Please please advice....long

[CourtClerk]

First of all, don't cancel the hearing tomorrow. THat would just be silly.

BUT... this incident, if it happened as you described, is NOT going to change custody - or at least is very unlikely to.

I DO think that in this case you overreacted when your child showed up and was so visibly upset. You became Momma Bear. And that's OK.

BUT... if it happened as described, it's not likely to be considered abuse. And since your daughter admits she was mouthing off, being insolent and disrespectful, refusing to follow directives from her parent, etc... she's not going to be seen as blameless. Doesn't make what HE did ok, but she's not 100% a victim either.

What you SHOULD have done is irrelevant now. Personally, I wouldn't have handled it the way you did, but you were following your attorney's advice, and that's really all any of us can do. What I would have done (and have done) is explain to my child that you can't run away from situations. That some people are bullies and that's all they know how to be. And we'll encounter them all of our lives in a million different guises. We cannot change them and we are not responsible for their behavior. We ARE, however, responsible for our REACTIONS to them and it's up to US whether or not to let them affect our behavior, our self-esteem and our sense of justice. Your daughter CHOSE her reactions. You CHOSE yours. And this is what resulted.

So, CHOOSE to beat yourself up about it and allow him to victimize you/your daughter while you/your daughter victimize yourselves in the process, or CHOOSE to move forward and ACT.

The voice of reason has spoken.

 

[faithnlve]

thanks CJane....she has a burn on her leg from her dad pushing her onto the bike, and she still says that dad did grab her and threw her into a door at home. Her dad also admits he did over react he was stressed out....but that it won't happen again, and that she has been lying a lot lately anyways. And yes, I understand how girls at 16 are dramatic and over react. I am female, and remember being 16. But, my father never did what he is doing to her. I did talk to her a lot before doing what I did. I told her that she has be honest about everything and I did want to make sure that she was not playing me. She said mom, I want to come live with you, I am tired of dad calling me bitch, idiot and so on, and he is mean. So how do I handle this hearing tomorrow now that she wants to stay with him? Oh, and the police got involved because dad's sister called them, not me. The judge denied the TRO, but set up an emergency custody hearing. Which was ok with me, since my daughter wanted to live with me, and the GAL would be there to talk to her. I thought I was looking out for her. Oh, and as for getting the truth from her dad or anyone else in that family, they usually tell me to mind my own business. Now what do I do???? Faith

 

[CJane]

I have decided to cancel the hearing.

Then don't you DARE come back and post about this particular situation again.

You BELIEVED YOUR CHILD and started a fight for her. And now, when your Ex threatens you/another one of your children and bribes your child into compliancy, you're gonna drop everything.

Faith, I've been super-duper patient with you through all of your trials and tribulations, of which I think you'll admit there have been many. I have spent a LOT of time and energy trying to help you when others had given up.

But this infuriates me to no end.

 

[faithnlve]

Then don't you DARE come back and post about this particular situation again.

You BELIEVED YOUR CHILD and started a fight for her. And now, when your Ex threatens you/another one of your children and bribes your child into compliancy, you're gonna drop everything.

Faith, I've been super-duper patient with you through all of your trials and tribulations, of which I think you'll admit there have been many. I have spent a LOT of time and energy trying to help you when others had given up.

But this infuriates me to no end.

CJane, when I read your post it was right after I posted. I changed/edited because after reading what you wrote, I decided I AM going through this. No matter what. I am going to protect my daughter. I don't care what others may think of me, I know the truth. My own husband wants me to cancel because of the threats by my ex, my older daughter wants me to cancel so she doesn't get in trouble. Well, too bad. I will not let an abusive jerk begin abusing my daughter like this. I love her, and I would be a bad mom whether I have custody or not, to just let it go because dad has promised my daughter he will change or buy her stuff. I will let you know what happens after the hearing. One thing I am going to do is make it clear to the courts that my daughter CAME TO ME FOR HELP. Thanks for your support, Faith by the way Cjane**************.You are a God send to me....I needed to hear from you.

 

[faithnlve]

One other note CJane. Remember the school issues? Well, you helped me alot, and everything with the school is awesome. And step mom has no say in anything. Again, thank you thank you.....Love Faith

 

[>Charlotte<]

I hope you don’t mind if I’m blunt.

You just don’t seem capable of reacting to anything in a calm and rational manner. You have created seven pages of threads! That’s just about 200 threads, on custody, job discrimination, defective products, civil rights, debt collections, tax law, libel and slander, medical malpractice, and who knows what else. Faith, not everything is a problem that requires professional or legal intervention!

Now, in this one thread, your daughter has gone from an abused teenager at the mercy of a cruel, sadistic father who pushed her onto a hot motorcycle pipe, to (one day and half a promise of a car later) a typical mouthy teen dealing with a father who just let things get out of hand because he was frustrated. Yesterday you were calling your attorney and going to the courthouse and dealing with judges and restraining orders, and now you’re talking about forgetting the whole thing. From one extreme to the other, in twenty four hours. This will all be a lot easier to deal with if you don’t react to every single thing that happens as if it is a crisis of monumental proportions.

You have a plan (don’t you?). Follow your course, and stop being distracted at every little bump in the road that causes you to run around like an hysterical headless chicken! Learn the difference between a crisis and a problem, and then accept the fact that some problems you just can’t fix, and sometimes problems fix themselves.

You spend WAY too much time on this message board talking about how it should be, and dreaming about how you want it to be, and not nearly enough time out there in the real world just making it be.

 

[jbowman]

Faith, not everything is a problem that requires professional or legal intervention!

Sometimes common sense will suffice. Get some! The poor me syndrome is tired.

 

[Humusluvr]

I love her, and I would be a bad mom whether I have custody or not,

Rather ominous typo....

 

[CJane]

Rather ominous typo....

Context, darlin.

She said she'd be a bad mom, custody or no, IF SHE JUST LET IT GO.

 

[faithnlve]

Rather ominous typo....

that was stating not going through this to protect my child.

 

[profmum]

CJane, when I read your post it was right after I posted. I changed/edited because after reading what you wrote, I decided I AM going through this. No matter what. I am going to protect my daughter. I don't care what others may think of me, I know the truth. My own husband wants me to cancel because of the threats by my ex, my older daughter wants me to cancel so she doesn't get in trouble. Well, too bad. I will not let an abusive jerk begin abusing my daughter like this. I love her, and I would be a bad mom whether I have custody or not, to just let it go because dad has promised my daughter he will change or buy her stuff. I will let you know what happens after the hearing. One thing I am going to do is make it clear to the courts that my daughter CAME TO ME FOR HELP. Thanks for your support, Faith by the way Cjane**************.You are a God send to me....I needed to hear from you.

You are granted an emergency hearing and then you waffle about it? think very carefully if you do not attend the hearing, any future requests for such a hearing will never be considered seriously. How can you be so weak minded? As for the burn on her leg, it could very well be an accident. I was getting off a bike recently and forgot not to put my leg on the exhaust.. result, a nasty burn..

 

[Humusluvr]

Context, darlin.

She said she'd be a bad mom, custody or no, IF SHE JUST LET IT GO.

I read that sentence like eight times, and I don't think that's what it originally said. Edited?

 

[faithnlve]

I hope you don’t mind if I’m blunt.

You just don’t seem capable of reacting to anything in a calm and rational manner. You have created seven pages of threads! That’s just about 200 threads, on custody, job discrimination, defective products, civil rights, debt collections, tax law, libel and slander, medical malpractice, and who knows what else. Faith, not everything is a problem that requires professional or legal intervention!

Now, in this one thread, your daughter has gone from an abused teenager at the mercy of a cruel, sadistic father who pushed her onto a hot motorcycle pipe, to (one day and half a promise of a car later) a typical mouthy teen dealing with a father who just let things get out of hand because he was frustrated. Yesterday you were calling your attorney and going to the courthouse and dealing with judges and restraining orders, and now you’re talking about forgetting the whole thing. From one extreme to the other, in twenty four hours. This will all be a lot easier to deal with if you don’t react to every single thing that happens as if it is a crisis of monumental proportions.

You have a plan (don’t you?). Follow your course, and stop being distracted at every little bump in the road that causes you to run around like an hysterical headless chicken! Learn the difference between a crisis and a problem, and then accept the fact that some problems you just can’t fix, and sometimes problems fix themselves.

You spend WAY too much time on this message board talking about how it should be, and dreaming about how you want it to be, and not nearly enough time out there in the real world just making it be.

Yes, I have alot of issues, and have dealt with them all. I value the advice I use in this forum. That is why I thanked CJane. I repeatedly come back here because "some" of the advice I get helps me, some of it I take with a grain of salt. But, when I get good sound advice like from CJane for instance, and use it, it has proven to be successful. The negative complaining about me believe it or not helps me calm down at times. So whether good or bad I value this forum and will come back another hundred or more times looking for help. Thanks Faith

 

[faithnlve]

I read that sentence like eight times, and I don't think that's what it originally said. Edited?

The comma confused you. I was trying to state that I would be a bad mom if I let it go and did nothing. K?

 

[faithnlve]

You are granted an emergency hearing and then you waffle about it? think very carefully if you do not attend the hearing, any future requests for such a hearing will never be considered seriously. How can you be so weak minded? As for the burn on her leg, it could very well be an accident. I was getting off a bike recently and forgot not to put my leg on the exhaust.. result, a nasty burn..

I am going. I am going. I am going. I needed to here how stupid it was NOT to be going even if my own husband was worried about me going through with it. So, thank you for your kind response.