Change in Visitation

[Melanie80]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My ex-husband and child's father wants to modify the current visitation we stipulated to in March of '06. While I'm fine with visitation between father and child, the father is remarrying in August and is requesting EWO and half of summer and winter breaks. I thought typically the NCP either has EWO or half the breaks. Either way, he is requesting that I sign a stip stating that when he is away that the new wife have visitation with the said child. To quote, "The child remain int he custody of so-in-so during father's custodial time for any reason father is unavailable to be with child."
Unfortunately, I have had problems in the past regarding the child sleeping with the girlfriend, who apparently sleeps with no underware (stated by child) and have had previous issues with co-parenting with both his father and girlfriend. Especially when trying to plan for child's birthday party, the father said no to one party where everyone was invited, but that the child has a "new family" to have a birthday party with. The father states the change is because I, the mom, have too much leverage over the girlfriend when he is gone.
What is a judge likely to do? Will they order that a step parent get visitation over a parent?

Thank you in advance for your help.

 

[Farfalla]

....
What is a judge likely to do? Will they order that a step parent get visitation over a parent?

.....

I"m not an attorney... so i'm only speaking from what I've seen in the cases of people I know.... nope... the step parent does not get visitation rights.

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My ex-husband and child's father wants to modify the current visitation we stipulated to in March of '06. While I'm fine with visitation between father and child, the father is remarrying in August and is requesting EWO and half of summer and winter breaks. I thought typically the NCP either has EWO or half the breaks. .

However, the EOW AND half summer and half the breaks part is pretty standard.

 

[Humusluvr]

The father states the change is because I, the mom, have too much leverage over the girlfriend when he is gone. .

This statement made me laugh. Actually out loud LAUGH.

YOU, the MOM have too much leverage over HER, the lowly girlfriend, the LEGAL NOTHING??? As you should! They are your and the father's kids - not hers.

Let him go ahead and TRY to mod to make it that - you counter with FROR (First Right of Refusal) that states if dad is gone more than 8 hours, the child is to be brought back to you (meaning - not sleeping with the anti-panty wonder).

Yicky.

 

[Humusluvr]

However, the EOW AND half summer and half the breaks part is pretty standard.

Agreed. That part doesn't sound over the top.

 

[jbowman]

I am in CA and NCP has EOW and half summer, half of winter break, all of spring break (one week) all other holidays rotate every other year. Works great.

 

[Melanie80]

I'm not trying to keep him away from his son, and the rotating holiday's every other year sound's like a great idea. I was wondering more about the step parent and the request for more time is to obviously accodimate the new wife. We've kept the same visitation times and such for the past 2 years and has worked fine w/ him having more time than specified. Also, when the dad is gone, I have made sure that he and the child still have contact w/eachother. If the request was actually for him, wouldn't be a big deal!

Thank you to all who responded with great advice and ideas!

 

[jbowman]

All you have to ask for during mediation is the Right of First Refusal as explained above. Step mom is what is called a "legal stranger". She has no right to visitation and dad can get dinged for allowing her to overstep. Read around on this site about overstepping stepparents. Judges do not like it AT ALL. Most expecially in California.

As a matter of fact, take a look at threads that I personally have started with questions regarding an interferring stepmother. Look at the advice I was given and what I was told to do. It all helped me tremendously.

 

[Melanie80]

jbowman,

Thank you so much for all of your advice, and I will read up on some of your previous threads!

 

[stepmom04]

How old is the child? Does your order state anything about overnight stays with the opposite sex? Why on earth is dad letting his girlfriend sleep naked with his child? That is really freakin gross.

 

[casa]

How old is the child? Does your order state anything about overnight stays with the opposite sex? Why on earth is dad letting his girlfriend sleep naked with his child? That is really freakin gross.

No overnight guests is archaic by CA standards, and very unlikely to happen...unless both parents stipulate to it.

ROFR is an idea though.

And to OP: NO, step has NO Rights above/beyond yours as the child's parent. If dad is talking about a few hours here & there, sure...but if he's talking about entire days/weekends, then No.

 

[Melanie80]

The original stip includes one weekend a month plus some holiday's here and there with the dad. (The dad wrote the agreement!) The galpal wasn't in the picture until about a year and a half ago. Dad got transfered to a boat, and is getting married in August, and is now stating that there are "significant changes in circumstances" due to the fact that I have a child with my current husband and he (the dad) is getting remarried. Being that he is getting remarried, for the child's emotional stability and me having too much leverage over the girlfriend while he is away he wants me to sign visitation to the girlfriend soon to be wife.
And to stepmom, the child is 4, and I've raised the issue w/his father and father just says to me that if I don't agree with what they are doing at their house, then I can either change how I do things at my home, or "we'll take the said child full time and you can have him EOW." The father doesn't seem to care. But I totally agree with you, its gross!

 

[LdiJ]

The original stip includes one weekend a month plus some holiday's here and there with the dad. (The dad wrote the agreement!) The galpal wasn't in the picture until about a year and a half ago. Dad got transfered to a boat, and is getting married in August, and is now stating that there are "significant changes in circumstances" due to the fact that I have a child with my current husband and he (the dad) is getting remarried. Being that he is getting remarried, for the child's emotional stability and me having too much leverage over the girlfriend while he is away he wants me to sign visitation to the girlfriend soon to be wife.
And to stepmom, the child is 4, and I've raised the issue w/his father and father just says to me that if I don't agree with what they are doing at their house, then I can either change how I do things at my home, or "we'll take the said child full time and you can have him EOW." The father doesn't seem to care. But I totally agree with you, its gross!

Neither of those are "significant changes in circumstance".

Has he actually filed a court case using the wording that you have too much leverage over the girlfriend/eventual new wife? If so, the judge will kick his butt in court.

However, again, every other weekend and half of winter and summer breaks (or half of school holidays) is VERY standard for an NCP.

If you refuse to sign a stip and it goes before a judge, you can tell the judge that you are totally in agreement to dad having every other weekend, 1/2 of summer and winter breaks and rotating other holidays, as long as you have the right to keep the child whenever he is away from home, overnight, for his employment.

 

[Melanie80]

LdiJ,
That's what I want to stipulate to. My personal stance on it, they need to have a child themselves if the new wife wants to be a mom so badly, however, the dad doesn't want anymore.

Again, to all of those who responded, thank you so much.