to call you. They might state that you have the right to call them, but I don't think I have ever seen an order that stated the reverse.

There is also the cost factor. If you are paying for the cell phones then you are properly taking on the burden of the cost of the calls. However, if you are not, then that's another problem.

Wait a minute here. MY court order has this in it. I am REQUIRED to facilitate phone contact between my Ex and the kids every single day they are in my custody by 7pm. He is required to do the same. THE JUDGE put that in there at my Ex's request. THAT means if he doesn't call by 6:50pm, I am required to make sure the kids call him and make sure they leave voicemail so there is proof they called him. Whether he initiates the call or answers the voicemail is up to him. I am required to make sure the contact happens.

So yes it does exist and yes he can have it put in the court order.

 

[CJane]

Ive seen that stated here many times but there IS a connection..at least in New Mexico.....Im not saying youre not right....but....in New Mexico my child support is based at least in part...on how much time I see my kids. There is a spreadsheet that you fill out..add in your income...babysitting expenses...etc....and THEN you add in what percentage of the 365 days you have your kid. If you have them MORE...you pay LESS because when they are with you you pay more for food...electricity...water..etc. So it DOES have SOME effect!!

You do, of course, realize that using this logic... if you have the kid LESS (meaning Mom has them MORE) then you might end up paying MORE CS? So it kind of shoots down your 'if I don't see her, why should I pay' idea, doesn't it?

Stampgirl ~ Was that in your ORIGINAL order or was it modified in? Because I can see it being put into an original order, but I can't see it being modified in - kind of like a cohab clause.

 

[suenoloco]

You do, of course, realize that using this logic... if you have the kid LESS (meaning Mom has them MORE) then you might end up paying MORE CS? So it kind of shoots down your 'if I don't see her, why should I pay' idea, doesn't it?

Stampgirl ~ Was that in your ORIGINAL order or was it modified in? Because I can see it being put into an original order, but I can't see it being modified in - kind of like a cohab clause.

Well....tho i stated in THAT way...Im convinced that the EX is headed in the direction you raise. Since my daughter wont come to my house, my EX will try to raise MY CS because of it. Even tho I didnt request that our daughter quit coming to see me.

 

[stealth2]

Stampgirl ~ Was that in your ORIGINAL order or was it modified in? Because I can see it being put into an original order, but I can't see it being modified in - kind of like a cohab clause.

Mine was modified in.

 

[Silverplum]

Well....tho i stated in THAT way...Im convinced that the EX is headed in the direction you raise. Since my daughter wont come to my house, my EX will try to raise MY CS because of it. Even tho I didnt request that our daughter quit coming to see me.

I gave you a full response to that concern. You must've missed it.

 

[CJane]

Mine was modified in.

Your ex qualifies as 'special circumstances' though. Heh.

Question: how is it enforced if the KIDS are ordered to call? Are THEY in contempt if they don't, or are the parents in contempt for not dialing the phone and forcing it into their hands?

 

[StampGirl]

Your ex qualifies as 'special circumstances' though. Heh.

Question: how is it enforced if the KIDS are ordered to call? Are THEY in contempt if they don't, or are the parents in contempt for not dialing the phone and forcing it into their hands?

I am held in contempt if I don't have the kids contact their dad. I have tried in every mediation session to have it tossed out etc. The mediator won't do it. Neither does the Judge. So it stays.

It was sad when I had to physically hold down one of children (she was 4yr) so he could talk to her. She didn't say anything, but I held up the phone to her ear. It broke my heart every single time and YES he knew she was so against even speaking to him let alone seeing him (still is and she is almost 10yr). But my kids have figured out that if they fight talking or seeing him, him and his wife punish the children when they get to their house. So, to avoid being punished they cooperate. NOW it doesn't say they ahve to talk for long, so Miss Middle One simply says hi dad, talk to you later and hangs up. Snot!!!

 

[stealth2]

"Mother is to ensure that the children (X and Y) call Father every Sunday between 6pm and 8pm."

So yeah, I guess I would have to force them to take the phone. However, "go call Dad" is the furthest I've had to go. LOL Even though he's never home to take the call!

 

[CJane]

"Mother is to ensure that the children (X and Y) call Father every Sunday between 6pm and 8pm."

So yeah, I guess I would have to force them to take the phone. However, "go call Dad" is the furthest I've had to go. LOL Even though he's never home to take the call!

I wish it were that easy with mine. I say "Wanna call your dad and tell him about your BBall game?" and I get "Why? If he cared about it, he would have shown up."

 

[StampGirl]

I wish it were that easy with mine. I say "Wanna call your dad and tell him about your BBall game?" and I get "Why? If he cared about it, he would have shown up."

LOL sheesh now I have to clean up the soda.... anyways....

Lil Miss Middle One picked up the phone the second we were out of her counseling appt. She got her dad on the phone and immediately (no hi dad etc) says "Where were you?" LOL He asks "What do you mean? I am at home.". She says " Nice Dad. I had a counseling appt. THanks for showing up. ". He backtracks and says he had to take the dog to the vet (thinking stupidly that would be ok with her). She says "Oh really. The dog is more important than MY appt. Thanks Dad." And promptly hangs up.

When I ask if they have talked to their dad, she says yes but only cause I don't want to be in the corner. LOL I swear that kid is going to make him lose whats left of his hair LOL